Why am I so impatient

[RM3]

I feel what you are going through so deeply. I get very impatient with my husband at times and then I feel horrible about myself.
He has vascular dementia and was diagnosed two years ago.
We still have many good days, but we also have some very difficult days. I can get very resentful, tired, and angry. I don't like that about myself. But we're human - just doing the best we can in very difficult situations that we never asked for.
You sound like a wonderful person to me. Don't be hard on yourself. Your hibby is lucky to have you take care of him.

Thank you @Duggie - that was a kind comment and meant a lot.
I feel less frustrated now that this is on my radar. Prior to this, in the weeks/months running up to thinking this could be a possibility, I felt so much anger and upset, at the lack of compassion and empathy.
Things make more sense now and I can be more forgiving about things and make allowances. Though I know from this forum that this is by far probably the best it will be.
We are only human though as you say and I think that it is important that we don’t feel like we have to sound like angels all the time and can at least come here and be open about the toll that it takes on us.
I’m glad that you say you have some good days as well - it must help keep the bond there.
As with your words, don’t feel bad about yourself for having natural responses to the most difficult of times.
Thank you, take care x

 

[maggie6445]

Yes, I feel like you too. Last week wasn't the best, next will be better! I'm getting my positive head back on 🤣 we too have good and bad days . But I'm not going to let the bad spoil the good

Oh .. if you're in the u.k why ,like me, are you awake at this ungodly hour? 🤣X

 

[Bevhar]

Yes, I feel like you too. Last week wasn't the best, next will be better! I'm getting my positive head back on 🤣 we too have good and bad days . But I'm not going to let the bad spoil the good

Oh .. if you're in the u.k why ,like me, are you awake at this ungodly hour? 🤣X

Yes in the uk Couldn't sleep x

 

[scotlass]

I was never in the habit of swearing, but the last couple of years , I've learnt how to very quickly
the F word is used quite often now.....usually accompanied by tears...my o h has always had a good nature , and I know it's the Alzhemers ,but I get so fed up having to do everything that he used to do, and at the moment , he's not too bad.. he's just come upstairs with a handful of grapes for me ...and he washed them first, well he said he did when I asked

 

[Bevhar]

I was never in the habit of swearing, but the last couple of years , I've learnt how to very quickly
the F word is used quite often now.....usually accompanied by tears...my o h has always had a good nature , and I know it's the Alzhemers ,but I get so fed up having to do everything that he used to do, and at the moment , he's not too bad.. he's just come upstairs with a handful of grapes for me ...and he washed them first, well he said he did when I asked

I think we get so tired doing the things our
other halves would normally do I couldn’t sleep last night last time I looked at the clock it was 5 am Hoping I get a better nights sleep tonight My mind works overtime at night x

 

[Alisongs]

I think we get so tired doing the things our
other halves would normally do I couldn’t sleep last night last time I looked at the clock it was 5 am Hoping I get a better nights sleep tonight My mind works overtime at night x

I get very resentful and worked up at night. It's the only time I can spare! Still waiting for social services to give info and arrange ongoing care. Husband in week 3 of 6 weeks post hospital support and no assessments no visits no costings just vague ideas there is a video monitoring system service that will ring OH 6x daily to remind and watch him take meds. At least community nurses in place twice daily for insulin jabs. OH has no capacity for medical decisions for 3 chronic conditions (diabetes 1, Parkinsons and dementia) yet tablets are usually social care and chargeable. Most care firms charge minimum half hour for five minutes to watch him take a tablet. 6x day...... Grrrrrrr. Rant over

 

[Bevhar]

I get very resentful and worked up at night. It's the only time I can spare! Still waiting for social services to give info and arrange ongoing care. Husband in week 3 of 6 weeks post hospital support and no assessments no visits no costings just vague ideas there is a video monitoring system service that will ring OH 6x daily to remind and watch him take meds. At least community nurses in place twice daily for insulin jabs. OH has no capacity for medical decisions for 3 chronic conditions (diabetes 1, Parkinsons and dementia) yet tablets are usually social care and chargeable. Most care firms charge minimum half hour for five minutes to watch him take a tablet. 6x day...... Grrrrrrr. Rant over

That’s so tough 3 conditions to deal with I’m a diabetic & have recently received the libra system I also have arthritis I feel an old crock at times It’s weird with my other conditions high blood pressure & high cholesterol I would have been a candidate for dementia I feel it would have been better for me to have dementia as my husband would of been a lot more patient than me I hate myself getting impatient but I’m just so tired at the moment This forum is such a lifeline Hope they sort things for you soon x

 

[Alisongs]

That’s so tough 3 conditions to deal with I’m a diabetic & have recently received the libra system I also have arthritis I feel an old crock at times It’s weird with my other conditions high blood pressure & high cholesterol I would have been a candidate for dementia I feel it would have been better for me to have dementia as my husband would of been a lot more patient than me I hate myself getting impatient but I’m just so tired at the moment This forum is such a lifeline Hope they sort things for you soon x

🔜

 

[Seabream]

My husband has always been muddled & forgetful so I didn’t really see this coming Iast August he was diagnosed with MCI he has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s A couple of weeks ago my husband fainted & knocked himself out I was frantic the paramedics came within 5 mins which was amazing Since then my husband seems more confused He didn’t have a stroke but they are going to do tests on his heart as a day patient When this happened all I wanted was my wonderful husband & made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t get impatient again with him if he was ok & however muddled & forgetful he was he was with me and that was all that mattered But the last couple of days I haven’t been very nice to him I feel terrible about it as I know it’s not his fault & if the situation was reserved he would be amazing with me I am so depressed at the moment I’ve not long had a knee replacement & need my other knee & 1 hip replaced I struggle as I was always active but now I find little job’s difficult At the moment I can’t see any light & would like to go to bed tonight & not wake up But I know that’s so selfish How do I remain positive & patient Sorry I’m rambling

I will leave the advice to the many lovely people who are in this forum, but I just wanted to send you my very best wishes and my hope that you find the strength to cope with this sad situation.

 

[Touchstone]

My husband does the same thing with our dog. Even though I ask him not to, he still does.
Do you ever feel like you have to do EVERYTHING now? I feel that way. And nowadays it just overwhelms me.
So thankful for this forum where I can unload these feelings I have without any judgement.
Hang in there. You are doing a good job in a tough situation

You are so right, I feel overwhelmed too and am finding myself having to do everything!

 

[ShaenaK]

I feel exactly the same. I think you are describing my husband LOL. I have recently started going into the bathroom, I stand behind the door muttering the f word over and over again and doing a two fingers dance. I would never normally swear at all but this does help me a tiny bit LOL

You made me smile because I can so relate to this . I think I’m in denial about my husband being incapable of remembering which door is the cupboard and which is the downstairs bathroom! It is so frustrating when a very intelligent once practical man becomes incapable of the simplest of tasks and sometimes the only outlet is the one you describe!

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to the forum @ShaenaK

I hope it helps to read from other carers you can identify with and be able to share your own experiences and receive support.

 

[BeeBeeDee]

You made me smile because I can so relate to this . I think I’m in denial about my husband being incapable of remembering which door is the cupboard and which is the downstairs bathroom! It is so frustrating when a very intelligent once practical man becomes incapable of the simplest of tasks and sometimes the only outlet is the one you describe!

After being snapped at for me trying to help him put something away. I have decided I am going to try and leave him to his own devices and not tell him what/how to do things. It won't stop the ridiculous questions he asks all day long though. I am like you and feel I am probably in denial.