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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,880
South East
It’s not whingy or moany at all , it’s a release valve , as @Bikerbeth said to me it’s venting and that’s important ,it is so incredibly hard . I honestly don’t know how you do it , Mum had only once not known me and it was awful , you are amazing dealing with it daily . Feeling low and down is perfectly normal even when not in the double whammy of Alzheimer’s and Corona Virus . Sending you big 🤗 , you are doing brilliantly . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 x think there's also a bit of pms hormones in there too as got a new set of spots on my chin friday which usually indicates a monthly visitor. Though that's more visits whenever it likes nowadays as I'm peri menopausal for past year🙄😳 Menopause and Alzheimers are not the best bedfellows. 🙁
 

Beryl Mc

New member
Apr 5, 2020
2
I am so tired of being called that blooming womans name!!!!!
Mum has been getting me mixed up with other people on and off for a while but for the past fortnight shes been mixing me up with a woman who was partly responsible for mum and dad splitting up.
The woman was part of a couple mum and my dad were friends with about 40 years ago up to 29 years ago when mum thought something was going on between the friend and my dad (there was evidence) and mum and dad split up and mum and the friend haven't been friends since.
But now for the last two weeks mum keeps calling me her name and often talks about my husband as if he is the womans husband and thinks my house is the couples house. My furniture is theirs, Even my Christmas tree which I only bought last year is their tree they have had for years and years.
She keeps telling me (as the old friend) she is going to ring our Andrea, or our Andrea hasn't been to see her, or you've no need to come tomorrow --- because I'll be going to our Andreas. She is constantly refering to our Andrea as someone else not me.
She gets quite annoyed and won't believe that I am her daughter Andrea when I, or hubby, or my sister when she was here last weekend, explain I am not the old friend. She keeps saying she will ring our Andrea and ask her or ring --- and ask her who I am. Then she looks in her bag for something to say who I am or reads her address book to see if it says there who I am. She will read out my address and say you cant live there 999 letsby avenue because our Andrea lives at 999 letsby avenue and you live near me or in (friends village)
The most upsetting and annoying part is that obviously I'm not a fan of the friend and neither was mum for last 29 year so when she realises who she's talking about she isn't happy. It's awkward reminding mum why they are not friends, that her and dad split up 29 year ago and he died 4 year ago. There's no way to avoid telling her either as she gets so confused while talking about things that it has to come out who I am and she gets so het up asking questions about it that you have to answer and reveal I'm Andrea her daughter not the friend. It doesn't sink in properly though and just gets more and more confusing for everyone as she calls me both Andrea and --- in the same sentence.
It's wearing me out, constantly answering questions on the same thing and mum not believing who I am. She just won't stop going round n round it can go on for hours.
It happened a couple of times a day for a few minutes at a time at first, then more times and for longer each day and for the past week she thinks I'm this woman most of the time. And I have the same conversation about fifty times a day now with mum constantly not believing me, getting annoyed and aggressive and then upset.
My sister said at the weekend she was sick of hearing about the friend and didn't know how I could stand it all the time as she couldn't believe how long mum went on for and how confusing it all got.
I am starting to feel like I am going mad and soon won't know who I am.
Sorry for the long ramble but I just wanted to get it out, I have been writing it during another round of --- why hasn't our Andrea been to see me. Do you stay here? Well why isn't our Andrea looking after me. I'll ring her and ask her to do it.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,880
South East
Thanks @Woo2 x think there's also a bit of pms hormones in there too as got a new set of spots on my chin friday which usually indicates a monthly visitor. Though that's more visits whenever it likes nowadays as I'm peri menopausal for past year🙄😳 Menopause and Alzheimers are not the best bedfellows. 🙁
Menopause hard enough on its own so you are doing extra amazing :) . I have the night sweats and a rash and moody and a few other symptoms .... trying to ignore it as no chance of getting hrt or the like yet . Hope you have an ok day . Xx
 

Beryl Mc

New member
Apr 5, 2020
2
I feel exactly the same except my husband wants to go home non stop. We have only been married 16 years and lived here in our home ever since very happily. Until dementia reared its ugly head.. Now I am married to a 2 year old who can do nothing for himself and very disabled. But thankfully still a gentleman.
