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Sandwich generation

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
taxi for the kids,
I moved my mum near me (from 200 miles away) when crisis happened so not a lot of ferrying her but with both kids doing high level sport lots of taxi duties for them.

They are now 18 and 14 but were 12 and 8 when everything went pop. Dau is at Sheffield Uni so OH went via Sheffield to Irvine, Crawley and Swansea among other places in the autumn. Dau won't need OH again at races until Sept and if she does summer racing we will get her a car.

Son has evening training plus weekend competitions - we were in Watford when OH and dau were in Swansea.

@anxious annie - I followed your story, and was glad you got your mum in a home. I do work part time in quite a demanding job, with no one else in the office covering my work so I've had to pick bits up on days off for the last few months - should ease off now until Sept.
 
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jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Visited mum yesterday afternoon, she was pleased to see me but quickly fell asleep.

I spoke to nurse who said they are struggling to get her to drink, she was hydrated, but they had to put her back on drip.

She is still on IV antibiotics, but no oxygen. I saw a screen that showed amber for her chest so maybe she has got pneumonia.

I spoke to nurse saying I couldn't get back before Monday and they said she'd still be in hospital then they thought. I will phone about 2 every day (if I can get a signal). She is on a ward called AMU (acute medical unit) and discharge won't be considered until she has moved to a lower level ward.Gave OH's mobile no.

Still need to contact brother.

I discovered from carers that paramedics didn't want to take her to hospital as they said she had capacity and was saying no, carers managed to persuade her to say yes. I spoke to most senior carer based on site - mainly office based but does cover floor at weekends, and she said they often get ambulances with that attitude, she commented that just because they might deal with gangs and other stuff they shouldn't bring that attitude to dealing with the elderly and be so sharp, she was quite strong in what she said, given we both knew she was meant to stay neutral. I know I need to complain if they are giving such strong hints, but finding the time and energy are difficult. No idea how to complain about an a paramedic as well.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Discussed care homes with OH last night. He suggested my brother should step up to the mark and sort it out, I pointed out I'd asked him to visit mum and get her a TV, still not sorted and on my to do list (she was adamant she didn't want one and I'm not sure she'll watch it). Carer did confirm that he visited mum over xmas which is something and stayed for 45 minutes - which is more than I stay for. I leave her asleep if she is asleep.

I really do think now is the time for a care home, but not sure where to start despite all I've read on here. I suspect she probably needs EMI residential as she can be feisty over care.

Just reading @Ponddweller 's post has made me think if an independent social worker might help, not in persuading mum but in doing the leg work and can be paid for from mum's money. I have a friend who until fairly recently worked in the main hospital and was at one stage based at our local cottage hospital so I might contact her for assistance, she is retired but will have reasonable knowledge of homes I'm hoping.

What I hope happens is mum ends up back at her extra sheltered care and I have time to work it out. They are no where near mobilising her yet and her get up and go has long gone to try hard I think. I'm hoping they move her to the cottage for a bit.

Any thoughts ?
 

Ponddweller

Registered User
Jun 20, 2019
79
Hi @jugglingmum it does sound like you’re at a crossroads. We’re reaching that stage with FIL but he’s really a lot further down the road. Either way if you have time it might be worth seeing if there are any independents in your area. The lady I spoke to was happy to do a free phone consultation just to understand our situation with my dad and to suggest the things she could help with and I found it really reassuring. Personally I just want someone to tell me what to do! I was shocked at how my FIL has declined in hospital. I’m sure others with more experience will jump in, but perhaps there will be a step change in your Mums ability after the hospital and it would be the right time to consider the home. Hope everything runs smoothly in the next little while.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
989
I have no experience of independent social workers, but they sound useful, specially if your own time in looking for places for your mum to move to is limited. It does sound like a home is probably needed now. I only looked at three, but the third had the atmosphere I liked and by co-incidence I met another member of TP whose mum is in the same home who confirmed my feelings. Maybe go to look at a few to get your eye in.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
A very brief update as I've been too busy to compose a post to this thread.

