Refusing all care, and needs special assistance to bathe etc.

[Ricrizzo1]

Hello,

My grandmother has newly onset dementia, for last 8 months until recently she was cared for primarily by my grandfather but he recently passed 10 weeks ago.
She refuses any safety measures life alert, cell phones.. any form of in home care, she refuses to bathe etc.
She won't answer the phone.
She was not in great health prior to the dementia, and needs assistance with regular day to day activities including bathing.
We do not have current POA for her, and she is refusing any In home or assisted living services.

Does anyone have advise on how we can obtain care for her?

 

[MaNaAk]

Hello,

My grandmother has newly onset dementia, for last 8 months until recently she was cared for primarily by my grandfather but he recently passed 10 weeks ago.
She refuses any safety measures life alert, cell phones.. any form of in home care, she refuses to bathe etc.
She won't answer the phone.
She was not in great health prior to the dementia, and needs assistance with regular day to day activities including bathing.
We do not have current POA for her, and she is refusing any In home or assisted living services.

Does anyone have advise on how we can obtain care for her?

Dear @Ricrizzo1,

Welcome to the forum. Does your grandmother get AA and do your parents get Carers Allowance? You need to look at what benefits she might be entitled and the POA. You need to start looking into the POA before she loses capacity and also you're going to tell a lot of love lies to get her the help that she needs because you can't do this yourself. I lived with and cared for him for two years before he went into a care home. He was showing symptoms for at least a year before diagnosis.

Hugs

MaNaAk

PS: Dad was self-funding but if you contact your local authority they can put you in the right direction.

 

[MaNaAk]

Another thought is that you need to inform her GP as to who is her main carer.

MaNaAk

 

[Reb20]

Hello,

My grandmother has newly onset dementia, for last 8 months until recently she was cared for primarily by my grandfather but he recently passed 10 weeks ago.
She refuses any safety measures life alert, cell phones.. any form of in home care, she refuses to bathe etc.
She won't answer the phone.
She was not in great health prior to the dementia, and needs assistance with regular day to day activities including bathing.
We do not have current POA for her, and she is refusing any In home or assisted living services.

Does anyone have advise on how we can obtain care for her?

Hi, I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Once my dad passed away my mum's dementia became hard for her to hide - it's a lot to deal with when you're grieving. I sorted out my dad's will and probate and got through the POA for my mum at the same time, along with her Will. You/your family could perhaps discuss this with a recommended sympathetic solicitor (without your grandmother)- they are used to this and ours led me to do the POA for mum thank goodness. As a result I manage her bank account- she no longer has access to it in case of fraud attempts by others as she can be so compliant.

My mum doesn't allow help- she'll moan but will let family clean and cook but wouldn't let a carer- with the result that every visit is spent on care. But there are discrete ways to help- a ring door bell can put your mind at rest and people add cameras to ensure their loved ones are safe in the house. I put an apple tag on mums keys with her first name on- and she hasn't noticed it's more than a key ring. Also I added smoke alarms that link to my phone, a key safe for emergencies and I have a wellbeing hub that monitors activity.

I have recently managed to get a carer in the house once a week for 2 hours- but she shouted at me and said she'd leave the house- however she is compliant (relatively) once they're there. And this will have to increase and she probably wont complain as her short term memory is so bad, and I wont discuss it with her in advance.

It is v hard trying to find a way to get the support in. I'm sure you're doing your best.

R

 

[SherwoodSue]

Hello,

My grandmother has newly onset dementia, for last 8 months until recently she was cared for primarily by my grandfather but he recently passed 10 weeks ago.
She refuses any safety measures life alert, cell phones.. any form of in home care, she refuses to bathe etc.
She won't answer the phone.
She was not in great health prior to the dementia, and needs assistance with regular day to day activities including bathing.
We do not have current POA for her, and she is refusing any In home or assisted living services.

Does anyone have advise on how we can obtain care for her?

I am sorry you are going through all this. Have you tried writing a warts and all letter to the GP, letting them know what is going on? You need allies here.

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear @Ricrizzo1,

I'm so sorry about your grandfather.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

MaNaAk

 

[Reb20]

Sorry- also your grandmother will of course be grieving and scared as things have changed and will change further. My mum was particular bad following bereavement but improved in relation to that. And everything had/has to be done slowly, it has taken an age to get some of the things I mention in place- she can't be rushed. R x