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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Things took a bit of a confusing turn for mum this afternoon, she started asking again if she needed to go into council to tell them where living. Its something she says often as she thinks she only just went back to the house she lives in after being back with my dad. She was all mixed up thinking she had only moved back 2 & 1/2 months ago and dad had took all her furniture from their house and moved in with his brother in his parents old house and then he'd died. She has thought this before but its not true. Today she came out with a whole made up story about when they split up again after getting back together and dad saying he was going to live with woman he actually did live with for years before he died, her being taken away, she actually went into a home, and then him living with his brother before he died. There was a lot of detail in her story but it was so wrong and hadn't happened anything like that. She asked if it was true and kept saying oh dear I can't remember things, I didn't know this how can I not know. She was a bit upset that she didn't remember things but I tried my best to reassure her and distract her back on to the colouring we were doing while chatting and watching tv like we'd been doing earlier.
She was ok for a while but then looked a bit fidgety and unsettled again and when I asked what was wrong she said she was just thinking about Our Andie, she said I don't know why she doesn't come and see me cos I haven't done anything to her and started talking about Our Andie as if it wasn't me again.
She was a bit snuffly and sniffy again for a little while this afternoon and with being confused too she seemed a bit fed up and sad for a while. The snuffly sniffyness went off after a little while but she still seemed a bit mixed up. When hubby came at dinner time she seemed ok with us and I wasn't sure if knew who I was or not but she had started calling me Andie before I left.
When I got home tonight she rang and asked me to come see her, I thought she meant then so I asked what the matter was and she said nothing I just want to see you I miss you. She didn't know it was me who had been today she thought it was someone else. Then she told me my dad had just died and asked if I knew. We were on phone for about 1/4 of an hour and she got quite upset about not knowing I'd been, how long she'd lived in her house, how long dad had been dead, when they'd split up. She kept asking questions and saying oh I'm sorry I didn't know, that my memory is no good, or I'm confused. She said she was so pleased I'd been to see her cos she missed me. She kept asking if i had my own house with hubby and if I was ok and happy and saying oh I am glad because I love you. She was quite teary sounding and kept saying she was sorry she didn't know it was me who went everyday.
I didn't know what to say or do so I just kept trying to answer her simply and tell her not to worry she was probably just tired and fibbed and said she knew who I was most of the time. I told her I loved her a lot and she had no need to be sorry and I'd be there in the morning. I tried to talk to her about a program that was coming on shortly that she liked and she said she was going to watch that, she still sounded a bit wobbly when we said bye, but better than she had earlier in call so I hope she is ok and watched the program she liked and it took her mind off things. I hung up and had a bit of a cry worrying about her and feeling so sorry for her being so confused.
I read report carer wrote yesterday and she'd put mum had been a bit confused later in the afternoon if I'd been yesterday so she'd reassured her I had and reminded her of some of things we'd talked about. It looks like although when I was there with carer mum knew who I was she must have forgot again later.
Bit of an upsetting day for both of us in the end today unfortunately
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,726
South East
I’m sorry to hear @annielou :( these horrible loops are so painful for all concerned . There is no easy answer, you do handle it brilliantly , you are so calm, you have the patience of a saint😇. I hope you can relax a little tonight and enjoy a few hours to yourself .Did I read that mums day centre has closed ? Hope carers still keep coming . Feels like we will all have changed a lot by the time normal life resumes, I will be a lot greyer for sure , which reminds me I will have to cancel hairdresser so I literally will be very much greyer . Take care and sending some big🤗🤗. Xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
I’m sorry to hear @annielou :( these horrible loops are so painful for all concerned . There is no easy answer, you do handle it brilliantly , you are so calm, you have the patience of a saint😇. I hope you can relax a little tonight and enjoy a few hours to yourself .Did I read that mums day centre has closed ? Hope carers still keep coming . Feels like we will all have changed a lot by the time normal life resumes, I will be a lot greyer for sure , which reminds me I will have to cancel hairdresser so I literally will be very much greyer . Take care and sending some big🤗🤗. Xx
We sure will be changed, I can't remember who old me was already but by the end of this I think I'll be different again and I don't know who mum will be by then bless her.
