Thanks @Woo2 @Lone Wolf xx Mum has had flat coke and lemonade a few times while I've been visiting, or a few sips of tea or water, I'll keep taking some drinks in.
Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!
- Thread starter annielou
- Start date
Nurse asked me if there was anything we wanted to add to mums my care plan. Anything personal she might want they wouldn’t know. I couldn’t think of anything so she said we can let them know later if think of anything. I’m not sure what sort of thing to suggest really
Nurse said mum was sad today, I asked if maybe was her medication wearing off now not having it, nurse said didn’t know could just be how feeling today. She has bed rails up today as she slid off bed again. Mum tends to end up on bottom half of bed as top is tilted up slightly and after a while having her legs bent stats to ache so she sticks them off end of bed to stretch them but then can’t get them back up on bed by herself and I think thats how slips off bed. Bed rails are a good idea, although now mum cant stretch her legs out to relieve ache as she cant push herself back up bed either. I’ve tried to help her slide up but she has no push n i’m scared to pull her and hurt her.
Mum was sick again not ling after I arrived, just a little liquid, but she has been wretching since on and off too. Nurse has just been and said will give mum injection.
Nurse said mum was sad today, I asked if maybe was her medication wearing off now not having it, nurse said didn’t know could just be how feeling today. She has bed rails up today as she slid off bed again. Mum tends to end up on bottom half of bed as top is tilted up slightly and after a while having her legs bent stats to ache so she sticks them off end of bed to stretch them but then can’t get them back up on bed by herself and I think thats how slips off bed. Bed rails are a good idea, although now mum cant stretch her legs out to relieve ache as she cant push herself back up bed either. I’ve tried to help her slide up but she has no push n i’m scared to pull her and hurt her.
Mum was sick again not ling after I arrived, just a little liquid, but she has been wretching since on and off too. Nurse has just been and said will give mum injection.
Wonder if they are meaning would mum like to see a vicar maybe or that kind of thing , there might not be anything you need to add . Sorry Mum had been a bit sick, hope she has had the injection now and is feeling better . Bed rails def a must,good they are on . Take care . ?
Thank you @DianeW @Woo2 @anxious annie @jugglingmum @Sarasa @notsogooddtr xxxxxx
Nurses came in this afternoon to give mum an anti sickness injection and put a needle into mums leg that can be left there so they can give mum anti sickness injections and pain relief if needed without having to inject her separately every time. They also moved mum further up her bed so she could stretch out her legs.
Unfortunately mum was still feeling sick and uncomfortable for rest of my visit, bless her she didn't know what to do with herself today. She asked for a tissue to spit out phlegm a few times and spit out clear thick mucusy liquid. Mum said her mouth felt yucky and asked me to clean her teeth for her though she didn't want to put them back in afterwards, she kept having sips of water through a straw I'd taken in and later she had a couple of sips of tea out of a sippy cup but that was all today.
Mum was restless and uncomfortable and said her tummy hurt and her head. I tried helping her move round but she had no strength so barely moved at all. She kept forgetting we'd already tried and kept asking can we try turn me over a bit. Mum kept thinking she was supposed to be doing something and also she'd start to ask something then tailing off cos she couldn't find the word and was quite confused. She kept trying to go to sleep but then would wince cos her tummy hurt or wretch cos felt sick.
The nurse had asked me to talk to her before I left, she asked if I wanted notifying if anything happened with mum day or night which I said I did. She said she thought mum had deteriorated today since she'd talked to sister this morning and asked if I thought mum had. I agreed and we talked about mum feeling sick and uncomfortable and not having strength to move, nurse said mum could have more anti sickness after 4 hours. She didn't know how long mum had but thought she had dipped from this morning and we talked about whether my sister would visit or not and I said I didn't think mum was aware of what happening and just thought she wasn't well. Nurse wasn't sure how long mum had left and didn't think she was at the end but did think she had dipped from this morning.
We also talked a bit about how mum had been before going in the care home and her personality. I did end up crying a bit while we were talking, I said I was sorry I try not to cry in front of people, she was really nice about it and said it was ok to cry in front of them they might even join in cos they cry too. I said I gear myself up on way to try be upbeat in front of mum and not let her see me upset so I don't upset her or get upset in front of them and she said she had seen I had tears brimming a bit as I left after visiting and I did well in front of mum.
I asked if was there long enough or should I go longer, I said I didn't want to tire mum out as sometimes she tries to stay awake while I'm there and I didn't want to be in there way but didn't know if I should go for longer to spend more time with mum. Nurse said I could go for as long as I wanted, I wasn't in the way, but also if I went a lot longer now then I might be worn out when mum needed me to go in longer when closer to end. I said I'd stay as I was for now then if they would tell me if they thought mum was getting worse and would be better for me to be there more. Nurse said we can ring them any time to check how mum is as there is always someone there.
