Hello
This is the first time I've joined a forum and hopefully it will help me while I support my 79 yr old mum who has dementia, lives independently (for now) and I feel a little lost.
I am the main carer of mum, I have 3 older siblings but I tend to do the lions share, actually I do 80% of it. I don't see this as a chore but it's like i'm losing my mum each day that passes.
She's at the stage now where she doesn't cook or clean as she simply has no appetite. So unless I go round and pop some food on the table she will go hungry.
Just the other day I went round later one evening (my brother was supposed to go round and see to her in the day) her electric socket fuse had blown, all went the heating, TV, kettle, phone! and her toaster so she had no heat, no food, no tea and no way of calling me. I cried when I went round as she was bumbling around her bungalow, hand freezing! all lost and confused as her kettle wouldn't work and saying she was cold. It broke my heart and made me so cross with my siblings.
I manage all her finances, couldn't get power of attorney as my sister left it too late to deal with (6 months) by the time the GP wouldn't sign the letter as mum had no idea what it was about. some 6 months earlier would have been OK as mum was surprisingly understanding of this. I was so cross as it was one thing i had asked her to do
I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I work in the morning, finish at 12.30 go round to mums at 1pm to make her some dinner, make sure she has her medication, pain relief for her arthritis, feed her cat and sort out her laundry. I then dash off go to collect my son at school (on the other side of the city) go home and in the evenings and weekends I run my own business.
My brother doesn't work, is depressed, has custody of his 3 kids but does have all day to himself but he sleeps all day.
My sister has just bought a narrow boat and retired and is going off on her jollys in March.
My other sister lives in Canada.
None of them seem to understand the seriousness of her care and how much she needs looking after. My sister thinks we should get a carer in and I know she's right but I have no idea what to do about this (it's left to me to deal with)
I can't help feeling angry with the world, I used to be the most positive upbeat happy person but now I'm my worst enemy. I have alienated my friends, put on weight, mope around moaning and complaining and am generally miserable. I have the most amazing husband though, he is so very supportive and keep me sane.
Sorry, I'm just ranting and offloading.