1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. 1954

    1954 Registered User

    Jan 3, 2013
    3,836
    Sidcup
    Sorry to hear of your awful night. I do hope your is not too bad. Huge hugs from me x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  2. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Loads of hugs. Unbelievable that they can keep a person with mental health issues for 8 hours.

    I hope you stagger through today. I wish I could send in the flying squad to help.
     
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,030
    Female
    Chester
    Ann - I hope you catch up on your sleep, sounds an horrendously long wait in A & E, but ties in with the Maelor's reputation. It was needed if she needed stitches. Now for her not picking at them until they need to come out. I have caught a book as I've walked past it and cut myself badly in similar circumstances, so easy done.

    massive hugs.

    think I need to catch up with rest of this thread. Son's Halloween sleepover has fallen through :( and daughter is not staying for a sleep over, but we are picking her up so that she can train the next day. The names were out this week for Olympic Development Apprentice, the first rung of the British cycling system for U16s and she didn't get a place, she has raced very poorly this year, if she'd done the same as last year she would have got a place, she is disappointed but knew it was likely. She will still be eligible next year so may get on for one year.
     
  4. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    Just catching up with all that's happened, Ann I am so sorry, for you, OH and Mil. :(

    Eight hours is an appalling turn around time - when you are back to normal :)o) I think a letter to the relevant authority and the local paper is in order - that sort of wait for treatment is unacceptable whatever age you are and surely breaches all guidelines for treatment by a long way?

    Fingers crossed for all three of today that you all get the rest you need - sure you don't need the info but just in case, do get Mil to keep her leg raised whenever possible - up on a footstool or laying on the sofa as that will help take the strain off the wound and speed up the healing.

    Lastly, Spamar, what a lovely thing to do with those booties and the wool - like Ann I hope it has given you some good memories after the not so good.
     
  5. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    What an awful night, so sorry for you all. My Mum used to cut herself by just looking at something sharp and then used to tell me some wonderful tales about what had "really" happened.:eek::rolleyes: ....and of course her blood was so thin it posively sprinted out of her, never mind ran!!!!! But on the good side, if she didn't pick at the wound, she healed quite quickly.:D
    The relevant people would be getting some strongly worded mail from me regarding the delay in treatment. Did she get stitches in the end?

    I guess today might be one of those days when PRN gets required a bit more often!!!
    Feet up and take away tonight perhaps?...xx
     
  6. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Thanks everyone xxxx

    Managed to get some sleep on the sofa from about 9 till 12.30, then Mil got up - and she had already removed the dressing and been obviously picking at whats turned out to be the fabric strip stitches underneath :( Very confused, looking for her Mum, keeps asking if she has gone to mass, seems to think that she is school age from what i can work out. Hospital only given us one spare dressing, no info on frequency of changing it - well, I've already put that on now - and when I came back through with Mils tea and toast, she had already been picking at the edges of that - so now I've got to take her to the district nurse clinic in 45 minutes. The dressings are about 8" by 5" - local chemist (i've phoned) have none that size in stock - hoping the D.N.'s will be able to give me a decent supply!

    How on earth do I stop her fiddling with the flipping dressing?
     
  7. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    775
    Could you put a popsock on, and then trousers over the top? It might slow her down getting to it
     
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,030
    Female
    Chester
    Ann - hope district nurse helpful. Hopefully she will give you a supply of steri strips as well.
     
  9. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    Oh Ann, poor MiL, poor you and Mr Mac... Just catching up with your saga, I am so sorry.

    Been busy with MiL... will post about her in a day or so....

    Take Care x
     
  10. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    Oh Grace, I'm already dreading what I'm going to be reading......:eek:

    Ann, lets hope DN has some good ideas on 'fiddle-proof' dressings - I was trying to come up with something useful but all I can really think is taping down two or three layers of covering to make it a real fiddle (pardon the pun..) for Mil to get at the actual dressing.
     
  11. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,589
    West Midlands
    Nail it on :eek:

    Only way...

    :D



    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    Well, needs must, it is for her own good....:D
     
  13. its a struggle

    its a struggle Registered User

    :D
     
  14. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    I bet they didn't swab it with something like iodine. It's our Dr's pet bug bear that he has to treat people with infections after they have been in A&E that could have been stopped by using an antiseptic or antibiotics in A&E. Instead they turn up in surgery a week later with infections that take weeks to clear up and cost the NHS.
     
  15. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,589
    West Midlands
    Probably not. But I for one am glad they don't use iodine.... I have an allergic reaction to all forms of iodine

    Did you know, fish have their own type of iodine. When you have, I think it's called, a "trace MRI" they inject iodine to highlight the bits they want to see.... No I didn't either. I found out the hard way :eek:





    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  16. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    I was treated and I my wound wasn't even washed. It was stitched, dressed very badly and then sent home. A week later I had a nasty infection which then needed dressing every day for a week.
     
  17. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Oh Ann, what an absolute nightmare for all of you! I hope the DN was helpful and suggested something to help keep MIL away from the dressing. I would have suggested a tubigrip sock for a start, maybe lightly taped in place (not taped all the way round the top!). I do hope that everyone sleeps well tonight.

