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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

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GeorgiaMay96

New member
Dec 26, 2017
4
London
Hello all,
I’ve decided to join this forum as my nan (76) has dementia, which has since got worse. She now thinks she has a new born baby, and gets extremely angry when you disagree or say you don’t understand. She has four children who have all grown up with their own children etc. I’d love to hear back from some of you as this is the unknown.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,952
Merseyside
Hello all,
I’ve decided to join this forum as my nan (76) has dementia, which has since got worse. She now thinks she has a new born baby, and gets extremely angry when you disagree or say you don’t understand. She has four children who have all grown up with their own children etc. I’d love to hear back from some of you as this is the unknown.
Welcome to TP @GeorgiaMay96
The baby thing is actually quite common but very upsetting for everyone.
You could try giving your nan a doll or cuddly toy to look after.
 

Daisywoo

Registered User
Apr 23, 2017
2
My husband was diagnosed with early Alzheimers in February 2017. I had noticed that he wasn't quite his normal self for about 2 years but over this last year he seems to have got noticeably worse. What I find difficult is that I still see him as he used to be and find it difficult to deal with situations when he doesn't understand what I am talking to him about. I know that I must be more patient with him but I am feeling very stressed with everything that happens. Do you think this is a normal reaction from me as if I have got annoyed with him I always feel bad afterwards ?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,087
Nottinghamshire
@GeorgiaMay96 When my nan, then aged 94, was near end of life she became very confused and kept telling my mum not to let "that woman" (me) take the baby. The baby in question was my daughter, and this was 25 years ago, but I do understand how terrifying this can be for all concerned. I'm not suggesting your nan is near end of life, mine didn't have dementia, it was trauma - fell downstairs and broke collarbone - which led to her confusion.
We didn't really have time to think about how to deal with the situation but Cat27's suggestion of a doll or soft toy to look after may give your nan some comfort.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,952
Merseyside
My husband was diagnosed with early Alzheimers in February 2017. I had noticed that he wasn't quite his normal self for about 2 years but over this last year he seems to have got noticeably worse. What I find difficult is that I still see him as he used to be and find it difficult to deal with situations when he doesn't understand what I am talking to him about. I know that I must be more patient with him but I am feeling very stressed with everything that happens. Do you think this is a normal reaction from me as if I have got annoyed with him I always feel bad afterwards ?
Welcome to TP @Daisywoo

I think it’s a totally normal reaction. I do think you’ll find this thread interesting
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
 

GeorgiaMay96

New member
Dec 26, 2017
4
London
@GeorgiaMay96 When my nan, then aged 94, was near end of life she became very confused and kept telling my mum not to let "that woman" (me) take the baby. The baby in question was my daughter, and this was 25 years ago, but I do understand how terrifying this can be for all concerned. I'm not suggesting your nan is near end of life, mine didn't have dementia, it was trauma - fell downstairs and broke collarbone - which led to her confusion.
We didn't really have time to think about how to deal with the situation but Cat27's suggestion of a doll or soft toy to look after may give your nan some comfort.
Thank
Welcome to TP @GeorgiaMay96
The baby thing is actually quite common but very upsetting for everyone.
You could try giving your nan a doll or cuddly toy to look after.
Thank you, I will give the doll/cuddly toy a try
 

GeorgiaMay96

New member
Dec 26, 2017
4
London
@GeorgiaMay96 When my nan, then aged 94, was near end of life she became very confused and kept telling my mum not to let "that woman" (me) take the baby. The baby in question was my daughter, and this was 25 years ago, but I do understand how terrifying this can be for all concerned. I'm not suggesting your nan is near end of life, mine didn't have dementia, it was trauma - fell downstairs and broke collarbone - which led to her confusion.
We didn't really have time to think about how to deal with the situation but Cat27's suggestion of a doll or soft toy to look after may give your nan some comfort.
Yeah I’ll definetely give that a try as I feel she’s getting confused that her children are grown up and is remembering older times. Hopefully she doesn’t get too attached to the doll or cuddly toy as I don’t want it to course distress. Thanks for your feedback
 

Jojoginge

New member
Nov 17, 2017
6
Good evening, my name is Jo and my mum has Alzheimers. She was diagnosed in september but as a family we have been trying to get her diagnosed for a few years but as im sure you all know getting her to admit there is a problem and doctors refusing help because she refused delayed the diagnoses. My mum lives on her owm and has been pretty independent up untill 6 weeks ago where a chest infection saw a decline in her dementia. My mum has always been stubourn but she is now on memanten and the last week has been refusing it saying there is nothing wrong with her memory (On christmas eve she flooded her bathroom and shorted out her whole house ) the stress giving her the tablet is awful for her and for us giving it. My question is this, how much does this drug slow the process down? My mum is more in the latter stages and even taking this medication there has been a massive decline. Has anyone just stopped giving it? If she was diagnosed earlier i no it would have helped but im seeing nothing from it but distress everytime i issue it. Her memory is shocking and she has forgotten about her diagnosis. Any advice would be great. Thank you for reading x
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Hullo @Jojoginge and welcome to TP.
I'm sorry I don't know about memantine, but I was going to suggest you post on the "I care for a person with Dementia" forum under a heading like "Memantine advice". Just click on the arrow on the right of the FORUMS heading and scroll down.
Hopefully that will help or someone will be on here soon to help.
 

