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sept 21

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
Wedding anniversary today. Always a sad day. I have gathered up the wedding album and some other photos. I will take them over this afternoon when I visit. I cannot get him to look at things. We were out on the sun terrace which is beautiful on Tuesday in the full lovely sun, but I cannot get him to look up beautiful views of the surrounding foothills where we have walked for 25 years. He just looks down at the ground all the time, even when sitting. His head hangs. But sometimes I can get him to make alittle eye contact. I will try and show him the photos of our wedding today.

I was there yesterday and he was calm and let me brush his teeth really well. It is hard because he does not spit . As usual I played solitaire, we listened to the Beatles and he slept.

And today ? Just another day, nothing to celebrate.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
I took him a bouquet of flowers for his room. As I sit in it everyday the flowers are really for me. That is how I do everything. Will I get pleasure from the sentiment ...then I do it.
He did become quite emotive when I told him it was our wedding anniversary. He is in there somewhere.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,226
0
Southampton
I took him a bouquet of flowers for his room. As I sit in it everyday the flowers are really for me. That is how I do everything. Will I get pleasure from the sentiment ...then I do it.
He did become quite emotive when I told him it was our wedding anniversary. He is in there somewhere.
flowers brighten a room. happy anniversary and it was nice to get a reaction
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
Hi all my TP friends,
Had my second jab on Wednesday, one of the lucky ones here in Switzerland.....where they are not doing such a good job sadly. only 8% of population has had the jab.
So, I was pretty ill , Wednesday evening and yesterday. But today much better but taking it easy.
I am a TV couch potato today. Which brings me to my point. Watching Series 4 of Unforgotten detective series. The lead detective's father has Alzheimer's/or dementia. I am concerned about the legal message this program is giving. The father has a new partner (since his dementia diagnosis) and he now wishes to change his will. Could this really happen in England, once a person is diagnosed could they change their will?
Once my husband was diagnosed, I took over all financial responsibility. But I am unable to change his will and bequeaths in any way. Of course, he did not ask for any changes.....but I hope this series is not indicating that a person with Alzheimer's (they are calling it rapid onset in the series- s term I have never heard anywhere) could take such action....can this be correct?? Or is it just a plot device?
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
2,989
0
Hello @PalSal I've been watching Unforgotten too, and here in the UK a diagnosis of dementia does not mean that you are unable to change your will. The individual would need to demonstrate that they understood what they were doing, and this would usually involve a solicitor confirming that they had the mental capacity to understand at the time that they made the changes to the will.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,478
0
Hi @PalSal We have watched every episode of the unforgotten series and we are enjoying the latest episodes very much. Yes I think it is possible that it could happen in England as a diagnosis of dementia does not mean always mean a loss of capacity.

I will watch this story line with interest as Cassie only went back to work because she feared that she may need the money for any future care her dad may need, while at the same time the silly old fool is looking to blow any wealth he has on his new girlfriend who may or may not be in it for the long haul.

I am also finding it interesting and a little disturbing to watch how Cassie's father is changing his attitude to her, okay for one minute and the next minute appears to be greatly irritated by her. It is very well acted.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
yes I agree it is very well acted and a suspeneful show. It is interesting the subplot. My experience with my very intelligent and high level executive, was that my Nick lost his job due to his inability to think strategically and handle the millions of CHF which while under his direct business control. This loss of executive thinking was the early exposure of the disease, he functioned very well in many respects and could hide his disease from strangers and our friends. But strategic thinking was gone. Thank God he trusted me implicitly and knew that he was not capable any longer. But I am sure he could have convinced a lawyer on a good day he was compos mentis. Glad I did not have to go that route.
What a nightmare for people that something like this could happen.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
897
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Once my husband was diagnosed, I took over all financial responsibility. But I am unable to change his will and bequeaths in any way. Of course, he did not ask for any changes.....but I hope this series is not indicating that a person with Alzheimer's (they are calling it rapid onset in the series- s term I have never heard anywhere) could take such action....can this be correct?? Or is it just a plot device?
It was our solicitor who suggested we changed our wills, reason I won't bother to go into.
There was no problem in changing mine obviously, but she said my husband should have a professional do a capacity assessment. It wasn't cheap but she said it would be worth it as she felt he would pass. Well he didn't and therefore she was unable to change his.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
Ah so there is a test for capacity. That is a relief.
I would hate to think that people could just change their wills in England , after it was determined they had Alzheimers or dementia willy nilly.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,015
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi @PalSal ,
Here in Italy when an attorney is not sure their client has capacity usually requires the certificate of a specialist attesting capacity. Unfortunately there are both doctors ready to attest and attorneys willing to write anything in exchange for an adequate sum of money.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
Currently, Nick is experiencing daily falls. The care home is using some kind of contraption which appears more dangerous than him on the loose. But who knows, what do I know. I spoke with our second daughter who is a doctor (peds not geriatrics) . She said they are running out of options with him. As they fear him getting hurt.
With I arrived the first day I saw him in it on Wednesday, he had pushed himself into a corner and was (with the help of another patient) trying to climb out of the contraption. He doesnt understand anything, so of course he cannot understand which way to face in the thing, etc.
My daughter says we may as well try it. So, I signed the permission papers with the proviso that they do not leave him in it unattended (which defeats the purpose of why they wish to put him in it! So they do not need to walk with him). And that it will be on a trial basis and not a permanent solution. That is the best I can do.
He is now wearing padding under his clothes to protect him further from is falls. Our daughter says if he breaks a hip then we must decide whether or not to operate, and no matter what happens, he would be bed bound should he break his hip or leg. And because he would not remember he can no longer get up and walk, they would have to sedate him. So, if he breaks something , more than likely he will never get up again. But I am future tripping....I need to stay in today.
So. this contraption is trying to avoid falls, but I fear it could increase his chances of falling. What a cruel situation for the man who climbed mountains and loved to walk.
We are 6 months into the carehome phase of our journey.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
952
0
Pratteln Switzerland
I spent a week in hospital with pneumonia over Easter and now at home recovering. I must admit I am a bit depressed and unable to snap out of it. But in my heart I do know that this too shall pass.
Nick's neuropsychriatrist/doctor passed away unexpectedly on March 25th, so strange that his wonderful doctor would go before the patient! No explaining life.
And my dear friend of childhood had knee surgery and then went home from the hospital and died from somekind of negative aftermath...blood clot or something. We are all shocked and her family is devastated as she was very fit and active mentally and physically, which is why she had the knee surgery. But Nick and my sisters go on and on with their diseased minds and impaired bodies, no understanding why they do. And they do suffer so.
Today is Nick's 68th birthday, 19 years into this Alzheimer's journey. He is "settled" now into the nursing home. It is unclear if he understands much of anything but he is clean and comfortable......except during the sundowning which still happens almost daily, he has little mobility and very little understanding of what goes on around him.
Today he dear old friend is here in town from the USA. I guess he came for business. Anyway, he is here and will go with me to nursing home for a visit. I appreciated how this friend has continued to stay in contact with Nick of the years. He is really the only one. And it is really difficult for everyone because of the pandemic. I am sure Nick's family would have visited if they could have.
The home has asked me to bring cake and ice cream for the patients and staff. Which is about 20 people. I managed to bake a cake yesterday and will do a lemon souffle for Nick this morning. I will go to the home this afternoon.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,939
0
South coast
Im sorry to hear that you were ill over Easter. Pneumonia can take a while to recover from, so please take things easy.
I hope you have a good visit. It may be a shock to the friend, though.
xxx