I let my sister know how mum had been today and what nurse had said tonight, she's still undecided if to come or not and if she does come whether to come now or wait a while, I'm going to let her know how mum is tomorrow.
Nurses came in this afternoon to give mum an anti sickness injection and put a needle into mums leg that can be left there so they can give mum anti sickness injections and pain relief if needed without having to inject her separately every time. They also moved mum further up her bed so she could stretch out her legs.
Unfortunately mum was still feeling sick and uncomfortable for rest of my visit, bless her she didn't know what to do with herself today. She asked for a tissue to spit out phlegm a few times and spit out clear thick mucusy liquid. Mum said her mouth felt yucky and asked me to clean her teeth for her though she didn't want to put them back in afterwards, she kept having sips of water through a straw I'd taken in and later she had a couple of sips of tea out of a sippy cup but that was all today.
Mum was restless and uncomfortable and said her tummy hurt and her head. I tried helping her move round but she had no strength so barely moved at all. She kept forgetting we'd already tried and kept asking can we try turn me over a bit. Mum kept thinking she was supposed to be doing something and also she'd start to ask something then tailing off cos she couldn't find the word and was quite confused. She kept trying to go to sleep but then would wince cos her tummy hurt or wretch cos felt sick.
The nurse had asked me to talk to her before I left, she asked if I wanted notifying if anything happened with mum day or night which I said I did. She said she thought mum had deteriorated today since she'd talked to sister this morning and asked if I thought mum had. I agreed and we talked about mum feeling sick and uncomfortable and not having strength to move, nurse said mum could have more anti sickness after 4 hours. She didn't know how long mum had but thought she had dipped from this morning and we talked about whether my sister would visit or not and I said I didn't think mum was aware of what happening and just thought she wasn't well. Nurse wasn't sure how long mum had left and didn't think she was at the end but did think she had dipped from this morning.
We also talked a bit about how mum had been before going in the care home and her personality. I did end up crying a bit while we were talking, I said I was sorry I try not to cry in front of people, she was really nice about it and said it was ok to cry in front of them they might even join in cos they cry too. I said I gear myself up on way to try be upbeat in front of mum and not let her see me upset so I don't upset her or get upset in front of them and she said she had seen I had tears brimming a bit as I left after visiting and I did well in front of mum.
I asked if was there long enough or should I go longer, I said I didn't want to tire mum out as sometimes she tries to stay awake while I'm there and I didn't want to be in there way but didn't know if I should go for longer to spend more time with mum. Nurse said I could go for as long as I wanted, I wasn't in the way, but also if I went a lot longer now then I might be worn out when mum needed me to go in longer when closer to end. I said I'd stay as I was for now then if they would tell me if they thought mum was getting worse and would be better for me to be there more. Nurse said we can ring them any time to check how mum is as there is always someone there.
I let my sister know how mum had been today and what nurse had said tonight, she's still undecided if to come or not and if she does come whether to come now or wait a while, I'm going to let her know how mum is tomorrow.
It’s so very sad, but as always you are there with your Mum as she needs you......you know what I’ve read lots of times how you undervalue yourself in believing you have no confidence to deal with people, and how your sister has been the one dealing with certain things etc.
But you no what this just goes to show you really do have the confidence and bravery when it’s needed, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and obviously your sister is struggling at the moment, knowing what to do regarding visiting.......only she can decide what to do, but you are so supportive to her.
I am thinking of you all and sending hugs x
But you no what this just goes to show you really do have the confidence and bravery when it’s needed, everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and obviously your sister is struggling at the moment, knowing what to do regarding visiting.......only she can decide what to do, but you are so supportive to her.
I am thinking of you all and sending hugs x
I am sorry that you are having to go through this Andrea but think you are doing so well.
I have to say, though, that if your sister wants to see your Mum I don’t think she can fiddle around about making up her mind, she should be down here now as you might not get much warning, if any. It might well be that she is struggling to face up to what is happening and may actually prefer her last memories of her Mum to be of the last time she visited a few weeks ago. (I can understand that), while you are the one with the strength of character to see things through.
As I have said before, I personally do not think it is imperative that you are at the deathbed of someone you love providing you have had the opportunity to say your own “Goodbye” in a way that satisfies your own needs, it could be that your sister is happier with this scenario.
