Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,781
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Kent
My brother paid us a visit today. A special afterthought for mum - she even let me wash her hair for him - that is a big accolade!! Usually involves much shrieking but I tried just using a wet cloth and that was much more successful 😀

I enjoyed the conversation and relative ‘normality’ of spending time with family. Interestingly mum was convinced he was also a childhood friend and not a relative so he’s joined my club! My other sister seems exempt as is always (so far!) a daughter. His wife is expecting any time so mum enjoyed demonstrating how to wind a baby with one of her soft toys - that skill seems to have been retained!

mum’s TV viewing is sorted for the next few weeks - combination of French Open and SpringWatch in her favourite place 😀😀

Ive been musing today on the whole topic of friends and dementia caring - a couple of offers to meet up. That side of life has been pretty non existent apart from on messaging etc It’s strange that since covid & caring Ive changed who I want to meet up with - and I’m surprised at who I am saying yes to and who i have no appetite for. Practicalities can be overcome - but a lack of general energy is a factor….I’m also really aware I have always been in the ‘helper’ role and people will tell me all their issues.…….I’m not sure I can be that these days - we’ll see what happens…I think I will start with short ’flybys’ so no time for anything too deep!!

Enjoy the liberated / resurrected flowers…
Interesting that you are re-assessing "friends" and/or self? The situation makes one think more deeply about what may be important.
However, I think it is important to keep contacts / friendships if you can, allows some normality to conversations etc.
It takes a long time to grow old friends, and most of those are worth retaining (as they wouldn't have become old fiends otherwise!). Some, with whom I'm in contact fairly infrequently, can pick up as if we'd been chatting all the time.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Thanks @Chizz
I almost clarified in my original post - the best friends are going nowhere! We keep in touch and when we speak / see each other it is as if no time has passed.
I had quite a wider network of folk - a lot through volunteering - it is that area where much of my reflection lies.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Gosh - I feel like I have been on the go today 😴😴

Woke up myself for the loo at 5am and had a carer’s ultimate metaphorical nightmare - I had forgotten to put the kylie sheet on 😱😱🙄🙄 I’m always worried I will forget the night meds and in doing that forgot the essential - won’t make that mistake again!

Got mum up, nightie / pad changed…..she sat patiently on the loo whIlst bed stripped and changed - thankfully mattress protector did it’s job.

I had one of my favourite walks this am - 6.5K - no Wonder I’m tired. Musing about how covid and caring has allowed me to slow and enjoy nature - I hadn’t been down the path for a few weeks and good to see how it’s changed with the wild flowers out. Never would have even noted that before.

Mums been a bit slower today - needing more prompting as to how to do things. tired from a busy few days! Although switched on enough to request an afternoon ice cream!

Good tc with private rheumatologist. Refreshing to be listened to And advised my instincts over mums recent illness were probably correct.

Phew and Now I can sit - briefly anyway.

Work tomorrow 😢😢
 

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Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,781
0
Kent
How long did it take you to walk the 6.5km?
It's OK to leave your mum for that time?
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Hi @Chizz - it takes me around 1hr 15 for that walk.

yes Im very fortunate re mum. In the mornings she sleeps for Britain - I used to be anxious thinking she may get up - but I get her up when I get back. she seems to need around 12 hrs sleep per night! I used to be concerned it was too much sleep but she’s awake when she’s awake and doesn’t nap - so I figure if it’s working then all good!

In the afternoons I only leave her if I really have to but again she is good for a couple of hours and just watches Tv.

I love my CCTV cameras - they assure me all is well - they have motion sensor so alert me if she moves.

She tells me that she enjoys ‘just sitting’.

I imagine one day things will change but it works for now!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
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Surrey
Work today! Good course this morning on Coaching - really interesting. Wondering about perhaps training to be a mental health coach???

Mum quite zoned out for most of the afternoon- happy ‘watching’ the French Open. So sad to see her ‘just sitting’ - prior to dementia she would have been out volunteering etc. But yet I am very glad she is happy, relaxed and not agitated.

I did try broaching the Respect Form with her. I’ve got some general principles but she did start getting upset and said it was too much for her - so quickly abandoned and distracted with lemon tart and now enjoying Springwatch. Hopefully forgotten.

oh and cauliflower katsu curry with my surplus - pretty good - will do that one again!
 

Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
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Work today! Good course this morning on Coaching - really interesting. Wondering about perhaps training to be a mental health coach???

Mum quite zoned out for most of the afternoon- happy ‘watching’ the French Open. So sad to see her ‘just sitting’ - prior to dementia she would have been out volunteering etc. But yet I am very glad she is happy, relaxed and not agitated.

I did try broaching the Respect Form with her. I’ve got some general principles but she did start getting upset and said it was too much for her - so quickly abandoned and distracted with lemon tart and now enjoying Springwatch. Hopefully forgotten.

oh and cauliflower katsu curry with my surplus - pretty good - will do that one again!
Working in the forensic side of Mental Health was very rewarding for me @sdmhred but things really started flying when I got bumped up to Rehab Coordinator. We covered a wide range of holistic topics both on 1:1s and a group basis; as it was a medium secure setting it was important to have a needs inclusive service that prepared patients fully for eventual discharge and avoid that revolving door approach. Having a mentor, coach or go to person can be a life saver for many who are often forgotten or abandoned by their local authorities... Oops did I go all clinical? Apologies! Tendency to over complicate stuff haha - yes well worth considering but I am biased, anyways there is a lot of scope in this role for those willing to take the plunge :)

I don't envy you trying to complete that form, tricky to say the least 🤔 The zoning out can be a bit upsetting at times but as you intimate she is content, yesterday evening threw me a bit with mum as well... I've learnt to take a step back now and try not to dwell but it's not easy, you're both doing your best regardless :)

Curry? Yucko!! I'm allergic to the stuff, remember school dinners and covering my face with a glass to avoid those noxious vapours! However you enjoy your cauli katsu, under appreciated veg is cauliflower ;)
 

sdmhred

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Jan 26, 2022
2,311
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Surrey
Ooh rehab co-ordinator @Eddcorner that sounds like my sort of job! We used to work closely with a rehab centre. It was a lovely building with such gorgeous buildings but completely underused. My colleagues and I used to wish we could take it over. We worked in an assertive outreach team so loved working holistically and out of the box.

I still love the client group but totally fed up with the system!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Quiet-ish work day today.

my magic moment was at 4:58pm. i heard the bells on mum’s walker (yes, initially put bells on so I could hear when she was on the move 🙈🙈 - for her now they’re part of the furniture- she loves them 🥰🥰)….anyway looked up - slippers off and she’s half way to the front door.

Im resolutely told its 5pm, work should be finished and I should be taking her out 🤣🤣
I find it so fascinating what the dementia retains - for someone who needs me to show her where to put her hands to stand up from bed - that was a lot of processes all happening successfully 😀😀 We made it to the local beauty spot and I was relieved she was happy not to see the beach when she commented all the traffic was coming from Weymouth - we‘re currently in Surrey!

incontince team phoned. Sadly no pull ups on the NHS here so we’ll see how we get on with the net knickers and pads 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,256
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South coast
Magic moment here - I managed to prise OH off the sofa and into the village for lunch at the pizza place. We sat outside on the street so I could people watch. He was overwhelmed with the choice, but I managed to steer him towards the shared antipasti and we both enjoyed it. Then we went straight to desserts - chocolate almond tort for him and tiramisu for me. He wanted to go home after that, but it was a lovely lunch time.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,781
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Kent
@sdmhred said earlier: "We worked in an assertive outreach team so loved working holistically and out of the box."

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box
 

Eddcorner

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Aug 27, 2020
1,693
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Ooh rehab co-ordinator @Eddcorner that sounds like my sort of job! We used to work closely with a rehab centre. It was a lovely building with such gorgeous buildings but completely underused. My colleagues and I used to wish we could take it over. We worked in an assertive outreach team so loved working holistically and out of the box.

I still love the client group but totally fed up with the system!
Apart from the paperwork, very thick, very large reports (it was the NHS after all) and don't forget the multiple meetings haha ;) But yes it was still a cracking post, like to think I made a slight difference to people's lives. Outreach? You have to be a special person to do that one, some experience of that role myself but it was more crisis intervention. Nothing wrong with a change though, I've reinvented myself several times which was a necessary part of my own personal growth. Easy to stagnate, it was only a big life-crisis that enabled me to reexamine what my priorities actually were! It's strange how a negative experience can morph into a positive outcome. You have to grasp these rare opportunities when you can @sdmhred!
 

