Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!
- Thread starter annielou
- Start date
I too think your mum enjoys you being there, and your rabbiting on. She seems to be eating and drinking a tiny bit more, so I hope she does start to get stronger again. You and your mum wouldn't have stood a chance if I'd spotted your lemon meringue pie, one of my favourites.
I hope Christmas is as good as it can be, and that your mum manages to join in at least some of the celebrations the home will put on.
I hope Christmas is as good as it can be, and that your mum manages to join in at least some of the celebrations the home will put on.
Thanks for kind messages @Helly68 @Sarasa @imthedaughter @Wildflowerlady xxxx Sending hugs back to you and anyone else who needs one at the moment. ? ? ? ? ? ?
Mum was in bed yesterday again still in her nightie and probably as bad as she was first time I saw her last week, she was really tired and said she didn't feel very with it. She didn't want to open her Christmas presents cos so tired, she said she'd do them tomorrow. I'd took a few in on christmas eve so as not as many to unwrap yesterday and she said the same then I'll open them tomorrow. On christmas eve when I arrived she was in her nightie but had sat up and said she was going to get dressed so I helped her dress. It took about 20 minutes as we had to do it with rests in between each item as she was shattered bless her and after she had her clothes on she laid back down in bed looking worn out. Yesterday she didn't even have energy to entertain getting dressed let alone try it.
I'd taken some warm mini sausage rolls and pigs in blankets in which she usually enjoys the last two days to see if they could tempt her but no. On christmas eve she had a mint, about half a cup of tea and a few sips of water in the 2 hours I was there. Yesterday she had about an inch of tea, a small bite of a mini roll and a few sips of water on and off in the 2 and half hours I was there, apart from bits of cups of tea, sips of water, she hasn't eaten anything when I've not been there either. Every so often mum had a little tickle and would ask me to help her sit up in bed to cough and then she'd have a couple of sips of water and lay back down exhausted. Sitting up for a few minutes wears her out so she only drinks a bit of tea then has to lay back down and the tea goes cold. When she needs loo and has to get up into wheelchair and back in bed after she is shattered and feels yucky bless her. She forgets she is so weak though and thinks she can just get up and walk to loo on her own so each time I say I'll go get someone she's is surprised, same when they come and ask her if walking or going in chair, she thinks she'll walk till she tries to stand up and gets scared cos she's so wobbly and often goes bit dizzy.
Mum keeps talking about how thin she is and her bruises, she got quite a lot all over, especially her legs, and about how she's not eaten for weeks and how weak she is. I ask her why she isn't eating and mum says she doesn't know, or she doesn't fancy anything. I asked if it hurt to eat and mum said no. Sometimes she says she feels yucky and a bit sick. I say to her but you feel awful and you'd feel better if you eat and mum says she doesn't like owt and dont fancy it. Sometimes she takes a bite but then says its bland or says she's gone off it. I said as long as its not horrible can't you just eat a bit more anyway cos you know you need to eat to build your strength up, but she still won't, or can't I don't know which. It was a really sad day especially talking to mum about her not eating and losing weight as she seems really sad by it.
Mum was in bed yesterday again still in her nightie and probably as bad as she was first time I saw her last week, she was really tired and said she didn't feel very with it. She didn't want to open her Christmas presents cos so tired, she said she'd do them tomorrow. I'd took a few in on christmas eve so as not as many to unwrap yesterday and she said the same then I'll open them tomorrow. On christmas eve when I arrived she was in her nightie but had sat up and said she was going to get dressed so I helped her dress. It took about 20 minutes as we had to do it with rests in between each item as she was shattered bless her and after she had her clothes on she laid back down in bed looking worn out. Yesterday she didn't even have energy to entertain getting dressed let alone try it.
