What a very good video. I can really understand when things are put across like this.
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So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
Mum now thinks I have killed my children. She is happily trying to fit the date of my mass murder into her time line.
Hi, Fellow murderer of children - as I've written elsewhere on TP, a couple of weeks back I wrestled the phone off Mil as she was starting to dial 999 to report me for 'killing the babby'
And Spammer - this 'babby' (and sometimes a little girl or 'that lad' ) are pretty much a daily thing - once or twice she has said that the 'babby' is hers, or that she has adopted it - and has claimed that she can't go to day care because of having to look after it, too! Terry - all I can say is I hope the dogs 'arm' is better soon ! Just so bizarre
I think - no, I'm certain - that the increase in delusions for Mil is in line with a big cognitive drop for her too - you have my sympathy, its so distressing to see xxxCG and Jen54 - she often complains of vivid dreams, sometimes going through spells of several days/weeks where she wakes distressed every morning
Often fragments remain throughout the day - she spent large parts of one whole day, once, nervously peeping from behind the living room curtains, looking for the 'dragons' she was certain were waiting outside to burn her up Grace L - we occasionally get 'multiple' houses - at various times she has claimed to have a house in Rochdale, Runcorn and in our local town - I'm guessing your husband is as convincing when he talks about his 'non-existent property', as Mil can be when she talks of hers - she spent ages telling me about what her kitchen looked like in one of these other houses!
nitram - she's about at the moment, and not too happy, so will watch the video when I get chance - from everyone's responses, it sounds like it might well be very useful
Mil has had 3 UTI's in the last 9 weeks, but at the moment, she is clear of them - however, the delusions have been increasing, and have recently (gradually, over the last 3 weeks) started to be upsetting. On Thursday, after coming in with the support worker smiling and laughing, she suddenly became very rude and abrupt and quite nasty with her. After the girl left, Mil ranted that 'that woman' was 'mentally cruel', and she wouldn't be going anywhere with her again - when we tried to find out what Mil meant, it transpires she was claiming that she had been 'forced' to drive the support workers car, even though she had said no - Mil, who has never, ever driven! Its a rebirth of a frequent belief that the support workers are all driving instructors, though Mils complaints before have been that they HAVEN'T let her drive!
Both the sundowning, and the delusions, have increased to a point now where the CPN is very concerned, and where it might jeopardise her place at the day centre she attends - so, respiridone was increased this week, the evening dose, and she will see the consultant in 4 weeks - so far, although the increase took place on Tuesday, we haven't seen a big improvement, and we have had delusions and paranoia since about 2pm this afternoon today
Oh, Ann Mac, how great to know someone else has these problems! I felt 'at one' when I read it!
Nitram, have only just looked at video as OH lurking. It's a good way to explain it, I have heard a filing cabinet analogy before, but this is better.
I feel OH is not that bad and my problems are my inability to cope ( I am definitely not a born carer. I was advised to do an SRN many years ago, but declined because of the 'atrics' ie paediatrics and geriatrics! I'm more a science person! Other problem is my own health ( two replacement joints, pain everywhere else from psoriatic arthritis, my newly diagnosed cataract and a few other bits and pieces). I have been advised by two people to find a permanent CH for him, but in my mind, I'm not ready for that yet.
Oh well onward and upward!
Nitram, have only just looked at video as OH lurking. It's a good way to explain it, I have heard a filing cabinet analogy before, but this is better.
I feel OH is not that bad and my problems are my inability to cope ( I am definitely not a born carer. I was advised to do an SRN many years ago, but declined because of the 'atrics' ie paediatrics and geriatrics! I'm more a science person! Other problem is my own health ( two replacement joints, pain everywhere else from psoriatic arthritis, my newly diagnosed cataract and a few other bits and pieces). I have been advised by two people to find a permanent CH for him, but in my mind, I'm not ready for that yet.
Oh well onward and upward!
Mum was positive someone came into her room (she is in a nursing home) slapped her and then left. The person who did it is a child and the child's parents are important. She also gets frustrated if I don't give what she perceives as an appropriate response.
Most bizarre one with my FIL was when he started talking about his 'housekeeper' being a complete trollop and having men in - in fact he'd caught her in bed with one more than once. At first we couldn't fathom where on earth he'd got this from - he was living with us at the time. But he had not long been to stay with BIL and SIL for a few days, and since he wandered a lot at night, in and out of everyone's bedrooms, we finally worked out that SIL was the 'housekeeper' , since she did all the cooking and cleaning, and he had 'caught' her in bed with BIL. Of course he had 'caught' me in bed with OH too, during his nightly wanderings, so maybe I was a wanton trollop, too.
