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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,726
cornwall
Oh just heard hubbys phone, Thought it was conference call, but no not meeting someone else, and he just told them its ok to talk cos the meeting call has been moved to 1/4 past now o_O:oops:🙁
Breathe! I can feel the stress. As much as we try to do what we can for our parents life gets in the way. There is nothing you can do until your husband takes you .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Thanks @ TNJJ x its teally spilling out today and now hubby is stressed cos the internet keeps dropping during his call but he is still trying and so we'll be even later now. Rung mum and she is already confused. Says she is moving things in her bedroom because 'friend' started painting her living room yesterday and stuffs in her bedroom, she mentioned tele which definately wasn't in there when I left yesterday but when I said that and said she didn't need to move it as I'd done that corner, she said it was in living room and she was just sorting some washing in bedroom. Who knows what will find when I get therr 😳
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Ooh its been a stressy start to day. After numerous attempts to stay on his video call which kept going off hubby decided at 20 past 10 to give in and bring me to mums before trying internet again. He was fuming and quite grumpy all way here, mainly at internet, but to start with at me and mum. Can't say I blame him it ihas been stressful this morning.
When I got to mums she was sat colouring like she had no cares in the world although she is still not with it. It looks like she has rearranged half kitchen moving stuff off top of fridge onto worktop and windowsill and stuff from worktop onto fridge and she's moved the mirror and pictures from where I'd put them out of the way in her bedroom to right in front of her bed. 🙄
She has asked me in the 20 minutes I've been at least half a dozen times if I painted the wall, about 4 times who I'm married to and if I was married before, a couple of times if I have a bungalow and asked This is my house isnt it a couple of times too.
She stopped colouring five minutes ago and is staring at wall and occassionally asking questions now. She says got bit of a headache and cold again so maybe feeling off it isnt helping.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,622
South East
Oh no not a great start , it can only get better hopefully 🤞 I can feel the frantic tone in your posts and I appreciate exactly how you feel , if I got caught in a queue in the shop I would panic at Mum being left a little longer , but like @TNJJ rightly said you have to breathe and relax a little, Mum can’t do too much damage in a short space of time and these things will happen now and again . Hope you can get some calm this afternoon once you get home . Thank goodness it’s carer day and you get a break . Take care and big hug🤗, hope you get some sleep later . X
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
464
I can't believe you are decorating! You are a champion. I suppose it's only because redecorating would never have occurred to my dad even when he was well, he was horrible at maintenance and never thought anything needed anything doing unless it was leaking, and even then he'd patch it up with plastic or whatever.

I remember I bought a lovely stripey rug about eight years ago - still got it and it brightens my day every time I see it and it's thick and soft too. I said to him 'Oh I bought a lovely new rug' and he said 'New rug? I go down the carpet shop and ask for offcuts if I think I need a rug!' bear in mind this is a man who didn't exactly want for money, he bought a brand new boat when I was small: if I ever feel like I need a brand new boat I shall have a firm word with myself. Also, he would doubtless trip over little bits of carpet everywhere!

Little and often is probably best with the decorating. I love how our house looks when the paint is looking good but it is a right pain to do!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 and @imthedaughter xx I think I'm more mad than a champion on the decorating front, we had months last year of mum choosing colours but changing mind and no painting getting done so when she started again this year my heart sunk. I am actually surprised she bought the paint and at moment she likes the colour as she usually changes mind even while painting. I'm back on it tomorrow so will take a full pack of rescue remedy lozenges with me.
My grandad was a bit like that, he hated spending money on home things, my mum used to go clean their house for them and he used to get uptght about too much hoovering as he thought it would wear out the carpet quicker lol. You enjoy that lovely thick rug and memory of what your dad said about it :D
Things did improve stress wise today, though mum was still mixed up. I did manage to get her back to colouring which does calm her down. Her washer finished not long after my last post and after we'd sorted it I started looking through her colouring sheets and rambling on at her about them while I picked one. I started colouring one, still rambling about colours and things until she got interested again and started her own sheet Me ramble, who knew ;) lol.
She cheered up and calmed down then, although she still kept asking same questions though not as frequently untill about half one when she decided to pop to loo before carer came at 2 and then she spent spent next half hour asking every 5 minutes Are you going now? Is yer fella coming for you? I'd told her earlier when she'd mentioned carer coming that hubby was coming about 1/4 past 2 for me.
