I have agonised over where and even if I should post this but I really need some input so here goes. I really don't want to upset anyone, but I know when the time comes I'm going to be a basket case, so I'm trying to get things straight before that point.
Funerals: a difficult subject. My mother now lives 100 miles from where she has lived for the past 20 years or so, and we've always been a bit peripatetic - bouncing around the south of england. Mummy always said that was my father's choice, but since he died she moved at least 6 times of her own volition (and has commented to me that possibly it wasn't just my father). Anyway, the upshot is that she only has one pre-illness friend left who is likely to come to her funeral. We have no real family left on my mother's side, and no contact with them. So that leaves me, my husband and my children. Compounding the problem is that, of course, my husband and children will be in the US when the time comes. So the question is, do we have to have a funeral? I mean I think they have real value in terms of closure, but I can't think that a funeral attended by a few people is going to be anything other than supremely depressing. Depending on when it occurs it may not even be possible for my children to be there.
Mummy has always said she want to be cremated. I was thinking - is it possible to have a private cremation and then subsequently have a non-religious (because none of us are) memorial service? And if so, where should I have this service: near where she is currently living or where she used to live?
I once went to a Society of Friends "funeral" which was lovely - people just stood up and spoke about the person, but I don't think that would work - frankly there aren't enough of us left. On the other hand I don't want to to give my mother short shrift. On the other other hand, I don't want to do something just because it is "supposed" to be done, or because not to do so will put me in a bad light - I know how much I love and value my mother so I don't need that sort of validation.
Jennifer
Funerals: a difficult subject. My mother now lives 100 miles from where she has lived for the past 20 years or so, and we've always been a bit peripatetic - bouncing around the south of england. Mummy always said that was my father's choice, but since he died she moved at least 6 times of her own volition (and has commented to me that possibly it wasn't just my father). Anyway, the upshot is that she only has one pre-illness friend left who is likely to come to her funeral. We have no real family left on my mother's side, and no contact with them. So that leaves me, my husband and my children. Compounding the problem is that, of course, my husband and children will be in the US when the time comes. So the question is, do we have to have a funeral? I mean I think they have real value in terms of closure, but I can't think that a funeral attended by a few people is going to be anything other than supremely depressing. Depending on when it occurs it may not even be possible for my children to be there.
Mummy has always said she want to be cremated. I was thinking - is it possible to have a private cremation and then subsequently have a non-religious (because none of us are) memorial service? And if so, where should I have this service: near where she is currently living or where she used to live?
I once went to a Society of Friends "funeral" which was lovely - people just stood up and spoke about the person, but I don't think that would work - frankly there aren't enough of us left. On the other hand I don't want to to give my mother short shrift. On the other other hand, I don't want to do something just because it is "supposed" to be done, or because not to do so will put me in a bad light - I know how much I love and value my mother so I don't need that sort of validation.
Jennifer