    Grace, that sounds ominous! :(

    JM, I'm sorry that your daughter didn't get into this years team. Here's hoping it happens for her next year.

    Very quiet day here, apart from a dental appointment for hubs and I, I'm not complaining!
     
  18. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Mum used to remove dressings as she couldn't remember why there were there. I hope that the nurse found a way of keeping the dressing in place.
     
  19. learningcurve

    learningcurve Registered User

    Oct 9, 2015
    22
    Hampshire
    Ann, I haven't posted much on here but always read this thread as about 90% of what you post I could have written myself about my Mum. Apart from the rudeness which I never had from Mum apart from the occasional 'leave me alone' or 'get off' when I'm trying to get her to get dressed or have a wash.

    So sorry to read about your MIL's accident... 8 hours is unacceptable to be waiting for treatment!!!

    When Mum first came to live with us two years ago she had a bandage on her leg from her toes to her knee after falling over in the street. She took herself up to the doctors surgery and the nurse dressed it for her, so I never actually saw the wound. After 18 months we were still taking her twice a week to have her dressing changed. I said to my OH at the time that surely it shouldn't be covered up for so long and to let the air dry it out, and sure enough finally she was referred to a dermatologist they said the same. It was then left to me to monitor it with cream, bathing it every day and keeping the bandage off. The first time I took the bandage off I was horrified at the state of it, it had scabs, open wounds and pus coming out of it from ankle to knee. Sorry too much info!!!! Anyway after a week or two it was starting to heal nicely.

    Not quite sure what that has anything to do with anything you said but I do seem to go off at a tangent sometimes :D

    Mum had a fall where she took a chunk off her skin around where her watch goes, we knew she would fiddle and try to get the dressing off so we taped it up good and proper. We knew not to put any cream on it and to keep it dry or it wouldn't heal. It did heal nicely but she still managed to pull the tape so that she could stuff a tissue under it :D

    The only advice I can give to stop your MIL picking at it is to cover it with knee highs and/or trousers so she maybe will forget it's there and when or if possible to uncover it to get the air round it and get her to put her leg up.

    Take care


    Julie xxxxx
     
  20. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Morning all - albeit a very early morning! My body clock appears to be completely messed up after a night with very little sleep, and here I am, very wide awake since 4a.m. this morning!

    Thank you so much to all of you for the support and advice - can't tell you how much I appreciate it xxxxxx Julie, welcome to the Bizarrites, hun, sounds like you have your hands full too! - and Grace - hope you haven't been having too bad a time with your Mil xxxx

    Got Mil to the District Nurse clinic - our first face to face encounter there. Getting her washed and dressed to go was an absolute nightmare - uncooperative in the manner of a stroppy toddler I think is the best description of how Mil was being. And I do understand that after the night she had had, that was totally expected and understandable. Even if she had been out of A&E in a reasonable amount of time, there would have been some sort of reaction - the fact that she had more or less spent all night there just made the 'reaction' a lot worse.

    At the surgery, worse chaos than usual with not enough parking due to a flu jab clinic being in full swing and not able to park as close to the door as would have helped. Mil's walking was dreadful and I had a heck of a job getting her into the actual building. I don't think it was anything to do with the injury, more that the 'parkinsons gait', tiny little shuffling steps and very unsteady, was really, really bad, the worst I've ever seen it, from the second she got out of the car. We had a couple of near-misses with stumbles on her way in, was glad to get her sat down. Called through after about 5 minutes, (during which time Mil thought we were waiting to board a ferry!) nurse stripped off the dressing I'd put on, while Mil gave her a totally ficticious account of how she had hurt her leg by falling over getting out of bed in her room! I explained that although we were not 100% sure how she had done it, that she certainly had not fallen in her room. Lemony, you mention iodine - the DN wasn't impressed that the hospital clearly hadn't treated it with any sort of antiseptic - first thing she did was put a sort of gauze, soaked in iodine, over the top of the wound. The nurse was nice, but again, its that ignorance about dementia, that for some reason always amazes me when I deal with health professionals who are not dementia specialists. As she searched in her supply for a dressing big enough, she explained to Mil about the importance of leaving the dressing alone and gave me a satisfied 'nod', (as if the problem was now 'sorted') when Mil earnestly promised that she 'wouldn't touch it'. She then proceeded to tell me that she would see Mil again on Monday and would have a script for 'spare' dressings for me then. She looked quite shocked when I explained that was actually no use. That Mil would almost certainly remove the dressing any number of times between now (Thursday) and Monday. That the size of the dressings was far bigger than the ones carried as stock in the chemists so I wouldn't be able to just buy them, that I would need a prescription before then. She said she would give me one spare dressing - I told her Mils record, with a skin tear on her arm, was removing the dressing 6 times in one day. She reluctantly added 2 more spares, telling me that it was important that the wound not be 'fiddled with' and that I would have to 'watch Mil'. Yep - its obviously possible for me to stand guard over her, 24 hours a day and not let her out of my sight for the maybe 5 minutes its would take for her to get the dressing off, if that's what she decided to do. I explained again (and through gritted teeth) that Mil CAN'T remember to leave the dressing alone. That it was almost inevitable she would remove it, despite the nurse insisting that the particular dressings she was using were 'difficult' to get off. I really felt like I was having to be a right pain, trying to get through to her, but eventually, she said she would try and organise having a script ready sooner, so I would have a decent supply for the weekend. However, she couldn't guarantee it (I'll find out this morning and am prepared to have to go into battle again if it hasn't been done!).

