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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,552
Bedford
I have just made it to wish you a Happy Birthday. I do hope you managed to have a good afternoon and evening. I guess a bit of a surprise too that your Mum remembered even if it was a day early. I am sorry to hear the last couple of days have not been brilliant for your Mum With more confusion but pleased that you can get a Carer in on a Saturday morning. Did MC women make any helpful suggestions.?
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
thanks for that @canary @Woo2 xx it's good to know should be fine to talk to them. It is quite hard at mums as she can hear you wherever are and mum hates people going out of room without her as she thinks talking about her. A while ago I did follow one into kitchen while she was washing her hands to talk to her about something but with social distance its a bit hard to now as I'd have to stay apart and mum would be able to hear us but could do that if needed I suppose.
Hope you get through to MC soon @Woo2 and they can help you with mum. hows she doing?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
She is up and down , sleeping better again, been going to bed between 7-9pm , seems so much happier with more sleep . She is more wandery though if that’s even a word :rolleyes: Going to try gp again tom , hard slinking off to garage on phone she thinks somethings up and goes off to her room .
The carers understand and they know to get a true picture they would need to speak to you , there must be something in place for you to be able to communicate freely with them . I would ask your regular one . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Glad your mum is sleeping better that's a bit of a relief, but such a shame she is still up and down and wandering. Its so hard getting away to call isn't it. I struggle at mums to talk on phone but least I get two afternoons and mornings at home and also have my sister who can ring for me too, it must be so much harder for you 🤗 Trying to find that time she won't notice you're gone is hard I hope you manage it and get hold of someone soon x
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,857
Chester
Belated Happy Birthday - hope you've had some nice time with hubby

Hair cut looks fantastic - well done

Sorry your mum was so confused yesterday, as others have said try and speak to a carer or maybe even hand them a note with your no and ask them to text you with how mum is - then no overheard conversations
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Juggling mum x x
I don't know how mum remembered yesterday bless her. She didn't mention it at all today when I was there and neither did I. Not a bad day at mums today, I was 'friend' almost from start today. She hadn't washed her hair cos she'd forgot but she let me straighten it again and when regular carer came this afternoon she noticed it and told mum it looked good and mum said she liked it.
Mum rang at 1/4 to 9 tonight asking what her phone number was as she didn't want him (my dad) to use it. I told her it was just her number in her name for her house. Mum said she was thinking of going back home, to her other house. I tried gently to say she was home and we talked about where dad was and if she'd left her stuff at other house or had it there and what had happened to her old stuff where she'd lived etc. She was surprised as she usually is that she lived on her own and had done for some time. She said I'm on my own now cos everybody else has gone, the people who were here have all gone. Not sure who she meant, maybe me and hubby and carer. We talked about me being there which she didn't know but she remembered carer had been. She was confused but ok by time we'd been on 15 minutes and I told her I'd see her tomorrow before we hung up.
She rang again 5 minutes later, she said have I just rung you and I said yes and she said Oh sorry love, I just realised I missed your birthday. I said No you didn't mum you gave me card yesterday, she'd forgot she had but was glad she had, then she was asking if she'd gave me some birthday money and was sorry she'd forgot. I told her not to worry I had a card and that was lovely. She did ask hubby to draw some money out for her yesterday to give our Andrea some birthday money and some for her but she didn't remember what it was for when he brought it at dinnertime and just put it in her purse but I wasn't bothered anyway. We weren't on long that call just a few minutes.
MC rang this lunchtime while I was mums but I missed call so I rang her at office after I got home a bit after 3. They said she was working from home so they took message to ring me. I had to wait for her to ring me back so didn't get to do anything really. She rang me just after half four and I rambled on about how things had been since last spoke bout a fortnight ago, I don't think she'd have expected me to go on so long. Was quite embarrassed when I saw how long been on when I hung up.
