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Sandwich generation

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,500
@jugglingmum , I can well imagine that a broken washing machine is the icing on the cake (not) of a frustrating day. Passwords? If they needed one of those you'd have thought they would have flagged it up when your mum first went in. I hope you can get to see her, find out what is happening, remind them again about LPA for health and welfare and find out what the password is supposed to be.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
I had a big go on phone, info was provided and password was set up.

Washing taken to neighbours - identical machine and then OH told me fault finding, now plugged into dishwasher socket and running

trying to sort things out and phoned her sheltered extra care and found out mum is home. I haven't got her food yet etc
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,390
Suffolk
Hospitals do love telling people what’s going on, don’t they?
Written very much tongue in cheek!

Apparently I’ve now got DVT! not surprised, I’m doing everything wrong!
And I’ve put on weight, maybe fluid? Will weigh again in the morning!
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
Long time since I have updated on here.

I did plan to update yesterday morning but site was still down.

So much going on in my life, some of which I'm struggling to process enough to write down.

Yet another not good day today - 4 major issues from different directions - one day this year things will ease off a bit.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,960
East Sussex
I was wondering how you were today @jugglingmum as I plodded up and down the hill and out and back to the car. Thought I’d check in and there you are :rolleyes:

Sounds like you are having to do a lot of juggling, sending you a gentle virtual hug and hope it feels better in the morning
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
505
Ive been reading this thread for a while as I consider myself one of the sandwich generation even though my children are now in their early thirties. Being divorced, I've pretty much brought them up on my own since 1999 with some help from my mum (pwd) who would drive 100 miles to house sit when I went on holiday or had to work. I miss her strength every day.

For me, the worries and anxieties are still part of my life, eldest son lives in the US and has been going through a toxic divorce ( I could write a book!) which, although very recently was finalised, the situation is still dire between my son, his ex and her family - who did not get what they wanted and are out to prove that my son is a bad father to lose custody and have managed to get him arrested! Luckily my sister in law lives in the area for part of the year so acts as his surrogate mum. But I have had to pay for his attorney and divorce fees as money was a major part of the issue. I have to switch my phone off at night to avoid the evil, vitriolic texts I get from his ex wife!

Now I have increased anxiety about mum, I'm not on my own looking after her as I am very close to my two siblings but we've just made the decision to get in some agency carers three days a week to help my sister who is her main Carer and for holiday cover. So I've been rushing around filling in the paper work, meeting the care manager and carers, sorting out key safe, medicine boxes etc etc! My sister and I are so worried about tomorrow at 11am when her first Carer will arrive - it's a bit like when our children first went to school! We've now got two cameras inside the house as well as the ones outside so guess what I'll be looking at tomorrow! We're having a two hour visit on a Saturday, Sunday and Monday to provide a meal as well as companionship but they don't need to do personal care or any domestic duties as we will provide the meals etc. I know it will be fine but I still feel awful for handing over a part of mums care.

And on top of all my family responsibilities, my best friend from Prinary school is on palliative care for cancer and I am in pieces. Her hubby, also an old school friend and neighbour of mine, died very suddenly just before Christmas ( his funeral was held on his 65th birthday) and because of this and a recent diagnosis of type 1 diabeties, my friend missed a vital scan so now the cancer has spread beyond being threatable. My friend is now living with her daughter ( my god daughter) until the end but wants to visit me for a get together with a couple of other school friends. I would love her to stay here for a long time, I live in Manchester near the renowned Christie Hospital but I know that is just my heart talking, it's not going to happen. I cry every time I think about my friend, I'll miss her so much.

So between my son in the US, my Mum with Alzheimer's and my poorly friend, my mind is whirling and I'm struggling to remain focused on my own life. Hence still being awake at 12.30 am and struggling not to cry! Luckily I retired early from teaching three years ago so have more time for caring - but also that leaves more time to worry!

I apologise for the self pity party but I find this forum is pretty much the only place where I can share my worries. I have learnt so much here about how to help my mum and I would be lost without it. I know so many of you have similar problems, many of you are coping with much worse and in the wee hours of the night, it's a safe place to share my feelings. Thank you
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,500
Hugs @Lynmax and @jugglingmum , you both have a lot to deal with. At least my son is an adult and seems to be doing OK, though I do wish he didn't work so hard, and found time to find a significant other. I'm just back from having spent the night with my brother. He is still far from well, though at least he is out of hospital. What I think he really needs is a good old fashioned convalescent home, but I doubt they exist anymore.
How's your mum doing now @jugglingmum?
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
Thanks for an update on your brother. I doubt convalescent homes exist. His son will benefit massively from having him home.

I'll try to update later re mum. Waiting for son to finish in shower. He's been to a bouldering centre as he didn't fancy cycling. I've been out on my bike. Need to use hot water before OH turns boiler off again as he's moving control panel about.

One of our ongoing issues is our elderly 17 year old dog. I try not to think of it as an issue but all three of us are cleaning up wee and poo in the house on a daily basis. She has weed on the same place on the office carpet in the last 24 hours. She has had 3 baths in last week as a result of falling over as she weed in hallway as floor is a bit slippy. She has been like this for over a year but getting worse. I went away without OH in January and our current plan is if she is still here OH will take kids to France for our cycling week without me.