I'd taken some warm mini sausage rolls and pigs in blankets in which she usually enjoys the last two days to see if they could tempt her but no. On christmas eve she had a mint, about half a cup of tea and a few sips of water in the 2 hours I was there. Yesterday she had about an inch of tea, a small bite of a mini roll and a few sips of water on and off in the 2 and half hours I was there, apart from bits of cups of tea, sips of water, she hasn't eaten anything when I've not been there either. Every so often mum had a little tickle and would ask me to help her sit up in bed to cough and then she'd have a couple of sips of water and lay back down exhausted. Sitting up for a few minutes wears her out so she only drinks a bit of tea then has to lay back down and the tea goes cold. When she needs loo and has to get up into wheelchair and back in bed after she is shattered and feels yucky bless her. She forgets she is so weak though and thinks she can just get up and walk to loo on her own so each time I say I'll go get someone she's is surprised, same when they come and ask her if walking or going in chair, she thinks she'll walk till she tries to stand up and gets scared cos she's so wobbly and often goes bit dizzy.
Mum keeps talking about how thin she is and her bruises, she got quite a lot all over, especially her legs, and about how she's not eaten for weeks and how weak she is. I ask her why she isn't eating and mum says she doesn't know, or she doesn't fancy anything. I asked if it hurt to eat and mum said no. Sometimes she says she feels yucky and a bit sick. I say to her but you feel awful and you'd feel better if you eat and mum says she doesn't like owt and dont fancy it. Sometimes she takes a bite but then says its bland or says she's gone off it. I said as long as its not horrible can't you just eat a bit more anyway cos you know you need to eat to build your strength up, but she still won't, or can't I don't know which. It was a really sad day especially talking to mum about her not eating and losing weight as she seems really sad by it.
Thanks @Starting on a journey x It is evil, very evil. Hope you and your mum have had an ok christmas xx
Thank you @anxious annie @Wildflowerlady @canary x xx I'm still going in to CH to see mum each afternoon for a couple of hours or so. Mum is much the same, not really drinking much and not eating. Boxing day (saturday) I took a bit of cold meat, pork pie and cherry tomatoes in which is a boxing day fave, she put a half tomatoe in for a few seconds and took it out cos sour, then a tiny bite of cold meat and that was dry. Sunday she was feeling yucky so she had a mint and ate that but then Monday she put one in and after sucking it for a while said she didn't like it and took it out.
The CH keep bringing her bits of things and I keep taking odd bits in but she doesn't eat them. At first occasionally mum would have a mouthful of something then not have any more, then she sometimes put something in but spit it out and yesterday wouldn't even try a mouthful. Mostly she doesn't even try something.
Mum talks about not eating and being thin and uncomfy cos she is so thin and feeling sick but she still doesn't eat. She said the other day I wake up on a morning and think I'll be ok today and eat but then I don't. She says she knows she feels yucky cos she's not eating but she just can't.
She is weak and sitting up, or standing to get in and out of chair, or onto commode really takes it out of her and she looks exhausted afterwards. Mum is getting weaker at pushing up and taking more lifting and supporting to do it and is scared of falling when she is upright, as she gets tired she tends to just fold down to sit so it's quite scary. First few days I tried helping her on my own but as she's got weaker I have been getting carers to come if mum needs loo. I can help her sit up on bed and if she's is in chair and wants to go back to bed I've been sliding chair over to side of bed and then helping her stand and then turn to sit on bed. She flops to one side to lay down on bed and I lift her legs on as she can't do that on her own. But the last couple of days I've been scared I might not be strong enough to get her upright without hurting her as she can't seem to push up very well at all now and her feet slide out in front of her, I put my feet in front of her so they can't slide but I'm scared to pull her up in case it hurts her. Luckily yesterday nurse asked mum if she wanted to go back on bed when I arrived so we helped her up and out of chair on to bed together. Until she tries mum forgets she finds it hard to get up so always seems surprised when I say I'll go get help and they suggest either going in wheelchair to loo or on commode.
Mum gets quite uncomfy and doesn't know what to do with herself and also gets bored as she's no energy to do anything and she feels sicky and tired and I feel bad I can't take that away or make it better for her which I really want to. I feel useless as my visiting isn't helping mum eat or improve and I have to get carers to help her to loo etc, so I don't feel like I'm saving them any work. I keep worrying I'm in the way and they'll say I can't go anymore as I'm not achieving anything to improve things for mum, but so far they still let me go. I'll go while ever I can as I get to spend time with mum which I am really grateful for. Mum asks me each time I leave if I'll come tomorrow and smiles when I say I will so even though we just watch tv and chat a little bit and she's still bored and uncomfy while I'm there I think mum's ok with me going.