Jojoginge

New member
Nov 17, 2017
6
Hullo @Jojoginge and welcome to TP.
I'm sorry I don't know about memantine, but I was going to suggest you post on the "I care for a person with Dementia" forum under a heading like "Memantine advice". Just click on the arrow on the right of the FORUMS heading and scroll down.
Hopefully that will help or someone will be on here soon to help.
Thank you
 

ConfusedBiker

Registered User
Dec 27, 2017
21
Hi there

I recently moved back home to care for mum (76) who has had vascular dementia now for 4 years. Her situation is such that she in unable to do anything. My dad (86) had a triple heart bypass 3 years ago but recently contracted endocarditis and has gone back into hospital yesterday.

I am 40, I have quit my job and now full time carer for my parents. Until now my sister had been helping them but with having a baby 2 years ago she is limited to the help she could give so dad has been receiving help from a local lady who cleans and had been helping mum.

I will go into more detail of mum's condition in the main forum

Thanks

A
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,793
Yorkshire
hello @ConfusedBiker
and welcome to TP
your poor parents have been through a lot these past few years - I hope a grandchild and having 2 caring children has brought some joy
you have given up and are taking on a lot - so I'm glad you have found TP to share your experiences and receive support - a good idea to start your own thread; members will respond given time
 

misssunshine73

New member
Dec 27, 2017
3
Hello :) This is the first time I've joined a forum and hopefully it will help me while I support my 79 yr old mum who has dementia, lives independently (for now) and I feel a little lost.

I am the main carer of mum, I have 3 older siblings but I tend to do the lions share, actually I do 80% of it. I don't see this as a chore but it's like i'm losing my mum each day that passes.

She's at the stage now where she doesn't cook or clean as she simply has no appetite. So unless I go round and pop some food on the table she will go hungry.

Just the other day I went round later one evening (my brother was supposed to go round and see to her in the day) her electric socket fuse had blown, all went the heating, TV, kettle, phone! and her toaster so she had no heat, no food, no tea and no way of calling me. I cried when I went round as she was bumbling around her bungalow, hand freezing! all lost and confused as her kettle wouldn't work and saying she was cold. It broke my heart and made me so cross with my siblings.

I manage all her finances, couldn't get power of attorney as my sister left it too late to deal with (6 months) by the time the GP wouldn't sign the letter as mum had no idea what it was about. some 6 months earlier would have been OK as mum was surprisingly understanding of this. I was so cross as it was one thing i had asked her to do

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I work in the morning, finish at 12.30 go round to mums at 1pm to make her some dinner, make sure she has her medication, pain relief for her arthritis, feed her cat and sort out her laundry. I then dash off go to collect my son at school (on the other side of the city) go home and in the evenings and weekends I run my own business.
My brother doesn't work, is depressed, has custody of his 3 kids but does have all day to himself but he sleeps all day.
My sister has just bought a narrow boat and retired and is going off on her jollys in March.
My other sister lives in Canada.
None of them seem to understand the seriousness of her care and how much she needs looking after. My sister thinks we should get a carer in and I know she's right but I have no idea what to do about this (it's left to me to deal with)

I can't help feeling angry with the world, I used to be the most positive upbeat happy person but now I'm my worst enemy. I have alienated my friends, put on weight, mope around moaning and complaining and am generally miserable. I have the most amazing husband though, he is so very supportive and keep me sane.

Sorry, I'm just ranting and offloading.
 

Bluepanda

New member
Dec 27, 2017
6
Hello everyone.
The time has come for me to have somewhere to come and say how I feel to people who understand. My dear husband is 77 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2015 .I’ve been somewhat burying my head in the sand but it’s getting hard to ignore things now.I was reluctant to read other people’s experiences as I knew a lot of them would upset me more.Some would tell of things that will happen that I don’t want to know about. I hope this makes sense! I am a private sort of person and sadly only have acquaintances rather than friends so I have no-one to really talk to. Though our children are understanding they don’t live close and I don’t want to keep on about things when we speak on the phone.
I hope I can make friends here and vent how I feel without judgement.Thanks.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,793
Yorkshire
hello @misssunshine73
a warm welcome to TP - which is exactly the place to come to rant and offload as much as you want and need
and I'm not surprised you want to get all that off your chest - you seem to have been pretty much left to get on with it - and as much as you may love your mum, caring for someone full time and having your own life si one tough mix
you say it's too late to arrange POAs - are you sure that your mum doesn't have the odd good day when she at least grasps that signing this document will give you permission/make it easier for you to help her - if she is able to do this, you don't need her GP to be a certificate provider, just someone who has known her quite some time and signs to say they agree that she understands AT THE TIME OF SIGNING
if your mum no longer has enough capacity for this, you need to apply to be her Guardian, as strictly no-one has the legal authority to manage her affairs, so you have the potential to get into choppy waters - you can get an interim order whilst the application goes through, and contact the DWP to become appointee for her pension
as for help - contact your mum's Local Authority Adult Services and ask for an immediate assessment of her care needs; your mum has a right to this - make it clear that this should have been done ages ago but family confusion means it hasn't been done - tell them about your mum on her very worst day, don't hold back - and don't mention her finances, say that she's a private person and you'll have to investigate; the financial assessment should be done after the one for care needs
hopefully, from that a care package will be put in place eg home care visits, some time at a day centre, a sitter, respite and a visit from the OT to assess her home for aids and adaptions
also check whether your mum is receiving Attendance Allowance and if not apply for this; it's not a means tested benefit - and it opens the way to a disregard of her Council Tax