I told her how mum was bit calmer and think sleeping bit better this week but really confused and not retaining what tell her for more than few minutes. Told her about times mum called on night and times she didn't want us there on weekend. About her thinking she'd seen dad in house, worrying he'd come take stuff so she didn't want to come out on sunday. Worrying about rent and her other house etc and about ringing last night thinking it was her mums house which had worried me.
MC asked if we'd thought of increasing care package so I told her carer going to come on weekends to do tablets in morning so hopefully mum will be more in mood to see us later on when we go. She mentioned day care, day centre manager rang today which I also missed and she left message saying could I ring back to talk about their thinking of how to open day care in future so I told her I'd probably ring DC back tomorrow or Monday. And we mentioned respite which I told her I wondered if it might help get her out of loop of where lived etc but was worried that if mum went in for respite she might get used to someone being with her all time and then struggle more when came home to be on own and that we were not really wanting to do it during virus and no visiting as she already thinks I've abandoned her a lot of time but least she thinks sees friend but if no visiting would probably feel more abandoned. She said we'd have to weigh up if think would be worth it, she did say mum might struggle more when come out but she didn't want me struggling on if needed a break. I told her bout sis this week so she suggested maybe seeing if sis could come and give us few days sometime soon when felt safe.
She said if mum does start to wonder then that would be worry, we talked about door sensor and she said if mum did go out I would know. Also if did then they'd want to know and we'd have to let SS know too. I told her I think mum is bit scared to be on own now and didn't believe she did live alone and I thought she was wanting someone with her but I had stayed before and didn't think I could do it again and felt bad but SS said couldn't provide night time help so we're bit stuck at mo. She was very sympathetic and said It's mainly about offering reassurance but it's hard as even when not there I'd be constantly worrying which I said I was, always have phone by my side just in case rings but there doesn't really seem much else can do. She said there isn't really a lot can do medically, there's nothing to reverse disease and stop mums confusion. Sertraline should help with her anxiety and anger and to feel happier but can't stop her forgetting or being confused. She said she'll ring again next week, give sertraline bit longer and see how go and she'll feed back to dr and to ring if needed to in mean time.
It's not been best day, waiting for and talking to MC took up most afternoon, then I made dinner which didn't enjoy, the salmon was bit dry and I wasn't in mood for it by time sat down so left quite a bit. I didn't really want to bother with my birthday this year but hubby kept saying he wanted me to have nice birthday even if just for bit of the day. But he's been feeling stressed and having indigestion type pains and tummy pains since last week, they started when he was getting bit worked up over when and how long sis was coming for and she wasn't being very forthcoming and he keeps getting them, he's scared of illness so having them is worrying him which in turn makes him have more of them. He doesn't deal with stress very well bless him and things at moment are not good cos of worrying over mum and I'm not giving him much attention bless him so he's been feeling bit off it. Today he's had a face like a wet weekend all day when I've been with him. Despite saying yesterday we'd have to make effort to be up a bit earlier so I could open presents before going to mums he stayed in bed quite a while after me and only brought presents down after breakfast when I opened some cards that came in post.
He insisted we ordered a cake with this weeks shopping but as we were doing online food shop on friday among talking to sis and he was getting annoyed over it he left me to pick it and add it to order and then never even mentioned it today when we got back from mums and were having cup of tea before I rang MC, we often have something with cuppa but he didn't mention it and I didn't think of it till later so it's still in cupboard. As soon as we got in he went back on his laptop that he'd been on while I'd been out. He sat quiet through dinner and I asked if he wasn't feeling well and he said he'd not been feeling bad today, he was just tired. I was a bit fed up and disappointed that he'd said before he wanted me to have nice birthday but looked so miserable and quiet today even though he wasn't feeling uncomfy and indigestiony so I did say so. He said sorry he'd not been in mood and he'd gone on laptop when got in cos thought I'd be on phone a lot so busy anyway and he'd thought we might have cake after dinner but then he hasn't mentioned it all evening either.
