1. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply to my post with so much kindness and honestly. I appreciate it very much. Thank you all for your ability to listen or I should say read my posts and be able to empathise with me. This is a great gift and you all have it. Thank you.

    I am angry that Dementia is not high on the dept of health agenda. People with this disease are ill. Their care should not be left to carers who struggle every day. We all pay PRSI etc, then when we need health care, where is it?? I am angry that Alyzheimers in Ireland are concentrating on specific areas with good services but huge areas have no service. Oh yes they will send out fact sheets........ Am angry about the injustice of it all. I am tired of the excuses that staff are too busy.....

    I will make no comment or our infamous " fair deal" system.

    My mind is broken. The really positive thing is that once T was admitted into hospital, he was treated with excellent medical care and also with dignity. The palliative care Nurse organised settling T into special room and then the nurses on the wards
    were with me every step of the way. Yes they were busy and short staffed but they gave so much to all the patients in their care. Thank God for all of them.

    I found the white rose for t' s grave. I love gardens but am useless with them..... I was in cemetery today and was so happy with the garden of potted plants on his grave and every flower has flourished ........

    Am rambling on.....


    A million thanks.

    Aisling xx
     
  2. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Dear Aisling, so, so sorry you are in this pain. You've only so recently lost your beloved T.

    I think after a certain period others forget or don't realize that the pain gets deeper as the sheer enormous reality of losing someone seeps in. It's a visceral response and is overwhelming at times.

    Adjusting to that reality takes another indefinite length of time. Don't know about time healing either. Time gives space to recallibrate to the absolute change. And if anyone mentions 'closure'...

    I can't contemplate a world without mum yet. I can only take peeks at it for now. And in the greater scheme of things mum's death wouldn't be considered 'untimely'. Makes little difference to me though, when grief hits hard. But you've lost your life partner way too soon, just unthinkably hard. Please go as gently on yourself as you can.

    Sending you warm, warm support. So glad to read you posting again. Hope you continue if you need too.

    (((Hug)))
     
  3. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Dear Molly,

    In my opinion " the greater scheme of things" doesn't matter a hoot when you are grieving and in pain. You are trying to cope with your Mums death and from my experience that is so difficult .

    I know I need support but find if difficult to request it. People forget so easily. Getting myself presentable to go out is immense for me and that's only to a local shop!! To be fair when someone is kind it makes it easier for those moments... Opening a door for me, struggling with car tyres ans a man says can I help you with that? Yes please..... Then man explains that he never knows when to offer a woman help as the nose has been cut off him!!

    I was always such a strong person but now I am like jelly!! Overly sensitive and annoyed with the blanks when I try to remember . I still see myself standing outside the gates of cemetery on my own.......... Where is everyone?? No ones fault as I have been known as a strong person.

    The amount of stuff to do after a death is awesome on your own.

    It is good to post but am aware that I might get carried away and rabbit on and on.........

    The latest news is When I manage to sleep, nightmares arrive and I wake up soaked while the BD hovers around!!! I am sending the BD away as soon as I can!!! He is slow on taking hints!!

    Sending you and other TPs who take the time to hold me upright every blessing.

    Aisling xx

    Ps. Where is the sun today?? I love the sunshine. We get enough cold and rain!!
     
  4. CraftyJ

    CraftyJ Registered User

    Jan 31, 2014
    35
    Bedfordshire

    Aisling
    You responded to a poem i submitted on here a couple of days ago, not having been on this forum for a long time. I was very sad to read your post and hear of your sad and recent loss. There are no words when someone loses a loved one. I cant imagine the pain you are going through and just wanted to send you my condolences and hope in time you will find the strength to cope better. There are no rules as to how you grieve or are supposed to forge ahead. Sending you my best wishes and take care.
     
  5. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you so much. Your poem was so beautiful. There are no rules for bereavement.
    Sending you lots of support and virtual hugs.

    Aisling xx
     
  6. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Thanks, Aisling x

    Oh, do 'get carried away' if it helps. Grieving isn't neat. It's horribly messy at times isn't it.

    I'm with my partner this week, so I know. Ha!

    Sending you a hug and some mediterranean sunshine. Xxx
     
  7. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    Aisling, if you're having some rain, could you give it a nudge south, please? We are getting a bit desperate!
     
  8. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Trying to send some to you now.

    Aisling xx
     
  9. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Morning Aisling, hope the sun is shining there. It is here though much cooler. Dry weather is fine, it helps me stay afloat. Hope you are afloat, hope you are sleeping and eating.

    My dog is bouncing off my OH's fence trying to catch starlings and sparrows. Big hunter dog. They all know it's a game and drive her to distraction.

    Hug x
     
  10. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    I don't want to be negative or weak but I am. Think I am having some sort of breakdown. No energy, no motivation, nothin. Will try to get to doctor tomorrow. Had emergency on Saturday, won't frighten anyone by going into it. After hours I got through to a friend. He got to me within ten minutes TG.

    Aisling xx
     
  11. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Please get to the doctor tomorrow. Can your friend bring you? You are not being negative or weak, what is going on is real. Please, please go to doc. We're here. X
     
  12. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    I echo Molly, please see a doctor ASAP he or she can and will be able to help. We're always here to listen as well any time you need as well. X
     
  13. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,437
    Female
    Dundee
  14. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Oh Aisling e are all concerned about you, and are always her to talk. It sounds a good idea to get some advice and help from your GP even if its just whilst you build your strength up. Warm supportive hugs sent xxx
     
  15. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Molly, Lavender, Izzy and Jorgie,

    Thank you all. I have made appointment with Doctor for tomorrow. Usual man is on holiday so seeing his locum. Sec assures me he is excellent.

    Aisling xxxxxxxxxx xx
     
  16. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    Aisling, I hope you have a better night's sleep tonight. You know we are all here too. I know how quickly those around us seem to move on, leaving us behind. "Bereft" is such a descriptive word, isn't it? And yes, I hear you about all the paperwork etc that needs doing when someone dies, particularly, I think, a spouse. You WILL get through this. Maybe it's as well to see a different doctor. Fresh set of eyes, and sometimes, a stranger is easier to talk to.
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,437
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm delighted to hear that. Pour your heart out.
     
  18. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Lady A, as always thank. I know I am on the edge of a cliff. My doc is excellent but as you say a a fresh set of eyes.

    Aisling xxxxxxxx
     
  19. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Aisling, I am so sorry for your loss, your pain is very clear for us all to see :( Please access any/all help you can - whether that be your GP, friends, formal counselling or pouring out your heart on TP.
     
  20. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Night Aisling, I'm glad you got an appt. Sod's law it's a locum, nonetheless, don't spare the horses going through that list with him. This is about you now. Warm hug. X
     

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