My mother hardly ever saw her sister, but we did manage to get her there for the sister's 80th. All went well, so I thought, until some days later when she started saying her sister had 'stolen' their mother's house. My aunt's house had been bought new, and had never belonged to their mother. But I eventually worked out that several things in the house had belonged to their parents, and she would have recognised them, so in her mind the house 'became' their old home. She was livid about this 'theft', though, and went on about it for literally months. It was no earthly use trying to convince her, or defend my poor aunt - we were all 'in league' with her, for the money. In the end I just had to say, dear me, I had no idea, I'll get on to a solicitor tomorrow, etc.
There was a far worse occasion, when she evidently mangled something on TV with a dream, and was desperately upset since she and her cleaning lady had taken my father's dead body miles away in the cleaning lady's car and just dumped it in a graveyard. She was beside herself with distress and nothing I said could convince her. Thank heaven this one only lasted a couple of days.
My mother hardly ever saw her sister, but we did manage to get her there for the sister's 80th. All went well, so I thought, until some days later when she started saying her sister had 'stolen' their mother's house. My aunt's house had been bought new, and had never belonged to their mother. But I eventually worked out that several things in the house had belonged to their parents, and she would have recognised them, so in her mind the house 'became' their old home. She was livid about this 'theft', though, and went on about it for literally months. It was no earthly use trying to convince her, or defend my poor aunt - we were all 'in league' with her, for the money. In the end I just had to say, dear me, I had no idea, I'll get on to a solicitor tomorrow, etc.
There was a far worse occasion, when she evidently mangled something on TV with a dream, and was desperately upset since she and her cleaning lady had taken my father's dead body miles away in the cleaning lady's car and just dumped it in a graveyard. She was beside herself with distress and nothing I said could convince her. Thank heaven this one only lasted a couple of days.
Ann Mac....
Grace L - we occasionally get 'multiple' houses - at various times she has claimed to have a house in Rochdale, Runcorn and in our local town - I'm guessing your husband is as convincing when he talks about his 'non-existent property', as Mil can be when she talks of hers - she spent ages telling me about what her kitchen looked like in one of these other houses!
I'm a widow now, but YES my husband was very convincing at his multiple property delusion.
He could even 'walk you through' a floor plan.... describe the taps he'd just bought for the bathroom...
Sometimes he remembered partially the address... but it was not even close to where we have lived.
One of my husbands brothers and kids moved to a house and told us their new address.
House number was 56 xxxx Avenue. This was confabulated into his brother going out and buying 56 houses !!
MiL (Alz, but in denial) ... I'm sure she thinks I am living in her other house... drives me blinking crazy
by 'taking an inventory' of each room when she pops in for a visit.
I don't know what to expect next
Grace L - we occasionally get 'multiple' houses - at various times she has claimed to have a house in Rochdale, Runcorn and in our local town - I'm guessing your husband is as convincing when he talks about his 'non-existent property', as Mil can be when she talks of hers - she spent ages telling me about what her kitchen looked like in one of these other houses!
I'm a widow now, but YES my husband was very convincing at his multiple property delusion.
He could even 'walk you through' a floor plan.... describe the taps he'd just bought for the bathroom...
Sometimes he remembered partially the address... but it was not even close to where we have lived.
One of my husbands brothers and kids moved to a house and told us their new address.
House number was 56 xxxx Avenue. This was confabulated into his brother going out and buying 56 houses !!
MiL (Alz, but in denial) ... I'm sure she thinks I am living in her other house... drives me blinking crazy
by 'taking an inventory' of each room when she pops in for a visit.
I don't know what to expect next
A new one for us is the clock is dripping. The way she described it was similar to a van gogh painting.
Currently also there are numerous children running around. They are there all the time and nobody does anything.
Ann Mac the dog appears to be fine again.
Currently also there are numerous children running around. They are there all the time and nobody does anything.
Ann Mac the dog appears to be fine again.
I hope for her sake - and yours - that she isn't too distressed by the clock or the children, Terry. Its good news about the dog though - I guess?
