Congrats to your daughter JM. Both my girls got into Cambridge .My eldest got an offer from a different college ,went and didn't look back. My youngest got into her first choice and that suited her. Would strongly urge her to take up the place. Sad to say it ,it does give them an advantage In the job market . Best wishes
Thanks for your comments, they are helpful. The different college isn't an issue for her. She had said she wouldn't go with a 'hill' college but she has got one that is central. If it was our son, we would be encouraging him, as we can see he would be happy with the level of study. For dau it is different, 4 years ago before she got ill we didn't expect her to go to university, but to try and follow a cycling career and then uni later. Whilst she has been ill for a long time, we can see that things are progressing and she loves her cycling and wants to continue with it. And this is our concern, when well she would train for 12 to 15 hours a week, and with a course that is 5.5 days a week this is unlikely to happen. Also many races will require her to leave Cambridge on Friday night and this would mean she would miss Saturday labs. So if she does choose Cambridge she would be putting her cycling on hold for 3 years. She doesn't know how good she could be but if she got fit enough, at other unis fitting in weekend trips to Belgium to race is a possibility and at Cambridge it isn't. She has always found too much study time frustrating as she likes to fit in lots of other things, eg this week there is no training and so she has been baking and playing guitar, and she always wants/needs to do lots of things, and it is this 'need' to fit in other things, and the frustration/boredom that comes when she can't that concerns us.
So visit to MIL on 27th Dec:
OH had a call from his sister just before we went to suggest a live in carer should be thought about, and wanting him to look at how this could be done in a way she thought was appropriate ie an ensuite and other types of modifications.
When OH spoke to MIL the day before to confirm times she said she had a blood test she had forgotten about, mid morning, not a problem we would make sure we got there before she left (we left at 7 - and did journey in under 3 hours) at 10.30.
Arrangements to visit were only made on 23 Dec, so not surprising this got missed, but adding to other things maybe not - OH hadn't got round to phoning MIL and she phoned, OH was out, so I could make arrangements
- day I had been suggesting for a few weeks
You may recall both myself and dau have been concerned about MIL on recent visits, but OH always dismisses us with it is normal old age related memory loss and nothing is wrong. He has always had a very poor understanding of my mum's issues and a friend who over a dozen of us think has dementia he again says normal age related memory loss so I was going looking for issues, which OH is aware of and dismissive of.
MIL produced an xmas present for dau hastily wrapping it in some discarded tissue paper in the other corner of the room we were in and a half round of stilton for us, again hastily wrapped in foil in the kitchen in sight of us. Whilst MIL has always been a bit minimalist (polite way of saying miserly as far as OH is concerned) with presents they have always been wrapped when we arrived, so wrapping them whilst we were in the room seemed odd, especially as MIL was a bit odd in the way she did it, and to me was ringing alarm bells.
OH took MIL for her blood test whilst we walked our dog (we got lost
, took ages and I was panicking as at 20kg dog is a bit heavy to carry far - was really worrying at one stage we would have to carry her as her dodgy back leg didn't weight bare properly a couple of times - but all was well thanks to google maps in the end
). OH declared that MIL has seemed fine to him on the journey so there was no problem to worry about anything at the moment and he didn't know why his sister was talking about live in carers. When he said this I was thinking hostess mode and OH was behaving like an invisible. I suggested he phone MIL's friend and ask her how things were as she sees more of MIL than we do in the brief snapshot of our visit.
Then as it was time for lunch, a meal MIL has always prepared promptly but she didn't suggest preparing until 1ish, she said she had an issue as she had 3 portions of different things but not 4 portions, so we'd have to have 2 different main courses. However as she had plenty of pudding it would all be fine. On the phone she had asked me to bring a pudding as she didn't have anything but said she had plenty of main course food. She had no recollection of asking me to bring pudding. It was very odd but again OH thinks this is just normal old age behaviour and nothing to worry about.
The visit passed in it's normal slow dreary fashion, after lunch kids went for a run and I walked the dog again so OH could chat with his mum.
We both had a nosey round the bungalow to see how a live in carer would work, OH is adamant that a live in carer would need an en suite as MIL would not want to share bathroom facilities to preserve her dignity and privacy, there was no point in telling him by the time she needs live in care this is the least of your worries. Sensibly OH thinks that trying to get her to have someone in during the day when it is needed and increase the time they are there would make more sense and then go for a care home. He said he hasn't a clue how an ensuite would be fitted, given he would not be prepared to action it, SIL is in the US and MIL wouldn't understand the point. I said I thought a live in carer might expect wifi and a multi channel TV more than an ensuite, which he couldn't understand but I don't think many would want to live in a house with no TV.
When we left OH was his normal fed up self moaning about his mum's complete lack of empathy, she has never had much empathy, and we have all always found visiting her hard, hence annual visit, but she was a bit removed and vacant this time. Later at home dau commented on MIL repeating several stories several times in conversation with dau, which she said was unusual.
All in all I think there are clear early signs of dementia, but OH is having none of it, and thinks his mum is fine living like she is for now. He did phone her friend, and discovered she had suggested the possibility of live in care, but not now, in the future as MIL is adamant she wants to remain in her own home.
OH did ask MIL's friend if MIL was overly relying on friends and taking them for granted, and friend said, no, at the moment they can all manage things.
Since our visit, MIL should have had a cataract op, was meant to be 4th Jan and this was cancelled the day before by hospital so should have been last week now. MIL didn't really want this, but had been told she couldn't continue to drive
so is having it done. We weren't sure about her driving 5 years ago, but her friend says it is ok for now.
Not my issue per se, and not sure OH wants to get too involved, due to awful childhood and his mother's lifetime of remoteness in OH's adult life. I'm dreading a crisis and OH having to deal with it as it will make him miserable and moody and resentful. His sister would want to help, but not easy to get to Scotland from the US, and his brother has nothing to do with his mum due to childhood etc issues. With my experience of mum's dementia and hindsight of the odd things she did in the few years beforehand massive alarm bells were ringing but no point in discussing with OH.