Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

[Eddcorner]

A better today. Mum certainly much better, but mobility still very limited and she’s confused when tired. My sister likes to make sure mum knows who is in her family, mum was quite forthright that I am definitely NOT a daughter. How times change - that’s water off a ducks back to me now.

We still await blood tests back.

The NHS carers continu to be lovely but mum is finding having 2 parachute in and get her to do the hardest things a bit too much I think. She just looks and sounds so overwhelmed. It really is heartbreaking seeing someone want to stand when they’re told but really very confused as to how to 💔💔

She chose snakes and ladders for her activity today. Mum can throw the dice and count as we move her counter together….she won 2 games to 1.

and a Brucie bonus was she did an excellent signature when needed for some paperwork……bizarre how u can forget how to walk but still know what ur signing 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

My heart as always goes out to you both, when I look back at mum's progression with this 'brain fog' it's difficult to remember as and when certain abilities/skills diminished. I know they didn't just stop but for the life of me just can't put my finger on exactly when. For our loved ones imagine their confusion/frustration when they decline and are unable to process the 'why'

On a lighter note I love the snakes and ladders board! Where can I get one?!?!

 

[nitram]

I love the snakes and ladders board! Where can I get one?!?!

Image search on @sdmhred 's post

Like the interrobangs.

 

[Eddcorner]

Image search on @sdmhred 's post

Like the interrobangs.

You are a star @nitram! Many thanks

 

[sdmhred]

We love the Relish products - we’ve used the game board, jigsaws and painting with water. Mum likes that they are good quality and feel adult in as much as they can be. They are pretty pricey but I’ve seen them on eBay secondhand.

Theyve been very good for Christmas/ bday presents for mum.

 

[sdmhred]

Today we did photo’s for our activity. I found it quite poignant. Mum was such an adventurous soul. In this one album she had Southampton, Nottinghamshire, Cornwall, Isle or Wight, Scotland, Austria and Malaysia. All in the early 60’s.

Seeing her in the tennis and hockey teams, on holidays with friends and at uni friends‘ weddings - all those milestones (even for me that seems a long time back).

For some reason she didn’t end up in bed in the right position so carer needed to call a colleague to help. I didn’t dare say mum would get out later for a sit on Connie…..Just done and phew got her back into bed in a decent position.

So much have things progressed in the past few weeks she’s not even asked to go out this week.….or been grumpy as she’s been in. Thankful she’s content however and says she‘s had a good day - so job done 👍👍

 

[Rachael03]

Wow sounds like your mum has had so many adventures alright! It's lovely you have both been able to spend some time gathering some in albums to look at. I'd love a trip to Malaysia, tempted mostly by food and scenery!

I personally love physical photos in albums...we just take too many digital photos these days and they're so disposable. But then who's going to print a photo amof a coffee and a glass of wine for an album lol. I try my best to print albums every year with a collection of photos but I've been slack since covid hit for some reason. I must try get into the habit again.

I'm planning to do a similar photo activity with my own mum soon as a winter activity and while she's still well to participate. But first I have the task of gathering the photos from several disorganised locations (bin bags under the bed, boxes in the attic, a random suitcase full...she never was one for albums but kept them all in great condition nonetheless!)

Im sorry to hear things have been difficult for you lately but so glad to hear your mum is still content. You must make her feel so safe and secure by all you do to support her.

 

[Chizz]

Wow sounds like your mum has had so many adventures alright! It's lovely you have both been able to spend some time gathering some in albums to look at. I'd love a trip to Malaysia, tempted mostly by food and scenery!

I personally love physical photos in albums...we just take too many digital photos these days and they're so disposable. But then who's going to print a photo amof a coffee and a glass of wine for an album lol. I try my best to print albums every year with a collection of photos but I've been slack since covid hit for some reason. I must try get into the habit again.

I'm planning to do a similar photo activity with my own mum soon as a winter activity and while she's still well to participate. But first I have the task of gathering the photos from several disorganised locations (bin bags under the bed, boxes in the attic, a random suitcase full...she never was one for albums but kept them all in great condition nonetheless!)

Im sorry to hear things have been difficult for you lately but so glad to hear your mum is still content. You must make her feel so safe and secure by all you do to support her.

Yes, @Rachel03 - getting photos together or printing them off the computer etc is a really good idea for a PWD. A few at a time works with my OH, on occasions. Without wanting to be rude, from what you have said it sounds if the photo gathering exercise will help tidy up some of your mum's storage! 😊

My children and grandchildren have all (separately) said to me that I should edit the 000's of photos on the computer and memory sticks, down to the "recorded highlights" and then print off those photos.
They say they're less likely to sit and go through the computer stuff, and more likely to go through physical albums/photos - particularly those of people - when we're no longer around. The places, the trips are ours and our memorise and not theirs, so less interesting to them.

As they say, we live as long as we're remembered, or as long as the photo is out and about.
(Never forget old whatshisname!)

