Morning
Redlou, very, very occasionally we can break things down in the manner you describe, and Mil will get 'it' - once or twice, when she has started on about the 'babby' she is convinced she should be looking after, I've been able to go through a sort of list of questions like whats the 'Mum's' name, where doen Mil know her from, where does she live, how does Mil contact her - invariably Mil doesn't know the answer to any of these things and on a couple of occasions even she has seen that it just isn't likely that some woman she knows nothing about would just hand over a babby for Mil to care for, and Mil herself will come to the conclusion that she is 'daydreaming'. But its very rare she can process the information like that - and it sadly doesn't seem to stop her having the same delusion as little as an hour later
As RegeddyAnne says, Grace - its just complete topsy turvey madness, trying to fathom out the contradictory reasoning. I find myself hitting a sort of wall in my brain sometimes, where I can't get passed my own reaction of how, in the face of all logic, can she possibly believe/think THAT! There is just no sense to your Mil being able to regard you as a child yet find it OK that you cook or can be left alone, anymore than there is any sense to the chinaman in RageddyAnnes house - its frustrating and I think it often leaves me wondering, especially when Mil is so convinced and so convincing, is it me who is slowly going mad?
Sorry you didn't get a definitive answer at the hospital, Spamar - and I hope it doesn't take you long to get a GP appointment so you can get the results. I love browsing in a garden centre then sitting with a coffee in the cafe, gloating over whatever I've bought, lol.
Well - a really good night with Mil, last night - when she first came home, she was wanting to discus 'handing in her notice' at the canteen where she was convinced she worked (and had gone through a similar conversation in the car with OH, only with him, she thought she worked in a hospital!) but easy enough to distract and so quiet for the rest of the night it felt really strange - nice, but strange!
However, we had one heck of a body blow yesterday, and I am still seething
For months we have been encouraged, by SW and CPN to organise weekend or week respites for Mil, so we can have a break. We've hit the stage where we think Mil
might now be able to accept this with hopefully not too much fall out, and also where its becoming a necessity if we have any particular event on - graduation for oldest, youngest having a big show to do, etc. So, last week I spoke to day care - they and their sister home, I'd been told, will offer respite - only to be told that they no longer have a respite bed
Oh, if they happen to have a vacant bed at any particular time we need it, Mil can have it - but we can't book in advance or rely on there being an empty room for a specific date we need. I was gutted, because I know and feel I can trust them with Mil, but reluctantly accepted we would have to look at somewhere else.
So yesterday, I finally spoke to Mils' CPN, who is our 'go to' first stop person for when we need to sort stuff out - and guess what? There is not one , solitary care/nursing home in the county that has a respite bed where you can book a break for a set date. The LA used to 'comission' a bed/room in various private homes, and they offered respite in the one LA run home that existed - but they have stopped the commission and are closing that last home down for good. So, with no 'commission' in place, every single home has now done away with offering a bookable room for respite care, because of course, they say they can't afford to have a room left empty on the basis that someone might book it. You can get respite in a 'crisis', at the very last minute, only - IF any of the homes happen to have a spare room, but there is no choice, no advance planning and if everywhere is full - well, tough, basically. I asked about the neighbouring county, where Mil used to live - was there anything stopping us looking there (as Mil will self fund) - nothing legally stopping us, apparently - but it won't happen because the LA there have done exactly the same as the LA here - you cannot book a block (or even one night) of respite in advance.
I felt positively sick as she told me all this and very incredulous - how can an LA anywhere simply withdraw all respite facilities like this? This means that none of the hundreds (maybe thousands) of carer's over two counties can have any sort break, unless they are at crisis (and maybe not even then) - so forget booking a holiday or travelling to a family wedding or doing absolutely anything where you simply can't take your loved one with you. And what if a solo carer has to go into hospital for an op or treatment, for example?
On a personal level, we are now stymied - there is as it stands, absolutely not a chance in hell that we can have a regular, overnight break - let alone the odd week of respite. We can pay for a carer to come into our home - at around £13 to £17 an HOUR - but of course, that means we have to go stay somewhere else, forget having a break in our own home - never mind that it also increases the cost massively from the average £70 that a 24 hour stay in a home costs.
And I'm furious that I knew nothing about this - I don't know when it all changed, but as far as we were aware, up until the phone call yesterday, I had no idea that this was now the situation. So many times we have been advised to sort out respite, to have a break, told that we will need to start doing it eventually or we will 'crash', told that if we want to sustain looking after Mil in our home we have to accept that we will need these breaks, been assured that its not only good for us but for Mil too, in the long term - and now its suddenly forget it - you can't have, no one can.
I have been awake half the night wondering what the heck we are going to do in May, when Daughter has her next show - I guess we will have to try and organise a carer coming in for the 4 or 5 hours that evening whilst we are out, and just accept that this will be far harder for Mil and cause more problems. Because of course Mil will feel 'left out' if we all trot off out - we are certain to get the tears and the pleas and the lingering anger afterwards. And she'll be furious at the idea of a carer coming in, because she is perfectly capable of staying by herself (she thinks) - not to mention that the 4 or 5 hours here will cost her as much as an overnight stay would. It means relying on a complete stranger to provide care, someone who doesn't know her and someone we don't know being left in OUR home - unless of course, she or we also pays for a couple of introductory sessions in advance.
I just feel completely defeated and fed up