I felt guilty after I'd moaned at him because I know he is finding it hard and is quite down lately and I don't give him as much attention as mum nowadays and that's not nice for him and he does do a lot and put up with a lot for me so I shouldn't moan really. I didn't really care about my birthday anyway, I told him not to bother when he'd started talking about it weeks ago so I felt bad. We've not said a lot this evening hubby was still quiet, he asked few times after dinner if I wanted cup of tea and asked what I wanted watch on tv but I wasn't bothered. I did say I was sorry for moaning and sorry didn't give him much attention now and sorry that he had to put up with so much and he said he understood why. I went up stairs to sort washing after tidied dinner away and ended up lying on bed for a bit as I was fed up too then, but I got up after mum rang me at 1/4 to 9 and came back downstairs and watched bit of tele with hubby though we were still quiet, neither of us were in chatty mood. So apart from opening cards and a few presents it's not felt like a birthday but it's just another day really so it doesn't matter.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Thanks @Bikerbeth @Juggling mum x x
I don't know how mum remembered yesterday bless her. She didn't mention it at all today when I was there and neither did I. Not a bad day at mums today, I was 'friend' almost from start today. She hadn't washed her hair cos she'd forgot but she let me straighten it again and when regular carer came this afternoon she noticed it and told mum it looked good and mum said she liked it.
Mum rang at 1/4 to 9 tonight asking what her phone number was as she didn't want him (my dad) to use it. I told her it was just her number in her name for her house. Mum said she was thinking of going back home, to her other house. I tried gently to say she was home and we talked about where dad was and if she'd left her stuff at other house or had it there and what had happened to her old stuff where she'd lived etc. She was surprised as she usually is that she lived on her own and had done for some time. She said I'm on my own now cos everybody else has gone, the people who were here have all gone. Not sure who she meant, maybe me and hubby and carer. We talked about me being there which she didn't know but she remembered carer had been. She was confused but ok by time we'd been on 15 minutes and I told her I'd see her tomorrow before we hung up.
She rang again 5 minutes later, she said have I just rung you and I said yes and she said Oh sorry love, I just realised I missed your birthday. I said No you didn't mum you gave me card yesterday, she'd forgot she had but was glad she had, then she was asking if she'd gave me some birthday money and was sorry she'd forgot. I told her not to worry I had a card and that was lovely. She did ask hubby to draw some money out for her yesterday to give our Andrea some birthday money and some for her but she didn't remember what it was for when he brought it at dinnertime and just put it in her purse but I wasn't bothered anyway. We weren't on long that call just a few minutes.
MC rang this lunchtime while I was mums but I missed call so I rang her at office after I got home a bit after 3. They said she was working from home so they took message to ring me. I had to wait for her to ring me back so didn't get to do anything really. She rang me just after half four and I rambled on about how things had been since last spoke bout a fortnight ago, I don't think she'd have expected me to go on so long. Was quite embarrassed when I saw how long been on when I hung up.
I told her how mum was bit calmer and think sleeping bit better this week but really confused and not retaining what tell her for more than few minutes. Told her about times mum called on night and times she didn't want us there on weekend. About her thinking she'd seen dad in house, worrying he'd come take stuff so she didn't want to come out on sunday. Worrying about rent and her other house etc and about ringing last night thinking it was her mums house which had worried me.
MC asked if we'd thought of increasing care package so I told her carer going to come on weekends to do tablets in morning so hopefully mum will be more in mood to see us later on when we go. She mentioned day care, day centre manager rang today which I also missed and she left message saying could I ring back to talk about their thinking of how to open day care in future so I told her I'd probably ring DC back tomorrow or Monday. And we mentioned respite which I told her I wondered if it might help get her out of loop of where lived etc but was worried that if mum went in for respite she might get used to someone being with her all time and then struggle more when came home to be on own and that we were not really wanting to do it during virus and no visiting as she already thinks I've abandoned her a lot of time but least she thinks sees friend but if no visiting would probably feel more abandoned. She said we'd have to weigh up if think would be worth it, she did say mum might struggle more when come out but she didn't want me struggling on if needed a break. I told her bout sis this week so she suggested maybe seeing if sis could come and give us few days sometime soon when felt safe.