She was mixed up about who I was most of time today, when carer came at two and was making a drink in kitchen she told me mum had got confused last week and forgot I'd been so she helped her remember by using photos they'd been looking at earlier and reminding her what we'd talked about with her when I was there. I'd read it in carer report, and wasn't surprised really as she often forgets I've been and reading report Mum did the same with other carer on Thursday. I told carer mum mixes me up bout 80% of time now I think. Told her sometimes I remind her who am but she often mum just says Oh you always say that and other times I just go along with it. I told her it would probably happen again today as I'd been me, an old friend and a friend with my name but not me, today so she said ok.
She also said that mum went out to gate last week when she left, she'd said bye and told mum to lock up and mum did but when carer turned car round to leave mums street and drove back past, mum was outside standing at gate and she was a bit worried about it so she called careline later to check mum had gone back in which was good of her. This is a new thing mum has started doing from last time my sister stayed, I didn't think she'd do it with carer so didn't warn them.
I told carer she used to watch us leave and wave us off from doorstep, but after my sister stayed last time she's started coming out to gate to see us drive off. Hubby always turns car round when he arrives so car's facing right way when we leave, but sis just parks up and turns car round when she leaves so instead of waiting in door mum has started walking out onto path while sis does turn and then waving as she passes gate. Even though we drive straight off if we aren't quick getting in car and setting off she comes out with us now too. Carer said she'd already turned car round today so she could get straight off and then mum might not come out. I said I'm pretty sure she just goes to gate and does go straight back in and lock up. I don't really like it but she won't stop, she says she wants to see us go out of end of street. I told her mum'd rung after she left last week and I asked if she'd locked up and mum said yes. I said mum usually rings me after you both leave to say you've just gone and she's had dinner and how nice you both are.
Its nice to know they are watching out for things like that with mum, I should have told them about it but I didn't think that she'd wave them off so didn't think I'd need to. I'll try to mention it to other carer on Thursday now I know she's doing it with them.
One positive to take from it is if she is waving them off she must like them as she wouldn't wave off everybody.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,622
South East
You can’t be expected to remember everything @annielou :), sure carers are used to it and they can think on their feet , she was very forward thinking to ring careline , I’m impressed and it must make you feel a lot more confident leaving mum with them . Now time to relax a little and do something for you ..... and thats not housework;). X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
I was impressed too @Woo2. Both the carers mum has are really nice and have put mum at ease, they seem a good way with mum and also me as I am quite a nervous nelly over the whole thing. They probably think I'm a bit of a ditz especially Tuesday carer as the two times she's stayed with mum I've forgotten to tell her something, but they don't let on and are really nice with me too. The care manager was really nice too so I feel ok about leaving mum with them.
I've been ironing this afternoon but I had about an hour just sat on tinternet with a cup of tea this afternoon too. Hope your day has been ok @Woo2 x
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,671
Your day sounds a lot better than it was at the start @annielou. Husbands working from home is a tricky thing to manage. I bounced in on mine in the middle of an on-line meeting last week. At least he is mainly in the spare room and I can ignore him, and tomorrow he has to go in anyway. I'm looking forward to having the house to myself.
Having a bit of time to yourself is so important, I'm glad you've had a bit of time to chill out. Mind you I actually quite like doing ironing.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,622
South East
I’m sure they don’t think your a ditz , they probably think that you are a super kind caring daughter that has a huge amount of stress and worry on her mind , they must be very used to every situation and are quite unfazed by it . Our carer is brilliant too , she just waltzes in and within a minute or two has everyone laughing and completely at ease . They are special people . Glad you had that time just sitting doing what you want . You have a job to do for me and that’s to plan something nice to do for yourself on Thursday , even if it’s just for a half hour. Hope the rest of your evening is good and you get some decent sleep tonight 😴. Today been ok so far thanks. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Mind you I actually quite like doing ironing.
[/QU.OTE]

😲 I'm not a fan, wish I was
Yes it got better as day wore on for me thanks x Although hubbys has gone wrong again as internet at work went down later this afternoon and no one could get on site to work at all. He needs to do some month end/year end figures so he's hoping it comes back on tonight so he can do some.