Yesterday one of our cats was poorly with a big swelling on the side of his neck. Son was very upset. Just didn't want to lose the cat when dog might go any day. Cat hopefully has an infection. Injectionof ABs which lasts 14 days and pain killer with anti inflamatory. He was very subdued at vets but by the time he was home painkillers kicked in and he was back to his normal self. Trouble is it could be something else as lump in neck by lymph gland.
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,847
Scotland
One of our ongoing issues is our elderly 17 year old dog. I try not to think of it as an issue but all three of us are cleaning up wee and poo in the house on a daily basis. She has weed on the same place on the office carpet in the last 24 hours. She has had 3 baths in last week as a result of falling over as she weed in hallway as floor is a bit slippy. She has been like this for over a year but getting worse.
You can get incontinence wear for dogs, we had the same problem with an 18 year old Jack Russell and it saved a lot of cleaning up and bathing.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,409
Bedford
Sending more hugs to @jugglingmum and @Lynmax as it sounds like you both need them.
Hope the antibiotics and pain killers are successful for cat. Animals can play such a big part in our lives
@Sarasa - glad to hear your brother is out of hospital. It is such a shame those old fashioned convalescence homes no longer exist. I hope his health continues to improve
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
Thanks for hugs everyone.

Cat seems to be on the mend tonight, there was still some swelling this morning but none tonight, which hopefully means it is an infection and not cancer or similar (wasn't presenting 100% as an infection) - cat being ill was one of 4 things yesterday.

@reedysue - I've discussed this with OH and we(he) sort of think we are coping, she does rarely wee on the carpet.

Another of the 4 things which seems quite pathetic is son bursting into tears about his predicted grades from school, whatever system his school have bought into is rubbish but friends getting lower marks than him this year have higher predicted grades (they were preparing CVs on Friday so accessing predicted grades on school system). His marks have improved very quickly, partly due to getting extra time in exams and partly due to finding he can learn better now that his classes are set for ability and the classroom is quiet with no disruption (again part of his dyslexia) and predicted grades will be weighted on earlier performance.

Dau was at same school originally and when she was choosing options all the teachers would say was if she works hard she might get an A, moved her to a much more academic school and she was clearly one of the brightest there - so demotivating to predict lower grades than the level a child is working at.

Son is being predicted 5s and 6s for the end of this year which means 6s and 7s in year 11, actual GCSEs - I think he is likely to get 8s or 9s in most subjects (equivalent to A*s on the old system which dau did) and he was really upset at low predictions. So a round of speaking to each subject teacher to find out actual progress.

I also found out yesterday that a friend had had a heart attack 3 weeks ago, dau and OH knew last week, I phoned him today, he was only in hospital for 3 days, had a stent fitted and if he hadn't hurt his ankle as he fell he would be back on his bike by now (not one of the 4 things that hit me)

Mum seems to have settled back ok into her flat, and is back to her previous level, getting to and from the restaurant ok (yesterday she had eaten 2 choc eclairs for pudding at lunch and was covered in chocolate - about par for mum)

But NHS discharge procedures are so clumsy. More on this tomorrow.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,500
Hi @jugglingmum mum, my son is severely dyslexic, he had a statement of special needs as it was called then at school, a learning support assistant and an amanuensis for all his exams. I had to be a real tiger mum to get him that help and make teachers aware that despite his disability he was a bright child. He did well at university and now in his early thirties is site chemist for an industrial firm responsible among other things for not poisoning North London’s water supply. He still can’t spell, use punctuation, read more than a few lines at a time or understand the concept of time but he’s learned to cope. It’s tough at the time but with the right support your son will do welll.
 

Donkeyshere

Registered User
May 25, 2016
476
channel islands
Hi @jugglingmum try not to let your son worry too much about the predictive grades - my son completely flunked his AS levels and got kicked out of Grammar School (we still have them here) but he went to College of FE and got his BTEC and then got a 2:1 in his degree. When he was 4 they thought he had ADHD and for a while tried Ritalin (which did not agree with him so I stopped it) - it wasnt ADHD it was just an enquiring mind that got him into trouble alot! As you might know from my posts he now in the UK and started as a science support teacher and is looking to become a fully qualified teacher. He is also qualified as a PT. As @Sarasa says with the right support they can get there. I remember my son at aged10 came home and he said my teacher said to me "I can do anything I like, I can fly if I want to, its up to me how high I want to go". That has stuck with him.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
Well no updates means lots of juggling going on

Feel rather stretched tonight. Issue arose with work, interesting technically but I've got a lot of research to do by 10am tomorrow. A few other things going on, means tomorrow will be hectic beyond belief.

Son has work experience this week, he over juggled yesterday, work experience finished at 5.30 fenicng 6 until 7.15 and a scout training course - a one off 7.45 until 9. I drove 50 miles getting him to things. OH had picked him up from work experience and dropped him at fencing.

So son had a cough with phlegm before xmas finally got him to GPs at the end of half term, it wasn't that bad so thought it would get better. Dr could hear crackles on his chest and phlegm was green so 5 days of ABs, and phlegm went clear. He told me last night phlegm back to green, Phoned GP and on hold for 35 minutes to get through to a receptionist - then got a GP call back within 20 minutes - ABs steroids and blue inhaler issued. Part of wanting to get on top of it from my point of view was covid -19 and given a fairly local to us school has closed today it is now in the area. finally went to pick them up at 9.35pm - but not ready so went back at 10 (local half a mile away pharmacy is open until 10.30 every night)

some good things - OH fitted new garage door at weekend, fully electronic - saved a lot of money fitting it himself - but that means I am left with more housework. He finally got all the electrics sorted today. And also fixed the socket under the sink where the washing machine failed the other week.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,815
Chester
To be honest not even near the top of my worry list. He's not that ill busy cycling and fencing etc. Just not 100% well.

After phone appt got a text to say his asthma review is long overdure and I thought so is mine and mum's meds review etc.

Another item in my list is mum has bedbugs in her flat which as it is independent living I have to sort.