Best wishes to you and your mum.

 

[Rachael03]

Yes, @Rachel03 - getting photos together or printing them off the computer etc is a really good idea for a PWD. A few at a time works with my OH, on occasions. Without wanting to be rude, from what you have said it sounds if the photo gathering exercise will help tidy up some of your mum's storage! 😊

My children and grandchildren have all (separately) said to me that I should edit the 000's of photos on the computer and memory sticks, down to the "recorded highlights" and then print off those photos.
They say they're less likely to sit and go through the computer stuff, and more likely to go through physical albums/photos - particularly those of people - when we're no longer around. The places, the trips are ours and our memorise and not theirs, so less interesting to them.

As they say, we live as long as we're remembered, or as long as the photo is out and about.
(Never forget old whatshisname!)

Best wishes to you and your mum.

Thanks Chizz and great idea about organising digital content too. I really love seeing photos with people and memories so a good point that mum's grandchildren will probably feel the same too. Feels like good activity for me for the darker nights, will be plenty of those coming up.

I have a day off work on Monday and am actually planning to tackle phase 1 of the photo organising...so hopefully so we can get stuck to the fun part with mum in the near future. I say phase 1 as I feel this won't be a one and done in terms or organising...but Rome wasn't built in a day 🤣 wish me luck!

Have a lovely weekend

 

[jay6]

Today we did photo’s for our activity. I found it quite poignant. Mum was such an adventurous soul. In this one album she had Southampton, Nottinghamshire, Cornwall, Isle or Wight, Scotland, Austria and Malaysia. All in the early 60’s.

Seeing her in the tennis and hockey teams, on holidays with friends and at uni friends‘ weddings - all those milestones (even for me that seems a long time back).

For some reason she didn’t end up in bed in the right position so carer needed to call a colleague to help. I didn’t dare say mum would get out later for a sit on Connie…..Just done and phew got her back into bed in a decent position.

So much have things progressed in the past few weeks she’s not even asked to go out this week.….or been grumpy as she’s been in. Thankful she’s content however and says she‘s had a good day - so job done 👍👍

Must have been interesting for you too, seeing all her memories. Nice to bring back memories, it's something we don't seem to do unless something like this happens.
Glad she had a good day yesterday, hope today's been another good one.

 

[sdmhred]

Thank you for the reminder to do the photos! I used to be so diligent putting photos in books but digital photography has put a stop to all that. I was wondering about what evening activities to do and I shall print some out and put in a scrap book.

I do have a friend who does a digital book each year, but I think I like the idea of printing them out instead!

 

[sdmhred]

We have had a rollercoaster few days…..the NHS carers who started well started doubling up due to mum’s mobility….this made th8ngs worse as she was overwhelmed…..it all got difficult as they wanted to keep her in bed for ease……once they left and she needed the loo - of course I got her out 🙈🙈


Anyway we have now started our kind of respite ……I’m very pleased with what I have seen so far……I left mum for her dinner….have just checked back in….she’d clearly forgotten that this is new and was happily playing balloon tennis 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣 Wanted to know how I knew how to find her…..but much more interested in the activity than me…….

I need to handover a bit of skin care stuff but it looks like I’m not needed tonight 🙈🙈

 

[Chizz]

Great news. Will give some respite time. Good that your mum seems to have taken to it so well. A whole new chapter opening up for both of you.
Long may it last. Best wishes

 

[jugglingmum]

Respite looks very promising.

My mum always used to say how did you find me or how did you know I was here when I visited.

 

[sdmhred]

So were a few days in and I’m pleased with mum’s stay so far. The staff seem excellent and none of the NHS carer issues with transfers….They have 2 very big chaps on hand 🙈🙈

Mum seems remarkably content and was only a little grumpy yesterday after having her dressings changed which she hates at the best of times…. I thought she wouldn’t be keen on the activities ( she had moaned about them in previous respite) but she seems keen - and today when I arrived a little early she was again not interested in me and quite content enjoying the hubbub Of what was going on.

I did think respite was for carers but my eyes are now open:

Mum - staying in a 4* holiday camp for the elderly….good food, entertainment, help on tap, being flattered by staff trying to build a good rapport …oh and hairdresser of course!


Me - having to clear up the chaos of the last few weeks, still wading thru the piles of POA paperwork and no longer being able to share cheeky takeaways as she doesn’t need them now …and of course when I arrive this evening she tells me she needs the wee as she didn’t want to bother the busy staff 🤣🤣🙈🙈

whose got it best I ask?? 🙈🙈

I have tho enjoyed looking after just myself and had a lovely long phone chat with a friend which hasn’t happened in ages…

Anyway tomorrow we Have the rather shabby rental property Dad left mum up for auction 🙏🙏🙏 all sells so ready cash for the bill…..

