Helen, you need to push and push for your assessment. I'm lucky to have a very pro-actice cpn and I think in this area we have a good service but having worked for the nhs in the past I know how to work the system. As Sylvia pointed out to me (thank god) the key words are 'at risk'. It frightens the s*** out of them!
on duty 24 hours a day!
- Thread starter elaine n
- Start date
nellbelles
Volunteer Host
The last time I asked at the surgery I was told these things take time
I will try the local blind society, we may have more joy with them!
I will try the local blind society, we may have more joy with them!
nellbelles
Volunteer Host
Elaine
We have no cpn.. no SW.. Just the recent visit by a dementia advisor, and reading through the bumf, because we are self funding it seems very little applies, although I have a number for a private firm of sitters at £13-15an hour..
At the moment I think I would rather pay someone within the family to sit with Tom, I will only need a couple of hours a week sort of 5-7pm for night school., and that is not until Sept.
I refuse at the moment to think any further forward than that. (head buried in sand, may spring to mind) I will deal with each thing as it occurs.
Helen x
We have no cpn.. no SW.. Just the recent visit by a dementia advisor, and reading through the bumf, because we are self funding it seems very little applies, although I have a number for a private firm of sitters at £13-15an hour..
At the moment I think I would rather pay someone within the family to sit with Tom, I will only need a couple of hours a week sort of 5-7pm for night school., and that is not until Sept.
I refuse at the moment to think any further forward than that. (head buried in sand, may spring to mind) I will deal with each thing as it occurs.
Helen x
BeckyJan
Registered User
Hello Elaine:
Just catching up and sorry to hear how difficult things have become. Glad to read you have a good support worker it makes such a difference.
Will she help you to set up a CHC assessment/checklist? Its well worth doing and yes, it can be backdated. Equally if they say not eligible now you can either Appeal or keep re applying for it.
Trouble is its hard to do these things when full of other worries and difficulties. Thats why good CPNs and Support Workers are like gold.
Best wishes
Just catching up and sorry to hear how difficult things have become. Glad to read you have a good support worker it makes such a difference.
Will she help you to set up a CHC assessment/checklist? Its well worth doing and yes, it can be backdated. Equally if they say not eligible now you can either Appeal or keep re applying for it.
Trouble is its hard to do these things when full of other worries and difficulties. Thats why good CPNs and Support Workers are like gold.
Best wishes
scarletpauline
Registered User
Dear Elaine, sorry you are struggling with Gary, but glad the OT has been and got some aids sorted for you. Also that she is sorting out your blue badge, can she get you that RADAR key as well?
Gary is a darling and i have such good memories of how you cared for him so lovingly and tenderly.
Hope you get some more sitting time so you can do things for yourself.
Love and hugs. Pauline xxxx
Gary is a darling and i have such good memories of how you cared for him so lovingly and tenderly.
Hope you get some more sitting time so you can do things for yourself.
Love and hugs. Pauline xxxx
Jo1958
Registered User
Elaine, hi
I agree with Pauline that a Radar key is a good idea, I ordered two from them on the internet, £3.50 each, they came within a few days, one for my handbag and the other to keep in the car.
Thinking of you and hoping today is a good day, with best wishes from Jo
I agree with Pauline that a Radar key is a good idea, I ordered two from them on the internet, £3.50 each, they came within a few days, one for my handbag and the other to keep in the car.
Thinking of you and hoping today is a good day, with best wishes from Jo
Oh God!
I don't know where to start. This may be a long post - sorry
This morning Gary tried to go to the loo - he only has a bowel movement every other day but couldn't go, now he's on Ebixa I have to keep an eye on things because it can cause constipation. We had the same problem on Wednesday but he managed in the end and to me the end product didn't look hard so I'm wondering if it's more to do with muscle control but what do I know really? He was feeling uncomfortable and in quite a lot of pain.
Today was day hospital day and I had a hair appointment at 11am til 1 pm so was hoping they could keep him there today - they had to really, I couldn't leave with bleach on my hair!