Yes mums day centre has closed now until further notice, I was worrying about her going and she wasn't going to go today anyway, but I hope she will be willing and able to go back to going again when its safe for it to reopen as I think it did her good. Hope your mum can go back too X Carer came yesterday and so far not heard anything saying not coming tomorrow.
I was just thinking of making an appointment to have my hair cut and possibly coloured once mum had seen carers a couple of times as its not been done since December apart from me trimming my fringe a couple of times, but now they're closed so it will have to wait a while longer.
I hope things have been a bit easier for you and your mum today x Thanks for the hugs 🤗 🤗
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Oh @annielou it appears we both had a day of confused Mums and us in tears. It is seems that your Mum is trying to protect you from getting her cold by telling you she can manage. It just reminded me of what my Mum would have said in the past. some days I think all you can do is reassure them and tell them how much you love them.
big hug to you this evening.
@Woo2 i said to OH this evening that he could expect to see what I looked like with long grey hair by the end of all this. As I understand it all hairdressers have to close so I don’t think you might not need to cancel your appointment
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,726
South East
Mum too has been super confused as well and took herself off to bed early , didn’t say anything ... just disappeared , I can’t help thinking all the news and people’s anxieties etc and changes of routine are deeply unsettling to them . As you say @Bikerbeth ,can only try and reassure . Hope it’s a better day tom for you both . X we have a lovely hairdresser /friend that comes to us , I will cancel her as she would still come , she’s lovely but a bit light upstairs sometimes if you get my drift .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Woo2 xx a confusing upsetting day for all three of us and I bet many others too. These are worrying times and changes in routines, people being worried are going to have effect on our loved ones as well as us and we can only do our best to try and be reassuring which is hard.
Mum said on phone last night she'd write down I was coming today so she remembered. I just spotted pad while mum was in kitchen and she'd wrote
Andrea coming to morrow. I love Andrea
😭😔 my eyes filled up at her writing that last bit
 
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Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,249
@annielou, what a poignant message. It is so sad that a lot of the time your mother doesn't actually realise that it IS you that is doing the caring.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Sarasa xx It was a bit of a moment.
Mum read her note out to me late morning and made a bit of a joke about it, she said 'Oh look I wrote down you were coming today', I told her 'You said you were going to write it down when I rang last night', mum said 'I need reminding cos I'm rubbish at remembering stuff now', she read on and said 'I wrote I love Andrea too' and she giggled. I said 'Why you laughing, did you need to write it down to remember you love me then?' Mum thought it was funny and said 'No I always love you sweetheart I don't know why I wrote it but its true'. Bless her it was a bit of a sad thing as I know she was confused when she wrote it last night, but we did end up having a laugh over it.
She lost who I was again this afternoon and said our Andie said she was going to come but she hasn't. She was also talking about Our Andies colouring books and Our Andie did some when she was here, but that wasn't me. But she was happy enough with me there colouring and chatting. She was talking about me to carer when she came this afternoon as if I wasn't there too, even though I was sat in the same room, she obviously didn't know I was me. I think I'm someone else a lot more than I am actually me.
Mum was ok about carer coming this afternoon. She only had a couple of unsure negative moments about it and rest of the time was quite calm and accepting about it. Hubby came to pick me up about ten minutes after carer arrived and mum was fine when I left, she just said See you tomorrow love.
