Well today has been up and down like a brides nightie.
Got to mums this morning she was sat colouring but got up to make us a cup of tea and seemed happy enough though said she thought had bit of cold as was stuffy again. We chatted about flowers I'd bought her for mothers day and then mum was laughing at me trying to decide if I wanted a biscuit or not.
Back in the room she seemed to go into grumpy mode, she had a health programme on all about virus and she told them to 'shut up going on' a few times. I suggested she put something else on, but she said I just put it on and it were on. Then she moaned about someone coming next door and not shutting shared gate, then about someone coming to other sides next door and talking outside and her grandson walking on wall.
Then it was back to tv again Oh will you just shut up about this virus am fed up hearing bout it, stop rabbiting on. Why don't you put something else on mum. I didn't put this on it was on. Yes well you can turn it over if you want you don't have to watch this. Its all thats on!. There's other channels mum do you want me to find something? It'll be on em all! It probably is on lots but it wont be on them all mum, you can try another channel or turn it off if you like. Why don't you do it then if you're so bothered!! You've got buttons at side of you mum but if you pass it me I'll do it.
She got buttons put it on 1, same side we were on, then 3 which was this morning but a link with a dr about virus
See every bl@@dy channel!!! Thats only 2 mum, try again or switch it off. Then she tried 4 and Kitchen nightmares was on. She said there I'll leave that on for you, don't know why you had to be so grumpy about it ? It was you mum whose not stopped moaning since we came in room.
She watched tv for a few minutes and I got her talking about that and she asked me if I wanted to colour and I said I might when I had finished my tea or I could do some more painting if she liked. She said Oh yes, if you don't mind. I love that wall so you could do another today if you don't mind.
She was fine about the painting today, she did say once 'you're not using that small brush are you it'll take you ages', I said no mum I've got a roller this is just for cutting in, I'd be still painting at Christmas if I used that, I bet father Christmas would take pity on me and bring me a bigger brush on Christmas eve if I did.
Which made her laugh as I'd hoped.
She was confused about her mum and when she died again today but calm about it and things went ok for quite a while till mid afternoon when I'd finished painting for the day. I was washing my paint tray out when mum came in with the note I'd stuck above phone and careline button plugs reminding her not to turn them off. I'd removed it earlier to paint round plug socket and planned to put it back on later.
Mum was looking round so I asked her what she was looking for? She said she'd brought this to put it back on but where did it go? I told her it went over phone plugs in living room but leave it off for a bit longer till paint dries. Well that set off a weird argument where mum said she didn't need it now because .. (my dad) had put it on. I said we still need it on. Then she said my dad and my sister had put it on, so trying not to argue I said Ok but it still needs to go back on to remind us not to unplug those plugs. Then she started shouting she didn't need it now, dad had put it on so she didn't get a bill but he'd gone now and she was going to pay for phone. I told her it wasn't for that and that I had put it on a few weeks ago after she had unplugged phone and careline button. She shouted NO IT IS NOT!! and said dad and sister put it on before he left and she doesn't want it on. I said Ok well just leave it for now then mum, but she wasn't having any of it and kept shouting at me that dad had done it so she didn't get a phone bill and she didn't need it now and phone didn't need two plugs so she could turn it off. I tried again to say ok we'll leave it off for now, thinking I'd pop it back on later when calmer and she'd forgot about it but she wasn't having it and shouted she didn't need it, I shouted back again what it was for and why. She shouted back she was turning it off now cos she didn't want it and would just pay bill. I shouted not to turn it off they both needed to be switched on.
Mum was insistent dad had done it to avoid paying bill, she'd had no phone bills since lived there and dad had lived there and left and I knew nothing about it. After a bit more shouting I said again ok mum lets leave it, she still kept shouting at me even after I had stopped shouting, I tried to get on with tidying up but she kept on going on about how come she didn't get a bill and dad had done it before he left.