I told them about the toilet problem and they said they'd see what they could do, which they did. They got the gp to prescribe Laxido - he's had 2 doses so far with no result. They've also got the consultant to prescribe a low dose of Lorazepam because he's so agitated during the day and they find it difficult to manage him (well, actually, so do I!) but they now see how things are for me.
I think I'm rambling now....sorry
The upshot is I had to pick him up as soon as I'd left the hairdressers and bring him home, by which time he was calmer because he'd had some Lorazepam
By 6.30 he'd become agitated again so I gave him another half tablet but I think I'd miss timed it, he wanted to go out. the door and gate were locked but he tried to climb over the gate so I thought it would be better to take him for a walk. He tried to get into next door's garden, by now he was raving and when I tried to restrain him he was fighting me and trying to climb over their gate and ended up kicking it. I managed to calm him enough to walk with me up the lane along the river but when a car came along he walked into it and a lovely lady tried to help me calm him again. He then charged up the drive of a local B&B just as some guests with children had arrived and again when I tried to restrain him he was really violent with me. He's a strong man at the best of times and the B&B owner helped me to restrain him amd evetually I persuaded him to come home with me and he calmed down. I feel shaken to my core - once the storm was over he was tearful and is dozing now. I really don't know how to deal with this, I'm frightened of his strength, I know he doesn't mean to hurt me but I can't reason with him when he's in this state and one of us is going to get hurt and I don't know what to do
I don't know where to start. This may be a long post - sorry
This morning Gary tried to go to the loo - he only has a bowel movement every other day but couldn't go, now he's on Ebixa I have to keep an eye on things because it can cause constipation. We had the same problem on Wednesday but he managed in the end and to me the end product didn't look hard so I'm wondering if it's more to do with muscle control but what do I know really? He was feeling uncomfortable and in quite a lot of pain.
Today was day hospital day and I had a hair appointment at 11am til 1 pm so was hoping they could keep him there today - they had to really, I couldn't leave with bleach on my hair!
I told them about the toilet problem and they said they'd see what they could do, which they did. They got the gp to prescribe Laxido - he's had 2 doses so far with no result. They've also got the consultant to prescribe a low dose of Lorazepam because he's so agitated during the day and they find it difficult to manage him (well, actually, so do I!) but they now see how things are for me.
I think I'm rambling now....sorry
The upshot is I had to pick him up as soon as I'd left the hairdressers and bring him home, by which time he was calmer because he'd had some Lorazepam
By 6.30 he'd become agitated again so I gave him another half tablet but I think I'd miss timed it, he wanted to go out. the door and gate were locked but he tried to climb over the gate so I thought it would be better to take him for a walk. He tried to get into next door's garden, by now he was raving and when I tried to restrain him he was fighting me and trying to climb over their gate and ended up kicking it. I managed to calm him enough to walk with me up the lane along the river but when a car came along he walked into it and a lovely lady tried to help me calm him again. He then charged up the drive of a local B&B just as some guests with children had arrived and again when I tried to restrain him he was really violent with me. He's a strong man at the best of times and the B&B owner helped me to restrain him amd evetually I persuaded him to come home with me and he calmed down. I feel shaken to my core - once the storm was over he was tearful and is dozing now. I really don't know how to deal with this, I'm frightened of his strength, I know he doesn't mean to hurt me but I can't reason with him when he's in this state and one of us is going to get hurt and I don't know what to do
Jo1958
Registered User
Wow Elaine, what a day
I don't know about the new meds, was it Gary's GP that did the prescribing, are you happy with them.
I am so sorry but that sort of worry is the sort of worry that would really worry me and I'd be/will be frightened when/if it happens here. Can you get family around and about this weekend, it would be weekend, whenever and for however long they can be with you both, just to put your mind at rest that if anything kicks off you are not alone, well not alone but you know what I mean.
Oola, Elaine, take good care of yourself and keep people close, let us know how it goes, with kind regards and much sympathetic support from Jo
I don't know about the new meds, was it Gary's GP that did the prescribing, are you happy with them.
