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Sandwich generation

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
Well got here and mum's asleep on and off. Chest X ray done and now waiting for ct scan. Makes it easier to have me to ID her particularly when she is so deaf but sure they could have managed without me. She is joking with nurses in her normal way.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
Finally spoke to a Dr, who said they suspected a UTI. They'd had to do a ct scan as she'd fallen and there could be a head injury. And she'd complained of pain in her knees but the way she was moving about in bed they didn't think this was an issue, or hips. She is severely dehydrated and they are keeping her in, she will be moved to a ward in due course. She was asleep the whole time i was there although when roused she knew her DOB for ID purposes. I asked what time to return 5ish or 7ish and they said 7ish, so will go in whilst son is at his English lesson which is near hospital.

The Dr asked me the DNR question - which I haven't been asked before. I wasn't expecting it, but it does make sense. Of course I said no to extreme actions without hesitation.

I'd wondered in Dec if a UTI was brewing although would guess they don't take that long to appear, but decided it was a downturn - or maybe mild ones coming and going.

Now to let the invisible brother know, had no contact with him since August, no idea if he has been to visit mum for xmas or not. I'm going to do it via email as easier to explain the DNR bit that way. He gets all miserable and down about these things and too m
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
I hope the scans come back clear and you can both get home soon.

Cross posted, I've been home nearly an hour, got home just as son got in from school which was good for him as it meant I got to deal with the elderly dog's accidents.

Thanks for good wishes everyone.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,021
Glad they kept your mum in to investigate further, but obviously a worry for you. Hope she's perked up this evening.
I had DNR with mum's care home today. It is good to get it out of the way at a time when you don't think it is imminently needed.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
thanks again for best wishes.

I went back at 7pm last night (I'd asked which was better 5 or 7 and they'd said 7 which worked perfectly for me in my juggling life as son's English tuition is 2 mins from hospital). When I left at 3 she was ready to go on to a ward, and they'd expected this to happen by 7, but she was still on A & E and still really sleepy. She hadn't had any food all day, and they persuaded her to have some cornflakes which I fed her, she told me off for 'being rubbish' as I let milk run down her chin.

I've phoned about 2 (couldn't get through this morning) and she's eaten breakfast and was determinedly working her way through her lunch with no assistance. I was told she'd drunk the remaining milk out of her breakfast bowl and used her fingers to scrape out the remaining bits - this is her normal 'dementia' behaviour so eating at least is back to normal.

I normally work Weds but due to working 2 days overtime last week (unexpectedly due to issues) I had arranged to be off today, so I will go up there in a bit. Need to get some work done from leaving early yesterday, I was due on a course in the afternoon so not as much missed as expected but another crisis has landed which I am needed to sort out (would have been needed on my days off anyway). I will also need to go in for a few hours tomorrow.

Haven't contacted brother yet. Spoken to care team at her sheltered extra care and they confirmed he visited over xmas at least. I think I aught to speak to him but don't want to end up shouting at him as he caused so many issues last time she was in hospital that I'd rather not involve him if it will makes things worse. I used a weeks holiday last time due to issues that were caused by him saying the wrong thing in the hospital.

I did feel a bit as if I was signing mum's death warrant when I discussed the DNR, but the way she is today I don't think that is happening soon.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
I visited mum this evening, was surprised to find she was on oxygen, she wasn't yesterday. Nurse who'd I'd spoken to on phone was very nice and helpful, and said she'd be there tomorrow when I plan to visit. She said it was only a low dose of oxygen so not feeling as positive as I was. She's still on IV ABs and fluids to rehydrate her, nurse said her hydration levels were coming up.

She said ward rounds don't finish until 1ish so if I go in after that should be able to get the update from Drs.

She said they had strip washed her, with some persuasion required and I said that the carers struggle to get her in the shower and she certainly doesn't have one every week and that at one point she'd gone over a year without one. I said she can get feisty with carers and that as she got better she might object more strongly to being washed which she clearly understood and accepted. She said they would try and wash her every day as this gave a good base for going back when she isn't washing.

So not as positive as I felt after phone call but improvement is good.

I took in puzzle books I had bought yesterday but didn't see much point in leaving with mum, asked her if she wanted them and she said yes. Not sure how good her eyesight is so might pick up reading glasses and take them in.

Now need to remember to take in mini white boards I have at home to communicate due to her deafness. Also need to try and get some drinks for her as I know carers say that they worry she doesn't drink enough where she lives and the capri sun drinks help. (writing this down to help remember).

