So bizarre !

[Ann Mac]

Mil not too bad yesterday Started off with a battle to persuade her to wash and change into clean clothes, but that is pretty much par for the course anyway - she tuts and huffs and argues that none of it is necessary because she had a wash yesterday, or she put clean knickers on yesterday - apparently insisting on clean clothes and a wash daily is me being 'over fussy'

Fairly quiet throughout the day until after tea time, when the usual delusions kicked in, accompanied by a fixation about how she was going to 'get back home' to her family - not her late husband, but her parents and brothers in Ireland. Again, the odd mix of one foot in the here and now, the other in an alternate reality. She knew who we were, knew she has been living here, seemed to know that she has to live with someone - but also thought her parents and all her brothers were still alive and all she had to do was pop over to them, they would look after her and all would be fine. So we had a lot of would we phone the railway station and book her ticket, would we sort out getting her to the airport or ferry, could she phone her Mum to let her know that she was 'coming home'. Tending to be tearful, rather than cross. We tried lwl's, saying things like we didn't know her Mums phone number so we were sorry, but we couldn't ring her - which Mil said she 'didn't believe' and then would cry saying we were being deliberately cruel

Just before bed she started fretting over yet another 'missing item' - this time a basket of clothes that she 'put over there' ready for 'that lady' to collect. I told her we would look in the morning, which didn't satisfy her, so she eventually headed up to bed telling me that she hoped I'd be able to explain myself to the 'lady' when she came looking for her clothes

Its probably the calmest Sunday we have had in ages - but I'm still glad we are back to day care today

 

[Spamar]

Morning, like you, yesterday was a draw! Nothing really good, nothing particularly bad. OH was very tired and went to bed early -15:00 ! Must go. Loads to do this am and I can't do loads these days.
Like you, glad of daycare today.
Oh, I did have a phone call to say an elderly friend had died. She had dementia, but got pneumonia and everything ended peacefully, thank goodness!
Sunny here today !

 

[sleepless]

Yes, sleepless, I did have a bed pad in, but he'd moved over from where he normally sleeps. Do you ever feel you just can't win?

Oh, yes!

 

[Spamar]

Made a new rule ( to myself) OH will always wear pull ups at night! Whatever I think, this bit is over, he's OK. He isn't. Who am I trying to kid!
He's even gone to daycare in them! ( his choice)

 

[Ann Mac]

Made a new rule ( to myself) OH will always wear pull ups at night! Whatever I think, this bit is over, he's OK. He isn't. Who am I trying to kid!
He's even gone to daycare in them! ( his choice)

Another one of those situations where you have to try and guess if its a temporary 'thing' or not - so hard to judge I think Mil is at the start of becoming incontinent - does that make sense? We have a little 'leakage' every day, urine and bowel 'big' accidents every now and again, 2 or 3 wet beds most weeks - the difficulty here is that Mil flatly denies that she has any problem at all. Even when I've found wet knickers 'drying' over the radiator (and OMG, the smell if the heating is on!) she will insist that she has washed them in the bathroom and they are therefore clean - and she seems oblivious to the smell when her wardrobe is opened and I discover that urine soaked trousers have been hung up in there to dry Wet beds are dismissed as being caused by her 'sweating' in the night, thats if she comments on the wetness at all. Its taken me ages to get her to use pads - at the moment, the best I can do is when she goes to the loo as she gets up, I quickly get out clean undies and put a pad in situ - as long as she doesn't see me doing it, she accepts this without comment - however, I've yet to find a way to get her to change during the day without her getting highly offended and indignant at the mere suggestion that she even needs pads. The continence clinic have just supplied us with bigger, more absorbant pads which go some way towards hopefully stopping her getting sore and dealing with the 'odour de urine' that used to often envelop her by evening time because I can't persuade her to change, but as she gets worse (which I presume is inevitable) I'm going to have to find a way to get her to change more frequently - just can't work out how at the moment

 

[Spamar]

OH seemed to suffer after 'changes' such as being in hospital last year. I then has a month or so of wet trousers, pjs, beds and anything else that was handy! One of the DNs that we were seeing regularly ( infected surgical site) brought me some of those nappy type pads - they promptly got shredded! Found he tolerates the pull ups OK. As far as I can remember he was ok after respite last year, but it's been intermittent after respite this year.
Mark you, he's gone downhill quite a lot in the six months. Does he know what the red pendant round his neck is for? When at respite? I think not.
So at the moment we have 2-3 bad days, then 2-3 good days. No UTI.

Nice chat with a couple of friends in the same boat today. Always helps! Spent couple of hours doing food for tomorrow, friends coming for lunch. It takes me that long cos I can't stand for long and even walking around gets me breathless. Last time these friends came OH went to bed 2 mins after they arrived and didn't get up til they had gone! I think he was trying to tell me something! But these are the last friends who come to see us both ( several I see when he's at daycare). They make the effort, neither in good health, and I cannot believe how rude he can be!