Mum rang me at home tonight after carer left and said carer had been and had just left and how nice she was. She'd done mums ironing for her which is surprising as she'd asked when I was there and mum had said 'Oh no I can do it myself love' but carer must have persuaded her later on, so well done to her as mum wasn't upset at all that she'd done it👍 It was lovely to hear mum so positive about her coming and even though she repeated herself a few times while telling me about her day it was just nice to have a nice little chat with her.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,726
South East
Aww that’s sweet about the note , would of given me a big lump in the throat . That’s excellent news about carer , and doing the ironing , just goes to show the magic they can do . Such a relief for you , knowing you can go off and relax knowing mum is happy and has company. Try and enjoy that time and not do too much housework . 😊 . So pleased for you . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 x I came in and after the washing hands, putting bag, coat and shoes away routine I was on with the ironing in about ten minutes. I put a pasta bake in for dinner while ironing, then after dinner and chat with mum changed our bed and dusted/hoovered bedroom with hubbys help and sorted a load of jeans and put them in washer ready to turn on in morning. We sat down just after eight and we've been watching episodes of celebrity bake off we'd recorded. So a bit of work then a bit of a relax this evening:)
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Rang mum this morning like usual to say what time I'd be there, yesterday she'd asked about coming over to our house so I asked if she wanted to this morning and she said yes and went off to have her shower. Just before hubby and I left mum rang and said 'I said I was going to supermarket with you but someone else rung me and asked me to go to their house but I can't remember who'. I explained I had rung that, it was friday not saturday and she was just coming to ours not going supermarket, but she thought someone else had rung too but couldn't think who and said she was going to come with me anyway then and sod them.
I'm not sure if really we're allowed to go out to bring mum here but I have to see her anyway as her carer and hubby takes me or if coming here, both of us, in the car and we don't see anyone else so we're not exposing anyone else or being exposed to anyone else.
Back at ours hubby went off into kitchen back to work and mum and I sat and coloured. Mid afternoon she started talking about Our Andie colouring and printing her some colouring pages off but that wasn't me. Then she said she thought she'd not seen me for ages and started calling me 'friend'. She was quite calm and happy enough whatever I said but it does get me down not knowing who I'm meant to be, or not being me so much of the time.
Then after tea not long before we were going to take her home she started asking where she lived, she really couldn't remember it even after I showed her photos of it she was still confused about who lived with and if house had been her mums house, or hers and my dads house.
We talked again about her mum dying, she knows her mum died in her 50s and that she is 72 and when its pointed out to her she realises it must have been long time ago then (45 years) but she still says feels like recent. Mum thought she had only spoke to her the last week and had been in her house and still had her key which she showed me but its her internal door key. She often thinks this and is often confused about the fact she has lived on her own for a long time.
After she'd asked about my dad being dead too she said I really am on my own then apart from you and our ... (sis) She looked so sad bless her, I didn't know what to say so I tried to make her smile and said well who else do you need but me eh. She did smile and then said You are lovely but I can't believe I've been on my own so long and not got my mum or ...(my dad) I told her I know thats sad then told her I come every day and she said Oh do you oh good.
We talked about it for about 1/4 of an hour and she asked if I'd take her in when we took her home to see if she recognised house, which of course I always do anyway. She was unsure on way home about if it was a bungalow as was sure she went upstairs to bed but when we got on to her street she said Oh I do live here Andie I know this , it is a bungalow. She had started calling me Andie and acting like I was her daughter again while confused about where she lived at my house.
We went inside and she turned wrong light on and said Oh I'm always doing that, which she is and when she went in proper she recognised the house. She said she knew where bedroom and bathroom etc was and said I know this is my house I remember it now, I didn't think it was a bungalow and thought might be my mums or something but its not, this is my bungalow. She seemed relieved and more relaxed which was a relief to me and hubby. We put tele on for her like normal and had few minutes talking about what was on and seeing her tomorrow and then we left. She was acting like she was ok so I hope she is. 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
I echo what woo2 said. That was a lovely note written by your Mum. I hope you managed to keep it. So pleased that the Carer has worked out so well and may it continue. It seems to be giving you that space you need, even if it is catching up on housework. Success as well on the shopping front - can’t advise on click and collect as I haven’t never done it. We tried to do both In our area with absolutely no success.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,726
South East
