Yes, caring....still even though he is in the home. I am there every day. Usually one long stretch and a check in now.
Nick fell on Friday May 28, and had a bad head injury.(10 cm gnash) . The hospital stapled his head but emergency took him and it was all very efficient. He was back at the home by 9 pm. No scans were made or tests, not necessary - as the medical directive would mean not action so no tests. No action no intervention just stopping external bleeding. It is somewhat of a relief to know the process works- re no intervention.
It has been a rollercoaster ride again. As he seemed like he was ok for the first few days , just recovering but eating and drinking. Then he stopped that for a few days, now yesterday he was drinking. But he is semi-conscious. I hope he is comfortable. My favorite nurse was out of town when he fell on a weeks' vacation. She is now back and has been lovingly blunt about the situation. She feels we must be ready for hospice situation and the doctor is coming today and she will ask for morphine and whatever it is she thinks they will need to make him comfortable as he declines. He is not getting out of bed so that creates its own problems. He is still swallowing. I will be there when the doctor comes today. But it could also go the other way and he could come out of it enough to lay there another year or two...as he is so young.
I feel like I am in a fog. I had to inform the two children in Norway who have their own issues. It has been almost 4 years and 2.5 years, respectively since they have visited. I understand, young working lives, families and career demands.
The two kids here are busy too. My youngest son has been supportive and will occasionally go to the home but doesn't really want too go. I am disturbed by this but want to respect his boundaries. Our daughter, who is the doctor here, has gone probably 5 or 6 times over the months since he has been in the home. But she went on Sunday evening because I asked her too. She has 3 small children and a demanding role at a hospital. But she is very supportive of me, just busy. I talk to her two or three times a day at the moment and see her every couple of days.
So, I am feeling very very alone in this process at the bedside, just the professionals supporting me. but I guess I must be grateful that we are in a facilities which has allowed me to visit every day since he entered Sept 21.
The body is a machine which holds on to life when the quality of the life has diminished. Dying can be a long slow process. He rallied when I thought he was going in December and January, but of course, I want him to let go. But it is not up to me.....all in his own time.