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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
When mum was given sertraline I told her it was a stomach protector , she has never questioned it , she has hers of a morning, but I know some people do give at night , She isn’t sleepy with it , just more chilled out . I would say give it to her whenever it’s easier for you . Glad you got to talk to them and a bonus you didn’t get upset , I’m sure they are used to it . 🤗 X
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
478
I'd say try it in the morning so carers can give it at the weekend. It's not like your mum is operating heavy machinery, if she's sleepy with it she could take a nap ;)

Or maybe I'm being simplistic about it! Dad will only take his 'iron tablets' before dinner. He has about four 'iron tablets' now, all different colours and shapes (mematine, sertaline and iron).
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Starting on a journey @Woo2 @imthedaughter xxx In the day would be better to keep an eye on her for any side effects , plus if give it her before leave on evening and it does make her sleepy she might end up napping on sofa and then not being ready for bed at bedtime and I don't want to have to go back on evening to give it her before bed so will try it in day. I'd prefer to give it her at lunchtime then if she felt bit sleepy she could have nap after lunch without it interferign too much at bedtime, but I am bit worried bout it making her feel sicky if taken with/near others. I switched her from taking galantamine at breakfast to lunch as she felt sicky because she only has tea and biscuits for breakfast so wasn't enough food. Also noticed if she takes sertraline mid morning she's fine but if she takes it close to lunch and galantamine she feels sicky in afternoon so I'm a bit scared to give memantine at same time, although months ago she did used to have iron tablet after galantamine at lunch and that was fine. I wish I had a crystal ball to see what would happen so I'd know whether or not to try it. Such a shame I'm not psychic. My mum used to tell us her grandma had a crystal ball apparently and used to keep it under a velvet cover and read that and tea leaves for people. Her powers don't seem to have been passed on to me though. 🔮🧙‍♂️
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
You can only try , mum never had any side effects with it , but she did stop them last year and re started with no ill effects so give them at the time that suits you . X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
It might not seem like it sometimes but your instincts regarding your Mum have worked well so far. Trust your instincts and go with them.
and if they don’t work first time you can always change. I know they have to be at the same time each day but I am sure it. you could ask the pharmacist when you pick them up if a change of time would be ok if the first timing does not work.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 @Sarasa xx The day wasn't bad but the evening wasn't good.
Mum was confused about her past again in the day, which is normal now, talking about my dad and her mum as if both were still alive, mixing up lots of other things but she didn't ask many questions. She was calling me Andrea but I wasn't her daughter Andrea, she hadn't seen her, she'd said she was coming but she hadn't, I wasn't her. But she wasn't angry about it. on few occasions I said I'm here or I'm her she just said No you're not and laughed and rolled her eyes at me. Early afternoon she asked me Where's our -(her brother) gone? She said he was here earlier, he was here this morning he must have gone out.
Then about ten minutes before I went home in the evening she called me Andie when she was telling me something like she knew who I was and then asked What have you been doing today then love? I said I've been here, Mum said Have you? looked puzzled and then said Sorry love I get mixed up. She asked me again a few minutes later and looked sad when she was apologising for not remembering so I make a joke about me not making much of an impression which made her laugh. Then she told me as I was getting ready to go home that she might walk down to her mums tomorrow if she had the energy so might not see me. As she was saying she might go tomorrow I didn't correct her as thought as long as not thinking of going tonight she'll probably just get upset if I remind her she's dead now so I didn't say anything. As she was waving us off she said it again I might be at my mums tomorrow so I might not be in, unless weathers horrible cos I'm not walking down in bad weather. So I said I'll ring you in morning then and see.
About 1/2 past 7, 5 minutes after we got home my uncle (mums brother) rang me, he said my mum had rung him and she'd been saying she hadn't seen me for months now cos I was living with -(hubby) and we'd got married and not told her. He said he told her we'd been married for years but she didn't believe him and told him she didn't see me now. He thought that was odd but he just wanted to check see if there was anything wrong with me. I told him I'd only been back from her house 5 minutes and I go every day but she often thinks I've not been cos she forgets and doesn't know who I am most of the time. We talked a few minutes about mum and he told me she'd been asking bout their mum again and didn't know she was dead when it happened in 1974 and talked about my dad having just left. I told him she's stuck then thinking its still new. He said she'd got bit angry and annoyed with him cos she didn't believe him.
Mum rang at 9 sobbing and told me her mum was dead, I tried to calm her down a bit saying I know it's sad but it was a long time ago. Mum kept saying she thought it was yesterday, her brother had only just told her. I tried explain he hadn't, she knew about it but had forgot , its sad but long time ago. She said she had nobody and was really sobbing, I said she had me and I'd be back to see her in morning. She said sorry and was going go and I told her try not be upset mum I know it's sad but it was a long time ago and then she hung up.