On the whole sounds like an ok day for you . hope it continues in that theme . I don’t have any idea about click and collect either. Would hazard a guess that everything will be packed to get people in and out quickly . Our local Tesco had a queue a mile long earlier as it’s one in one out as all shops are here now . I had to go and collect in laws and mum’s prescriptions, my first time out in a week . Took over an hour to get and was mightily glad I didn’t have to then join the queue for Tesco ! good weekend is peaceful and calm for you . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Woo2 xx I was quite upset when read note as I thought how sad that mum has to write it down to remember I'm coming after she was worried she hadn't seen me and is even having to remind herself she loves me. I didn't think of it in the nice to know she loves me sense, my worrying pessimistic side on show there as usual. :rolleyes::oops:
Yep today wasn't a bad day apart from just before the end. Even though mum didn't know I was me for half of it which is wearing she was calm for most of the day and thats always a better day 👍
Hopefully even though there'll probably be queue for click & collect on Monday it will hopefully be easier than going in store tomorrow and less chance of contact with people. But hubby realised a little while ago he has to go to pharmacy in tesco for his BP tablet prescription which should be there from tomorrow so he will end up having to go in store anyway at some point in next few days :oops: An hour @Woo2 :( Hope your mum is better tomorrow 🤞
Hope everyone has a good weekend x
 

Herecomestrouble

Registered User
Dec 11, 2018
22
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Woo2 xx I was quite upset when read note as I thought how sad that mum has to write it down to remember I'm coming after she was worried she hadn't seen me and is even having to remind herself she loves me. I didn't think of it in the nice to know she loves me sense, my worrying pessimistic side on show there as usual. :rolleyes::oops:
Yep today wasn't a bad day apart from just before the end. Even though mum didn't know I was me for half of it which is wearing she was calm for most of the day and thats always a better day 👍
Hopefully even though there'll probably be queue for click & collect on Monday it will hopefully be easier than going in store tomorrow and less chance of contact with people. But hubby realised a little while ago he has to go to pharmacy in tesco for his BP tablet prescription which should be there from tomorrow so he will end up having to go in store anyway at some point in next few days :oops: An hour @Woo2 :( Hope your mum is better tomorrow 🤞
Hope everyone has a good weekend x
Hi there,
Have just been reading this thread, and am very moved by all you write and wanted to say what an extraordinary and heroic human being you are and how lucky your mum is to have you. She will never know or be able to appreciate all that you have done and are doing for her, and there will be no reward for you, except the knowledge that you are the most incredible daughter anyone could wish to have. I just hope that you take any opportunity that arises to let other people look after you as you so richly deserve, even though in these strange times options are very few. You are an inspiration to us all .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,726
South East
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Woo2 xx I was quite upset when read note as I thought how sad that mum has to write it down to remember I'm coming after she was worried she hadn't seen me and is even having to remind herself she loves me. I didn't think of it in the nice to know she loves me sense, my worrying pessimistic side on show there as usual. :rolleyes::oops:
Yep today wasn't a bad day apart from just before the end. Even though mum didn't know I was me for half of it which is wearing she was calm for most of the day and thats always a better day 👍
Hopefully even though there'll probably be queue for click & collect on Monday it will hopefully be easier than going in store tomorrow and less chance of contact with people. But hubby realised a little while ago he has to go to pharmacy in tesco for his BP tablet prescription which should be there from tomorrow so he will end up having to go in store anyway at some point in next few days :oops: An hour @Woo2 :( Hope your mum is better tomorrow 🤞
Hope everyone has a good weekend x
Thanks . Hope the queue isn’t too bad, I went at lunchtime thinking it would be slightly quieter ! Strange times we are in .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,077
Yorkshire
Hi there,
Have just been reading this thread, and am very moved by all you write and wanted to say what an extraordinary and heroic human being you are and how lucky your mum is to have you. She will never know or be able to appreciate all that you have done and are doing for her, and there will be no reward for you, except the knowledge that you are the most incredible daughter anyone could wish to have. I just hope that you take any opportunity that arises to let other people look after you as you so richly deserve, even though in these strange times options are very few. You are an inspiration to us all .
Thank you x I don't feel like that but thank you so much for saying it x I am really really lucky to have a lovely hubby who is there for me and mum, a sister who tries very very hard to support us as much as she can even though she lives a long way away and has a lot on her plate already and this forum is a god send, I don't know where I'd be without it x Thanks again for what you wrote and I hope you have support too x
 

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