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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
683
Lytham St Annes
Ohhh dear it’s so very sad, I really feel for you all.

Sadly I think this behaviour and utter confusion is going to continue for you Mum and it’s all about how you can cope on a daily basis.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,287
South East
Oh :confused: you handled it so well to settle mum and to get her calm and to stay where she was. It is such a hard thing to deal with 🤗. Hope today is better for you both . 🤞 X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,287
South East
I’m so dopey honestly , it’s your birthday today ? As you posted in the early hours I couldn’t work out of today or tom o_O

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ANNIELOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU .🍾💐🥂.

hope you have a nice day and a nice evening planned. Welcome to the 48 club . X:)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,914
South coast
Happy Birthday @annielou

FWIW, I think you made the right choice about not going over - when your mum gets like that she usually doesnt recognise you and it just seems to make everything worse
xx
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,510
Happy Birthday dear @annielou, I hope you get to have a lovely time celebrating with your husband this afternoon and evening. It's great that your mum remembered. Mine did just about last year, but I doubt she would have this year (it was in early May).
As @canary said I don't think going over would have helped as you'd have confused your mum even more. I think she just doesn't recognise you, as in her mind you are much younger. It is so tough that she has gone back to a period of her life where there was so much sadness and upset. Although my mum wants to go and see her parents she is thinking of happy times with them as a small child.
Have you had any luck with memory clinic and social services. I do worry that your mum will try and sort things out for herself and go looking for your dad or her mum.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,436
Yorkshire
Thanks @DianeW @Woo2 @canary @Sarasa @Starting on a journey xxxx
I was worried me turning up if I went over last night would confuse matters even more as I am very often not me to mum when she sees me and she was mixed up enough already. I was very worried about her thinking she was at her mums house though. Mum she often thinks she has another house with dad, or has been at her mums, or has only just moved to that bungalow and sometimes forgets where things are in it like she has thought she's got an upstairs or something, but usually when she's in it she knows it is her house, but yesterday she thought it was her mums which is new. I was worried she'd try go home, which she knows the name of village and occasionally knows street name where we used to live but I don't think she'd know how to get there and obviously she shouldn't be going there. I just felt so awful her sitting there in a house she didn't think was hers, on her own when she can't believe she lives on her own and she couldn't even put tv on. She didn't ring back last night so I hope that meant she was ok.
Nothing from MC yet, don't know if she's gone on holiday and we didn't contact SS yet as sis and I didn't know what we wanted them to do currently with virus situation. My sister did contact care agency this week about some extra visits/ As mum has been not wanting to come out or over to ours on a weekend when she's been upset and confused lately we thought if carer could go over mid morning to give mum her sertraline then hubby and I could go back to our old time of going over just before lunch and hopefully she'd be more ready to come out by then and if not go over later in day when she asks us to. Agency got back to sis yesterday and they can start in a few weeks, one weekend it will be mums current carer and other weekend it will be a different one. I haven't told mum about it yet and was planning to wait till just before, but mums current carer comes back today and I hope she doesn't mention it to mum when she comes today.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,287
South East
They should be experienced enough to know not mention it , I would write it on a piece of paper and slip it to her when she arrives . Could you not have a what’s app group with the carers for communicating or is that against the rules ? Just an idea . X
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
800
Happy Birthday @annielou!

You post brought back some rather sad memories. It is quite shocking the first time that they speak so calmly about waiting for their Mum to return, very sad. I think you did the right thing not going over. The obvious concern is that you Mum may try to 'go home' or 'find Mum' - at the moment she hasn't given any indication of wanting to do that, and long may that continue.

I hope you get some time to celebrate your birthday with Mum. I wish you all the best, stay strong.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
306
Hi Annielou
You don't need to feel guilty about not going back to see your mum, you do so much for her . I know how hard it is trying to explain things over the phone, but even if you had gone back to sort things, if your mum is anything like mine was she would still be confused about things and probably phone again as soon as you were home. It's sad but it's just how confusing the dementia makes our loved ones. You do your best when you visit, and just have to hang on to that thought xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,436
Yorkshire
Thanks @Pete1 @Woo2 @
They should be experienced enough to know not mention it , I would write it on a piece of paper and slip it to her when she arrives . Could you not have a what’s app group with the carers for communicating or is that against the rules ? Just an idea . X
Not sure if they’d think it would bother mum or realise she might not know yet but carer didn’t mention it when came today anyway. Not sure if she doesn’t know yet or just isn’t mentioning it. Either way nothing was said so that was good. Don’t know if against rules for carers communicating with me, I never thought of it but don’t really talk to them privately, we are always in front of mum, not that anywhere’s private in mums house anyway, but as bill is in mums name and she’s paying for them I always assume they’re mums carers and not reporting to me. Not sure how these things work really.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,436
Yorkshire
They should be experienced enough to know not mention it , I would write it on a piece of paper and slip it to her when she arrives . Could you not have a what’s app group with the carers for communicating or is that against the rules ? Just an idea . X
Not sure if they’d think it would bother mum or realise she might not know yet but carer didn’t mention it when came today anyway. Not sure if she doesn’t know yet or just isn’t mentioning it. Either way nothing was said so that was good. Don’t know if against rules for carers communicating with me, I never thought of it but don’t really talk to them privately, we are always in front of mum, not that anywhere’s private in mums house anyway, but as bill is in mums name and she’s paying for them I always assume they’re mums carers and not reporting to me. Not sure how these things work really.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,914
South coast
OH has carers. They are in his name, he gets the bills and they are paid from a joint account (by Direct Debit set up by me, so I can tell him that he doesnt need to worry about it), but I still talk to the carer privately, telling her about how he has been and if there is anything that I am concerned about. I think that , as the main carer and next of kin to someone with dementia, they are happy to talk to me.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,436
Yorkshire
Thanks @Pete1 @Banjomansmate @imthedaughter @charliejack @anxious annie xxxxx
I dread mum might try to find her house or her mum, she’s talked about it but not tried to yet I am petrified she might. I spoke to MC today and she said its good Mum got door sensor so I’d know if went out at night. Still takes 20 minutes To drive over there though and i worry where could get to by then and sensor only on 9pm to 7am.
Poor woman from MC must av wished never called me as I was on phone for 27 minutes when I checked my phone after we hung up. 😳I had verbal diarrhoea, I always end up rambling but today was terrible and its not like there’s much she can do about mum being so confused and me worrying.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,287
South East
I agree with @canary , I talk to Mums carer , she gave me her number . I would of thought that they would talk to you. Glad you got to talk to MC, at least you didn’t get off the phone and wish you had told them something . Have been trying to ring ours for days and haven’t managed to get through .