I waited a couple of minutes hoping to give her minute to settle and rang her back. She still thought it only just happened and not long time ago. I kept trying to tell her was 1974 and her mum was 50 when she died and I was only baby. She said her brother told her was yesterday and only just told her. I told her he hadn't he'd told her long time ago, she knew but just forgot when she's tired, usual thing about her brain being tired. Mum said Ok will I see her sometime and I said I'll come back tomorrow, I'll come and see you in morning.
I suggested she put something on tele and try not to think about things tonight cos she just gets mixed up when her brains tired and she'll be ok in morning. She said there was nothing on tele, I chatted to her bout what was on for minute. Then mum asked if I'd come home tomorrow, I said I was home I was at my home. Mum said I know you're at your house but will you come here to my house. I said Yes I'll be back tomorrow, about half ten. She asked where I lived and said not seen it I said she was here at weekend. She said Oh was I that's nice I'm glad I have been, but I can't remember. I told her she'd remember tomorrow. She started talking about not knowing about her mum and what she was doing so I told her to try not think too much bout things tonight, she'd remember tomorrow and I'd be there in morning. She asked few questions and was talking bout going then after I told her again Try not think bout it tonight and I'll see her tomorrow she said Mmm and hung up again.
Mum rang again at 20 to 11 asking if I got home alright. Saying sorry but she'd gone to her house today and started watching tele and doing her knitting and forgot to go home, she realised at half past ten but she wasn't going out in dark, but then she thought Oh what about our Andie did she get home ok. I said I'm home ok. Mum said Oh good I am sorry I didn't come home, I'll come back tomorrow, I'm at my house, do you know where I mean I mean my house? I said Yeah you're at your house that's where you live. Mum said No it's where I lived before with W (my dad). Not up there at our house but my house I had before you know where I mean, anyway it doesn't matter, I just wanted to check you got home ok cos I was worried but I just forgot I was here and didn't go home. I said It's Ok you stay there tonight don't go out now. Mum said I am I'm not going out now cos it's dark I'll come home in morning, I'll stay here tonight cos I;ve got my bed here.. I told her to stay there and I'd come see her in morning.
I think she thought I still lived with her in our old house and was home on my own. I said I was home and alright, she asked where our ny sister was and I said she was home at her house she was ok and mum said Oh good. Then she said I don't think W will come back. I said no he'll not come there. Mum said I don't know where he's been living, I don't know if he's been living here but he went when I came in. She said I didn't think he'd be here, I just thought I'd come down and look how my house was and he was in here but he left when i came in. I said He won't be back there tonight. Mum said I'll stay here and go home in morning. I said Stay there an I'll come see you in morning. Mum kept saying she was sorry she'd forgot about me getting home and asked if I was ok. I said I was and I'd go see her in morning. Mum said Ok love see you tomorrow.
Not a good evening as I was worried about her being mixed up and upset then hoping she would stick to what she'd said about staying where she was over night. I thought she would stay put as didn't want to go out in dark and knew I was ok but I was still worrying and sad at how confused she was.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
It’s so very difficult , I don’t have any answers or suggestions . Hope you have a good afternoon and get your jobs done . 🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Woo2 x Don't think there are any anyway but thanks for the hug 🤗 x
On the phone this morning when I told mum on my way over she said I'm at my mums house, no it's not my mums house my house but not our house. I said It's ok I know where you are mum. She's been mixed up where is and who's alive and who I am again. She used to have bit better grasp on reality on mornings when I got there but not so now.
She told me this morning her mum was dead and I said I know and mum asked How I knew, so I told her it was a long time ago. She said Well why did our -(her brother) tell me about it yesterday, I told her it was because she'd rung him and asked him about it. Mum asked why people kept telling her about it and I told her it was because she kept asking them. So then mum said But I know my mums dead. :rolleyes:
They were talking about kids and schools on tv after lunch and mum asked me Are the kids at school? I said they're supposed to be on school holidays. Mum asked So who's feeding them? I asked Who? Mum said The kids, I asked Whose kids? and mum said Mine, Who's feeding W (my dad) and the kids cos I've not gone back up there yet. Who's feeding our Andie and - (sis). I told her we were grown up and she didn't live with us or dad now. She said Ooh our - (sis) is in scotland isn't she and did our Andrea marry Paul, when I said yes she said Oh good she'll eat with him then. :oops:
When carer came she said something referring to me as Andrea and mum said She's not our Andrea. I joked our Andrea had run off with the circus and I was here instead, silly I know, but mum didn't even react anyway. 😟
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,701
Glad you got your afternoon off @annielou . My mum has slowly slipped back in time, so I hope your mum slips back a bit further and at least forgets your dad. It's tricky that she sometimes remembers her mum is dead and sometimes not. When my mum talked about wanting to go and check on her mum I just said she's fine and we can't go today and moved on.
