Virtual Christmas thread

[SophieD]

On the table is a mince pie and carrot, the sound of carol singers is in the distance, the snowman is built, and the presents are sitting under the tree. You can hear the sound of sleigh bells in the distance, and the patter of reindeer hooves along the rooftop (or is that just our imagination…?) Welcome to your virtual Christmas.

This thread is a space where you can support each other during the festive period. Sometimes it can feel like everywhere you turn you’re told that this is ‘the most wonderful time of the year’, yet for many people Christmas can feel like the opposite. If you are finding the holidays difficult, or you’re struggling, you are not the only one.

Remember that you’re not alone, and to be kind to yourself. As well as Talking Point which is available day and night, the Helpline is also here to offer support and a listening ear if you need to talk to someone directly. You can find out when the Helpline will be open over the Christmas and New Year period.

Please do post on the community if you need support during the holidays.

Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas,

Sophie, Harriet, Serena and Saun
The Dementia Talking Point Team

 

[Mustang66]

I am will be raising a glass on Christmas day to everyone with dementia, us the carers, we should all give ourselves a pat on the back & to all those with loved ones no longer with them, thank you to the Dementia Talking Point Team for the invaluable helpline, Wishing you all Peace & Goodwill at Christmas xx

 

[CWR]

I lost my mother at the end of November. Last Christmas was difficult, since mum usually went to clubs during the day, but with me at home, and no visitors ( I have only theoretical family...), I found the days long. Mum would repeat herself and ask if it was time for bed yet. I would go upstairs, she would come up and beg me to stay downstairs.
I decided that this year I would have mum in for respite for a part of the Christmas season, thereby giving us both a break. She would have all the parties etc and would enjoy herself more than being stuck at home all day, and I would have some time to myself. Well, that was the plan, but mum caught a cold in October and it was downhill all the way after that. She passed away on November 30th, in peace and with me holding her hand.
My initial feeling was of relief, glad that she had had such a beautiful ending to her life, and that she had managed to go to her church and clubs right up to the end.
Then one morning last week it hit home. The house is not the same without her. Her singing of the same lines of songs used to drive me mad, but I miss it now. It showed how happy she was. We went to a local church last year for our Christmas dinner, since it got us out of the house, and was better than being stuck in the house all day. I was in two minds about what to do this year. Yes, being with company is good, but I never know how I am going to feel in advance. Some days I feel I just want to be alone, others I crave being out and about. I hate how feelings ambush you-there you are , talking normally and suddenly all the tears come, and you feel terrible. Up down, up down all the time. When I hear Slade singing "Everybody's having fun" I think, no they bloody well arent, at least not everyone. I get up late every day, not wanting the day to begin. I usually get better as the day goes on, but that's not set in stone.I am fortunate insofar as I am one of those rare individuals who prefers dark cool nights to the light, hot and sticky nights of summer, with noisy kids out and everything in your face. At least you can retreat more easily in this weather.
Anyway, I bit the bullet, and am going to the church for my dinner again. I just hope it's a good day as far as my emotions are.

 

[nae sporran]

I hope you manage to have a good day and the church people are as kind to you as you are to yourself @CWR.

 

[TNJJ]

I’m off to dads tomorrow to cook for him as well as my mum. My daughter is joining us. I have cancelled the carers for lunch and tea..I won’t be seeing him for Xmas Day as there is no public transport..So we will have our Xmas Day with him tomorrow.

We will see how it goes but it will be nice to have other people to take the strain.My daughter is a carer as well so that helps..
Mum is coming back to mine after we spend the day with him. (Mum cannot travel on her own.Heart failure which has progressed)..So Merry Christmas everyone!

 

[northumbrian_k]

This will be the first Christmas since 1985 (I was in hospital) that I'll not be spending all day with my wife. I'll be taking some presents for her - mainly edibles that she can share with others - and for the care home staff (ditto) on Christmas Eve when a fun afternoon of games and activities is planned. I'm not sure that my wife notices the fantastic efforts that have been made in her care home or realises that it is Christmas. The festive season hasn't meant that much to us since we were effectively banned from visiting our granddaughter a few years ago. I'll probably take the dog to the beach as we did last year and pop in to see my wife after lunch. I'll miss her but I will have my faithful hound for company and he is always happy to have a cuddle.

 

[Grahamstown]

My thoughts are with those whose loved ones are already in a care home. I know that many make a huge effort for their residents so it’s not all gloom. My Christmas thoughts are for a Contented Christmas to all. Happy and Merry don’t really apply to me, because it will be much the usual day.

 

[Shedrech]

first Christmas without dad, and this year I am opting out (who knows how I'll be next year)
so for peace and quiet I'm off to my caravan and will also have a walk on the beach, with a flask of something warming and mince pies, to try out my new waterproof boots

I hope we each have the day we need

 

[Izzy]

WEL

first Christmas without dad, and this year I am opting out (who knows how I'll be next year)
so for peace and quiet I'm off to my caravan and will also have a walk on the beach, with a flask of something warming and mince pies, to try out my new waterproof boots

I hope we each have the day we need

That sounds just perfect @Shedrech. Wishing you an enjoyable and peaceful time.

 

[Agzy]

Since 2016 when Paulines youngest son took his own life having shared Christmas Day with us for years it has become a sad and traumatic occasion and of course ever worsening Alzheimer’s doesn’t help.

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m envious @Shedrech. I have family politics to deal with... but only on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day is just me and my kids

 

[Woo2]

Oh @Agzy that is so sad, such heartache for you . I hope you get through the day as best you can.

