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Sandwich generation

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,746
Chester
Had rather a tearful day, a few fell on the train when my brother messaged to say he wasn't coming to see mum even though he knew with what's going on he might not come again - not worth the risk of passing something he might possibly have to mum and her passing it to carers and the rest of the building.

And then tears when talking to HR about working from home and explaining about mum.

Couldn't believe I missed the call.

I didn't sleep well last night - I think the upset of mum - although we know she seems to be on a slope down - combined with worrying about son looking a bit poorly and then how to get dau back. Son was just his normal overtired - which was a relief.

This is mum's third lot of ABs this year (2 lots of IV ones in hospital) so not good. Brother and I decided last night to say no hospital - we don't want her taking up a bed that is needed by a younger healthier person. Not a decision we would have made 2 months ago - but we both felt the right one now. The GP noted this and understood our reasoning. Maybe she will get through all this suspension of worldwide normal and then we'd reverse that decision. I think that is partly what upset me so much.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,183
Bedford
No wonder you are not sleeping when you had a tough decision to make regarding your Mum and worrying about son and dau
too. Glad to hear that son was ok.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,746
Chester
Got daughter home. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight, mum's issues with getting the GP out set off high stress levels.

I know that it is nothing compared to what many on here are going through but a few tears were shed for the summer she will miss. I think many of us still look back on our student days with fond memories, I do and she knew what I did in my summers at uni, She was ill for 4 years (April 15 to April 19) she missed out on a lot of life in those years. She knows others have it far worse, and for the kids leaving school this year, as well as not taking exams, they won't have proms and all the events that surround moving on, which again are beautiful memories for many years.

Keeping the regulatory distance had many brief chats with parents in the car park feeling the same.

I'm glad to have her home and for now life will go on for us - son is old enough to self study - he is expecting to have GCSEs in 14 months time and has work from school for a good few weeks, I'm working from home (due to asthma) as is OH most of the week (because he can), and dau has loads of work to do for deadlines. We've planned lots of things to do with our 'free' time - but not really sure if we will have any - I will save commuting and child taxi time so might have a bit more. Worried about job as well, if clients fail, they can't pay us and then we will struggle. Clients need lots of support at the moment as well.

I stocked mum up with 3 weeks of ready meals last week (as I normally do - only shopping every 3 weeks for her)-so hoping shops will be back to normal by the time I need more.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
424
It's difficult to know what to do right now regarding contacting the doctor. Mum has gone from having an upset tummy to being very constipated! We took her to the doctor on Tuesday about sone pain in her ribs when standing up and he prescribed co-codamol ( probable cause of the constipation although we have also noticed that mum is not drinking much). He is also chasing up her next appointment with the oncologist in case the pain is related to her breast cancer - worrying news for us. It was the last day before the surgery closed to patients, I think it's phone and Skype triage from now on.

Mum is not coping with the pain of being constipated, she keeps going to the toilet and not producing much but then touching her bottom to try to dig out the poo - which then ends up on the bathroom floor which she does not see! Nightmare just when toilet paper, kitchen towel, disinfectant, wet wipes etc are in short supply! Mum of course has no understanding of Covid 19 so is using copious quantities of paper to wrap random objects around the house!

So, just when we should be cutting down on car journeys, we are doubling up our care visits to twice a day to keep on top of the cleaning and check on mums pain. Her carers who go three times a week might have to stop if they are short staffed as they are prioritising clients who have no family to step in.

I used 111 online today to put in mums symptoms and got the message to contact her doctor - he is a one man band and does not offer an out of hours service, patients have to go through 111 - somewhat challenging at the moment! But I did get details of a drop in centre a few miles away ( no actual visits allowed at present before a triage phone call) which I plan to contact tomorrow if mum is still poorly.

Like you, I don't want to waste valuable NHS services at the moment but it looks like I'll have to.

I think once this crisis is over, we need to go visit a few care homes as sadly I can see mum needing to go to one fairly soon.