Eddcorner

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Aug 27, 2020
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@sdmhred said earlier: "We worked in an assertive outreach team so loved working holistically and out of the box."

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box
Takes a 'not normal' to push the envelope, glad to admit my OS is ziggy-zaggy ;)
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Apart from the paperwork, very thick, very large reports (it was the NHS after all) and don't forget the multiple meetings haha ;) But yes it was still a cracking post, like to think I made a slight difference to people's lives. Outreach? You have to be a special person to do that one, some experience of that role myself but it was more crisis intervention. Nothing wrong with a change though, I've reinvented myself several times which was a necessary part of my own personal growth. Easy to stagnate, it was only a big life-crisis that enabled me to reexamine what my priorities actually were! It's strange how a negative experience can morph into a positive outcome. You have to grasp these rare opportunities when you can @sdmhred!
Yes, thankyou @Eddcorner. I’m not naturally minded to change 🙈🙈 so I am actually quite thankful to covid and caring for throwing my life upside down! For a few years I had been frustrated and unsatisfied with the ‘hamster wheel’ of life and the culture of the south-east. I don’t want my life to go back that way so will gently push doors to see what emerges!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Mum bless her is so childlike with her dementia. As 5pm and the end of the working week came, she let out a squeal of ‘hurrah hurrah’ and waved her arms around 🥰🥰 Priceless 🥰🥰

moments of overwhelm today but I’ve worked on the ‘focus on the next hour’ approach in the last year. Toooo many thIngs to worry over, but all I need to face now is the next hour. It works well for me!

Friday is usually our Too Good To Go dinner bag from a local cafe. The young chap working there is very sweet - his grandad had dementia and I can tell he has really been there! He’s always so nice to me and today we got some lovely pasta salad plus egg and tuna sandwiches to last the weekend!

Mum loving the summer sport- tennis and athletics today!
 

Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
1,693
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Mum bless her is so childlike with her dementia. As 5pm and the end of the working week came, she let out a squeal of ‘hurrah hurrah’ and waved her arms around 🥰🥰 Priceless 🥰🥰

moments of overwhelm today but I’ve worked on the ‘focus on the next hour’ approach in the last year. Toooo many thIngs to worry over, but all I need to face now is the next hour. It works well for me!

Friday is usually our Too Good To Go dinner bag from a local cafe. The young chap working there is very sweet - his grandad had dementia and I can tell he has really been there! He’s always so nice to me and today we got some lovely pasta salad plus egg and tuna sandwiches to last the weekend!

Mum loving the summer sport- tennis and athletics today!
Living with dementia can be a seriously heavy drag on loved ones and their carers, consequently me and mum do lots of silly stuff to fill in the gaps which gives us both a lift ;) Yep, hour by hour works well, relieves the pressure somewhat as we have enough to concern ourselves with methinks!

Ooh special food day... jealous!!!!
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,311
0
Surrey
Tired today and a little affected by the hot weather I think! That’s both me and mum!!

we repotted some plants and went out for a little bit.

Best bit of the day was a short 15 walk from a beauty spot I hadn’t taken mum to before. It brought back memories of my lovely evening lock down walks. Sadly no furlough for me so went In the evenings when everyone else was back home. I felt so free and safe walking in the woods - despite the horror of the time - good memories. As I drove mum back tonight the memory soured a little - that first lockdown was the last time mum and dad were ok and living without the need of much support 😢😢 I could lead my life and they managed theirs - what a world away!
 

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Eddcorner

Registered User
Aug 27, 2020
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Tired today and a little affected by the hot weather I think! That’s both me and mum!!

we repotted some plants and went out for a little bit.

Best bit of the day was a short 15 walk from a beauty spot I hadn’t taken mum to before. It brought back memories of my lovely evening lock down walks. Sadly no furlough for me so went In the evenings when everyone else was back home. I felt so free and safe walking in the woods - despite the horror of the time - good memories. As I drove mum back tonight the memory soured a little - that first lockdown was the last time mum and dad were ok and living without the need of much support 😢😢 I could lead my life and they managed theirs - what a world away!
I used to enjoy regular five mile runs around a beautiful park whilst I was still at uni, sadly that had to stop post diagnosis. We did visit for walks, it was one of her favourites but I do miss those precious moments.

Love the pictures, quite beautiful.