    Back home and the rest of the day was just horrible. I lost count of the number of times I had to stop Mil attempting to remove the dressing (despite knee high pop socks and trousers) - she was really annoyed, simply couldn't understand why she couldn't take it off. "Its itchy, Ann - I just want to scratch it!". Again and again I explained and on each occasion I got a sigh and an eye roll - then two minutes later went through the whole routine again. Oddly she really didn't seem to have any other discomfort from it - the wound looks really dreadful, the nurse measured it in front of me and its 5 and a half inches in length, 2 and a half wide, so quite a substantial injury, yet each time I asked was she comfortable or was she in pain, the response was 'Pain? Where?' she repeatedly forgot that she had hurt her leg at all - she told me several times that there was 'nothing wrong' with her leg - it was just itchy. As with leaving the dressing alone, had a similar battle getting her to keep her leg elevated - we have recliners but she continuously tried to put the foot rest down and had to be reminded that she must keep her leg up and rested. Not being able to scratch, having to be repeatedly asked to keep her foot up, put her in a really foul mood. She nagged and pestered, demanded to go home, came out with an ever changing list of people who were waiting for her there (most of whom we had never heard of), went on and on about how she only had to 'catch a bus from the Dublin Road' and she could be home in 5 minutes. Asking us to run her home, to call her a taxi, to phone her family. As the day went on, she got increasingly rude and attention seeking. It was exactly the attitude of a petulant and defiant child, so extremely irritating and wearying to deal with. Non-stop nagging combined with getting up every couple of minutes for a variety of ficticious reasons or because (as she told us) 'I just want to get up if you don't mind. I don't need to give you a reason!'.

    Just after 8pm, OH - who really doesn't do well on little sleep and who was struggling to cope with her behaviour - strongly suggested that she went to bed. She refused at first, but then said she wanted to go. She then argued that she would get her tablets herself, refusing to sit at the table to take them (if she doesn't sit at the table, they inevitably get dropped everywhere) - and when I did get her sat down, each time I went to get the meds, she got up again. Eventually got her sat, brought out the meds, water and her inhalers. She took the first inhaler, but with the second one, she kept peering into the opening that she was supposed to inhale from and insisting it was empty because she couldn't see any numbers in there. In vain I showed her the dial on the front that shows how many doses are left and each time she said 'Oh -right' took the inhaler back, brought it to her mouth and stopped half way insisting again that 'Look - its empty, there are no numbers'. It must have taken nearly 15 minutes for her to finally take the inhaler.

    Upstairs, she had me ready to scream :( You know how a small child will aggrivate by messing about when you ask them to do something - thats what she was like. I handed her the clean PJ's and asked her to get undressed. She took her top off, then picked up the PJ jacket and started examining it. I aked her to please get undressed. 'In a minute - I just want to do this first'. She folded the jacket, placed it over the edge of the bath - then picked it up again and started to try and fasten the buttons. Then, when I asked her to stop, she put it down - only to immediately pick it up again and again 'examine it'. In the end, I took it from her hands and put the PJs outside the bathroom door, asking her again to please get undressed. She smiled and turned her back to me and started to brush her fingers over the cistern and the edge of the mirror, as though looking for dust or dirt. I asked her again to please get undressed. 'I'm just looking for something' she said and stood gazing at the built in cupboard and shelves. No 'please' this time - I told her to stop messing about and get undressed. 'In my own time' she said. In the end, I told her I was fetching OH and that he would undress her if she wouldn't do it herself. That got her stripping off - but oh, sooooooooo slowly. Got her into the clean pull ups (if I am not there, she doesn't put them on so I have to supervise) and left her to finish getting ready. More than had enough - just hoping I don't pay for it this morning, with a wet bed, because I guess there is a chance that she took the pull ups off as I didn't see her into bed as usual.

    Half an hour later, she came back downstairs, insisting she had to speak to Mrs Clark - no, haven't a blummin' clue who that is - OH really shouted at her and sent her marching back up the stairs, with her stopping every couple of steps to call him a 'B******' and fling a two fingered salute in his direction.

    I'd been wondering if she should go to day care today, but after yesterday, its a no brainer! With any luck, going back to the usual routine will help settle her - even if it doesn't, she is still going!

    Its going to be a long weekend, with OH working 12 hour shifts today, Sunday and Monday (when she will have to miss day care for DN appontment, which of course, is in the middle of the day!). To balance that, I'm booking her into day care for next Saturday, as its now been decided that we will be going to the zoo for oldests birthday then. I'm concentrating on looking forard to that, as a way of getting through this weekend!

    Hope you all have a good day xxxxx
     

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