 

[RedLou]

It's threads like these that have finally got me doing pelvic floor exercises. Every cloud...

 

[Onlyme]

OH seemed to suffer after 'changes' such as being in hospital last year. I then has a month or so of wet trousers, pjs, beds and anything else that was handy! One of the DNs that we were seeing regularly ( infected surgical site) brought me some of those nappy type pads - they promptly got shredded! Found he tolerates the pull ups OK. As far as I can remember he was ok after respite last year, but it's been intermittent after respite this year.
Mark you, he's gone downhill quite a lot in the six months. Does he know what the red pendant round his neck is for? When at respite? I think not.
So at the moment we have 2-3 bad days, then 2-3 good days. No UTI.

Nice chat with a couple of friends in the same boat today. Always helps! Spent couple of hours doing food for tomorrow, friends coming for lunch. It takes me that long cos I can't stand for long and even walking around gets me breathless. Last time these friends came OH went to bed 2 mins after they arrived and didn't get up til they had gone! I think he was trying to tell me something! But these are the last friends who come to see us both ( several I see when he's at daycare). They make the effort, neither in good health, and I cannot believe how rude he can be!

They are taking your attention which he feels should be all on him.

I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

 

[Onlyme]

It's threads like these that have finally got me doing pelvic floor exercises. Every cloud...

I seem to have mislaid mine completely.

 

[Ann Mac]

It's threads like these that have finally got me doing pelvic floor exercises. Every cloud...

I seem to have mislaid mine completely.

^^^Ditto^^^



I Hope OH behaves when your guests come today, Spamar - we had visitors on Sunday, very old friends who live a long way away so we now only see them occasionally. Mil has known them as long as we have, but still chose to sit in another room when they came - the saving grace, that stopped a strop from her with them, is that they have two youngsters, aged 4 and 8 and these two were in and out to Mil, chatting away to her and it kept her occupied and in a reasonable mood!

Not a bad day yesterday - picked Mil up from daycare, no tears (hooray!) but she refused to leave for several minutes whilst she hunted for 'that big shopping bag of mine' that she was certain she had to take home with her. In the car and straight into was I taking her home now? Rotten trafic to contend with, plus alternating heavy downpours of sleet and rain, made driving difficult enough, so I'm afraid she got told very firmly to stop - and it seemed to work. By the time we got home she was obsessing over where OH was, but seemed satisfied with me telling her he was in work every time she asked. The weather continued to be atrocious so I wasn't surprised when he phoned and asked me if I could come and pick him up - a 3 mile cycle home in freezing sleet would not have been a good idea - which meant of course that I also had to get Mil into the car to come with me to get him. Somehow, on the journey she became convinced that we were picking him up because he had been bitten by a dog - I can't for the life of me work out where that one came from!

Back home and we had an abrupt descent into the 'woe is me' mode - sparked I think by OH and I sitting in the dining room and chatting, rather than at least one of us sitting in the lounge with her. At one point she came in, took a dining room chair and sat on it, with her back to us, sighing like a force 10 gale - when OH asked why she wasn't watching the programme she had put on the TV she huffed that she knew when she wasn't wanted, and stomped off Just before she headed to bed, OH asked her to use the hand gel after a visit to the loo and we got some very sarky comments about why didn't we hang a bell round her neck and make her shout 'Unclean' - but that was the extent of it last night, once up to bed she settled and in fact, I only heard her get up for the loo once in the night - and she found her own way back to her bedroom, so pretty peaceful all round

 

[Spamar]

RedLou, it comes to us all.
Onlyme, never thought of that! Will try and do something about it.
Podiatrist is coming first thing, she spoils him rotten! I don't get my nails done or a foot massage!

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Hi Ann, never had kids, one miscarriage at 16 wks was as far as I got. Current OH and I decided not to have any, he already has three, though two are adopted. Probably just as well, I think I would have made a terrible mother! However as a childless friend, partner with dementia, remarked, we didn't have children to practise on, so this regression into childhood by our partners is all new to us!

OMG, is that what the children were for?

 

[Rageddy Anne]

^^^Ditto^^^



I Hope OH behaves when your guests come today, Spamar - we had visitors on Sunday, very old friends who live a long way away so we now only see them occasionally. Mil has known them as long as we have, but still chose to sit in another room when they came - the saving grace, that stopped a strop from her with them, is that they have two youngsters, aged 4 and 8 and these two were in and out to Mil, chatting away to her and it kept her occupied and in a reasonable mood!

