So exhausted from the form filling and everything else!

[nic001]

I’m so tired of all the things that need to be dealt with coming my way. I’m an only child so everything to do with mum comes to me. We’ve had the recent PENSION credit overpayments (their fault, I told them she went in the care home) and I need to ring her Dr, he’s asked I call him about a DNAR ….. don’t know why he can’t just ring me…. I’m done! I want to say to all the different people I’ve had enough and don’t want to deal with it all anymore.
I think it’s weighing me down so much because we had the move into the care home, last summer, after five years of mum deteriorating with her dementia, then the house clearance (rented) and sorting of finances, settling into care home ….. I’m worn out and now even the slightest demand on me and I just don’t want to deal with it.
I love my Mum but I feel, at times there’s so much to manage with her, and in life generally.

 

[Jessbow]

I feel for you

My sis in law opted to have her ( non dementia) mother home
Elderly, frail & End of life

''Do you really know what it will be like?'' She hadn't a clue

its exhausting, as WE are now finding out AGAIN- i looked after my own ( now late) mother.

 

[StressedDaughter]

I am a fellow only child (although POA for childless Uncle too).
The burden and complexity/inconsistency of paperwork can be exhausting and lots of hassle on top of everything else. The house clearance and subsequent sales of 2 properties (Mum and Uncle) have taken it out of me.
My advice: try and prioritise what is actually urgent and let everything else wait. Do a little bit at a time and the task seems less monumental.
You are not alone.

 

[Angel55]

I’m so tired of all the things that need to be dealt with coming my way. I’m an only child so everything to do with mum comes to me. We’ve had the recent PENSION credit overpayments (their fault, I told them she went in the care home) and I need to ring her Dr, he’s asked I call him about a DNAR ….. don’t know why he can’t just ring me…. I’m done! I want to say to all the different people I’ve had enough and don’t want to deal with it all anymore.
I think it’s weighing me down so much because we had the move into the care home, last summer, after five years of mum deteriorating with her dementia, then the house clearance (rented) and sorting of finances, settling into care home ….. I’m worn out and now even the slightest demand on me and I just don’t want to deal with it.
I love my Mum but I feel, at times there’s so much to manage with her, and in life generally.

💗 Hello

I am one of three but it is still hard. One sibling lives away and between the two of us (daughters) we are worn out to be fair.

The house is due to complete next week and that responsibility of keeping two houses will be gone albeit we still have the financial side to manage. You get too tired to think sometimes.

I had almost forgotten that I am too tired until I find myself tearful and irrational. We love our Dad too but I know how you feel, I wish I had some words of wisdom but other than you are not alone and take some time for yourself I wish could say something more helpful x

 

[SAP]

Absolutely 100% understand where you are coming from. Things have settled down for me now but for 2 years it was relentless and I just got completely burnt out with the weight of the responsibility for all the legal and financial stuff. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

 

[nic001]

Thank you to everyone who has replied, it means a lot to know I’m not alone 🥰

 

[McSuffolk]

You’re definitely not alone @nic001
My motto was one day /one thing at a time. Luckily I appear to be enjoying a lull atm. The build up and all that is entailed with the move into care and disposal of assets etc is a massive task especially without siblings to share it with.
We all hear you !

 

[jennifer1967]

you arent alone, i swear people think ive nothing better to do than deal with the doctors and all they want me to do. i think theyve forgotten that a day is 24hrs and forget the needs of carers

 

[jugglingmum]

I'm not an only child, but sibling didn't do much.

When mum had her dementia crisis I arranged for somewhere suitable to live, and supported her from appointments to food shopping.

I also needed to sort out her very complex finances, brother agreed to clear house - this was 200 miles from me - and he didn't so I did. I was working with 2 young children, and this burnt me out to an extent, 10 years later I still haven't recovered.

 

[nic001]

I'm not an only child, but sibling didn't do much.

When mum had her dementia crisis I arranged for somewhere suitable to live, and supported her from appointments to food shopping.

I also needed to sort out her very complex finances, brother agreed to clear house - this was 200 miles from me - and he didn't so I did. I was working with 2 young children, and this burnt me out to an extent, 10 years later I still haven't recovered.

This is my thought sometimes, will I ever recover from all this. I should be able to manage a few bits here and there but I think it’ll take time to feel calm again after the chaos of the last five years x

 

[Alisongs]

I’m so tired of all the things that need to be dealt with coming my way. I’m an only child so everything to do with mum comes to me. We’ve had the recent PENSION credit overpayments (their fault, I told them she went in the care home) and I need to ring her Dr, he’s asked I call him about a DNAR ….. don’t know why he can’t just ring me…. I’m done! I want to say to all the different people I’ve had enough and don’t want to deal with it all anymore.
I think it’s weighing me down so much because we had the move into the care home, last summer, after five years of mum deteriorating with her dementia, then the house clearance (rented) and sorting of finances, settling into care home ….. I’m worn out and now even the slightest demand on me and I just don’t want to deal with it.
I love my Mum but I feel, at times there’s so much to manage with her, and in life generally.