Did you wave at OHs colleagues?:oops: ;)lol. I stayed well back while hubby was trying to do his this morning. Its hard to remember not to go in a room though isn't it.
Hubbys in the kitchen so I need to pop in at times but try to avoid making noise in there when he's on phone, which is a lot. I ended up going in kitchen and boiling kettle, running tap and putting dinner on while he was on phone today though as I wanted us to be finished eating before mum rang me after carer left. I'd waited half an hour past his finishing time already and so sneaked in and just got on with it anyway. :oops:
Enjoy having the house to yourself tomorrow have a flounce in and out of every room just cos you can :D
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
I’m sure they don’t think your a ditz , they probably think that you are a super kind caring daughter that has a huge amount of stress and worry on her mind , they must be very used to every situation and are quite unfazed by it . Our carer is brilliant too , she just waltzes in and within a minute or two has everyone laughing and completely at ease . They are special people . Glad you had that time just sitting doing what you want . You have a job to do for me and that’s to plan something nice to do for yourself on Thursday , even if it’s just for a half hour. Hope the rest of your evening is good and you get some decent sleep tonight 😴. Today been ok so far thanks. X
Yeah they are special people. Glad your days been ok-so far x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,542
Bedford
Just a reminder in case you forget today ‘you are only human and doing a fantastic job’ 👍
Glad to hear that click and collect went smoothly. Hopefully you can get some more slots going forward.
I know you have said previously that your Mum had been going on about decorating but I think you are a very brave person taking it on now. I really can see how trying and frustrating it was for you to arrange to paint the one wall. I hope one day you can read it back and find the chuckle that I did. It really was like a comedy sketch.
Glad the bathroom got a clean and floor mopped.
I can see why your head was about to implode on Monday evening. It does seem that your Mum is more confused as the day goes on. You did really well.
It sounds like Tuesday was a stressful start to. Hubby obviously needs to do the work calls but I know I start to feel anxious when ‘things don’t go to plan’ especially time wise. I hope you took the advise of TNJJ and breathed. Typical though isn’t it that your Mum was sitting happily colouring when you arrived and probably been quite happy rearranging her kitchen.
you made me laugh about your grandad worrying about the carpet being cleaned too much
Glad to hear that yesterday was less stressful even though your Mum continues to mix you up. It sounds like you really have found 2 lovely Carers. I know we are in difficult times but I really hope they are able to continue to come and see your Mum as it is giving you a well deserved and needed break and your Mum seems happy in their company
Hope today is a good day - I guess you are hoping to paint another wall so I may your Mum continue to like the colour.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,542
Bedford
Just wanted to add what @Woo2 said on her thread to you. Keep writing these posts exactly as you do. I am sure many find them helpful. I know I do. Our Mum’s are in different situations but it does help to see the similarities or even differences.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Yes @Bikerbeth it is once more into the breach today and more painting planned. That could change when I get there but so far its the plan and no doubt will be another comedy sketch type day. I have made sure I have a full pack of rescue remedy lozenges in my bag today and will be making sure I suck one before I start. I haven't been having them as much recently as things have been a bit better overall and then I forget about them when I could do with one. (I always think its funny when i say i forget things :oops: )
I did indeed read @TNJJ s post and remind myself to calm down and breathe but then I must admit I was back to it stressywise after I called mum.
The people on this forum keeps me sane, you are ALL wonderful people.
I am so grateful for mums carers and hope they continue to be able to come, I think it does us both good, especially as mum is now only seeing me and hubby and not going out, seeing them is meaning she still interacts with others. Although I do feel bad that they are still coming out and having to mix with us and wonder if I should tell them to stay home instead but hubby says if they feel they shouldn't be coming they will say.
Hope you have a good day and your mums glasses turn up and she starts to settle a bit x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,622
South East
Yep second that all completely , have a good day both , you two def keep my spirits up . Thank you both . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Well today has been up and down like a brides nightie.
Got to mums this morning she was sat colouring but got up to make us a cup of tea and seemed happy enough though said she thought had bit of cold as was stuffy again. We chatted about flowers I'd bought her for mothers day and then mum was laughing at me trying to decide if I wanted a biscuit or not.
