Multipacks of Lipstick ! The perfect Christmas pressie!
You know what - thats actually a really good idea
. Now and again, she puts the lippy somewhere else, and so far one has ended up in the washing machine (that was fun - NOT) and a lot have just vanished! I've spent a fair bt of time, frantically searching for them whilst Mil gets increasingly worked up and refusing to go out without her 'lippy'. She is down to one tube now - so thats a cracking idea for a little stocking filler for her
Horrible, horrible time here, yesterday
Spent the morning typing up the pretty much 'essential' info that you need whenever she see's anyone 'new' at a hospital appointment - Mil will answer the questions they always ask, seemingly very articulate and believable, but is never accurate about medication or symptoms or ailments - or anything outside of that, either. And I add the issues caused by the dementia, and how to avoid them, stressing about the negative impact on Mil unless they are discrete and tactful. I was pretty worried about this appointment - at the continence clinic - as this is an area where Mil generally flatly denies that she has any issues at all - yet increasingly, she is having problems, they are getting worse, and I really need some advice on how best to deal with it all, without (hopefully) compromising her dignity too much. I explained all this in the 'letter' too!
Off to collect her from day care, 3 hours earlier than usual - and find her in tears and clearly worked up. She can barely be civil to the staff - who seem puzzled, telling me she was fine till about an hour before. She won't/can't tell me or OH what's gone on, but already she is getting quite verbally aggressive and confrontational. At the hospital, she suddenly shows me her left hand - the little finger is swollen and so badly bruised that the underside of it is literally black!. She starts by saying she 'fell over' at 'that place', then it goes to she 'fell over and no one came to help' and then to 'one of the young ones there pushed her over'. None of the staff said anything about her falling when we picked her up, so I have no idea about whats gone on. Then Mil asks why we are there - I play it down, but given that she is going to have a bladder scan, possibly be checked for a prolapse and despite the letter, possibly asked some questions she'll find offensive, I have to tell her something. Straight into indignation and she has absolutely NO problems and how dare I bring her here and show her up?
We're called through, and it turns out the nurse specialist we see is someone I know - one of the parents from my older two's school days - and she is great with Mil. but still, there are some unavoidable questions asked, and some bits of complete misinformation given by Mil in response, that I have to try and tactfully put right, and I am getting absolute daggers, although Mil remained fairly (though haughtily) civil with me. We're there for over an hour and a half (including time spent getting her finger checked out - not broken, thankfully), and 10 minutes after we get in the car to come home, Mil can't remember where we have been - but knows she is annoyed with me for something
We get back, and I phone day care - and she did have a fall - though by now, its that the 'youngsters were chasing her to tickle her, and pushed her over and they all laughed at her', according to Mil, and that belief is adding to the head of steam she is building. A bit ticked off that we weren't told when we picked her up, but no time to worry about it as within an hour, Mil wants to go home. And OH is HER husband - and never mind the unholy trinity of the little one, the little girl and the babby - its now become a fearsome foursome, with the introduction of the (now missing) 'little lad', who - it seems - belongs to OH, but not me or Mil. And then we start the 'I'm going to bed', and she's up the stairs and having to be brought back down multiple times. OH ends up sitting on a footstool by the door to stop her. Daughter goes in the bath, and despite having been to the loo just before, Mil wants the toilet within a few minutes, and refuses to use the commode. She comes out with some awful accusations about daughter, her language to OH is foul, we get all the childish behaviour like the smirking, threats to give us 'no peace', and the 'lalalala-ing' so that the TV or conversation can't be heard, we get the insults, and the nastiness, and just general disruption that goes on till 10pm - when, having had her tablets, she informed us that No - she wasn't tired at all, she was going to stay downstairs and give us 'grief'. Both OH and I were at the end of our tether, and again, I ended up engaging in pointless arguments with her, and telling her what I think of her - which at that stage, wasn't anything nice. Being 100% honest, I was absolutely seething with resentment - everything I did yesterday was either for her, or about her care. I had guenuinely knocked myself out to try and make things easier for her - and I was wondering why the hell I had bothered.
This morning, I can't say I'm proud of myself - but the guilt monster isn't having much of an impact either - I did my best, and I still feel 'for what?'.
OH was told that she is all his today - the usual 'basics', I'll see to, but I'm not running her round to visit friends, or take her shopping for clothes - I'm going to play catch up with all the stuff I've neglected, doing things for her this last week, then at least I will have accomplished something that makes me feel like I'm not wasting my time and energy. I've also said forget introducing the 5 days at day care 'gradually' - from next week, she can go the full 5 days - usually one or two days are cut short for her endless appointments anyway, plus being nice, trying hard, makes no difference to how she behaves and responds, so I may as well try and get as much free time as I can.
Not in a happy place today, at all