Hope you have a phone free evening. I'm really glad we got rid of our landline. It had a really loud ring so I could hear it, but the only person who phoned me on it regularly was my mum and I dreaded what I was going to get when I answered it.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
423
Hi Annielou
Hope you have a restful, or productive , afternoon .... whichever suits you best today. It must be good to know your mum is with her carer, and will be less anxious hopefully than being by herself and it gives you a bit of a break too. Hoping you don't have an anxious phone call this evening so you can relax with hubby too.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Thanks @Sarasa @anxious annie xx
I wish saying something like that worked with my mum. Its weird as she can say and believe multiple things at once, I can try to go along with her some times but most of the times it contradicts her other thoughts she’s having at same time so she’ll still ask more questions or get upset over other part of what she's thinking. Its hard to fathom what she thinks and believed a lot of the time. I’m afraid my brain isn’t up to it.
Least I got few hours this afternoon to do some housework. The carer afternoons used to be time when I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to get calls from mum and I could get on with things uninterrupted, but after mum rang me twice during a carer visit a few weeks ago I’m not quite so sure now so still constantly have my phone by my side. She doesn’t usually call then but I am a worrier and a pessimist too so I’m finding. So much for telling MC I was trying to be positive on tuesday 🙄😕
Hope you are both ok xx
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
Hope you didn’t get any calls while carer there today , and you could get on , hope too the evening is peaceful 🤞🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Call from mum at 6.37, carer doesn't leave till 6.30 so must have rung when went in after saying bye and locking up. Mum was very confused, thought her mum had just died, told me her brother just told her. I'm not sure if she had rung him again or was remembering ringing him yesterday, she said had just rung him but there hadn't been much time to between carer leaving and her ringing me. Either way she was upset. After trying reassure her it is sad but it was long time ago, she moved on to where she was, she didn't know where she lived, she thought she was in wrong house. Kept saying thought she lived where we all used to live before. Was sure it wasn't village I said. Would I come and show her it, show her where her house was? Not sure how she expected me to show her where she lived???
I tried explain her brain gets mixed up when its tired, it doesn't work as well as it used to now. I told her to try not to think about it now cos she won't understand it but it'll come back to her in morning. I told her I know its hard but trust me that she is in right place. I had to give her brief history of her and dad splitting up and her living on own and us marrying and where she lived.
Mum still wasn't sure she was in right house though and wanted me to go show her it, so I had to describe the whole room and then layout of house to her to reassure her in right place. She kept asking if I would go in morning and see her and could she see me sometime and could she come to my house. She was on the verge of tears the whole time especially when she said I don't know what to do cos I'm on my own and I've got no mum. I don't know anybody and don't know what to do on my own all the time. I told her she was only on her own for a bit on an evening. I went to see her everyday and carer had just been this afternoon, she must only just have a left a bit ago. Mum said she had been yes she had and did I go? she didn't know that but she was on her own now and didn't know what to do. I said a lot of people are on their own on evening they just watch tele or do puzzles and things like that then go to bed. Mum said Do they? She was still sounding like crying a bit. I said Yes and I'll be back to visit you tomorrow morning.
She asked about me and my sister, where we lived and us being married etc and then said so I've got Andrea and - (sis) I said Yes and mum said Is that it have I got any more kids? I said No just us two we're enough for anybody which she did laugh at and then asked if we were happy and I thought she was coming round a bit, but then she went back to was I sure she was in the right house. I told her she was and to try not to think about it tonight put tele on and do some colouring or something to take her mind of it and I'd go over in morning and she'd be ok then. She said ok then asked if she could come to my house sometime and a few other bits as if she was putting off hanging up. I tried to be gentle with her all way through call and at end tried to sound positive. But I felt so sorry for her being so confused and on her own.
She called again at 7.59 asking did I know where my dad was. I tried put her off and distract her but ended up having to say she didn't live with dad and he died 4 years ago. She couldn't understand it, asked was I sure so again I told her the brain being tired, remembering old memories and try not to work it out tonight cos won't be able to, it'll come back in morning bit. I told her I'd be visiting her in morning. After few minutes talking bout it she said Ok she'd see me tomorrow and we said night.
