Sundowning?

[Skylark/2]

Hi everyone.

Now that it’s getting dark earlier I’m sure my O.H has started sundowning.
At 5 p.m, he wants to start getting ready for bed. Last night we had the most horrendous arguement, ended up not sleeping at all, and it was because I didn’t want to go to bed at 7p.m? He didn’t want to go without me and tonight he’s getting ready for an early night again.
He wants a hot water bottle, I don’t but for a quiet life I agreed, one each…….except I can hear him filling 2 more! 4 hot water bottles, a duvet and 2 blankets!
But is this what I’ve got to look forward to until the clocks change?
It’s 6 p.m and he’s taking himself off to bed!
Any advice on how to keep him up until a reasonable bedtime?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh dear @Skylark/2 this must be awful for you. I don't have any regular experience of my OH wanting to go to bed so early and even on the occasions that he does he is quite content to go on his own. This must be so frustrating for you. Hopefully someone will come along with some advice for you

 

[Buntie123]

Oh dear @Skylark/2 this must be awful for you. I don't have any regular experience of my OH wanting to go to bed so early and even on the occasions that he does he is quite content to go on his own. This must be so frustrating for you. Hopefully someone will come along with some advice for you

Don’t really know what to say x but I do know my husband feels the cold so so much more than when he was well

Four hot water bottles though xxx. What a busy bed xx

Can you not sneak up for an hour or so when he’s asleep x. They are so like four year olds what a strange disease xxx

Big hugs xxx

 

[Mike Doncaster]

Do you you have a spare bedroom? I didn't have quite your problem. When my my wife was still at home she would say "I'm tired where do I sleep" at about 1900hr, we had had the same bedroom for very many years. I would show her to bed and I would sleep just up the corridor in the spare bedroom, sleeping with the door open, hoping that I would awaken if my wife got up during the night, I went very much later. I needed that time to unwind. I always hid the door keys when I went to bed. Do you make use of Respite Care if not I would. You have to have some ME TIME. I know the stress is truly terrible. My wife has now been in care for just over a year and it is only now that I am recovering. My daughter became very concerned about my mental health. You really must take all the help that is offered. One online offering I was put onto is Teepa Snow, she is an American dementia care specialist. I found her online presentations to be very helpful.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to the forum @Mike Doncaster

Well done you for finding a sensible way to survive dementia bed times! I agree with you about Teepa Snow - very informative and also entertaining in her presentations.

 

[Skylark/2]

Do you you have a spare bedroom? I didn't have quite your problem. When my my wife was still at home she would say "I'm tired where do I sleep" at about 1900hr, we had had the same bedroom for very many years. I would show her to bed and I would sleep just up the corridor in the spare bedroom, sleeping with the door open, hoping that I would awaken if my wife got up during the night, I went very much later. I needed that time to unwind. I always hid the door keys when I went to bed. Do you make use of Respite Care if not I would. You have to have some ME TIME. I know the stress is truly terrible. My wife has now been in care for just over a year and it is only now that I am recovering. My daughter became very concerned about my mental health. You really must take all the help that is offered. One online offering I was put onto is Teepa Snow, she is an American dementia care specialist. I found her online presentations to be very helpful.

Hi @Mike Doncaster .

Now 6.30 p.m and already filling hot water bottles ready for bed!
we do have a spare bedroom andI’ve tried sleeping there but sadly my husband comes looking for me. He won’t sleep by himself……..I tell him I’m not his comfort blanket! Trying to persuade him to watch something from Netflix.

 

[Dianej]

I have the opposite problem since the clocks changed. MY OH, was recently prescribed half a tablet of risperidone at lunchtime for sundowning and is reasonably calm until about 9pm when he starts wandering round the house, turning lights on, opening windows, rummaging in drawers and cupboards and generally moving things round and being verbally abusive. He talks gibberish continually for hours and won't go to bed when I do at about 11pm. This behaviour continues until about 2 or 3am when he eventually goes to sleep. By that time, I'm so wide awake, sleep is impossible for me. He sleeps so deeply that he wets the bed. So I am up again at 4pm changing the wet bed and trying to change him into dry clothes which he refuses to cooperate with. He has recently been in hospital and I thought there may be a UTI to blame but the sample test was negative, so the antibiotics he was prescribed must have been useless. The doctor was reluctant to prescribe a sedative. He has just woken up at 10am out of a deep sleep and the bed is wet again, but he won't left me change it or him and was aggressive when I tried. He refuses to wear pads. I can't carry on like this. I secured a phone call with the GP this morning and was in the middle of reporting all this to her. The phone cut out. I immediately called the surgery and was promised a call back but hasn't happened yet. OH has little appetite, hallucinates a lot and is recently frequently verbally aggressive to me. I wonder if he has some other infection. He recently had cellulitis and that could have returned but he won't let me look at his legs. I just don't know what I m dealing with, whether it's a physical infection, the remains of delirium form the hospital stay, or the progress of his dementia, and I don't know where to turn.

 

[canary]

He has just woken up at 10am out of a deep sleep and the bed is wet again, but he won't left me change it or him and was aggressive when I tried. He refuses to wear pads. I can't carry on like this.

Youve got to tell SS this and keep making a nuisance of yourself.
He is at risk of harm because he wont allow his incontinence to be managed and you are at risk from his aggression, so when you contact them make sure you use phrases like "vulnerable adult" and "risk of harm"
If they hear nothing then they assume that everything is OK, so you have to keep going on at them

 

[Mike Doncaster]

We all go through a variety of forms of hell out of love. As my wife changed over time at first I was upset by her moods, hostility, how she changed from a lovely granny to annoying my daughter and family. A variety of aggressive behaviours both outside the home and in towards perfect strangers and towards me, swearing like a trooper at me, which she had never done. Not keeping herself clean, not changing underwear. I could go on at length, suffice to say life became a living hell. I frequently just broke down in tears. My daughter who lives a long way from me I'd phone just to have an outlet. So very many times she told me "dad you can't go on like this, It'll kill you". I had used Respite Care just prior to my wife going into full time care and it was then that my Social Worker suggested that it was time for me to let go and make long term residential care permanent. At the time I was reluctant to do so but realised that I could no longer continue caring for my wife. It is now over a year since my wife went into care. Although now she has been Sectioned. I have chosen to not go to see her because when I do it becomes a very upsetting scene. She has no understanding that there is anything wrong with her and as a result when I come to leave she clings to me and a physical separating becomes necessary. Not good for the nurses and very upsetting for me. Now I am a mental wreck and in the process of being given counselling. I should have listened to my daughter sooner. So I would urge not to let love prevent seeking help. I'm attending church now on a regular basis, for me it helps me find an inner peace. As is often said the lucky one is the Alzheimer patient. The toll is taken by the family.