when you are ready to consider any of this further, start your own thread and members can help you - maybe in this forum
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/
just press the blue button to 'Post New Thread', give the thread a title that links with the topic you are posting about and the type away
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,793
Yorkshire
hello @Bluepanda
a warm welcome to this supportive site
I hope I can make friends here and vent how I feel without judgement.
TP is here for both of those - members are all in some way living with dementia in their lives, so we sympathise and understand and support each other
it's tough and sometimes lonely trying to care for a spouse on your own - so I'm glad you have joined us and can now share your experiences and chat with others
start your own thread when you are ready, with whatever is on your mind, and respond to others - it really is that simple
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,654
South coast
Hello @misssunshine73 and @Bluepanda to the forum where people understand and you will receive help and support; venting is quite normal here!

Missunshine - Im afaid that most of us find that we are the only one who caring for for PWD (person with dementia), even if there are other family members who could get involved. Trying to rely on unreliable people is a recipe for disaster and frustration. As another member said on here - anything they do is a bonus and I just get on with things that need doing.
Are you sure that she wouldnt be able to sign a POA? You can do it yourself by downloading the forms on line and it doesnt have to involve solicitors or doctors - she just needs to understand what she is doing at the time she signs the POA. It doesnt matter if she forgets afterwards. You just need someone who has known her for 2 years (a friend or neighbour will do) who will witness that she understood at the time of signing. That way you can choose a "good" day when she is more lucid.
 

Theresalwaystomorrow

Registered User
Dec 23, 2017
343
Hello :) This is the first time I've joined a forum and hopefully it will help me while I support my 79 yr old mum who has dementia, lives independently (for now) and I feel a little lost.

I am the main carer of mum, I have 3 older siblings but I tend to do the lions share, actually I do 80% of it. I don't see this as a chore but it's like i'm losing my mum each day that passes.

She's at the stage now where she doesn't cook or clean as she simply has no appetite. So unless I go round and pop some food on the table she will go hungry.

Just the other day I went round later one evening (my brother was supposed to go round and see to her in the day) her electric socket fuse had blown, all went the heating, TV, kettle, phone! and her toaster so she had no heat, no food, no tea and no way of calling me. I cried when I went round as she was bumbling around her bungalow, hand freezing! all lost and confused as her kettle wouldn't work and saying she was cold. It broke my heart and made me so cross with my siblings.

I manage all her finances, couldn't get power of attorney as my sister left it too late to deal with (6 months) by the time the GP wouldn't sign the letter as mum had no idea what it was about. some 6 months earlier would have been OK as mum was surprisingly understanding of this. I was so cross as it was one thing i had asked her to do

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I work in the morning, finish at 12.30 go round to mums at 1pm to make her some dinner, make sure she has her medication, pain relief for her arthritis, feed her cat and sort out her laundry. I then dash off go to collect my son at school (on the other side of the city) go home and in the evenings and weekends I run my own business.
My brother doesn't work, is depressed, has custody of his 3 kids but does have all day to himself but he sleeps all day.
My sister has just bought a narrow boat and retired and is going off on her jollys in March.
My other sister lives in Canada.
None of them seem to understand the seriousness of her care and how much she needs looking after. My sister thinks we should get a carer in and I know she's right but I have no idea what to do about this (it's left to me to deal with)

I can't help feeling angry with the world, I used to be the most positive upbeat happy person but now I'm my worst enemy. I have alienated my friends, put on weight, mope around moaning and complaining and am generally miserable. I have the most amazing husband though, he is so very supportive and keep me sane.

Sorry, I'm just ranting and offloading.
Well, I could of wrote that myself but with a tweak of a few things, mum is much more advanced but I do 80% lion share but have older siblings!
My advice, call the services in, get mum assessed, then go from there, you cannot carry on and do this, it will make you recent what your doing and always remember your entitled to your life as well, we’ve looked after a
 

BlueFox

Registered User
Dec 27, 2017
25
Hi All,
I look after someone with Alzheimer’s. I kind of sense that next year will be bumpy and this looked like the kind of place to get advice and share experiences. I am a problem solver by nature so I always what to look for answers. We also shared any thoughts or advice based on my experience of having to go solo on the caring front.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,793
Yorkshire
hello @BlueFox
you are right, TP is a safe and supportive place to come to share experiences
it can be challenging caring on your own, so although we may not be able to give THE answer to anything that's on your mind, members will certainly offer suggestions and sympathy
so, welcome - settle in and start a thresd when you're ready
 
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