Registered User
Apr 22, 2022
I understand your fear. You know you need to put your OH in respite care but how do you physically do that. What do you tell him so he’ll agree to go. How do you get him to get in the car? What do you say when you get there if he refuses to go in.

Ask the care home for suggestions on how to get him there. Maybe you could tell him you need minor surgery and this is a place for the spouses to stay until you get better.

Hopefully someone who’s been through this will tell you how they got their PWD to go into respite.

I know social services came Friday. How did it go?
Our Social Worker raised this very issue with myself and my OH last week and OH was 100% adamant that he would never go into a home. As he use to visit care/nursing homes with his last job before he retired he is still only too well aware what they are.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
just gave info on day centres and the help they could provide I.e someone to prepare meals, give medication, help with personal hygiene, dressing etc.,……..all of which I do easily
I was the same before I reached carers breakdown. I felt - but I can do it easily, why get someone else in to do it? So I tried to do everything

After the breakdown I realised that, yes, I can do everything quite easily, but I havent got the time! I was trying to do everything I used to do, plus everything he used to do plus a whole load more that neither of us had to do eg sorting appointments and dealing with SS. So now I think of it as delegating the jobs that someone else can do and only doing the things that I cant delegate.

It has made me much less stressed and also got him used to other people doing things


New member
Aug 25, 2023
Hi I am desperately needing advice re my husband’s sundowning.
This has been happening for months, bedtime is getting earlier and by 5 p.m he is filling various hot water bottles.
He has been in bed since 5.15 p.m, yesterday it was 7.45 p.m but awake by 11.30 p.m. When he wakes, that’s it for the night, our ‘ day ‘ then starts. He’s up and downstairs, making a coffee, asking if I’d like one….I am still trying to sleep. Turning on all the lights, the t.v ( which he can’t work the remotes ) , the gas fire, nothing gets turned off. If he does decide to come back to bed, I’m then up turning everything off……and he is ready for a long rambling chat, I’m NOT..and on it goes night after night , whilst I get more and more sleep deprived, unable to function during the day …..almost. I am at my wits end, thinking of begging the g.p for sleeping tablets. Melatonin doesn’t work.
I know lots of you out there have the same problem , huge sympathy but what do you do to stay sane?


Registered User
Jun 26, 2023
Thank you for your suggestions, I know I will have to a plan as he won’t go willingly.
The young chap who came on Friday was very pleasant, but just gave info on day centres and the help they could provide I.e someone to prepare meals, give medication, help with personal hygiene, dressing etc.,……..all of which I do easily. If I can get a decent sleep ( which I can’t due to O.H not sleeping ) then I think, I could manage but whenever I mention sleeping tablets in the short term, I am ignored by the ‘ professionals’.
I am trying to keep O.H at home for Xmas, we have family coming from the U.S etc., and I WAS looking forward to it, now it’s with trepidation. After Xmas, I think I’ll need to look into care homes, so, so sad it’s come to this.
wish I wasn’t so indecisive!!
I don’t think it’s being indecisive, it’s because in your heart you don’t want to do it but your head knows it’s the right thing. Many of us feel this way, you aren’t alone, good luck with it all.