1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    @Loisand @Bikerbeth

    I think part of it is that we do hold it all in and then one day just snap. We all try our very best but there isn’t any manual on what to do. From what I read on here it seems everyone has the same situation just slightly different, what works for one person doesn’t for another. It is a comfort to know that most people struggle sometimes, then you pick yourself up and start again. Sleep does seem to help, a new day and everything. Although now I do feel like I sleep with one eye open, waiting for what happens next!!!
     
  2. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Mum and the carpet man. So a few weeks ago Mum and me realised that her bathroom carpet would need to be replaced when we eventually found the leak from the toilet and had it fixed. So a local small carpet retailer that she had used previously came out and fitted some cushion vinyl down. Anyway the toilet in her cloakroom next door has now developed a problem. She rang me up today to say that she had been down to the carpet shop and told the owner he needed to come and fix the toilet as he had broken it. Fortunately as I found out later when I spoke to him he had realised that she was muddled and had listened patiently to her and said he would look into it. Mum was happy. I was happy that he had been brilliant with Mum. He was relieved when I rang him and brother gets to fix the toilet when he visits her next week:)
     
  3. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Rang Mum up today as usual and had a chat. First time ever she asked me to ring her up this evening as well as she was feeling sad:(
     
  4. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Recycling. Man from the council agreed that they would collect the bins from the side of the house but still expects Mum to recycle correctly.
     
  5. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    398
    I would suggest not bothering to recycle at all that, that’s the approach I’m taking with my council
     
  6. nilyram27

    nilyram27 Registered User

    Jul 21, 2019
    16
    One of the very few things my dad will eat now is chocolate... always had a bit of a sweet tooth but would literally eat just bars of it if he could.

    He’s been telling the same stories over and over again for probably 15 years now, but at the time we just figured he refused to have any sort of social life so no wonder as no new experiences to talk about.

    Another one was when he still drove competently, he went from being able to drive into a parking space perfectly straight off the bat to manoeuvring in and out of spaces like he was doing the Hokey Cokey!
     
  7. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    So the 2 day visit with Mum hopefully started well. Had a chap from DWP out to help fill in the Attendance Allowance form with Mum. Seemed fairly positive that we will get it this time. This is second attempt as first time Mum said she could still do everything. I still find is so ridiculous that they assess Mum for example as to whether she can hold a knife and fork but no interest as to whether she can obtain the food to use her knife and fork with.
    Took Mum to see an old friend of hers who she has not seen for a while. Mum enjoyed the visit but told me she was glad to leave as her friend kept saying the same things over and over- pot kettle black sprung to mind. Today went a bit downhill as Mum needed blood tests but the nurse could not get a needle in the vein in the first arm properly and struggled on the other one. Poor Mum had big bruises and lumps on both by the time we got home. New Carer came today and Mum liked her so that was good. However over the cup of tea before I was leaving she said she was fed up of everyone treating her like an idiot. Not sure if it was aimed at me as I had done her paperwork/bills etc in the morning. If I try and involve her then she gets frustrated as she cannot understand them anymore so I guess I do take over to get them out the way. All hurt a bit as last week she said I was doing things behind her back.
    Just to round it off nicely I rang to tell her I was home. She put the phone in the holder and I am trying to shout to her down the still open phone line but she has gone back to her t.v. I had to cut the call from my side but 4 hrs later her line is still engaged. I thought BT used to send a noise down the line if a phone had not been hung up. Mind you that might be even more confusing for Mum. I guess others on here have had the same problem. Will have to contact the trusted neighbour tomorrow if not resolved. Night all
     
  8. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Trusted neighbour came to the rescue and sorted out Mum’s phone as in push the red end call button.
    When I spoke to Mum later it was of course my fault as I had not shown her how to use the phone:rolleyes:
     
  9. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,485
    East Sussex
    Isn’t it always :( My response was “I’ll show you when I’m there next” :rolleyes:
     
  10. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    The good the bad and the ugly.
    Good - blood tests all good
    Bad - records show Mum is still on Aspirin although it was stopped in June when she was prescribed other blood thinning tablets. Would have been surprised if I had not read other people’s comments on here.
    Ugly - she did mention the size of another patients stomach, fortunately he did not hear although others in the waiting room did. So glad I had read on TP this happening to others.
    So great to hear of others experiences so these situations are not totally unexpected.
    Good - we had a nice lunch out and Mum brought some new Pj’s
    Ugly - mum is aware that she had delusions and is usually not too worried about them but this afternoon she told me that she was scared the other night when there were 3 men sitting round the kitchen table when she got up in the middle of the night. She knows it is not real now but totally believed it at the time
    Bad - not sure if the self awareness of her condition is bad or good.
     