I am meant to be away this weekend, where there is no phone signal. OH is staying at home with elderly dog as too difficult to take her with us (she goes outside does nothing 10 minutes later widdles on kitchen floor and does both overnight) so OH has offered to visit her and if she is discharged deal with that, I was surprised and very pleased as he has found it quite difficult since she first had her crisis, it took him a long time to understand how she had changed and thought i was making it up. I think the progression of dementia means he can see she needs help now. (she was very good to him and he always said pre dementia she was nicer to him than his own mum, and even 2 years ago, 4 years after crisis, she was better company)

Still not contacted brother. As OH is available over the weekend not sure I need to and he won't come up if I say there is no need.

Ended up working quite a bit this afternoon, dealing with the crisis that had arisen, and therefore the work I was going to do didn't get done, but the partner I was working for said it can wait as I'd done this so don't need to go in tomorrow, which is a bonus.
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,761
Scotland
I hope that your mum has improved when you visit today. It is great that your OH is so supportive, it takes some pressure off.

I am collecting my mum from her 1st weeks respite this afternoon, I don't know how she will react once she is home.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,021
@Juggling mum, I too hope your mum is improved when you visit today. That nurse sounds like she is on the ball. It must be tricky with your mum being so deaf, and I bet being in hospital doesn't help. I know my very poor hearing takes a dive when I'm in stressful situations.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
I am collecting my mum from her 1st weeks respite this afternoon, I don't know how she will react once she is home.
I hope that you've relaxed and enjoyed your week on your own, just the 2 of you, no dry January for you.

I hope your mum is OK when she gets home, I know issues have built up slowly.

How is your dog?

This is the first time OH has been really supportive - which after 6 years of this has made life awkward.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
@Sarasa - mum has been deaf a long time, she did use hearing aids at one stage, and for a while they worked but she struggled with them long before diagnosis, I wasn't aware how often the batteries needed changing as I wasn't told - don't think she understood either - brother sorted out current hearing aids when crisis happened

As dementia impacted, it was clear that there was a massive time lag between us speaking and her understanding, and I think this was a processing issue linked to the dementia so I'm not sure how much was dementia and how much is deafness.

On a good day she seemed to hear us quite well without hearing aids so I do wonder how much of the apparent deafness was actually the initial start of dementia.

She is beyond much communication apart basic info now, as things don't make sense to her, so the deafness isn't so much of an issue.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
252
Hi juggling mum
I hope things are improving for your mum.
I'm not a "sandwich generation" as my children are both young adults and able to look after themselves. When mum was at home I found it hard enough working part time and travelling to spend time supporting her and can only imagine how much more difficult it must be to care for young children at the same time. Mum is now in a care home as she wasn't safe by herself and my burden is eased.
I hope that you will now get continued support from your OH. Look after yourself too as well as your family.
 

Vegpatch

Registered User
Nov 3, 2016
28
Hi @jugglingmum, i’m Def a sandwich middle....2 elderly parents living over an hour away (dad in care home with mid - late stage Alzheimer’s), and 3 adopted children at home (aged from 6).

It’s hard !!!

Not only am I a taxi for the kids, but for parents too - travelling across to take dad to the dentist tomorrow. It could get violent !
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,761
Scotland
I hope that you've relaxed and enjoyed your week on your own, just the 2 of you, no dry January for you.

I hope your mum is OK when she gets home, I know issues have built up slowly.

How is your dog?

This is the first time OH has been really supportive - which after 6 years of this has made life awkward.
It must make things very difficult with your mum being deaf, we had a similar problem with my nan years ago, she could not hear very well and also had problems processing what was said, it left you exhausted after a short conversation.

Mum is a bit more confused than usual but I expected that, I think that full time care is on the horizon.

My dog is doing well and has been very well behaved, he is not allowed out of his pen without a lead until the middle of February but is allowed walks on a short lead.

I'm back on the wagon now, I must lose some weight.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,624
Chester
I'm back on the wagon now, I must lose some weight.
I put a lot of weight on in the autumn - partly work related stress - I did advise different partners (my boss - in a partnership you have lots of them) that I was on the verge of handing my notice in from the start of Sept to end Oct - and partly illness and lack of exercise. Maybe we need to get @Grannie G to bring back the weekly weight loss thread, but not before I go away this weekend - mulled wine, G & T and red wine all will be travelling with me.
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,761
Scotland
I put a lot of weight on in the autumn - partly work related stress - I did advise different partners (my boss - in a partnership you have lots of them) that I was on the verge of handing my notice in from the start of Sept to end Oct - and partly illness and lack of exercise. Maybe we need to get @Grannie G to bring back the weekly weight loss thread, but not before I go away this weekend - mulled wine, G & T and red wine all will be travelling with me.
Have a great weekend, enjoy your supplies.