Update on my Dad

[Lanie]

Just read your thread and you and your family have really been through it. From experience asessment wards aren't pleasant but the staff will understand and here you will get the right tretment for your Dad and it will be monitored.
I do hope that you still continue with your complaints even though your Dad has now been moved. Any sort of dementia is bad enough to cope with, with out being treated like a second class citizen and the hospital should not be allowed to get away with it.

Hope you see some improvement in your Dad soon.

Take care

Lanie

 

[Lynne]

Sue

Hoping that Dad's transfer goes smoothly and things start to be 'on the up' from now on.

 

[sue38]

Thank you Sylvia, Catherine, daynurse, Hazel, Helen and anyone else I missed/forgot

I also meant to say that the staff nurse we spoke with tonight was wonderful. Having come from a hospital where the staff phoned me to complain my dad had entered an area of the hospital where patients 'are not supposed to go ' as if it were his/my fault, tonight we had a meeting with the staff nurse in her office. Patients (including my dad) wandered in, no one 'told them off', and they wandered back out...

Just seemed as though everyone was accepted and no one got stressed.

 

[Skye]

That sounds so much better, Sue. I'm sure your dad will settle more easily with a more relaxed atmosphere.

It sounds like John's unit. The office has a bolt at the top of the door for when there's no-one in (some of the residents like to tear pages out of books!), but if there's someone there, the door is open and people wander in and out, or sit down for a 'chat'.

After all, it's their home!

Hope you have a good night tonight.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Sue

Dhiren spent quite a lot of time in the nurse`s office at first. I could tell when we visited how much time they had spent with him as they knew so much about his past life.

After a while they discouraged his visits. It was explained to us that they needed to make observations of his behaviours when he was alone. He responded well in one to one situations with staff, but they needed to see how he interacted with other patients.

It might not be the same on your father`s unit but i just thought it worth mentioning.

Love xx

 

[sue38]

Dear Lanie and Lynne,

I didn't forget you, just cross posted.

Lanie, you're right, just because my dad is in a better place doesn't mean I have forgotten the flaws in the system we have endured. But, like Scarlett O'Hara, will think about that tomorrow.

 

[Sandy]

Hi Sue,

It is good news that your father has moved into an environment where there is a better understanding of the needs of people with dementia.

Are there still plans to have someone from the EMI home come out to assess your father?

Take care,

Sandy

 

[sue38]

Dhiren spent quite a lot of time in the nurse`s office at first. I could tell when we visited how much time they had spent with him as they knew so much about his past life. Love xx

Thanks Sylvia. My dad was able to tell the staff that my mum's name is Margaret (true) and that she is 20 years younger than him (untrue). She is in fact 5 years younger, but she was thrilled to bits.

Hi Sandy,

We were told (a little disappointingly) that my dad is expected to be there for a minimum of 2 weeks. Tonight we are still a little shell shocked at the speed of things, but come tomorrow we may contact the NH to see if they would assess him now, or would rather wait until his assessment is completed.

 

[DianeB]

Sue I am pleased for everybodie's sakes that Dad has now been transfered. Just to be somewhere where they are understood and accepted makes a massive difference. I hope today goes well for you and you can see a positive difference in Dad.

Hugs

Diane xx

 

[Marianne]

Hi
Just read your thread and it brought back such memories for me. My dad was rushed into hospital on Boxing Day 2004 extremely confused. This was such a sudden illness I couldn't believe it was happening. The hospital thought it could be due to a UTI but after 5 weeks found him to be suffering TIA's.

The hospital would send for me day/night asking to go and settle him down as he was walking around with a cordial bottle in each hand believing they were grenades. I had a very good reationship with my dad but I was not able to bring him back to present time when he was believing he was in wartime.

After the five week stay in hospital I was advised to find him an EMI Home. There was only 2 to choose from, both owned by the same company. I chose the home, it was beautiful place but abuse/theft was rife. Within a few weeks everything my dad owned had been stolen. I then took the advice given by SS and moved him to a home described by them as one of the best in town.

I had never done this before so I was believing everything I was told, I was naieve. I soon found out that this home could not cope with him, but the manager was insisting she could. Upto this point the only assessment I had seen had been carried by SS. So I asked for an assessment of his health needs for CHC funding which should have been done before he left hospital but wasn't.

The assessment was carried out but not done correctly. Anyway I put the CHC on the back burner as my dad was being abused, they were blocking his doorway to stop him getting out. He was severely bruised on a couple of occasions, bruising that he could never have done himself. I was arguing with everybody, not sleeping. I was told if I moved him I would kill him not a nice thought and at thetime one I didn't feel I could cope with.

He was rushed into hospital with a suspected stroke in June'07 so I took advantage of this and emptied the room. The PCT Assessors immediately granted him CHC full funding and I found him a lovely caring EMI home. Unfortunately he died less than a month later.