  11. Trekker

    Trekker Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    157
    Female
    London
    My mum also gets hallucinations and delusions. What you’re describing sounds like hallucinations, ie seeing hearing or smelling things that are not there, whereas a delusion is a fixed false belief, eg ‘my husband wants to divorce me (when he doesn’t). Of course hallucinations can lead to delusions, eg I see men in the garden (hallucination) leading to ‘my family have sent men to kill me’ (delusion). It is good that she knows her hallucinations are not real, although that wont’t, as you've discovered, necessarily stop them being frightening. The bigger problem comes when she stops realizing they are not real or they become so frightening she is in terror. The good thing about hallucinations is that there is medication - antipsychotics eg risperidome- that can stop them. I recommend asking for a referral to the mental health team for older people to see if they can help. It can take a long time to get seen so good to start as soon as a problem becomes apparent. Good luck!
     
  12. Catastrophe

    Catastrophe Registered User

    Feb 15, 2019
    27
    I was just commenting on this yesterday. It's impossible to walk beside Dad. If I slow down to let him catch up he goes even slower. If I stop he stops, he is always behind me. Interesting it's one of the signs to watch out for.
    As for the sweet tooth Dad is up to six sugars in coffee if left alone and would be more if he got the chance. But then I can eat quite a number of cream eggs myself especially when stressed!!!
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Hi. Yes I did mean hallucinations not delusions. You are quite right. Thank you for the suggestion about getting a referral and starting the process early. As you say once she does not realise they are not real it is in fact worse. I suppose I was thinking that if she she did not have the self realisation Mum would forget about them, however I am just starting to remember that it is the feelings that remain not the event
     
  14. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    But then I can eat quite a number of cream eggs myself especially when stressed!!![/QUOTE]

    I know what you mean and when they brought out the Twisted chocolate bar with the same filling that did not help:)

    Strange after I started this thread mum in fact has not put sugar in her coffee or tea again
     
  15. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    501
    When she was at home mum had very strong delusions about the neighbours stealing things that no amount of logical reasoning could shift. She also had hallucinations about my dad sitting at the end of the sofa or someone sharing her bed, that she knew, that although vivid, weren't real.
    Now she is in a home she still seems to have them. The latest one was my dad recommending hand cream to her, which sounds very unlike dad, but again she they don't bother her and she knows that they aren't really happening. She hasn't mentioned the neighbours recently, at one time it got so bad she thought they were following her everywhere, and though she thinks things have been stolen she isn't blaming them, yet!
    Mum always had a sweet tooth, and though she doesn't put sugar in her drinks and in fact told me off for doing it the other day when I hadn't, is only really happy eating sweet stuff. I took her to an Italian café near the care home for lunch yesterday. She didn't like the 'white stuff' ((mozzarella) in her main course, but lapped up the apple pie and ice cream with gusto.
     
  16. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    @Sarasa
    Yes Mum ate her fish and chips when we were out but was more impressed with the chocolate brownie and ice cream
     
  17. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    We went off to the monthly Alzheimer’s cafe today for a singing/music session. Getting to know some other people there which is good although Mum struggles. Anyway she was quite happy singing along until they did ‘bring me sunshine’ and she got upset as the song reminded her of Dad and she said she felt so lonely for Dad when there were so many other couples in the room. ( there are only 4 of us with parents). Cooked her fish and chips for lunch which is one of her favourites but she just went back to bed this afternoon whilst I went to do her shopping as she did not feel like it. Got a small smile just before I left to come home
     
  18. MrsV

    MrsV Registered User

    Apr 16, 2018
    97
    Hi Helly 68,

    Oh yes my Mum says that a lot, every time we are out, around the shops, she thinks nothing of shouting loudly 'Ewwwww look at her', and she's turned racist as well, it very embarrassing. People look at you and I have to say I'm sorry she's got dementia, she doesn't know what she's saying. But it falls on deaf ears to most people who've never dealt with dementia, they just think horrible rude old woman. Were still being asked on a daily basis how many sugars 4 or 5. None please mum.
     
  19. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    Yes I get that too and I gave up sugar 30 yrs ago
     
  20. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    294
    Bedford
    So this weeks visit has started well. I cooked Mum a cooked breakfast for lunch which she loves and then we headed off to the shops to buy 2 more pairs of pyjamas the same style as the set she brought last week but different colours as it appears they were a success. I am becoming concerned as it appears that Mum is struggling to use both the kettle and the t.v. I worry that without being able to use the kettle she will not drink enough. I worry that if she cannot use the t.v. Then she will be sitting for long periods of time in silence for the 5 days I am not around except for when the carers go in (but that is only 2 days a week for ‘cleaning’) Any ideas?
     

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