Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰
- Thread starter sdmhred
- Start date
Back with a bump to the business.
We really struggled to find a vicar and church for a thanksgiving service, but have one now. It’s a very quaint old church but a vicar who says he’s new to doing funerals 🙈🙈 I did a talk at my Dads and will aim to do the same for mum…
Death registration was simple and the lady kind and efficient. I will now contact the utility companies on mum’s house etc I still need before freezing the account. I guess they will have to go in my name until we sell the house.
I went to see mum today. I wailed with grief whilst she was dying but haven’t done since - although I did have a little cry today. Same with Dad - lots of tears at the time but few since! For the first time when viewing a body I instinctively expected her to move 😢😢 she has a lovely wicker type coffin….she had prepaid a funeral and was allocated a ‘green’ funeral director- no embalming etc. she would have approved.
in my other thread you may have read about care home fee annoyances 😬😬😬 not going to let this drag me down! I would have done before caring but I am a stronger person now And won’t rise to everything….but will still stick to my principles…. I did enjoy going to the care home yesterday and seeing my friends who hadn’t forgotten who I was 🥰🥰
a few piccies from the past few days
We really struggled to find a vicar and church for a thanksgiving service, but have one now. It’s a very quaint old church but a vicar who says he’s new to doing funerals 🙈🙈 I did a talk at my Dads and will aim to do the same for mum…
Death registration was simple and the lady kind and efficient. I will now contact the utility companies on mum’s house etc I still need before freezing the account. I guess they will have to go in my name until we sell the house.
I went to see mum today. I wailed with grief whilst she was dying but haven’t done since - although I did have a little cry today. Same with Dad - lots of tears at the time but few since! For the first time when viewing a body I instinctively expected her to move 😢😢 she has a lovely wicker type coffin….she had prepaid a funeral and was allocated a ‘green’ funeral director- no embalming etc. she would have approved.
in my other thread you may have read about care home fee annoyances 😬😬😬 not going to let this drag me down! I would have done before caring but I am a stronger person now And won’t rise to everything….but will still stick to my principles…. I did enjoy going to the care home yesterday and seeing my friends who hadn’t forgotten who I was 🥰🥰
a few piccies from the past few days
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I'm sure you'll find the right words to say to celebrate all that your was and was to all who knew her @sdmhred and a suitable service. I hope it all goes as you wish it to.
As you know, that is not the end of it, and I don't just mean winding up her estate etc, as your mum (and your dad) live on in you forever.
Best wishes and a virtual hug.
As you know, that is not the end of it, and I don't just mean winding up her estate etc, as your mum (and your dad) live on in you forever.
Best wishes and a virtual hug.
Good to hear the essentials are getting sorted. To do lists never leave us, even in very difficult circumstances.
Emotions are so complex arent they, particularly grief. Its a journey of self discovery buried in between all the pain.
Hope you have managed to soak in a little vitamim D amongst it all.
Emotions are so complex arent they, particularly grief. Its a journey of self discovery buried in between all the pain.
Hope you have managed to soak in a little vitamim D amongst it all.
My to do list is the longest ever @Rachael03 !! But you’re right it’s important to get a balance - so I’ve decided that it will be only a couple of mum’s business jobs each day and then spend the rest of the time on my to do list, on self care, seeing friends and tackling my flat.
My musing on the past couple of days has been on flowers and social exclusion for carers and PWD. So when Dad died 3 years ago I was living a fairly regular life. FT at work, socialising as much as covid allowed……we were overrun with flowers - so much so I wished people would send me a cake instead….several from family, from friends and work. This time round I have been clearly isolated in my caring role - just one, only one bunch of flowers 😢😢😢 from my mum’s brother. 3 or 4 friends only have sent cards….OR is it the social media culture whereby you get lots of FB comments ( which I did get) and then that’s it - quite possibly 😢😢😢
Back to work tomorrow. Will see how I go. Can take time off if find I need it, but SS fairly strict on the old compassionate leave 😢😢 My sister and brother [NHS & private sector ) have been told to take what they need.
random pics include the kindness shown me today by the community fridge! It’s new ish and they were advertising as I walked past. I explained I could afford food but she said that those who needed it had been and it was also open to those who didn’t like food waste! Planning food is stressful with bereavement brain so this was wonderful as no decisions needed - cooked with what I was given!