Mils delusions continue - the latest bizarre one was her tackling hubby about him 'paying bonuses to the girls in the factory' - quite what factory or which girls she was on about we haven't a clue. But - as is increasingly happening - he just went along with it, agreed he would look into it, and she was happy. She is less and less aware of these delusions, its rare now that she will suddenly 'come to herself' and ask 'Have I been dreaming again?'. A few months ago, she would recall the delusions, and recognise them as not being real, a large percentage of the time - now, she isn't remembering them once they have passed. In a horrible, sad way, this is a blessing, and means that whilst she is sometimes finding these 'imaginings' upsetting, once they are over and done, she isn't distressed over her 'mind playing tricks' or embarrassed by what she might remember saying or doing whilst in the middle of them.
In line with the delusions, skills are going fast - yesterday she couldn't seem to work out/coordinate herself to wipe her own nose, for the first time, I had to do it for her. She was tired when she came home from day care, and it was like having a shattered wee toddler in the house - tears because her chair wouldn't 'tuck in', tears because her trouser zip wouldn't 'work' , then tears because when I helped her change into casual joggers, they were a bit too long and she just didn't know how to either pull them up higher or turn up the bottoms - it wasn't tears because she was aware she had (even temporarily) lost the skills - it was like the tears of a child who was struggling to master them.
Absolutely heartbreaking
I actually had a blip moment the other day?? was relaying a story and then suddenly thought was it a dream?? one from way back as a youngster, as some dreams seem so real :S the logic to distinguish between memories begin from TV, dreams, books etc seems goes with dementia
my mum is now showing us bags of rubbish she is "finding" on her drainer, she doesn't recognise any of the stuff as hers, and keeps saying how strange it is, I explain that I am shopping now so perhaps she isn't realising what she has in the pantry? but each day she saves the rubbish to show us, even took it upstairs the other day-
she keeps saying she thinks there is someone living in her loft eating stuff- I try to make light of it, saying about the catfood pouches in it, that it was a strange life in a loft only coming out to feed mums cats, and of course no one would be doing that and show her the packaging in her pantry etc - but the function to logically think" yes it is my rubbish" doesn't seem to be there, she went off muttering yesterday that something was not right and she definitely didnt eat peanuts?? when she asks for a pack each week - I suppose with no short term memory, her mind is coming up with answers to fill in the gaps?? hoping this isn't a decline, but she wasn't doing this a month ago, and I was doing her shopping..same sort of stuff then??
my mum is now showing us bags of rubbish she is "finding" on her drainer, she doesn't recognise any of the stuff as hers, and keeps saying how strange it is, I explain that I am shopping now so perhaps she isn't realising what she has in the pantry? but each day she saves the rubbish to show us, even took it upstairs the other day-
she keeps saying she thinks there is someone living in her loft eating stuff- I try to make light of it, saying about the catfood pouches in it, that it was a strange life in a loft only coming out to feed mums cats, and of course no one would be doing that and show her the packaging in her pantry etc - but the function to logically think" yes it is my rubbish" doesn't seem to be there, she went off muttering yesterday that something was not right and she definitely didnt eat peanuts?? when she asks for a pack each week - I suppose with no short term memory, her mind is coming up with answers to fill in the gaps?? hoping this isn't a decline, but she wasn't doing this a month ago, and I was doing her shopping..same sort of stuff then??
When Mil is in the thick of a delusion, logic flies out of the window - she absolutely cannot recognise how strange or unlikely some of the things she claims are. I agree that the mind 'fills in the gaps' - and as soon as its 'filled' them in, it becomes the absolute truth to Mil, and the fact that its the 'absolute truth' overrides any glaringly obvious (to us) illogical events, details or situations - she doesn't need to worry about or consider how unlikely it is, because you see, she remembers it, so it must be real. Its like her accusing her support worker of 'forcing her' to drive a car - We could have listed the reasons why it wouldn't have happened all night long, and she would have still believed her version of the 'truth'. If your Mum can remember that she had a certain food in, if she remembers that you didn't have it, if she can't remember that she either ate it or threw it away, then her mind looks for an explanation, no matter how unlikely, and that becomes what must have happened.