Mum is still in hospital - but not yet mobilised
Our boiler hasn't been working properly since Friday (possibly fixed tonight)
And to add to my issues my Sainsbury's online delivery included a bottle of spilt washing up liquid which I am trying to clean up.

I am shattered from my weekend away as well.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,910
North Manchester
Finding somebody capable of correctly installing a boiler to specification is one thing, finding a technician capable of diagnosing faults on a previously working system is another.
Hope it's sorted.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
I doubt anyone else is that interested but for @nitram the boiler was serviced yesterday by guy that installed it. He was round for ages but some of time was chat and changed his standard service fee. OH and gas guy then worked together to fault find. OH removed capacitor from pump and fixed a loose wire and it then worked for a bit. Conclusion is pump is issue possibly a loose wire or capacitor. Pump is I think 10 to 12 years old. Boiler is 6 years old. OH is going to replace pump today. Gas guy has ordered one for him so get trade prices.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Didn't sleep well last night upset about both mum and elderly dog.

Friday I got a call from SW for her sheltered extra care place. She suggested I look at care homes in case that is needed. As mum wasn't going back to flat imminently she would pass over to hospital social worker.

I went to look at the home very close to me . SW described it as budget. Rooms are small and no en suite but staff are very friendly and communal areas very nice. A colleague's mum was there for a few years on the dementia floor. She said the staff were so good and so the small room size didn't matter when I asked her on Monday.

Physio also phoned and I explained mumy could walk to restaurant and get in and out of car at Xmas and up a step or 2. Ive seen this written in her notes as well as base line to aim for.

About to go into tunnel so more later.
 

ButtercupFields

New member
Dec 25, 2019
7
Hello all! I spent months reading the entire “So Bizarre” thread and really felt like I had friends here by the time I finished. So hopefully you don’t mind if I jump on here.

A little about myself: I live in Midwest US, so please excuse improper terms, etc. I live with eight others at my house - my OH, our 4 children (2 young adult, 2 teens), my parents (no dementia, completely independent functional adults), and my husbands aunt (PWD). We started full time care for his aunt in July 2019. Previously, she lived with my in-laws for many years pre and post dementia diagnosis (2012), but had become aggressive and very difficult to handle. The in laws are in their seventies, so the 24/7 care was becoming quite detrimental to their health. So it was care home or our house. We decided to give it a go with my oldest daughter providing daytime care, and me providing evening, nights, and weekend care. And most of the rest of the family helps out too as needed. So after a few rough weeks, a lot of med adjustments, a fall with broken bones, a couple of hospital stays, and a long home recovery with in home PT, OT, SS, ST, and nursing, we are currently on a pretty smooth routine.

If you got through all that, thanks for reading! I hope you don’t mind me jumping on your thread! I have learned soooo much from reading all of your posts and it has really helped me and my family adjust and know that people all over the world are struggling with the exact same problems we are having.

jugglingmum, I really wish AnnMac had continued to post on TP. I tried to find her on Facebook, but was unsuccessful. I think about her family and MIL often.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,067
Suffolk
Congratulations Buttercupfields, that’s a massive read!
I’m glad you are on a smoother course now.
Keep posting!
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Welcome @ButtercupFields - you are doing way more than me with hands on caring. I look forward to reading your posts.

Like most of us, annmac's real name isn't linked to her TP name and mac is a very common start of a surname round this area - with the close links to Ireland.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
@nitram - pump now changed on boiler and we have a warm house, OH was busy pointing this fact out to son this morning. I think we were all very fed up of being cold but not commenting to each other as otherwise it all gets too much. Thankfully dau is in Sheffield as she would have made her feelings known.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,613
Chester
Didn't visit mum last night, just ran out of time - I did a full day in work, only so much time I can miss and got home at 6, then a friend was calling round to drop a table off for OH to revarnish for her so I didn't have time to see her and see mum. I also needed to do washing up and other things now we had hot water.

Finding visiting mum hard, wards have been moved round in hospital over time, and the ward she is on was gynae, as I walk in the doors the bay opposite the doors is the one I was in for my 3 miscarriages. Not relevant to mum, and wouldn't have expected it to hit me but it did. I'm alright once I am in the ward in mum's bay.