Morning everyone
Amy, welcome back - I am so, so thrilled to read that you had a wonderful time and that your OH (and you too, I hope ) managed to relax and enjoy it so much. Yes please, to hearing more - and I wouldn't mind a photo or two either xxx
Had to laugh at the 'dust is only there to preserve the furniture' , 2Jays
You would think that my house is some sort of shining palace, but honestly, it's anything but! To me, I just like to keep on top of it - and with two hairy mutt's, a teen who's idea of tidying up is to pile everything in one big heap (at best), and all of us busy with work ect, and with hobbies and interests that mean that there is plenty of clutter, it can take some 'keeping on top of'
My Mum was never, ever houseproud (and that's an understatement - she not only didn't care about tidy, she didn't care about clean either!) and I remember being so uncomfortable about inviting anyone home when I was in my teens because of this. So, I guess that's made my home being clean and I would say, comfy, something that matters to me - I don't
think I'm over the top, but then again I guess it might seem different to anyone looking in, lol.
I'm looking forward to the day when I can find some of the random stuff Mil says funny, 2Jays - after yesterdays visit, though, I think that day is a long way off yet - so thank you for the squishy hug xxxx And I'm glad its getting to that stage for you now, Hun xxx
Slugsta, it must be so hard seeing your Mum so unresponsive and not knowing if she is in pain or not. I'm glad the staff are taking no chances and giving the pain relief and I want to send you some squishy hugs, too xxx Sending more {{{{{hugs}}}}} for you and Sky-cat too - whatever this awful condition is, I hope she remains happy and comfy for as long as is possible xxxxx
Spamar, I hope that the side effects of the meds settle really quickly for you, and that they help {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}. It's sad to look back and see the difference that the years and painful conditions can make. The last time we went to Rhodes, my two girls and I had a wonderful day in Butterfly Valley - which is located up the side of a large hill/small mountain - very steep. Youngest was saying she would like to do that again - but we both know that there is no way I could manage that now, not with the stupid hip, back, ankles, ect
The Carnival prom sounds good though - hope you have a fab time
Canary and Red - thanks for the holiday wishes - I certainly intend to have as good a time as I possibly can - just over 24 hours till we go
JM - don't know if you are back yet, but I hope you have had a lovely holiday xxx
So - first things first. Son arrived on Sunday, (along with his GF and my 'Garnd dog' Patch), early evening after having to work during the day. His bruises and scratches are nearly gone, and the bite marks on his head are largely healed. I am still steaming over the reaction of his boss, though - hardest part of your kids growing up is knowing that you can't go charging in and fight their battles, I would so love to give his boss a very large piece of my mind
Patch and my oldest Mutt got on very well - Patch is extremely laid back, with a permanently wagging tail, not at all boisterous, which suited Old Busta - but Seamus, dramatic little neurotic dog that he is, was thrown into quite a tizz. His tail wagged too, but he also was his usual vocal self - not barking, just the strange gutteral groans and moans he makes (sounds like he is possessed!) constantly, and a lot of hiding behind our legs or on our knee's, with occasional forays to sniff at Patch, before legging it back to safety
Patch didn't react at all to the silly noises and Seamus was getting more relaxed as time went on, thankfully. A shame they could only stay one night - but that's better than nothing, so not complaining
I spent Saturday packing the cases and fitted in a last minute foray to the shops for a couple of odds and ends. I've probably gone over-board on the sun creams and insect repellent, but better safe than sorry! Sunday morning, I stocked up the food supply for oldest, who arrives tonight and who is staying here to look after Busta and Seamus (she'll be joined by her BF at the weekend). Sunday evening,as I said, son arrived, and we had a takeaway to celebrate his birthday, along with a lucious cake, made by his GF. Our gifts to him consisted of mainly cash (he is off to the Isle of Man for a lads weekend with some uni mates in 2 weeks time, so the money was to cover the cost and give some spending money for then
) and a bar-b-q for their garden - oh, and two large sirloins to go on it, lol!
Yesterday morning we went to see Mil. OH, youngest, son and his GF, and myself. Not a good visit. It seems like she is back in the negative frame of mind, where I am concerned.
When we walked in, she was in an arm chair in the corner of the lounge. OH and son walked towards her - and instant tears, a lot of emotion, a lot of how glad she was to see them, and how she couldn't believe that they had come to see her. They hugged and she seemed so please to see both that I actually thought the visit would go well. OH suggested that she move to a table where we could all sit together - he and son had to almost carry her to the seat, she insisted she couldn't walk, not by herself. (At the moment, she is mainly walking with a short of jerky shuffle, pretty stable and she can be surprisingly fast - but there are increasing occasions where she is unable to get out of chairs, sometimes she insists she can't walk without clinging on to someone for support, and the staff tell me she is always worse whe we visit).