Since then, preparing a case for panel for a Retrospective Review I noticed whilst going through all his medical notes/files that the Haloperidol he had been having at the home was being given without ever being prscribed. It is fifteen months since my dad died and I am still battling with the PCT. They are doing everything in their power to protect the Manager of the home and are doing every possible dirty trick in the book to stop me from pursuing them.

I do hope you don't mind me telling you a bit of my story, it does sound alot but it is only a bit of it. Please start as you mean to go on.

Best wishes
Marianne

P.S The hospital back in 2004 forgot to mention they had also diagnosed my dad with Cancer, they also forgot to refer him for treatment and only remembered 15 months later. And of course they forgot to tell me.

 

[Helen33]

Dear Sue

I am glad that the 'emergency' situation is over and that your dad is calmed.

You are doing a brilliant job in sorting things out for your dad.

Love and best wishes

 

[daynurse]

hows your dad today sue?

 

[sue38]

Hi Marianne,

I'm sorry about your dad, what an horrendous time you and your dad had, I couldn't have coped with another day in that hospital, let alone 5 weeks.

I'm glad you found the right place for your dad in the end, even if it was only for a month. We are looking at homes at the moment for when my dad comes out of the assessment unit. He has been taken off the haloperidol and the lorazepam. The words of the nurse at the assessment unit were that the general hospital put everyone with dementia on those drugs, just to keep them quiet.

Good luck with your battle with the PCT.

Hi Helen and Daynurse. I rang the assessment unit this morning to see how my dad had been overnight. His notes said settled, pleasant and slept all night. 'Pleasant' was such a relief from reports of him biting people.

My sister and my mum went to see my dad this afternoon and my sister texted me to say that he was more settled. They were watching the snooker, and my dad was following it.

I went tonight and he was calmer, pleased to see me, and making much more sense. He told me the price of everthing was going up, seemingly a reference to the inflation news he had seen on TV. I'm not sure he knows where he is, he did say he wanted to come home, but just stated it as a fact. After about 45 minutes he told me that I should leave, in the nicest possible way, and he walked with me to near the door, kissed me and I left, quite a lot less shell-shocked than last night.

 

[heartbroken]

Hi Sue
so pleased for you that dad is much more settled hope it continues for you and mum

 

[daynurse]

so pleased things are improving

 

[Helen33]

Dear Sue

It really does sound good Sue that your dad is a lot more calm. Good luck in your search for a nursing home. Did the home agree for them to assess your dad now or did they suggest waiting until dad's hosp assessment is completed?

Love and best wishes

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Sue

Your latest post sounds so much more encouraging. I hope this period of relative calm lasts for all of you.
Love xx

 

[sue38]

Thanks everyone.

My dad was not as good last night. Pleased to see me and my mum but complaining he had not enjoyed his tea and that things were not being done right. He also brought up the 'c' word .... car

There were a couple of incidents in the room where we visit, involving other patients, which we found disturbing and made my dad uncomfortable. I really want him out of there asap.

The problem we have at the moment (Correction: One of the problems we have at the moment ) is my mum's health. She had tests on Monday and we are chasing the results. She may need a serious operation, she may be treated with medication, but until we know we can't make any plans.

My mum is talking about my dad coming home. It had seemed to us for a while that she was pushing for my dad to go into a home before he was ready. I think now she feels guilty seeing my dad where he is and it is me reminding her as to why we had to take action.

And... I'm supposed to be training for a trek across the Sahara desert in 2 weeks time . I would cancel, but my mum is still insisting I go. My sister and BIL are visiting my dad tonight, so I may get a night off and go to the gym

 

[Skye]

Hi Sue

I can understand how your mum feels. However much you know it's inevitable, the transfer to NH is so final, the end of the relationship as we know it. And however hard it has been to care at home, we don't want to give up.

But it sounds as if she is going to need a lot of care herself, however she is treated. I'd reckon respite at least will be needed.

And don't even think of giving up your trek, it's the chance of a lifetime, and you'd always regret it if you pull out.

Awful time for you. There's nothing worse than having everything up in the air, I'd always rather know!

I hope it all works out as well as possible for you.

Love,

 

[TinaT]

Have a good trek Sue - rather you than me!! Oh dear I'm showing my age. A few years ago I would have been begging to come with you!!

If you mum is anything like me, then she needs reassurance, reassurance and still more - I have to be reminded by my lovely SIL on an almost weekly basis that Ken is far better where he is in the NH, and she reminds me how very, very hard it all was when he was at home full time. She reminds me constantly how much 'quality time' I now have with Ken and how I am still putting an enormous amount of effort into maintaining his wellbeing and how much the daily visiting puts strain on me.

She's quite right of course, but that still doesn't stop my worrying and fretting about bringing him home. It is especially hard leaving him as it was tonight when I left him in the dining room at the NH insisting that he didn't want his tea there - he wanted it at home!

Will you be able to keep in touch with mum now and again on your trek? I think you will have to keep playing the devil's advocate with her and doing just what my SIL does for me.

xxTinaT