The CH keep bringing her bits of things and I keep taking odd bits in but she doesn't eat them. At first occasionally mum would have a mouthful of something then not have any more, then she sometimes put something in but spit it out and yesterday wouldn't even try a mouthful. Mostly she doesn't even try something.
Mum talks about not eating and being thin and uncomfy cos she is so thin and feeling sick but she still doesn't eat. She said the other day I wake up on a morning and think I'll be ok today and eat but then I don't. She says she knows she feels yucky cos she's not eating but she just can't.
She is weak and sitting up, or standing to get in and out of chair, or onto commode really takes it out of her and she looks exhausted afterwards. Mum is getting weaker at pushing up and taking more lifting and supporting to do it and is scared of falling when she is upright, as she gets tired she tends to just fold down to sit so it's quite scary. First few days I tried helping her on my own but as she's got weaker I have been getting carers to come if mum needs loo. I can help her sit up on bed and if she's is in chair and wants to go back to bed I've been sliding chair over to side of bed and then helping her stand and then turn to sit on bed. She flops to one side to lay down on bed and I lift her legs on as she can't do that on her own. But the last couple of days I've been scared I might not be strong enough to get her upright without hurting her as she can't seem to push up very well at all now and her feet slide out in front of her, I put my feet in front of her so they can't slide but I'm scared to pull her up in case it hurts her. Luckily yesterday nurse asked mum if she wanted to go back on bed when I arrived so we helped her up and out of chair on to bed together. Until she tries mum forgets she finds it hard to get up so always seems surprised when I say I'll go get help and they suggest either going in wheelchair to loo or on commode.
Mum gets quite uncomfy and doesn't know what to do with herself and also gets bored as she's no energy to do anything and she feels sicky and tired and I feel bad I can't take that away or make it better for her which I really want to. I feel useless as my visiting isn't helping mum eat or improve and I have to get carers to help her to loo etc, so I don't feel like I'm saving them any work. I keep worrying I'm in the way and they'll say I can't go anymore as I'm not achieving anything to improve things for mum, but so far they still let me go. I'll go while ever I can as I get to spend time with mum which I am really grateful for. Mum asks me each time I leave if I'll come tomorrow and smiles when I say I will so even though we just watch tv and chat a little bit and she's still bored and uncomfy while I'm there I think mum's ok with me going.
I'm sure the home are very grateful for you going in for a couple of hours to sit with your mum, I think just being there is achieving a lot, even if it doesn't feel like it to you.
Thinking of you and your lovely mum {{{@annielou}}}
Thinking of you and your lovely mum {{{@annielou}}}
Yes, I too think that just being there is helping your mum, even if it doesnt feel like you are achieving anything.
xx
xx
Nurse told me been in touch with GP today again. Mum was sick yesterday and was feeling sick again today. She had her meds this morning but they are stopping them from today as think just having them with no food isn’t helping. Nurse said not any major change just a slow decline
Mum has been feeling quite sick this afternoon and uncomfy and restless. She has been asking me to sit her up and sitting with me rubbing her back a few times.
Mum has been feeling quite sick this afternoon and uncomfy and restless. She has been asking me to sit her up and sitting with me rubbing her back a few times.
It’s so very very sad that Mum has reached this stage, I understand you so want to make things easier for her and get her to eat to feel better...truth is you can’t and that’s heartbreaking.
its understandably upsetting for you watching this each day although I do know you want to be there with her as much as allowed....it’s still hard for you though.....
Your job is not to make things easier for carers so please don’t worry about that, but you are doing so just by being with your mum.
I am so happy you are able to go in each day and spend this time with her, all be it under difficult circumstance.
thinking of you all X
its understandably upsetting for you watching this each day although I do know you want to be there with her as much as allowed....it’s still hard for you though.....
Your job is not to make things easier for carers so please don’t worry about that, but you are doing so just by being with your mum.