Back in the room she seemed to go into grumpy mode, she had a health programme on all about virus and she told them to 'shut up going on' a few times. I suggested she put something else on, but she said I just put it on and it were on. Then she moaned about someone coming next door and not shutting shared gate, then about someone coming to other sides next door and talking outside and her grandson walking on wall.
Then it was back to tv again Oh will you just shut up about this virus am fed up hearing bout it, stop rabbiting on. Why don't you put something else on mum. I didn't put this on it was on. Yes well you can turn it over if you want you don't have to watch this. Its all thats on!. There's other channels mum do you want me to find something? It'll be on em all! It probably is on lots but it wont be on them all mum, you can try another channel or turn it off if you like. Why don't you do it then if you're so bothered!! You've got buttons at side of you mum but if you pass it me I'll do it.
She got buttons put it on 1, same side we were on, then 3 which was this morning but a link with a dr about virus :rolleyes: See every bl@@dy channel!!! Thats only 2 mum, try again or switch it off. Then she tried 4 and Kitchen nightmares was on. She said there I'll leave that on for you, don't know why you had to be so grumpy about it 😲 It was you mum whose not stopped moaning since we came in room.
She watched tv for a few minutes and I got her talking about that and she asked me if I wanted to colour and I said I might when I had finished my tea or I could do some more painting if she liked. She said Oh yes, if you don't mind. I love that wall so you could do another today if you don't mind.
She was fine about the painting today, she did say once 'you're not using that small brush are you it'll take you ages', I said no mum I've got a roller this is just for cutting in, I'd be still painting at Christmas if I used that, I bet father Christmas would take pity on me and bring me a bigger brush on Christmas eve if I did. ;) Which made her laugh as I'd hoped.
She was confused about her mum and when she died again today but calm about it and things went ok for quite a while till mid afternoon when I'd finished painting for the day. I was washing my paint tray out when mum came in with the note I'd stuck above phone and careline button plugs reminding her not to turn them off. I'd removed it earlier to paint round plug socket and planned to put it back on later.
Mum was looking round so I asked her what she was looking for? She said she'd brought this to put it back on but where did it go? I told her it went over phone plugs in living room but leave it off for a bit longer till paint dries. Well that set off a weird argument where mum said she didn't need it now because .. (my dad) had put it on. I said we still need it on. Then she said my dad and my sister had put it on, so trying not to argue I said Ok but it still needs to go back on to remind us not to unplug those plugs. Then she started shouting she didn't need it now, dad had put it on so she didn't get a bill but he'd gone now and she was going to pay for phone. I told her it wasn't for that and that I had put it on a few weeks ago after she had unplugged phone and careline button. She shouted NO IT IS NOT!! and said dad and sister put it on before he left and she doesn't want it on. I said Ok well just leave it for now then mum, but she wasn't having any of it and kept shouting at me that dad had done it so she didn't get a phone bill and she didn't need it now and phone didn't need two plugs so she could turn it off. I tried again to say ok we'll leave it off for now, thinking I'd pop it back on later when calmer and she'd forgot about it but she wasn't having it and shouted she didn't need it, I shouted back again what it was for and why. She shouted back she was turning it off now cos she didn't want it and would just pay bill. I shouted not to turn it off they both needed to be switched on.
Mum was insistent dad had done it to avoid paying bill, she'd had no phone bills since lived there and dad had lived there and left and I knew nothing about it. After a bit more shouting I said again ok mum lets leave it, she still kept shouting at me even after I had stopped shouting, I tried to get on with tidying up but she kept on going on about how come she didn't get a bill and dad had done it before he left.
I got annoyed again and I asked her When did dad leave? she said a bit ago, I asked where did he go? She said to ...'s
Is he still there now? No he died a bit ago. I said Mum you split up 29 years ago, he lived with ..... for about 20 years and was still living in her house when he died which was 5 years ago, he never came back to you and he never lived here. She shouted OH YES HE BL@@DY DID! Did he mum, its a one bedroom bungalow with a single bed where did he sleep did you both fit in single bed? No but he lived here! If he did where did he sleep then? Mum shrugged, But he definately lived here? YES. Did he sleep on top of wardrobe then cos there's no other bed? I don't know I don't know everything! I felt bad for questioning her then so I said Ok well lets leave it then mum it doesn't matter.