She said if mum does start to wonder then that would be worry, we talked about door sensor and she said if mum did go out I would know. Also if did then they'd want to know and we'd have to let SS know too. I told her I think mum is bit scared to be on own now and didn't believe she did live alone and I thought she was wanting someone with her but I had stayed before and didn't think I could do it again and felt bad but SS said couldn't provide night time help so we're bit stuck at mo. She was very sympathetic and said It's mainly about offering reassurance but it's hard as even when not there I'd be constantly worrying which I said I was, always have phone by my side just in case rings but there doesn't really seem much else can do. She said there isn't really a lot can do medically, there's nothing to reverse disease and stop mums confusion. Sertraline should help with her anxiety and anger and to feel happier but can't stop her forgetting or being confused. She said she'll ring again next week, give sertraline bit longer and see how go and she'll feed back to dr and to ring if needed to in mean time.
It's not been best day, waiting for and talking to MC took up most afternoon, then I made dinner which didn't enjoy, the salmon was bit dry and I wasn't in mood for it by time sat down so left quite a bit. I didn't really want to bother with my birthday this year but hubby kept saying he wanted me to have nice birthday even if just for bit of the day. But he's been feeling stressed and having indigestion type pains and tummy pains since last week, they started when he was getting bit worked up over when and how long sis was coming for and she wasn't being very forthcoming and he keeps getting them, he's scared of illness so having them is worrying him which in turn makes him have more of them. He doesn't deal with stress very well bless him and things at moment are not good cos of worrying over mum and I'm not giving him much attention bless him so he's been feeling bit off it. Today he's had a face like a wet weekend all day when I've been with him. Despite saying yesterday we'd have to make effort to be up a bit earlier so I could open presents before going to mums he stayed in bed quite a while after me and only brought presents down after breakfast when I opened some cards that came in post.
He insisted we ordered a cake with this weeks shopping but as we were doing online food shop on friday among talking to sis and he was getting annoyed over it he left me to pick it and add it to order and then never even mentioned it today when we got back from mums and were having cup of tea before I rang MC, we often have something with cuppa but he didn't mention it and I didn't think of it till later so it's still in cupboard. As soon as we got in he went back on his laptop that he'd been on while I'd been out. He sat quiet through dinner and I asked if he wasn't feeling well and he said he'd not been feeling bad today, he was just tired. I was a bit fed up and disappointed that he'd said before he wanted me to have nice birthday but looked so miserable and quiet today even though he wasn't feeling uncomfy and indigestiony so I did say so. He said sorry he'd not been in mood and he'd gone on laptop when got in cos thought I'd be on phone a lot so busy anyway and he'd thought we might have cake after dinner but then he hasn't mentioned it all evening either.
I felt guilty after I'd moaned at him because I know he is finding it hard and is quite down lately and I don't give him as much attention as mum nowadays and that's not nice for him and he does do a lot and put up with a lot for me so I shouldn't moan really. I didn't really care about my birthday anyway, I told him not to bother when he'd started talking about it weeks ago so I felt bad. We've not said a lot this evening hubby was still quiet, he asked few times after dinner if I wanted cup of tea and asked what I wanted watch on tv but I wasn't bothered. I did say I was sorry for moaning and sorry didn't give him much attention now and sorry that he had to put up with so much and he said he understood why. I went up stairs to sort washing after tidied dinner away and ended up lying on bed for a bit as I was fed up too then, but I got up after mum rang me at 1/4 to 9 and came back downstairs and watched bit of tele with hubby though we were still quiet, neither of us were in chatty mood. So apart from opening cards and a few presents it's not felt like a birthday but it's just another day really so it doesn't matter.