Got her settled at a table, with her sat between OH and son - she grabbed son and did the 'woodpecker kisses' all over his face, which son clearly found just a bit uncomfortable, and gripped she OH's hand tightly throughout the visit. However, she repeatedly called son by her nephews name, and I think she used OH's name just once, so I honestly don't know if she had the first clue about who they really were. Son's GF and youngest were greeted warmly - but when she looked at me, the smile died and I got a very stiff and formal
"I'm pleased to see you too", in a tone that clearly showed she was anything but pleased!.
And that's how the visit continued - she spoke warmly to the rest, but if any of them said anything that disagreed with or gave an answer that didn't fit in with whatever confabulation she was spouting, she would very pointedly turn her head and quite literally glare at me
At one point I half laughed and said to her 'I didn't say anything, Mil - no point frowning at me!' and I got a 'huh' and an eye-roll in response. So I kept very quiet, but even so, the glares and the dirty looks kept coming - it was very obvious to all that she was off with me, and it did make us all feel very uncomfortable. I can't put into words just how clearly horrible she was with me - it was so pointed and nasty. I had reached the stage where I was about to quietly ask OH for the car keys so I could go and wait outside, when OH announced that we had to be going - we had been there maybe 45 minutes.
And time to put my honest hat on and say that her whole attitude towards me really, really hacked me off and upset me. It took me right back to the resentment and misery I used to feel when she lived here and I got the blame for anything and everything, real and confabulated, that annoyed her. And yep, of course I know its not her, its the dementia, but do you know what? I didn't care - it upset me anyway. I honestly thought I was passed those feelings, but yesterday brought them back in a flash. I left there thinking
'You ungrateful ***, I visit all the time, if you need anything I sort it out straight away, I make sure that you are OK, I'm always nice to you . . . "
It was really hard, once we had left, to push those feelings aside and not snap at everyone else. OH commented about how she had been with me, and part of me was glad he had picked up on it and that I wasn't over-reacting to how she was. But part of me wanted to bite his head off when he told me firmly that I 'shouldn't let it get to me'. I had to really clamped my mouth tightly closed, because I so wanted to say that when he visits as often as I do, when he does as much as I do for her and she treats him the same way, then (and only then) would he have the right to tell me what I should and shouldn't 'let get to me'.
I should feel bad for feeling like this about her, because although I'm no longer angry, I am still fed up, I guess, and I am so glad that I don't have to see her for the next two weeks - but I don't. And at the moment, I am seriously considering cutting visiting her to a maximum of once a week, or even less - there's the feeling of why should I bother, I can keep an eye on her from a distance and save myself the misery. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that her not realising what I do, her not realising that for most of the time its only me that visits, that its me that keeps and eye on her health, tops up her money, goes out and buys her whatever she needs as soon as I know she needs it, that her not saying thank you - none of that bothers me in the slightest - but, it does bother me (more than I had expected) when she then casts me in the role of the villain and is nasty with me.
I'm actually a bit surprised that I feel like this - I really thought I had got passed her attitude toewards me having such an impact
So - shaking off the negativity - today I have a busy day planned. the house is fine, just need to give the fridge a bit of a tidy and check what (if anything) needs throwing away. My 'holiday nails' are done, this morning youngest and I are getting our 'holidy haircuts'. I need to pick up prescriptions and I intend to give the camera gear a good clean and pack the hand luggage. This afternoon, I plan to have a couple of hours chilling with the family genealogy stuff - I've now traced all mine and OH's branches of the family back to at least the mid 1800's, and have everything organised into a giant file that is almost too heavy to lift! Tonight, oldest arrives and tomorrow morning, we have to be at the airport for 10.30-ish, so we have chance for a meal before flying out at 12.30. We decided a week or so back that given OH's 6'4" height, and my achey joints, we would splurge and get the extra leg room seats for both the outwards and homewards journey, so the worry about finding the flight uncomfortable is pretty much eased. By 6pm, (our time), we should be just about arriving at our resort. The plan is to have a nice meal, then a little wander round exploring, before an early night - after that, there are no fixed plans, just relaxing - I don't have the words to tell you all how much we are all looking forward to this.
Take care of yourselves and I hope you all have a stress free time whilst I am away. Much love to all - and see you in about 12 days time
xxxxx