There's no reasoning with dementia, don't argue, don't correct I know, but blimey I'm no saint and was fed up. I'd tried a few times to leave things and go along with mum, but mum wasn't having it and I'd shouted back at times and corrected her in an attempt to shock her to leave it and also just from frustration, being my mothers daughter I have a temper too. I felt bad for shouting and still do but I just couldn't help myself today.
I went out to shed with paint things and mum came in shed looking round so I asked what she was looking for? she said Gloss and brushes, she'd been in shed 3 times already today looking for gloss and I'd shown her it each time but I didn't remind her about that I just pointed paint and brushes out. She picked brushes up to take inside because she said she was going to gloss tomorrow, she didn't take the gloss but to be honest I think she had really come out to test water between us because when we got inside she said I'm sorry for shouting at you Andie and I said I'm sorry for shouting at you.
We didn't say much while putting furniture back and when I went to get changed mum said Are you going home now? sounding a bit panicky. I told her No I was just getting changed I wasn't going home till after dinner. She seemed relieved and asked what we were having for dinner and we went back to chatting normally.
There was another awkward moment when dinner was nearly ready. Mum kept asking me if was ready and telling me not to burn her quiche and then just before I was going to go take it out mum went and did it. Just the quiche though not the potatoe slices we were having with it and she just left in on top of oven. When I went in and I started getting plates etc out mum asked if it was cooked? I said I thought thats why you'd got it out. I don't know I thought you'd do it. So I said I was just coming to do it so it'll be fine. But is it cooked? I don't want it if its not cooked. It'll be fine mum its time to get it out. She was ok for rest of visit but looked a bit tired.
When we got in I remembered there was program on she likes at 8 and I rang her, she didn't answer so I left message. She rang back minute later, asked if I'd rung then told me she had been about to ring me to ask if I'd been today, had I painted, did I go this morning, did hubby come and have dinner? because she had forgot who had been because she isn't good at remembering nowadays. After a few minutes reassuring her she went off to watch her programme.
She rang back 10 mins later because her phone display had numbers on what did they mean?. It was my message so I got her to play it while on phone so could tell her how to delete it but when I said bye on the message mum said bye to me and hung up. :D Rang her back and told her how to delete it.
She rang back few mins after That thing that dad put on phone (careline button) had a red light on and said help what should she do with it? I didn't mention dad, just told her thats what it should look like, she didn't need to do anything and said what help button was for. She said phone base had a light on and a number too so I explained that was for answer machine and she didn't need to do anything. NOTE TO SELF don't leave messages unless going through shortly after and can delete them myself as it confuses her.
Mum rang my mobile at 10.30 asking if hubby had bank card, she'd given it someone but wasn't sure if him, or friends hubby and she wanted hubby to get her some money out. I said hubby had it and would draw it out. She didn't want him getting into trouble for going out or me for going to her, she said she'd been watching it on news and it was scary. I told her don't watch it mum we don't need to keep watching it we know what to do now. She said I think you're right I'll stop watching. You're sure you can come? Yes I have to come give you tablets and dinner, you're allowed out to care for someone. Oh yes and you do you look after me, ok then love I'll see you tomorrow.
So an odd up and down day but positive is I got some more painting done and mum still likes the colour.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
399
It must be exhausting looking after your mum. You have my best wishes. So glad that the carers have been able to continue to come in the absence of the day centre.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,622
South East
That was an up and down day , I like the brides nightie saying 🤣 I think I lead a sheltered life as I haven’t heard of half of these . You are spot on @annielou, you are only human and cannot and should not expect to never get cross, exasperated , you do possess superhuman patience so you are allowed some time off ,You cope so brilliantly ,Another day today so hope that loop has trotted off somewhere else . You have carer later don't you ? A chance to go home and have a little down time . take care.🤗 X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,624
Yorkshire
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Woo2 xx It is exhausting, for me and I bet for mum too. I don't feel I cope as well as others but I do my best and I keep telling myself that's all I can do. So thankful for the time carers come it does mum good and it means I get some time off.
Its one of my favourite saying @Woo2 I like it best said with a broad accent ' Up n darn likea breeds neetie' :D