I’m sorry to hear that it wasn’t a particularly good day.
As much as you worry about sis and the virus maybe it can be rethought.
You and hubby need time together as your mum is taking control of your lives.
If hubby is having these signs he must be getting really stressed. I know you are stressed too. That is not good for either of you.
I’m glad you are getting carers in at the weekend as something has to change.(((hugs))
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I’m sorry too @annielou , my last two birthdays have gone that way , didn’t bother me as it’s only a day but hubby tried to make it special last year and it confused mum so this year we basically ignored it. I hope you can get the weekend carer sorted soon. The more people that see mum can help build a picture and that might be helpful in the future for SS . I do agree that as soon as you think it’s safe your sister should come up and give you both a break , you both def need one . Hope hubby’s tummy pains ease soon . X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ @Woo2 xx Its over with now for another year now, I'm another year older and none the wiser. :oops: :rolleyes:
Poor hubby is not good with illness or stress, can't say I am good with stress either as you've probably noticed by my constant whittling,:rolleyes: but hubbys stress usually comes out physically and usually in some way related to his eating as he's had problems with eating for over 20 years, or sleeping as he is obsessed by getting enough sleep, then if he thinks he might be ill he stresses even more. He had a bout of gastritis about 10 years ago over christmas when he was having lots of stressy troubles at work. I had flu at Christmas but his parents and sister and brother in law were coming for buffet and hubby got in a state about cancelling. Just before they turned up I was coughing up phlegm in the bathroom and nearly chocked and hubby got really panicky and then afterwards ended up with indigestion and stomach pains. He had them for a few days, he went to doctors over christmas and got some tablets and he soon felt better after DR told him nothing serious, think that might be what he has again, this time though he's taking gaviscon as not easy to see DRs. I usually spend a lot of time reassuring him he's ok when he's feelign off it and trying to keep him calm when he is stressed but I'm not around as much at moment and when I am I sometimes may as well not be as my mind is on mum and sometimes myself, so poor hubby is being left out a bit. To be honest I'm surprised just how well he has coped with all this so well for so long as he has been so good and helpful and put up with such a lot so I hope he is ok bless him x
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Thanks @TNJJ @Woo2 xx Its over with now for another year now, I'm another year older and none the wiser. :oops: :rolleyes:
Poor hubby is not good with illness or stress, can't say I am good with stress either as you've probably noticed by my constant whittling,:rolleyes: but hubbys stress usually comes out physically and usually in some way related to his eating as he's had problems with eating for over 20 years, or sleeping as he is obsessed by getting enough sleep, then if he thinks he might be ill he stresses even more. He had a bout of gastritis about 10 years ago over christmas when he was having lots of stressy troubles at work. I had flu at Christmas but his parents and sister and brother in law were coming for buffet and hubby got in a state about cancelling. Just before they turned up I was coughing up phlegm in the bathroom and nearly chocked and hubby got really panicky and then afterwards ended up with indigestion and stomach pains. He had them for a few days, he went to doctors over christmas and got some tablets and he soon felt better after DR told him nothing serious, think that might be what he has again, this time though he's taking gaviscon as not easy to see DRs. I usually spend a lot of time reassuring him he's ok when he's feelign off it and trying to keep him calm when he is stressed but I'm not around as much at moment and when I am I sometimes may as well not be as my mind is on mum and sometimes myself, so poor hubby is being left out a bit. To be honest I'm surprised just how well he has coped with all this so well for so long as he has been so good and helpful and put up with such a lot so I hope he is ok bless him x
It is stressful. I can feel myself getting stressed with both parents. Although with dad I have cancelled carers when I am there as it causes us both stress.I am trying to set myself a rota so I know where I am on days of the week. Not always easy to do when Shauna (my daughter 25) cannot give me her rota(she’s a carer in a home lol).You are both doing a grand job but take a little time for both of you before you get more swamped with mum(been there got the t-shirt).I hope you have a good day...😀
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
