Morning all
I wonder if you could hire out MIL for training Professional Carers in the finer points of Compassionate Communication. But I expect she'd be as good as gold for them!
lol - Initially all the carers at both the day care places she has gone too started off full of how wonderful she is, and how sweet, how little trouble she is and how they all love her - about 3 months in, in both places, they started to make comments like 'She's a bit of a handful, isn't she?' and 'She can be very stubborn, can't she' and 'She can have a bit of a sharp tongue, can't she?'
Here's the odd thing - if it were one of the kids playing up, we'd be able to yell, 'Get your bum in the car now!" without feeling remotely guilty or going over it again and again afterwards. But I suppose that's because a kid would come home cheerful, having forgotten all about it, whereas someone with a failing memory somehow manages to hang onto a 'martyr mood' for 24 hours.
Bizarre or what?
Very bizarre - I suppose its the being able to remember and sustain emotions, whilst forgetting the details of what made them cross or upset. What gets me is that Mil can maybe forget
why she is upset - but she often remembers
who she is upset with
You know, Sleepless, that's a mistake I often make - Mil used to be (pre-dementia) so considerate of others that I still think that if I 'appeal to her better nature' I'll get a result - instead, as you have said, it often makes her worse
Boy - that must have been difficult to cope with, Spamar - I've had issues with actually getting Mil into the car, when we have had to go somewhere that isn't specifically for her benefit, because she will annouce she can 'just stay here' - and no way can I leave her alone at home or even just at home with my youngest. On those occasions, I've always ended up having to be really firm and telling her she is 'being sefish' and even shouting to get her moving. I haven't a clue how I'd handle her refusing to get out of the car or refusing to go into the house
The 'unexpected items' found in pockets - or more likely, her handbag - well, yep that's very familiar - last time it was a selection of M&S toiletries, plus a large bag of mini chocolate cream eggs. Day care said that they think she had 'won' a small prize in a raffle they had (though no one could remember exactly what she had won), but they couldn't account for where she had got the rest of the stuff from
As Beate says - its fun emptying pockets (and bags) in the evening!
Lol Summerheather and Delphie - the other day was the first time she has gone so far as claiming someone has nicked her teeth - we have had a few occasions now when she has been cleaning hers and she has been amazed to discover that her gnashers actually come out to be scrubbed! How can someone forget that they have false teeth??? I have to put paste on the brush, too Spamar - and fixative is now kept on a high shelf in the bathroom, out of her eyeline, as she has got mixed up with that and paste before now!
Well, yesterday evening was a doozy - OH picked her up, and she came flying through the door full of some 'great news' - she's got a job! Cleaning, in the hospital, apparently. OH said she was regaling one of the cooks at day care and a carer with this information when he collected her and kept up talking about it all the way home, too. We had over an hour of it, with it gradually changing from being good news to her thinking she had made a mistake 'taking on a job like that', and she swithered between the two viewpoints, then into accusing us of 'clearly' not being pleased with her (?). We stayed very non-committal, kept saying 'Well, its your choice', and 'If your happy with it, so are we' - you could see she was working herself up into a real tizz, but it was hard to know what to say. Then that was forgotten as she suddenly demanded to know why we were 'not talking' to her - I was busy cooking tea, OH was on the pc and it seemed that one of us at least was expected to sit with her whilst she watched tv, from what she said. We apologised, explained we were busy - not good enough, according to Mil
She very clearly said that one of us 'at least' should be sat with her in case she 'feels like talking' - she could see nothing strange or unreasonable about this demand, the fact that we were both busy doing something else was not a good enough reason and we were 'very rude' not to be sitting with her 'keeping her company'
She didn't get her own way - OH had stuff to sort, I was cooking - so this then led to constant references to going home for the rest of the evening - interpersed with her looking for the 'baby food' for the babby she was looking after for the lady, or looking for the babby itself, getting quite worked up about it. Nothing we said could calm or placate her, and at 9 on the dot I simply said 'Right - time for your tablets and bed' - thank goodness she went! There was that 'manic' air about her, from when she came in from day care - fixed face, rapid speech, the saying one thing then following it up with something that was completely contradictory and again, I felt that intially at least, the 'home' business was quite a deliberate attempt to goad both me and OH - you know how a child might tell you 'I'll scream if I don't get my own way'? - it was honestly very much a case of 'I'll pester you about going home if you won't do what I want'. Which indicates that she remembers that this has been an issue before and that she also is astute enough, some of the time at least, to also remember that its a subject that can and has caused arguments - again, she knows what buttons to push. I just don't get her level of awareness on that issue, when at the same time, she is convinced that she has been given charge of a baby that doesn't exist!
This morning still quite a 'manic' air about her, fussing over the weather, over her getting wet at the bus stop, up and down loking for the 'case for work', the 'book for that nurse' and sundry other non-existant items. OH has had to take the car today - aside from the injured arm, it is rainging cats and dogs - so Day care mini bus is bringing her home, which means she will be back sortly after 3pm. Hoping she will be calmer then, as OH isn't home till around 9pm, and it could be a very long evening if she isn't in a better mood