 

[canary]

Im so glad your mum is enjoying her respite

OH enjoys his respite too and even joins in activities, which I would not have believed if I hadnt been shown the photos

Hope the rental sells and you get a good price
xx

 

[Chizz]

So were a few days in and I’m pleased with mum’s stay so far. The staff seem excellent and none of the NHS carer issues with transfers….They have 2 very big chaps on hand 🙈🙈

Mum seems remarkably content and was only a little grumpy yesterday after having her dressings changed which she hates at the best of times…. I thought she wouldn’t be keen on the activities ( she had moaned about them in previous respite) but she seems keen - and today when I arrived a little early she was again not interested in me and quite content enjoying the hubbub Of what was going on.

I did think respite was for carers but my eyes are now open:

Mum - staying in a 4* holiday camp for the elderly….good food, entertainment, help on tap, being flattered by staff trying to build a good rapport …oh and hairdresser of course!


Me - having to clear up the chaos of the last few weeks, still wading thru the piles of POA paperwork and no longer being able to share cheeky takeaways as she doesn’t need them now …and of course when I arrive this evening she tells me she needs the wee as she didn’t want to bother the busy staff 🤣🤣🙈🙈

whose got it best I ask?? 🙈🙈

I have tho enjoyed looking after just myself and had a lovely long phone chat with a friend which hasn’t happened in ages…

Anyway tomorrow we Have the rather shabby rental property Dad left mum up for auction 🙏🙏🙏 all sells so ready cash for the bill…..

Hi @sdmhred
Who has it best? you ask. Sadly, between you and your mum, only one of you can ask and answer! and you already know which one you'd rather be,

Best of luck at the auction.

 

[Rachael03]

Glad to hear your mum has settled in respite. You remind me of myself...whenever I have a day off work or a free day where I'm not seeing mum.. It usually translates to a "life admin" day which can involve any and all means of tasks. You should still treat yourself to the takeaway and any other sneaky treats - you deserve them! Especially if your mum is getting a nice meal and a haircut 🤪


It's so interesting to hear about how people's loved ones take part in activities even when it's least expected. My mum openly refers to herself as "odd" which really means she is shy (she's a lovely person!!)... and i wonder if she will engage at some point as there are some local clubs which we might get along to. If I could bargain with her by offering a trip to the hairdresser after, maybe haha

Good luck with the auction

 

[Eddcorner]

So were a few days in and I’m pleased with mum’s stay so far. The staff seem excellent and none of the NHS carer issues with transfers….They have 2 very big chaps on hand 🙈🙈

Mum seems remarkably content and was only a little grumpy yesterday after having her dressings changed which she hates at the best of times…. I thought she wouldn’t be keen on the activities ( she had moaned about them in previous respite) but she seems keen - and today when I arrived a little early she was again not interested in me and quite content enjoying the hubbub Of what was going on.

I did think respite was for carers but my eyes are now open:

Mum - staying in a 4* holiday camp for the elderly….good food, entertainment, help on tap, being flattered by staff trying to build a good rapport …oh and hairdresser of course!


Me - having to clear up the chaos of the last few weeks, still wading thru the piles of POA paperwork and no longer being able to share cheeky takeaways as she doesn’t need them now …and of course when I arrive this evening she tells me she needs the wee as she didn’t want to bother the busy staff 🤣🤣🙈🙈

whose got it best I ask?? 🙈🙈

I have tho enjoyed looking after just myself and had a lovely long phone chat with a friend which hasn’t happened in ages…

Anyway tomorrow we Have the rather shabby rental property Dad left mum up for auction 🙏🙏🙏 all sells so ready cash for the bill…..

I am so pleased that it's working out so well for you both; sounds like a top class place and who'd say no to a bit of pampering eh?

I don't think I'd know what to do with myself if in your position, having free time and such! When mum was in hospital I found it really difficult to sleep at night, days were okay as I spent the duration supporting mum on the ward but once home I just couldn't settle.

Hope you get a decent price at auction as they can be fickle things having watched Homes Under the Hammer (during my grey period haha obvs).

 

[sdmhred]

Property sold - quite enjoyed watching my first auction. We got a very similar price to what we would have got on the open market ….with the guarantee now it’s gone so I’m pleased.

I‘m not sure how to structure my time as of yet @Eddcorner . This week I have enjoyed space in the mornings and taken myself for a long walk. I’ve then popped into the home briefly in the afternoon and back again in the evening. I’ve just played beachball with a group of oldies and I have to say thoroughly enjoyed (and exhausted !) myself. I’ve slept well although keep thinking i can hear mum snoring 🙈🙈

from my perspective I’m still very much actively caring …..I just have the support with her mobility I need. I’m hoping the home will see me as part of ‘the team’ caring for mum. Last night I put her into nightie and today I did a toilet run and wipe.

Next week back to work tho so things will change again…..

 

[Chizz]

Best wishes @sdmhred
A new chapter ..... write it as you wish.