It is a juggling act , we seem to be the one’s trying to look after everyone and rarely look after ourselves , I feel for you hugely @annielou 🤗 Trying to keep everyone settled and reasonably happy and healthy . Hope today is ok for you . X
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi Annielou
Sorry to hear that you didn't have the best of birthdays. It's such a worrying stressful time for everyone with the virus , even with some things easing it's still not back to normal, and uncertainty about when it will be gets you feeling down. On top of that you have your mum to care for, and worry about. I hope that your sis can come soon and give you and hubby a real break, you need that time together, just as much as your mum needs you. When it is safe I'm sure giving day care is an option to explore, my mum loved being there, with all the company.. Respite in a care home would give you a break too, tho I understand you may worry your mum would feel abandoned whilst you can't visit at all, tho others say it's best not to visit too often as it doesn't give people the time to settle. When my mum moved to a care home I did pop in for very short visit at first, then had to leave as I was coming back home, mum settled so well. I don't think id realised quite how anxious and lonely she felt as family couldn't be with her for a lot of the time when she was in her own home. You could find that your mum would settle in day care and respite. Hoping that these will be options to help you and your family soon xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @TNJJ @Woo2 xx I never could juggle. Literally or figuratively. Went on a course once for work it was supposed to be about learning to listen for cues to up sell while serving customers and as part of it they taught us to juggle with either 2 or 3 balls . The tutor said everybody could juggle with practice then at the end of day said I’m going to have to change my catchphrase now to most people can juggle Or everybody but Andrea can juggle 😳🙁 It appears to be true in real life too lol
You two have to juggle more people than me I don’t know how you do it x
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks @anxious annie x day centre rang yesterday but I missed call. Message said could I call to talk about how they might be thinking of opening in future. I’m hoping when ring her back on Monday she’ll say they’re thinking of reopening soon and mum might go back. Although mum catches community bus so it may just be for people who get there in own transport but will see what they say.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
Hope today is a better day. I hope you manage to get hold of Day Care person on Monday and they have good news for you. I'm also glad you had a good talk with the person from the memory clinic. I think her point that the sertraline was good. It might make your mum feel less stressed but isn't going to help her feel less confused about stuff.
I know I'm a nag, but please do try to get hold of social services next week and be as honest with them. I do worry that all this trying to please both your husband and your mother is going to end up with three very unhappy people rather than any solutions.
My brother in law's relationship is under strain at the moment because of the needs of my mother in law and she is much, much easier to care for than your mum.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Our dc opening end of July hopefully , they are having a box each that will have all activities and their cutlery and dinnerware in it , so no one else touches anything , no soft toys, ppe worn and separate clothes and shoes for inside and out for staff . Temperature check in car Park and health questionnaire , drop off and collect from car park .Lots of cleaning , hand wash every 90 minutes and before food and after toilet etc . Transport will still be used but a lot more cleaning in between . Clients to use face masks too but not compulsory . There is a long list of things I have had to sign and Agree to , basically If she catches Covid it’s my responsibility . I am going to see how things are just before they open and then decide but overall I think the benefits outweighs the risk .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
Oh and I am hopeless at juggling too :( Hubby and daughters have tried to teach me endless times but I am no good with brain to hand reactions .
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,651
South East
I feel I have been good enough to warrant an hour off ! Said to husband last night , the same as so many people , there is not 1 family member or friend who would have mum for a day or even a couple of hours except in laws but he is undiagnosed and mil has a hard time with him so I would never ask them .
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
410
Hi Woo2
I do hope your mum's day care starts soon as you definitely deserve time off. Such a shame when others won't help out for even a couple of hours, it makes all the difference. I hope you have had a good day, and you too @annielou