My thoughts go out to all you carers . You are not alone although it feels like it sometimes. I am 86 he is 90.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,342
Merseyside
I feel exactly the same except my husband wants to go home non stop. We have only been married 16 years and lived here in our home ever since very happily. Until dementia reared its ugly head.. Now I am married to a 2 year old who can do nothing for himself and very disabled. But thankfully still a gentleman.
My thoughts go out to all you carers . You are not alone although it feels like it sometimes. I am 86 he is 90.
Welcome to DTP @Beryl Mc
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
I feel exactly the same except my husband wants to go home non stop. We have only been married 16 years and lived here in our home ever since very happily. Until dementia reared its ugly head.. Now I am married to a 2 year old who can do nothing for himself and very disabled. But thankfully still a gentleman.
My thoughts go out to all you carers . You are not alone although it feels like it sometimes. I am 86 he is 90.
Aww bless you that must be hard when he asks to go home and a shame you haven't had longer together x 🤗 This forum is a lovely place. I hope it helps you feel less alone and supported like it does me x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Menopause hard enough on its own so you are doing extra amazing :) . I have the night sweats and a rash and moody and a few other symptoms .... trying to ignore it as no chance of getting hrt or the like yet . Hope you have an ok day . Xx
Its a right pain isn't it. Night sweats urrrggghhh 😓 My hot flushes seem to be having a bit of a lull at mo and not quite as bad, watch them go full throttle again now I said that :rolleyes:
As Tammy Wynette says 'Sometimes its hard to be a woman', not because of giving all your love to just one man but because your body torments you :rolleyes:
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,284
Bedford
I hope today has been a bit better. We are all entitled to be a bit fed up now and again. Your life that you were comfortable with has all changed and it has certainly changed for all of us over the last few weeks which does make it tough as the ‘novelty’ wears off. On top of that you have those nasty hormones creating havoc. Oh and add on to that you are looking after someone you care deeply for who has dementia and trying to understand how they feel as well.
Take time to feel fed up occasionally and have a stress busting cry - hopefully hubby gives you a really nice big hug too.
i am sending you some hugs too and hope the painting goes well tomorrow
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth x My mood hasn't been quite as low today, mums day was pretty similar to yesterday. She was quite relaxed watching tv and colouring until mid afternoon when she forgot where she lived again and spent next few hours asking about that. She was really mixed up about what house she lived in, if she had been back to dad, timing of when things happened, if she needed to pay rent and let people know where she was. She also mixed up me and hubby a few times during last hour.
We took her home about 7 and she recognised her house and waved us off when we left a bit later, but as is becoming the norm, when hubby and I got home she had rung our house twice. I rang her back and again she didn't know that she'd been with us and was sorry she didn't remember us. I explained like I usually do it doesn't matter, she knew us most of day, its just when she gets tired later on in day, I love her lots and I'll see her tomorrow. She sounded ok when we hung up so hopefully she is 🤞
Thanks for the hug 🤗 hope you've had a good day x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,880
South East
Glad you was feeling a bit better yesterday @annielou , hope the painting goes ok today , will he thinking of you . Is hubby helping or are you doing it all yourself ? Good luck with it . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Thank you @Woo2 x 🤞 🖌 goes to plan. Just me and mum doing it, hubby is working and he isn't much of a decorator anyway. Hope you have a good day today X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Finished painting mums chimney breast and moved onto glossing today. I say glossing, it's actually satinwood not gloss, my preferred option, but mum has always turned her nose up at it and I'd forgot that she'd agreed to try it when she bought it last year when we first talked about redecorating living room. Anyway when we went in shed to get it mum had forgot too and had no idea what it was but was fine to try it. She liked idea it didn't run much and you can wash brushes out rather than use turps.