The peanuts made me sort of chuckle - I was offering Mil a choice of two 'menu's' for her tea - perhaps liver and onions, or sausage and mash for example - 9 times out of 10 she would opt for the liver, only to get very cross on several occasions, when I served it up, claiming to have NEVER eaten it and that she didn't like it. No point in me insisting that its been one of her favourite meals for as long as I have known her (over 25 years), and that I've cooked it and she has tucked into it more times than I can count - at that point, she just doesn't remember its her favourite and she would get very angry if I insisted otherwise - so I don't bother, just apologise and fix her something else. oddly, if I don't offer a choice, just put food that i know she enjoys in front of her, she just tucks in and never claims not to like. Sadly, this means that even the choice of what she eats is now largely lost
My heart goes out to you ladies, how utterly difficult it must be to deal with. My MIL does not have delusions as yet but she can never have any choice over what to eat or drink because she just can't make a decision. Even between tea or coffee & every time we go out for a meal she has fish, chips & mushy peas! The waitresses always ask if she wants a small fish but I always say no. She just works her way thru the whole lot, slowly granted but she rarely leaves any.
If we go somewhere and God forbid there are no fish & chips I have to find an alternative for her.
Bless her. On Sunday over lunch, for once she had some insight over her condition & asked me if she should go to see her GP. I reassured her that she didn't, asked her what she thought he could do for her & she said probably nothing. Most of the time she has no idea what is going on & that she does everything for herself etc.
If we go somewhere and God forbid there are no fish & chips I have to find an alternative for her.
Bless her. On Sunday over lunch, for once she had some insight over her condition & asked me if she should go to see her GP. I reassured her that she didn't, asked her what she thought he could do for her & she said probably nothing. Most of the time she has no idea what is going on & that she does everything for herself etc.
we took some photos over to mum that were from my grandmother's Era. She is adamant that one of the photos of a man standing in front of a very old, 1930's, bus is me. Wrong gender wrong Era. Irrelevant
The dog came back for dinner tonight. I have absolutely no idea where this dog delusion has come from.
I know there is no rhyme or reason but the dog has been there dead alive dead again for the past five months whilst she has been on care.
Sorry to hear how poorly your MIL is going Ann Mac
Mum didn't really take it on that it was her birthday this week
I don't think my mum recognises me as her daughter anymore, at least she cannot connect me to the photos of me when much younger. She talks about this younger daughter and has given her a whole new life, some of it I recognise as me, but the rest, the filled in gaps, I have no idea and sometimes she talks about my life as if it was hers.
Never give mum a choice of meals anymore, she just cannot decide or I have made a mistake, but she does love her fish and chips with mushy peas! She won't eat chicken anymore, is convinced it makes her sick. Loves her prawn cocktail and to me if anything was going to make her sick it would be this, years ago she had a bad reaction to prawns, she has no memory of this and the subsequent stay in hospital.
Never give mum a choice of meals anymore, she just cannot decide or I have made a mistake, but she does love her fish and chips with mushy peas! She won't eat chicken anymore, is convinced it makes her sick. Loves her prawn cocktail and to me if anything was going to make her sick it would be this, years ago she had a bad reaction to prawns, she has no memory of this and the subsequent stay in hospital.
Mum has now decided that the nursing home is going under and that their estate (?) will have to be wound up. She wants me to take home her personal items.
Learning from here and be far quicker than I used to I told her everyone has a list of their personal items so it won't be in the nursing home estate.
Now also there is lots of dogs which are very cold because it is winter (actually spring)
also it is Easter
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Learning from here and be far quicker than I used to I told her everyone has a list of their personal items so it won't be in the nursing home estate.
Now also there is lots of dogs which are very cold because it is winter (actually spring)
also it is Easter
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Bless her - quick thinking on your part about the list of personal items.
Those darn dogs are nothing but a worry though, aren't they? Here, its still the little girl, and the 'babby', with an occasional appearance by 'the woman' and 'that lad' - oh and 'all the men' that she told OH that I had visiting me whilst he is out at work
I had forgotten mum told me that the ambulance was called for someone. She said "I was in pants (only the underpants) and I went to my door to see what was happening and someone said rude things" . All I could think of was those poor ambos seeing mum.
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The only baby we get and it has been a couple of months is my father's child which he used to bounce on his rather rotund stomach.
Hope that particular one has been forgotten because it did upset mum.
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Hope that particular one has been forgotten because it did upset mum.