Not a bad day yesterday - picked Mil up from daycare, no tears (hooray!) but she refused to leave for several minutes whilst she hunted for 'that big shopping bag of mine' that she was certain she had to take home with her. In the car and straight into was I taking her home now? Rotten trafic to contend with, plus alternating heavy downpours of sleet and rain, made driving difficult enough, so I'm afraid she got told very firmly to stop - and it seemed to work. By the time we got home she was obsessing over where OH was, but seemed satisfied with me telling her he was in work every time she asked. The weather continued to be atrocious so I wasn't surprised when he phoned and asked me if I could come and pick him up - a 3 mile cycle home in freezing sleet would not have been a good idea - which meant of course that I also had to get Mil into the car to come with me to get him. Somehow, on the journey she became convinced that we were picking him up because he had been bitten by a dog - I can't for the life of me work out where that one came from!

Back home and we had an abrupt descent into the 'woe is me' mode - sparked I think by OH and I sitting in the dining room and chatting, rather than at least one of us sitting in the lounge with her. At one point she came in, took a dining room chair and sat on it, with her back to us, sighing like a force 10 gale - when OH asked why she wasn't watching the programme she had put on the TV she huffed that she knew when she wasn't wanted, and stomped off Just before she headed to bed, OH asked her to use the hand gel after a visit to the loo and we got some very sarky comments about why didn't we hang a bell round her neck and make her shout 'Unclean' - but that was the extent of it last night, once up to bed she settled and in fact, I only heard her get up for the loo once in the night - and she found her own way back to her bedroom, so pretty peaceful all round

AnnMac, you are a saint, but also a saviour for me because the way you describe your MIL makes me laugh. It's all so familiar, and I know it's not funny, but just seeing my husband's behaviour described so well ....well, it helps

 

[Ann Mac]

OMG, is that what the children were for?

That, and ruining your pelvic floor, RageddyAnne

 

[Ann Mac]

AnnMac, you are a saint, but also a saviour for me because the way you describe your MIL makes me laugh. It's all so familiar, and I know it's not funny, but just seeing my husband's behaviour described so well ....well, it helps

Anne, if we didn't laugh, we would cry, Hun - and I get a lot of help from reading others posts on here too - easier for me to find the humour when I have great day care and an OH to help out, I reckon - and easier still when (like this morning) I start the day with things like a mad 5 minute search for missing teeth - they turned up tucked into her pillow case, but by the time we found them she was convinced that 'someone' has stolen her gnashers in the night!

 

[RedLou]

But she remembers the fact that lepers had to ring a bell and shout 'Unclean'! It's so frustrating when you confront how random the remembrance and the forgetting is.

 

[Ann Mac]

But she remembers the fact that lepers had to ring a bell and shout 'Unclean'! It's so frustrating when you confront how random the remembrance and the forgetting is.

Oh yes, very frustrating! She often leaves me a bit stunned by how effectively sarcastic she can be too - incredibly sharp in some of her responses, yet doesn't know what day it is

She's just had a bit of a run in with our new puppy - usually they get on really well, she loves to sit and fuss him, but now and again his mischevious side irritates her. I was in the kitchen when I heard her shout 'Get off! Oh For gods sake, will you **** off!' - I came flying into the dining room just in time to see the pup disappear through the lounge door, trailing Mils handbag (twice the size of himself) behind him - whoops

On the bright side, that little incident seems to have put a stop to the lipstick loop this morning

 

[Caroleca]

I really enjoy reading ann Mac's posts....I always have visions of mom being a little imp...always up to causing trouble. I know it's not a laughing matter but I really do laugh out loud at many of the thinks she does....haha

I really think you could write a book and people would love it. You have a way with wording your posts that makes me actually vision what is going on in your house::

Carole

 

[Katrine]

I came flying into the dining room just in time to see the pup disappear through the lounge door, trailing Mils handbag (twice the size of himself) behind him...

Now there's a thought. Train the dog to retrieve MIL's handbag on command. Then you can check it for contraband.

 

[Ann Mac]

Wow! Thank you Caroleca! Most of the time, to be honest, I just ramble on about Mil - I've always tended to keep diaries/blogs 'cos I'm one of those people who finds writing stuff down helps me get things straight in my own head and gain perspective - but most of the time, I think that I probably 'go on' too much With hindsight, I often find the humour in some of the stuff that Mil does - its the old 'if you didn't laugh, you would cry', isn't it?

Katrine, that's a great idea! The pups had her bag several times now, so it shouldn't be too hard to train the little monster!

Sundowning last night, though again, not to any massive extreme - looking for 'those two kids that were here', to start with. OH told her that their 'Mother had picked them up earlier' - to which she responded "Don't be so stupid - there hasn't been a woman come here all day" ! Then into 'home, home, home', firstly with OH, then me -we went pretty quickly into 'Sorry - not talking about that' - she did try to pursue it, but not with the level of determination and fixation that we can get, so it wasn't too bad keeping a lid on things. Again, it subsided arund 8pm into just huffing and chunnered comments - annoying but a lot easier to cope with than the constant 'Take me home/will you lend me the money to get home/can you phone me a taxi to get me home'