Hence why I am still awake at 04.24, I've had about four hours sleep but am now wide awake!
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,047
@Lynmax It could be faecal impaction, which happens when there's a build up of solid stools. My Mum had this (resulting in similar toilet activities) and it's not pleasant, and there'll be occasional bouts of diarrhoea when runny stools bypass the blockage 🤢 Is your Mum taking anything for the constipation, as it will be really uncomfortable for her. The chemist recommended Laxido, and a couple of small doses of this, along with plenty of fluids and a daily bowl of prunes, did the trick for Mum. Dehydration seemed to be the cause and we found that leaving out several pre-prepared glasses of squash where she could easily see them prompted Mum to drink more inbetween care visits.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,721
South East
Glad daughter home and son back to usual self , hope you have enough food to keep him going :). It’s quite hard to get my head around just what all this entails . Hubby has been laid off , kids learning online , but for the moment we are all ok and that’s as much as I ask for , we will have a nice tidy garden and all those diy jobs will get done . Hope everyone gets through this as well as possible .
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,746
Chester
@Woo2 - sorry I haven't replied on her to say sorry about OH's job. I've been following your thread and a few others of those caring for their mum's and a few other posts but not commenting fully as really busy.

Mum has recovered from her chest infection thankfully and amazingly. But I can't see her. Whilst it is meant to be independent living, they have requested no visitors and closed the restaurant and residents are confined to their flats. Which is eminently sensible so effectively she is now in a care home in her flat with carers providing meals. I didn't go on mother's day, and now can't go for her 90th birthday (which is today by the time I post it - 9th April). I wasn't going to do much as she is unlikely to grasp she is 90 and even remember it is her birthday for very long, last year she forgot from the time we gave her presents to me popping out of the room to get her cake and candles. But we were going to do something.

I am sad about this, and dau asked today if this meant we might not see her again if she either catches covid19 or something else and I said yes.

I am going to take some home made cupcakes round tomorrow with her cards and a small present. I'll also take her shopping as minimises trips.

I'd bought quite a bit so she hasn't needed anything for a while. She got a food box last week, and after being told this morning she needed ready meals, they then had 600 frozen ready meals delivered today so mum gets 16 of these.

We will have candles in her cakes at home and have a BBQ as she loved BBQs, in fact when we bought our patio furniture we bought 5 chairs, one for mum when she visited as she liked BBQs. She isn't able to cope with a BBQ anymore anyway but I just want to mark it when she is alive but can't be visited.

I'll try and finish this post off in the morning. Keep safe everyone.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,183
Bedford
Glad to hear that your Mum has recovered from her chest infection but sorry that you are unable to celebrate her birthday with her. Hopefully if your Mum does not realise it is her birthday she will still enjoy the cup cakes and the present. Wishing her a Happy 90th Birthday
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,807
Scotland
I'm glad that your mum has recovered, it's sad that you can't celebrate her 90th with her but it will almost certainly affect you and your family more than her. Enjoy your BBQ and raise a glass to your mum.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,243
Hope your mum has a good 90th. By mum's 90th it was obvious that her dementia was progressing quite radidly, but she didn't yet have a diagnosis. She had a good time at the party she insisted on, but sister-in-law and I had to do all the organising, after mum tried and got in a right old muddle. Glad her sheltered accommodation is being proactive about keeping the residents safe.
Look after you and your family, and enjoy a bit of a restful time, not ferrying people everywhere.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,721
South East
Ah wishing mum a Happy 90th Birthday ! You know even if she doesn’t , Mum doesn’t really understand her birthday, Mother’s Day either but as others said she will enjoy cake . BBQ sounds perfect . Hope it’s a good day for you .
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,746
Chester
Very briefly:

Just found out a colleague died in the ambulance on the way to hospital on Friday - such a shock. She was poorly for a couple of days, deteriorated and ambulnce was called but she didn't make it. Age 61. I don't know if she had any underlying health conditions. I do know I enjoyed working with her, which was only occasionally, that she was always good to work with and that she has 2 sons in their 20s. I'm sure she would have been as careful as possible about going out.

Such a shock.