My musing on the past couple of days has been on flowers and social exclusion for carers and PWD. So when Dad died 3 years ago I was living a fairly regular life. FT at work, socialising as much as covid allowed……we were overrun with flowers - so much so I wished people would send me a cake instead….several from family, from friends and work. This time round I have been clearly isolated in my caring role - just one, only one bunch of flowers 😢😢😢 from my mum’s brother. 3 or 4 friends only have sent cards….OR is it the social media culture whereby you get lots of FB comments ( which I did get) and then that’s it - quite possibly 😢😢😢
Back to work tomorrow. Will see how I go. Can take time off if find I need it, but SS fairly strict on the old compassionate leave 😢😢 My sister and brother [NHS & private sector ) have been told to take what they need.
random pics include the kindness shown me today by the community fridge! It’s new ish and they were advertising as I walked past. I explained I could afford food but she said that those who needed it had been and it was also open to those who didn’t like food waste! Planning food is stressful with bereavement brain so this was wonderful as no decisions needed - cooked with what I was given!
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I don’t like waste either. The fridge freezer and cupboards all have to be nearly bare before I shop; and the lengths I will go to to try and use every single bit of yarn when I’m knitting…..
back to work 😢😢
Made it through the day 😀 tired and sluggish brain but managed to sort out emails, expenses etc…
A variety of feelings - at points I had to pinch myself that the last 3 years have actually happened….it felt just like working from home during covid…..but then close to 5pm it was bizarre. I’m used to rushing to get off to the home to help with supper and prior to that, mum and I used to pack up our tea and drive out to a local beauty spot. She was always so patient waiting for the 5pm tea bell to ring 🥰🥰🥰
I’ve plenty of work stories I can share working in severe mental health …I’ll choose some of my best In time. Yesterday I bumped into 4 old clients in town…I’m smiling at people in the street and in response 1) Gave me a two fingered salute 🙈🙈 2) Another of retired age and chronic schizophrenia stopped me and said they were on a get back to work programme 🤗🤗 3) Gave me a pretty normal I know you but don’t know you look - phew he was well then otherwise I’d have got a load of verbal 4) Millionaire but wearing shabby trousers and trainers only I would have known 🤣🤣
Took a walk through the town tonight - sooo many people out heading to pubs and restaurants- very bizarre as last time I walked the streets it was covid…
so my take homes from today are
1) Rest, rest and rest…..watch as much TV as i like and loll on park benches
2) Definitely don’t let myself slip forever back into boring normal mundane life
3) Get me out to the countryside as much as I can
🖥🏞🛤✈️🚝
Made it through the day 😀 tired and sluggish brain but managed to sort out emails, expenses etc…
A variety of feelings - at points I had to pinch myself that the last 3 years have actually happened….it felt just like working from home during covid…..but then close to 5pm it was bizarre. I’m used to rushing to get off to the home to help with supper and prior to that, mum and I used to pack up our tea and drive out to a local beauty spot. She was always so patient waiting for the 5pm tea bell to ring 🥰🥰🥰
I’ve plenty of work stories I can share working in severe mental health …I’ll choose some of my best In time. Yesterday I bumped into 4 old clients in town…I’m smiling at people in the street and in response 1) Gave me a two fingered salute 🙈🙈 2) Another of retired age and chronic schizophrenia stopped me and said they were on a get back to work programme 🤗🤗 3) Gave me a pretty normal I know you but don’t know you look - phew he was well then otherwise I’d have got a load of verbal 4) Millionaire but wearing shabby trousers and trainers only I would have known 🤣🤣
Took a walk through the town tonight - sooo many people out heading to pubs and restaurants- very bizarre as last time I walked the streets it was covid…
so my take homes from today are
1) Rest, rest and rest…..watch as much TV as i like and loll on park benches
2) Definitely don’t let myself slip forever back into boring normal mundane life
3) Get me out to the countryside as much as I can
🖥🏞🛤✈️🚝
If you are back this way and fancy a cup of tea (or coffee) and cake at Holme For Gardens just let me know!