Mum was feeling a bit sniffy this morning so at first we weren't going to paint at all but then she decided she'd like me to finish chimney breast wall which I did and then she said she'd like me to start on woodwork but she wasn't going to paint any today which I was fine with. I masked the carpet against skirting board on side I was going to start at and got my brushes etc ready with lots of Thats not enough tape, I use paper, Are you using that size brush, Why have you got a tray, Whats those wipes for, You won't fit in there, Why are you starting there? I answered as calm as possible, said I'd put another row of tape on, get some paper if she liked, explained reasons for brush etc but she just kept going round in circles. It was like she was really pushing for an argument, she gets like that when I'm doing something for her and she isn't doing anything so I asked if she wanted me to leave it for today and when she said no I asked What did she want me to do that I wasn't? she humphed and said no do what you want, so I just got on with it.
As I was starting down side of chimney breast behind tv that I'd pulled out earlier she couldn't see me at first and I gave it a few minutes for her to calm down a bit before making a bit of a jokey comment about needing to fold my legs in which replied to and then made a big show of waving and popping in and out from behind tv and saying hello in a silly voice which made her laugh and put her in a better mood.
After a while mum decided she was feeling better and wanted to do some painting and was going to paint door from hall into living room. She wanted to know if we had any more brushes, I told her exactly where were a few times before she found and selected one moaning it was a bit small, it was a 2 & 1/2 " brush. Then she wanted something to put her paint in, I suggested I put some in a small roller tray so she could hold it in her hand and told her exactly what it looked like and where it was in the shed and off she popped. It took her ten minutes to NOT find it and then I went and showed her where it was. She then started looking for brushes, I told her she'd picked one in kitchen, but she found a paste brush and wanted to use that o_O Thankfully I manged to dissuade her from that.
Then she went in bedroom to look for her painting clothes, I told her she used to keep them on the shelf in the top of wardrobe. She popped for a wee and then got steps to look in the boxes on top of her wardrobe. I went in to tell her not up there and had a right giggle as mum was up step ladder with her trousers slowly sliding down her legs as she'd not bothered fastening them after been loo as she thought would be getting changed:rolleyes:😁
Got her off step ladder and helped her find painting clothes in wardrobe and also discovered she'd half her ironing in there instead of usual airing cupboard and some bedding in there instead of tall boy. While she got changed I put things where should be while rambling on about how good it was we'd come across some more coat hangers so she didn't really notice what I was doing.
It took mum over an hour to paint the frame around glass panel on top half of the door and it looked terrible, all patchy and full of brush strokes. I told her before she started you don't need to work satinwood in as much as gloss, its much easier to paint with and when she started and did top piece of frame she did ok and said oh yes its much easier, but then she resorted to going over and over the same pieces. She was getting tired and her nose was running so I said Do you want to have a rest and blow your nose and I'll finish door mum? and she said yes.
Unfortunately she sat on sofa directly in view of door so when I started painting the bottom half she was asking why I was using a small brush? I said Its easier for the beading, then she asked Why wasn't I working it in? You don't need to work it in much mum, if you do it too much you can see the brush strokes. Then she told me she had been painting for years and knew what she was doing and how long had I been painting? I didn't snap or shout but I said 27 years and I used satinwood loads of times so I knew how to use it which she humphed at again.
I didn't mention how bad hers looked, just tried my best when I did the 2nd coat on whole door later to smooth over as much of her brush strokes as I could. It felt like I was painting sandpaper it was so rough and when I looked at door before I came home I could still see some of her rough patches on top half of door. It would drive me mad if it was my door but I don't know if she'll let me try another coat to disguise it a bit more. She didn't mask the glass or the door handle so both got quite a bit of paint on them which I tried to scrape off but can't get all of it off and she also got some on wall above door which had dried by time I saw it so it wouldn't wash off.