Whatever her decision I am positive you are doing all the right things to support your Mum as bloody dementia takes her away from you and it is good to hear of a proper “Care” Home who are trying their best to support the pair of you during this difficult time. I think your Mum has been very lucky that she was accepted there, I’m just so sorry that she hasn’t been able to settle in and appreciate the place as you hoped.
Carol.
I have to say, though, that if your sister wants to see your Mum I don’t think she can fiddle around about making up her mind, she should be down here now as you might not get much warning, if any. It might well be that she is struggling to face up to what is happening and may actually prefer her last memories of her Mum to be of the last time she visited a few weeks ago. (I can understand that), while you are the one with the strength of character to see things through.
As I have said before, I personally do not think it is imperative that you are at the deathbed of someone you love providing you have had the opportunity to say your own “Goodbye” in a way that satisfies your own needs, it could be that your sister is happier with this scenario.
Whatever her decision I am positive you are doing all the right things to support your Mum as bloody dementia takes her away from you and it is good to hear of a proper “Care” Home who are trying their best to support the pair of you during this difficult time. I think your Mum has been very lucky that she was accepted there, I’m just so sorry that she hasn’t been able to settle in and appreciate the place as you hoped.
Carol.
Oh @annielou ? I am sorry , the care home sound really very good , we knew that they would see the real you , a very kind, compassionate ,caring daughter ,I agree with Diane and Carol wholeheartedly you put yourself down when in fact you are the opposite of what you think , you have been there constantly , you still are even now when it is very painful and hard . You are doing amazing . I think you should go when you want for how long you want. I too agree sister can’t faff about if she wants to see mum she must come down now , if she doesn’t want to as lots of people don’t then that’s fine but she needs to be happy with her decision . Sending big hugs to you?
Thank you for the kind replies @DianeW @Banjomansmate @Woo2 xxx
I think my sister is stuck between what she wants to do and what thinks she should do, I don't think there is a 'should do' you do what you do that works for you. I will keep visiting mum for a few hours everyday until it looks like she might be near the end and then I'll stay as long as I can and if I'm not there and the CH contact me I will go in asap. I want to be with mum cos not being with her would be harder for me, and I want mum to have someone visiting her who loves her if possible so that's what I'll do, I choose that and my sister can choose what is best for her, I won't judge her for it and I don't think mum would either. If she takes too long deciding though the decision may be taken out of her hands but perhaps that is what she's hoping for I don't know bless her.
Thanks for being so kind and supportive ? ? ? ? ?
I think my sister is stuck between what she wants to do and what thinks she should do, I don't think there is a 'should do' you do what you do that works for you. I will keep visiting mum for a few hours everyday until it looks like she might be near the end and then I'll stay as long as I can and if I'm not there and the CH contact me I will go in asap. I want to be with mum cos not being with her would be harder for me, and I want mum to have someone visiting her who loves her if possible so that's what I'll do, I choose that and my sister can choose what is best for her, I won't judge her for it and I don't think mum would either. If she takes too long deciding though the decision may be taken out of her hands but perhaps that is what she's hoping for I don't know bless her.
Thanks for being so kind and supportive ? ? ? ? ?
What a wonderful, balanced attitude you have. Hoping for strength for you in the coming time. You have “done your mum proud”
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Sarasa xx
Just to make things harder its snowing here, quite heavy, it's only been snowing half an hour and everywhere is already covered. The sky is white and heavy with it and it's forecast to carry on till this evening. There is still some snow left on less used areas from last snow we had a few days ago so hubby and I are really nervous about travelling to see mum in care home which we'll be doing soon. The roads round the care home still had quite a bit of crunchy icy snow left when we came home yesterday which will now be covered with fresh snow so it will be quite slippy. I can't not go see mum though
Just to make things harder its snowing here, quite heavy, it's only been snowing half an hour and everywhere is already covered. The sky is white and heavy with it and it's forecast to carry on till this evening. There is still some snow left on less used areas from last snow we had a few days ago so hubby and I are really nervous about travelling to see mum in care home which we'll be doing soon. The roads round the care home still had quite a bit of crunchy icy snow left when we came home yesterday which will now be covered with fresh snow so it will be quite slippy. I can't not go see mum though
If your husband doesn feel confident driving then maybe just get a taxi, I don’t mind driving in snow but I know some people are nervous.
Hoping you have had a safe journey to the care home and are able to spend some precious time with your mum. You're wise in being at peace with whatever is best for your sister, visiting towards the end is not "easy" for everyone. Your mum is blessed with having you visit, you are thinking of what your mum needs, as well as what is right for you and your sister will be appreciative of your strength at this difficult time, I'm sure xx