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Sounds like the ambulance men got a bit of show, Terry! Mil is increasingly dis-inhibited about nudity now too - she often leaves her bedroom to get to the bathroom whilst half way through putting her dressing gown on. As she often sleeps now, in just her knickers, anyone encountering her gets quite an eyeful. She also 'forgets' to close either bedroom or bathroom door (the latter even whilst she is on the loo, on a couple of occasions) and when reminded to close the door because we can 'see your everything, Mrs!', she is completely unconcerned.
I really don't like our 'babby', as very often now, it/he/she causes Mil concern - she frequently thinks something dreadful has happened to it - its missing, its been taken - even once or twice, that I've done away with it. The little girl also spends a lot of time 'running away', much to Mils consternation - and 'that lad' apparently tends to spend a lot of time drinking, when he shows up.
Bad enough that these delusions can be such a part of the illness - its a double whammy when they seem to so often cause distress as well
I really don't like our 'babby', as very often now, it/he/she causes Mil concern - she frequently thinks something dreadful has happened to it - its missing, its been taken - even once or twice, that I've done away with it. The little girl also spends a lot of time 'running away', much to Mils consternation - and 'that lad' apparently tends to spend a lot of time drinking, when he shows up.
Bad enough that these delusions can be such a part of the illness - its a double whammy when they seem to so often cause distress as well
Yes considering I have 'seen that view' of mum I really did pity the ambos.
Mum has no inhibitions at all. She will flash her top quite inappropriately on occasions.
Like you ann Mac I am not worried when she has a delusion it just when it upsets her and then turns into an obsession
I do wonder how long this goes on for (yep I know a piece of string)
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Mum has no inhibitions at all. She will flash her top quite inappropriately on occasions.
Like you ann Mac I am not worried when she has a delusion it just when it upsets her and then turns into an obsession
I do wonder how long this goes on for (yep
I know a piece of string) Sent from my SM-T310 using Talking Point mobile app
I have trouble, often, working out if these are always delusions, or if they can also be hallucinations - mostly, Mil asks where the 'babby' or whoever has gone - so she isn't 'seeing' them at the precise moment she talks about them. But the little girl in particular, and especially when we are out and about (and always if we are at the hospital for some reason) she says is 'running off/running away' and it appears she can actually see this 'little girl' as she is telling us this.
The lack of inhibitions has at least meant that Mil is no longer distressed if I have to help her out getting clean, if she has a little 'accident', so I guess there is a small (very small) silver lining to that aspect. I actually find the lack of inhibition when it comes to what she can say in public, on occasion, harder to deal with. She will not wait for anything , these days - we can go for a meal, order the food - and within a minute or two, she is making disparaging remarks about how slow the staff are, and asking 'just how long' are we expected to wait! This week, I took her to collect her pension, and there was just one window open - and just one person ahead of us, at the window. The poor customer was organising sending parcels abroad, and thanks I am sure, to Mils very rude exclamations and comments, which started less than a minute after we walked into the post office, the poor woman just got increasingly flustered and confused, sending nervous glances over her shoulder to where Mil stood glaring and saying 'Oh for Gods sake - this is ridiculous', and other similar remarks, the whole time the woman was being served. I know its the dementia, but I find that really embarrassing and uncomfortable, its so rude
Wouldn't it be nice if we had at least some guideline as to 'how long' that darn piece of string is likely to be? Mind you, if we knew it was likely to be a very long time, it might be even harder to cope with!
The lack of inhibitions has at least meant that Mil is no longer distressed if I have to help her out getting clean, if she has a little 'accident', so I guess there is a small (very small) silver lining to that aspect. I actually find the lack of inhibition when it comes to what she can say in public, on occasion, harder to deal with. She will not wait for anything , these days - we can go for a meal, order the food - and within a minute or two, she is making disparaging remarks about how slow the staff are, and asking 'just how long' are we expected to wait! This week, I took her to collect her pension, and there was just one window open - and just one person ahead of us, at the window. The poor customer was organising sending parcels abroad, and thanks I am sure, to Mils very rude exclamations and comments, which started less than a minute after we walked into the post office, the poor woman just got increasingly flustered and confused, sending nervous glances over her shoulder to where Mil stood glaring and saying 'Oh for Gods sake - this is ridiculous', and other similar remarks, the whole time the woman was being served. I know its the dementia, but I find that really embarrassing and uncomfortable, its so rude
Wouldn't it be nice if we had at least some guideline as to 'how long' that darn piece of string is likely to be? Mind you, if we knew it was likely to be a very long time, it might be even harder to cope with!