Ooh Holme For Gardens was one of mum and dads favourite stomping grounds 🥰🥰🥰 I thought of the Banjoman last weekend as I walked past his care home. I find it very sad as you can see masks and clinical boxes just abandoned in the entrance, and before they secured the windows you could see files too.
i will definitely be down some point after the funeral and let you know ….
i will definitely be down some point after the funeral and let you know ….
Here's another plan (that works to stop me feeling isolated)
Just smile and make a small comment to someone you see in a shop, on the street, on public transport... Whatever.....
Your dog is happy today
I love that colour on you
That shopping trolley looks handy
That should lead to a short conversation. When you see them again, smile, say hello and carry on from there.
I have loads of people I look out for when I'm in town
I love number 1 and 3 on this list.
I can understand the intention with number 2...but 'boring' can sometimes be labelled in place of simplicity, ease, gentle pace. Just keep doing you. If covid and caring teaches us anything, its appreicating the small things, which you seem to do very well thriugh all the thoughtful posts you share. I find your insights anything but boring ☺️
The Big Smoke 🏭🏭
‘place of simplicity, ease, gentle pace’ - I love this @Rachael03 - sums it up so well. I’ve also attached a FB cartoon that appeared yesterday which also illustrates it….the only thing for me to add is to make sure I travel and I am going to start a notebook of places to go to make it real…
Anyway have spent much of the weekend in the Big Smoke meeting the family to prepare the funeral. First time properly for around 5 years! I felt like a rabbit in the headlights - being even more so a country bumpkin these days.
I was surprised however that having chosen to start at a Country Park and end with a river walk it did feel remarkably rural if you knew where to go….Saturday evening also felt like I could be abroad. We walked to the shop in the heat, lots of foreign voices, people still in the park and exotic food ships.
I also was surprised, and pleased, to see children out playing. It doesn’t happen round here so to see a groups of kids having fun together outdoors was a blast back to my childhood….and dare I say it, probably better for their all round wellbeing in the future,
We chose funeral songs and readings relatively easily. Slight debate over where to eat but hey, I can now go to restaurants I want to anytime!
A uni friend of mum phoned following receiving our card. I hadn’t realised there were any left…mum took lots of photos and this friend has followed up with an email so I will look of some of her to send back 🥰🥰🥰
Oh and it appears mum kept all of her certificates!!!!
‘place of simplicity, ease, gentle pace’ - I love this @Rachael03 - sums it up so well. I’ve also attached a FB cartoon that appeared yesterday which also illustrates it….the only thing for me to add is to make sure I travel and I am going to start a notebook of places to go to make it real…
Anyway have spent much of the weekend in the Big Smoke meeting the family to prepare the funeral. First time properly for around 5 years! I felt like a rabbit in the headlights - being even more so a country bumpkin these days.
I was surprised however that having chosen to start at a Country Park and end with a river walk it did feel remarkably rural if you knew where to go….Saturday evening also felt like I could be abroad. We walked to the shop in the heat, lots of foreign voices, people still in the park and exotic food ships.
I also was surprised, and pleased, to see children out playing. It doesn’t happen round here so to see a groups of kids having fun together outdoors was a blast back to my childhood….and dare I say it, probably better for their all round wellbeing in the future,
We chose funeral songs and readings relatively easily. Slight debate over where to eat but hey, I can now go to restaurants I want to anytime!
A uni friend of mum phoned following receiving our card. I hadn’t realised there were any left…mum took lots of photos and this friend has followed up with an email so I will look of some of her to send back 🥰🥰🥰
Oh and it appears mum kept all of her certificates!!!!
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Hi @sdmhred
You said "Saturday evening also felt like I could be abroad. We walked to the shop in the heat, lots of foreign voices, people still in the park and exotic food ships."
Yes, in London, especially in tourist season, but also at other times there are lots of different faces from lots of different races from lots of different places. Makes it all more interesting.
You said "Saturday evening also felt like I could be abroad. We walked to the shop in the heat, lots of foreign voices, people still in the park and exotic food ships."
Yes, in London, especially in tourist season, but also at other times there are lots of different faces from lots of different races from lots of different places. Makes it all more interesting.
I was told they had turned it into luxury flats but maybe that is still in the planning stage.
🍰☕️ 👍
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