She'll probably say its my bad painting, or my dads, as all afternoon she was telling me how bad my dad was at painting (true) and how he'd made a mess of that door when he painted it (not true he's never even been in that house and she painted it before) and how our Andie doesn't like painting and she didn't know I decorated (despite fact I have helped her decorate loads of times and have done nearly all my own since I got married)
There's still quite a lot to do satinwood wise because with stopping to help mum find things and discussing how it should be done, we (mainly me) only managed to get skirting board on one wall, one door and one door frame done before dinner time today. I can't say I'm looking forward to doing the rest or watching mum do anymore bless her as she doesn't seem to have the knack now. Its been quite stressful at times and there have been a few arguments, though they were mostly one sided, on mums side, as I mainly managed to avoid being drawn too far in and kept mostly quite calm and I have also managed to make her laugh quite a bit today too which is good but it's been hard work.
She lost who I was quite a few times again this afternoon and was also mixed up about her going back to dad, if he'd lived there and her having other houses and again she rang twice after we got home tonight to ask if I had been today? was I one who had painted?, had I made dinner? and had hubby had some? She always apologises for not knowing me and says she's useless or mental and can't remember people now and I tell her its ok, she'd known me most of day, she's not mental or useless she just gets a bit mixed up when her brain gets tired, it doesn't matter. She tells me she loves me and she's glad its me that's been and thanks me and I tell her I love her and I'll see her tomorrow and not to worry about it. Then when we hang up and I hope I have calmed her down and reassured her enough.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Decided to cancel carer for mum today as she's got a cold. She's been a bit sniffy and bunged up on and off since Mothers day. Yesterday she had quite a runny nose on and off and last night she when she rang to check if I'd been she sounded like it was turning into a proper cold and this morning when I rang and she said she's been blowing her nose a lot. I'm sure it's just a cold, she's not had a temperature or anything else but I still don't want her to pass cold on to carers and them end up off work with it or passing it on to their other clients or family so I rang and cancelled it this morning.
I hope its a quick one and goes before Thursday as mum has eye appointment at hospital Thursday morning and I really want her to be seen as she has been having bit of trouble with black blob floaters in her right eye which I think is vitreous fluid breaking up but I want them to check if its her macular hole getting worse.
I'm dreading going into the hospital though, I've not been out only to mum in over a week when we went to pharmacy and mums not been out only here in about 3 weeks so it'll be our first contact with others. Your supposed to attend appointments alone now so I am no doubt going to have to explain in front of mum and everyone around that mum has alzheimers and can't mange on own quite a few times. The rooms mum goes in are quite small so how I'll be able to stay 2 meters apart in there I don't know. Fingers crossed it goes ok 🤞
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,880
South East
Glad you managed to stay calm under pressure yesterday @annielou , very wise decision about carer , that’s thoughtful of you as a lot of people would not have cancelled . 👍 Hope the painting goes ok today , also hope hospital app goes well too, I would think they have protocols in place for that kind of situation. x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,226
Yorkshire
Yes thanks @Woo2 x Morning👋 Hope you're ok too x
Managed to paint the full length cupboard in mums chimney breast alcove yesterday and skirting and pipes along from it onto another wall yesterday so slowly getting through painting. Mum let me get on with painting without much questioning or telling me what to do yesterday. She was feeling quite coldy yesterday till mid afternoon so she just sat and watched me, we chatted a bit and she got usual things mixed up but she was pretty quiet but calm. She was feeling bit better at teatime so she helped me pack away. We ended day in usual way with her asking who I was, who married to, where I lived etc and 3 calls before I got home and then 2 after to see if it was me who had been today but over all it was an ok day as days go nowadays.
How was yours?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,880
South East
That’s good I’m glad 😊 , hope today follows the same vein for you,seem to be getting more calls in the evening but what you say must calm and reassure mum enough to settle so that’s good too .Yep all ok here thank you , just gardening and doing jobs while mum sits in the garden with her paper. Take care . X