I got annoyed again and I asked her When did dad leave? she said a bit ago, I asked where did he go? She said to ...'s
Is he still there now? No he died a bit ago. I said Mum you split up 29 years ago, he lived with ..... for about 20 years and was still living in her house when he died which was 5 years ago, he never came back to you and he never lived here. She shouted OH YES HE BL@@DY DID! Did he mum, its a one bedroom bungalow with a single bed where did he sleep did you both fit in single bed? No but he lived here! If he did where did he sleep then? Mum shrugged, But he definately lived here? YES. Did he sleep on top of wardrobe then cos there's no other bed? I don't know I don't know everything! I felt bad for questioning her then so I said Ok well lets leave it then mum it doesn't matter.
There's no reasoning with dementia, don't argue, don't correct I know, but blimey I'm no saint and was fed up. I'd tried a few times to leave things and go along with mum, but mum wasn't having it and I'd shouted back at times and corrected her in an attempt to shock her to leave it and also just from frustration, being my mothers daughter I have a temper too. I felt bad for shouting and still do but I just couldn't help myself today.
I went out to shed with paint things and mum came in shed looking round so I asked what she was looking for? she said Gloss and brushes, she'd been in shed 3 times already today looking for gloss and I'd shown her it each time but I didn't remind her about that I just pointed paint and brushes out. She picked brushes up to take inside because she said she was going to gloss tomorrow, she didn't take the gloss but to be honest I think she had really come out to test water between us because when we got inside she said I'm sorry for shouting at you Andie and I said I'm sorry for shouting at you.
We didn't say much while putting furniture back and when I went to get changed mum said Are you going home now? sounding a bit panicky. I told her No I was just getting changed I wasn't going home till after dinner. She seemed relieved and asked what we were having for dinner and we went back to chatting normally.
There was another awkward moment when dinner was nearly ready. Mum kept asking me if was ready and telling me not to burn her quiche and then just before I was going to go take it out mum went and did it. Just the quiche though not the potatoe slices we were having with it and she just left in on top of oven. When I went in and I started getting plates etc out mum asked if it was cooked? I said I thought thats why you'd got it out. I don't know I thought you'd do it. So I said I was just coming to do it so it'll be fine. But is it cooked? I don't want it if its not cooked. It'll be fine mum its time to get it out. She was ok for rest of visit but looked a bit tired.
When we got in I remembered there was program on she likes at 8 and I rang her, she didn't answer so I left message. She rang back minute later, asked if I'd rung then told me she had been about to ring me to ask if I'd been today, had I painted, did I go this morning, did hubby come and have dinner? because she had forgot who had been because she isn't good at remembering nowadays. After a few minutes reassuring her she went off to watch her programme.
She rang back 10 mins later because her phone display had numbers on what did they mean?. It was my message so I got her to play it while on phone so could tell her how to delete it but when I said bye on the message mum said bye to me and hung up.
Rang her back and told her how to delete it.
She rang back few mins after That thing that dad put on phone (careline button) had a red light on and said help what should she do with it? I didn't mention dad, just told her thats what it should look like, she didn't need to do anything and said what help button was for. She said phone base had a light on and a number too so I explained that was for answer machine and she didn't need to do anything. NOTE TO SELF don't leave messages unless going through shortly after and can delete them myself as it confuses her.
Mum rang my mobile at 10.30 asking if hubby had bank card, she'd given it someone but wasn't sure if him, or friends hubby and she wanted hubby to get her some money out. I said hubby had it and would draw it out. She didn't want him getting into trouble for going out or me for going to her, she said she'd been watching it on news and it was scary. I told her don't watch it mum we don't need to keep watching it we know what to do now. She said I think you're right I'll stop watching. You're sure you can come? Yes I have to come give you tablets and dinner, you're allowed out to care for someone. Oh yes and you do you look after me, ok then love I'll see you tomorrow.
So an odd up and down day but positive is I got some more painting done and mum still likes the colour.