Poor mum she just can't work things out but she keeps trying. I try to explain simply just to reassure her but she can't retain it for long, it does help her most of the time for a little while but it doesn't stick, nothing does. I can't think of anything to say that will work instead and can't seem to distract her, nothing works for long. Yet she still thinks she is ok and doesn't need help. I'm sure when she's confused on an evening and upset she'd accept help from me being there with her if I offered but when I went there'd be a very good chance she wouldn't recognise me and that would confuse her even more.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
Another call at 9.45. Andie is that our Andrea. I said yes then she asked me if I was at her mums. I said I was at home where I lived. She said she was going to go home she'd packed her stuff but she couldn't carry it all and it' got dark so she was going to go in morning. I told her yes stay there tonight. Mum said she would but she should go home should she still go. I said No stay there mum that's where you live. Mum said it wasn't she didn't live there, she wasn't at her house. I told her she was in the bungalow with pink walls and mum said she was but it wasn't her house so I said Its ok you can stay there tonight it's where you've been staying lately and mum said Yes I will I'll go home in morning. I said stay there tonight and I'll come see you in morning. She said I'm bit worried though I've locked door but a mans got some keys and he might come back. I told her nobody had keys but me and her. Mum said our -(brother) had some and he'd let a man live there for a bit he'd gone but she didn't know if he was coming back. I said he wasn't cos we'd got both sets of keys. She could stay there tonight and I'd come see her in morning. She said she'd let our Andrea go home to her mums and take some of her stuff but she was going to go but it got too late so she'd go in morning. I said yes stay there and I'll come in morning.
She rang again a few minutes later asked if it was me and asked if I was at her mums. I said I was home and I was ok. She said is my mum on her own though I said no she was ok. We were all ok she could stay there tonight and I'd go see her in morning. She said she was going home in morning though I said that's ok I'll come take you. She asked if I got to her mums ok and I said yes and she said how did you get there? I said (hubby) took me and mum said Oh good. Then she said I'm a bit worried though cos our -(brother) gave this man some keys and let him stay here and he might come back in. I told her he wouldn't he didn't have keys anymore we had them she had one set and I had other. She asked why I had some key so I said cos I'd been visiting her there and he didn't need them anymore cos he wasn't coming back. Mum said What for our -s house? I said I've got spare set for house you're in now. She said it's our -s house where is he I said I know he doesn't live there now he's gone home now to his house. Mum said Oh yes with -(his wife) I said Yes so you can stay there. Mum said Well I'll sleep on sofa in case he comes back. I said You can sleep in bed mum he won't come back. Mum said Are you sure cos our - was here with a man this morning when I came and I thought I don't want him here. I told her He won't come back cos we've got keys now, he's not staying there anymore cos they know she is. She said are you sure? I told her I was and said you stay there tonight mum and I'll come in morning. She said Ok but I told our Andrea to go home to my mums did she get there I said Yes she's fine mum we're all fine. Mum asked Are you her? Who are you? I said I'm Andrea mum I'm your daughter and I'm fine tonight you stay there and I'll come for you in morning. She said Ok love sorry I didn't know was you for a minute. I said That's ok. She asked again if I was ok and I told her I was and I'd go there to see her tomorrow so mum said Ok then love I'll see you tomorrow and we said night.
Poor mum hasn't a clue bless her.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,660
South East
Oh that is heartbreakingly sad 😥 how on earth you deal with it so well i don’t know ,mum did this once or twice and I panicked and felt sick , you have been dealing with it for months now , you really are amazing, patient and kind🤗🤗 it really is worrying isn’t it , thank goodness you can talk her in to staying put indoors .How you ever manage to shut off and sleep I don’t know , it’s an almost permanent state of anxiety . Sending lots of hugs and hoping you get some sleep and rest 🤗🤗🤗🤗 xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,642
Yorkshire
I don't deal with it well at all really @Woo2 I am a bit shaky and sicky, hubby has head ache and we're really panicked to be honest. I'm getting scared to go to bed again in case rings or something. I used to be like this last year before I ended up staying with mum for months. I don't sleep well at all and last month or so I dream a lot about mum and things and wake up a lot too. I have the house phone and my mobile on the bedside table and take them in bathroom with me, each time I wake up I check both phones in case I've missed any calls, I have them both set to ring so loud I can hear both even with ear plugs in, but I still check obsessively. Last night I was going to stay on sofa in my clothes but in end went to bed but I didn't really sleep much.
Thanks for the hugs 🤗 🤗 much apprecialted.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,561
Bedford
I wish I could say or do something positive to help you. Those have certainly been some tough days. Just reading them I don’t think I could have coped. I am not sure how you do it but you do. Can you mention to MC or SS that your Mum Is talking about leaving the bungalow at night to go ‘home ‘. I guess they don’t do anything until it happens.
sending you hugs🤗🤗🤗