Ive been reading this thread for a while as I consider myself one of the sandwich generation even though my children are now in their early thirties. Being divorced, I've pretty much brought them up on my own since 1999 with some help from my mum (pwd) who would drive 100 miles to house sit when I went on holiday or had to work. I miss her strength every day.
For me, the worries and anxieties are still part of my life, eldest son lives in the US and has been going through a toxic divorce ( I could write a book!) which, although very recently was finalised, the situation is still dire between my son, his ex and her family - who did not get what they wanted and are out to prove that my son is a bad father to lose custody and have managed to get him arrested! Luckily my sister in law lives in the area for part of the year so acts as his surrogate mum. But I have had to pay for his attorney and divorce fees as money was a major part of the issue. I have to switch my phone off at night to avoid the evil, vitriolic texts I get from his ex wife!
Now I have increased anxiety about mum, I'm not on my own looking after her as I am very close to my two siblings but we've just made the decision to get in some agency carers three days a week to help my sister who is her main Carer and for holiday cover. So I've been rushing around filling in the paper work, meeting the care manager and carers, sorting out key safe, medicine boxes etc etc! My sister and I are so worried about tomorrow at 11am when her first Carer will arrive - it's a bit like when our children first went to school! We've now got two cameras inside the house as well as the ones outside so guess what I'll be looking at tomorrow! We're having a two hour visit on a Saturday, Sunday and Monday to provide a meal as well as companionship but they don't need to do personal care or any domestic duties as we will provide the meals etc. I know it will be fine but I still feel awful for handing over a part of mums care.
And on top of all my family responsibilities, my best friend from Prinary school is on palliative care for cancer and I am in pieces. Her hubby, also an old school friend and neighbour of mine, died very suddenly just before Christmas ( his funeral was held on his 65th birthday) and because of this and a recent diagnosis of type 1 diabeties, my friend missed a vital scan so now the cancer has spread beyond being threatable. My friend is now living with her daughter ( my god daughter) until the end but wants to visit me for a get together with a couple of other school friends. I would love her to stay here for a long time, I live in Manchester near the renowned Christie Hospital but I know that is just my heart talking, it's not going to happen. I cry every time I think about my friend, I'll miss her so much.
So between my son in the US, my Mum with Alzheimer's and my poorly friend, my mind is whirling and I'm struggling to remain focused on my own life. Hence still being awake at 12.30 am and struggling not to cry! Luckily I retired early from teaching three years ago so have more time for caring - but also that leaves more time to worry!
I apologise for the self pity party but I find this forum is pretty much the only place where I can share my worries. I have learnt so much here about how to help my mum and I would be lost without it. I know so many of you have similar problems, many of you are coping with much worse and in the wee hours of the night, it's a safe place to share my feelings. Thank you