What bugs me is while dealing with running the household, caring for my 67 year old husband with Type 1 diabetes, uncontrollable Parkinsons and rapidly deteriorating moderately severe dementia, I now have far less time to deal with all the bodies that ignored us for up to 5 years until he went into hospital and deemed no medical capacity. I drop everything for meetings, appointments and unexpected calls that always last an hour, and can spend six hours a day on the phone..... Callers even ignore me saying my husband's got a low blood sugar, I have to go and deal with it, or I have to go out, catch a bus, go to the dentist.... It seems that they've got you on a one hour slot and they have to bend your ear for that long. If you have a query towards the end of that hour, they just drop you. And none hears of texting even when they have a mobile. If I have to leave a voicemail I will be saying, please be aware anonymous calls may not be answered, and, please text me as unexpected calls may not be answered. And I don't have voicemail or call waiting. I'm not even retired just redundant and unable to seek a paying job, no time to claim attendance or carers allowance, everyone promises they'll get someone to help with that, but nothing happens. I'd be better of dead, I could rest

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

What bugs me is while dealing with running the household, caring for my 67 year old husband with Type 1 diabetes, uncontrollable Parkinsons and rapidly deteriorating moderately severe dementia, I now have far less time to deal with all the bodies that ignored us for up to 5 years until he went into hospital and deemed no medical capacity. I drop everything for meetings, appointments and unexpected calls that always last an hour, and can spend six hours a day on the phone..... Callers even ignore me saying my husband's got a low blood sugar, I have to go and deal with it, or I have to go out, catch a bus, go to the dentist.... It seems that they've got you on a one hour slot and they have to bend your ear for that long. If you have a query towards the end of that hour, they just drop you. And none hears of texting even when they have a mobile. If I have to leave a voicemail I will be saying, please be aware anonymous calls may not be answered, and, please text me as unexpected calls may not be answered. And I don't have voicemail or call waiting. I'm not even retired just redundant and unable to seek a paying job, no time to claim attendance or carers allowance, everyone promises they'll get someone to help with that, but nothing happens. I'd be better of dead, I could rest

Carer's allowance also covers your NI contributions so it's important that you claim.

 

[Alisongs]

Carer's allowance also covers your NI contributions so it's important that you claim.

Not worth it as it stops at 66, haven't got the time or the energy for yet another thing to do

 

[JHA]

Sadly it is a lonely and overwhelming world at times. Like you I am an only child and I'm currently trying to sell my moms property to fund the care home. I am supposed to be getting some help from a relative but it all seems to fall into my lap - this morning the gas was being checked and last week it was two days whilst the electrics were sorted. I basically take each day as it comes - I have a todo list which just increases and rarely gets smaller.

On top of this I am attempting to sort my own family and keep an eye on the care my mom is receiving and make sure she has everything she needs. I popped into see her after the electrician and came out feeling quite emotional.

If I ever lost my phone I would be stuffed as my list is a text message - maybe not such a bad idea I could then be in blissful ignorance for a short while whilst I stress about what I should be doing.

 

[ValP]

What bugs me is while dealing with running the household, caring for my 67 year old husband with Type 1 diabetes, uncontrollable Parkinsons and rapidly deteriorating moderately severe dementia, I now have far less time to deal with all the bodies that ignored us for up to 5 years until he went into hospital and deemed no medical capacity. I drop everything for meetings, appointments and unexpected calls that always last an hour, and can spend six hours a day on the phone..... Callers even ignore me saying my husband's got a low blood sugar, I have to go and deal with it, or I have to go out, catch a bus, go to the dentist.... It seems that they've got you on a one hour slot and they have to bend your ear for that long. If you have a query towards the end of that hour, they just drop you. And none hears of texting even when they have a mobile. If I have to leave a voicemail I will be saying, please be aware anonymous calls may not be answered, and, please text me as unexpected calls may not be answered. And I don't have voicemail or call waiting. I'm not even retired just redundant and unable to seek a paying job, no time to claim attendance or carers allowance, everyone promises they'll get someone to help with that, but nothing happens. I'd be better of dead, I could rest

I would get in touch with Age Concern - a lovely lady came out to me & filled in both lots of forms for the ‘POA’ & even did my Blue Badge’ application ( which I’d of never got round to doing). Just a thought. 🤗

 

[sdmhred]

It’s so tough isn’t it @nic001 ….I sometimes want to shout at them ‘ this isn’t even MY stuff! ’

I try to put boundaries….i set up a different email so it doesn’t come into my box, I try to sometimes not reply and have realised the vast majority of thIngs can wait for tomorrow at least.

Nobody who hasn’t been there gets it - we do - your definitely not alone…scream on here when u need to…I have I’m afraid to say screamed down the phone at them on the odd occasion…

 

[Alisongs]

I would get in touch with Age Concern - a lovely lady came out to me & filled in both lots of forms for the ‘POA’ & even did my Blue Badge’ application ( which I’d of never got round to doing). Just a thought. 🤗

Lots of bodies have done referrals to Age UK, when my husbands ongoing care plan and needs are in place and working, and not being changed day to day, I might get time to contact Age UK myself! And I cut off two unknown callers at 4pm today. My phone my time. Thanks for the advice

 

[Alisongs]

It’s so tough isn’t it @nic001 ….I sometimes want to shout at them ‘ this isn’t even MY stuff! ’

I try to put boundaries….i set up a different email so it doesn’t come into my box, I try to sometimes not reply and have realised the vast majority of thIngs can wait for tomorrow at least.

Nobody who hasn’t been there gets it - we do - your definitely not alone…scream on here when u need to…I have I’m afraid to say screamed down the phone at them on the odd occasion…

Noone listens or does anything if you play nice!

 

[Dunroamin]

Noone listens or does anything if you play nice!

They tend not to listen too well either if you are angry.

 

[Alisongs]

They tend not to listen too well either if you are angry.

Loud, firm, correct works extremely well.