I am so happy you are able to go in each day and spend this time with her, all be it under difficult circumstance.
thinking of you all X
Poor mum has been feeling yuck and sick most of the afternoon today and didn't know what to do with herself bless her. I could tell she wasn't feeling well today as I was standing at side of bed holding her hand for ages and mum didn't say anything about it, normally she feels bad if I'm standing and lets go after couple of minutes and tells me to sit down. Also when carers came to take her to loo mum didn't say anything about needing help or going in wheelchair which usually she does as she forgets she needs help till she tries to get up. She's been quite fidgety today trying to get comfy and sat up a few times when she thought was going to be sick. When she sits up she has been resting on her knees while I rub her back or I've sat at side of her with her leaning back against me and stroked her hand or hair. I tried to be comforting when she was feeling worst and chatted to take her mind off it when not feeling as bad, but it's awful to see her feeling so sick and not being able to help her.
Deputy manager/Nurse took me into office when I arrived today and said had been in contact with GP again and said mum still not eating and had been vomiting yesterday and they needed a my care plan for her now. He said they have stopped all her medication now. She'd had them this morning but with not eating they think the tablets were making her feel sicker so from today she's not on any medication. He said there's not been a massive change just a slow decline. He said she's barely eaten for 3 weeks. I mentioned what I had taken in and what she'd eaten or not eaten and a bit about how weak she was now, which we said is to be expected with not eating. I didn't think to ask at the time but thought later that had to wean off tablets like sertraline and memantine or got side effects so I hope mum is ok just stopping, I also hope she doesn't feel sadder and get agitated and anxious again, but I understand them stopping her tablets when mum's not eating and feeling sick.
It was even harder to stay upbeat with mum today knowing she was feeling sick. I try my best to keep happy and chatty with mum while I'm visiting, and don't let my worries or upset show. As I'm on way to visit in car I try to put all my worries on one side and get myself in a good mood for mum. I sometimes think staff at CH must think I'm weird as even when I talk about mum with them I don't react much or say much as I don't want to get upset in front of them as well as not wanting mum to see or pick up on me being upset. I didn't really react to what DM/nurse was saying today as I was going to see mum straight after but as soon as I'm out of the CH gate it hits me and I am in tears on way home.
Deputy manager/Nurse took me into office when I arrived today and said had been in contact with GP again and said mum still not eating and had been vomiting yesterday and they needed a my care plan for her now. He said they have stopped all her medication now. She'd had them this morning but with not eating they think the tablets were making her feel sicker so from today she's not on any medication. He said there's not been a massive change just a slow decline. He said she's barely eaten for 3 weeks. I mentioned what I had taken in and what she'd eaten or not eaten and a bit about how weak she was now, which we said is to be expected with not eating. I didn't think to ask at the time but thought later that had to wean off tablets like sertraline and memantine or got side effects so I hope mum is ok just stopping, I also hope she doesn't feel sadder and get agitated and anxious again, but I understand them stopping her tablets when mum's not eating and feeling sick.
It was even harder to stay upbeat with mum today knowing she was feeling sick. I try my best to keep happy and chatty with mum while I'm visiting, and don't let my worries or upset show. As I'm on way to visit in car I try to put all my worries on one side and get myself in a good mood for mum. I sometimes think staff at CH must think I'm weird as even when I talk about mum with them I don't react much or say much as I don't want to get upset in front of them as well as not wanting mum to see or pick up on me being upset. I didn't really react to what DM/nurse was saying today as I was going to see mum straight after but as soon as I'm out of the CH gate it hits me and I am in tears on way home.
That is so tough @annielou, and well done for putting all your worries aside when with your mum. I'm sure the care home understand exactly where you're coming from. You need to be as cheerful and upbeat as you can, tough though it is. When you are feeling dire, the last thing you want is someone telling you how bad you look. I'm sure the care home understand where you're coming from, and even if they don't their opinion doesn't matter.
Thinking of both you and your mum.
Thinking of both you and your mum.
Hi @annielou is so sad reading your posts as I say I think we are both on same journey with our loved one you with your dearest mum and me with my beloved dad. I understand what you are saying about keeping your emotions in. I am same and sometimes I wonder if could be seen as unemotional but my head is going through the practical things when I speak of dad but then I can just break down. I cried when dad went through doors at CH just four weeks ago and cried when back in reception after my two visits but somehow just about held it all in so dad couldn't see how hard I found it seeing him in CH setting. I'm sending lots of hugs and totally understand how very hard this journey has become. ???
could they give your mum an anti-sickness tablet if the sickness doesnt subside? its very hard for you to go through it. i have read all your posts and you are strong when needed but do need to release some how.