 

[Woo2]

Agree @Shedrech ’s plans sound fab , any room for a little one enjoy .

 

[leslyz]

On the table is a mince pie and carrot, the sound of carol singers is in the distance, the snowman is built, and the presents are sitting under the tree. You can hear the sound of sleigh bells in the distance, and the patter of reindeer hooves along the rooftop (or is that just our imagination…?) Welcome to your virtual Christmas.

This thread is a space where you can support each other during the festive period. Sometimes it can feel like everywhere you turn you’re told that this is ‘the most wonderful time of the year’, yet for many people Christmas can feel like the opposite. If you are finding the holidays difficult, or you’re struggling, you are not the only one.

Remember that you’re not alone, and to be kind to yourself. As well as Talking Point which is available day and night, the Helpline is also here to offer support and a listening ear if you need to talk to someone directly. You can find out when the Helpline will be open over the Christmas and New Year period.

Please do post on the community if you need support during the holidays.

Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas,

Sophie, Harriet, Serena and Saun
The Dementia Talking Point Team

I wrote my text in the wrong section on Sunday. Was just sharing emotional struggle as hate the feeling of lying to my mum. Should have put it here rather than in practical Q&A but no idea. Hopefully mum won't be too upset when I see her on xmas day, just hoping she doesn't keep asking to go home as really want to stay strong but not really feeling it.

 

[MaNaAk]

I lost my mother at the end of November. Last Christmas was difficult, since mum usually went to clubs during the day, but with me at home, and no visitors ( I have only theoretical family...), I found the days long. Mum would repeat herself and ask if it was time for bed yet. I would go upstairs, she would come up and beg me to stay downstairs.
I decided that this year I would have mum in for respite for a part of the Christmas season, thereby giving us both a break. She would have all the parties etc and would enjoy herself more than being stuck at home all day, and I would have some time to myself. Well, that was the plan, but mum caught a cold in October and it was downhill all the way after that. She passed away on November 30th, in peace and with me holding her hand.
My initial feeling was of relief, glad that she had had such a beautiful ending to her life, and that she had managed to go to her church and clubs right up to the end.
Then one morning last week it hit home. The house is not the same without her. Her singing of the same lines of songs used to drive me mad, but I miss it now. It showed how happy she was. We went to a local church last year for our Christmas dinner, since it got us out of the house, and was better than being stuck in the house all day. I was in two minds about what to do this year. Yes, being with company is good, but I never know how I am going to feel in advance. Some days I feel I just want to be alone, others I crave being out and about. I hate how feelings ambush you-there you are , talking normally and suddenly all the tears come, and you feel terrible. Up down, up down all the time. When I hear Slade singing "Everybody's having fun" I think, no they bloody well arent, at least not everyone. I get up late every day, not wanting the day to begin. I usually get better as the day goes on, but that's not set in stone.I am fortunate insofar as I am one of those rare individuals who prefers dark cool nights to the light, hot and sticky nights of summer, with noisy kids out and everything in your face. At least you can retreat more easily in this weather.
Anyway, I bit the bullet, and am going to the church for my dinner again. I just hope it's a good day as far as my emotions are.

Your reply brought it back to me because this is my first Xmas without dad so I know how you feel. Last year I had dad, my brothers, their partners and my nephews this year I have two wonderful friends and we hope to have the best Xmas we can.


MaNaAk

 

[Splashing About]

@CWR Christmas songs are cheesing me right off. They are so superficial and it just makes you think about how far away your own emotions are from the Slade version of Christmas. I hope your church gives you comfort and peace.

@northumbrian_k and @Shedrech I’ll be walking my dog before visiting the home as well. I’ve had some of my best times being alone (with dog) on a beach. I hope it is the weather you most like

@Agzy words fail me with your struggles. I hope you have the best Christmas possible for you

 

[TenGallonHank]

Moving mum to a care home for 4wks emergency respite tomorrow. Breaks my heart to put her in there, but it really is the best thing. Also feeling for my poor dad - he's very frail and exhausted, we're hoping he'll get better with this respite.

I'm taking my partner and toddler down to cause some havoc Boxing Day which should be fun but I'm mostly dreading tomorrow's subterfuge and pretence. New territory for us all.

It's going to be the weirdest Christmas so far.

@Agzy so sorry to hear your story. Wishing you some peace and comfort.

 

[Izzy]

I hope things go well for you tomorrow @TenGallonHank.

 

[PJ]

first Christmas without dad, and this year I am opting out (who knows how I'll be next year)
so for peace and quiet I'm off to my caravan and will also have a walk on the beach, with a flask of something warming and mince pies, to try out my new waterproof boots

I hope we each have the day we need

Bless you have a good Christmas Day whatever you do. It is my first Christmas without my beautiful mum, who passed away in April this year, she had Parkinson’s and my husband had a booked a cruise for us after my early onset diagnoses last year, my mum passed away while we were on the cruise, life can be so very cruel.
She loved Christmas so much so I plan to make the best I can of it

 

[Agzy]

first Christmas without dad, and this year I am opting out (who knows how I'll be next year)
so for peace and quiet I'm off to my caravan and will also have a walk on the beach, with a flask of something warming and mince pies, to try out my new waterproof boots

I hope we each have the day we need

Oh @Shedrech how I envy that as, before Alz we always spent 5 nights away in our tourer from 28th to 2nd Jan and really miss all the company and fun but also the winter walks and chances to just chill out. Hope it all goes well for you.