I am so sorry but that sort of worry is the sort of worry that would really worry me and I'd be/will be frightened when/if it happens here. Can you get family around and about this weekend, it would be weekend, whenever and for however long they can be with you both, just to put your mind at rest that if anything kicks off you are not alone, well not alone but you know what I mean.
Oola, Elaine, take good care of yourself and keep people close, let us know how it goes, with kind regards and much sympathetic support from Jo
CaPattinson
Registered User
My goodness Elaine!! Thats so frightening! I have no experience of violence so can't help except sympathise with you.
Just a thought re bowel stuff - maybe Gary has an impaction - where there is a blockage so any movement has to pass that blockage therefore isn't a hard one. The point is with that its so painful, needing to go but can't. Of course I'm no expert - maybe worth checking though.
Hope you get some sleep tonight and that tomorrow is a better day xxx
Just a thought re bowel stuff - maybe Gary has an impaction - where there is a blockage so any movement has to pass that blockage therefore isn't a hard one. The point is with that its so painful, needing to go but can't. Of course I'm no expert - maybe worth checking though.
Hope you get some sleep tonight and that tomorrow is a better day xxx
Gary's son is going to Cardiff tomorrow to watch a rugby match. He's coming on sunday and i've sent him a text asking him to help me secure the other garden gate. If things kick off again tonight i think i'll have to ring the out of hours doctor - i don't know what else to do. This is so out of character , he's such a gentle man really but when he's like this i feel really scared
creativesarah
Registered User
Oh Elaine
what can I say other than you are a lovely wife and a lovely friend too
How mega distressing for you and everyone, i do hope you get more help and quickly
I'm stuck for words really I cant imagine how you feel but I'm trying
(my Dad always said I was trying!!!)
all I can say is when I have been in difficult/violent situations I have found an inner strength I never knew I had and I'm praying that you too will find that calm in the eye of the storm.
Much Love Sarah
what can I say other than you are a lovely wife and a lovely friend too
How mega distressing for you and everyone, i do hope you get more help and quickly
I'm stuck for words really I cant imagine how you feel but I'm trying
(my Dad always said I was trying!!!
)all I can say is when I have been in difficult/violent situations I have found an inner strength I never knew I had and I'm praying that you too will find that calm in the eye of the storm.
Much Love Sarah
creativesarah
Registered User
The out of hours doctor sounds a sensible idea
glad Gary's son is coming on Sunday to help you
glad Gary's son is coming on Sunday to help you
danny
Registered User
Elaine, I know you aren`t going to like what I am about to say but I feel I need to.
Gary needs to be admitted for a proper assessment where his medication etc can be monitored.You really need to get hold of your CPN urgently.
Something is going to go really wrong if you do not do this.
I know the thought of this will probably fill you with shock but it really is the best way forward.
Let me know what you are thinking.
Gary needs to be admitted for a proper assessment where his medication etc can be monitored.You really need to get hold of your CPN urgently.
Something is going to go really wrong if you do not do this.
I know the thought of this will probably fill you with shock but it really is the best way forward.
Let me know what you are thinking.
Jo1958
Registered User
Elaine, hi
Out of hours social work number and 999, keep them close too. It might not be nice but keeping you both safe is what is the most important thing.
I am sure that the ambulance service would be very kind and helpful in this situation.
Thinking of you and wishing you both a very good and safe night, with best wishes from Jo
Out of hours social work number and 999, keep them close too. It might not be nice but keeping you both safe is what is the most important thing.
I am sure that the ambulance service would be very kind and helpful in this situation.
Thinking of you and wishing you both a very good and safe night, with best wishes from Jo
Angela, I'm thinking along those lines too. Gary's had a 6 week assessment at the day hospital and they've told me today that he needs specialist day care - they're offering 2 days a week but don't have any places at the moment they'll keep him on in the day hospital until places become available but legally they can't keep him there if he wants to leave so have to ring me to collect him when he becomes difficult and says he wants to come home. It's not really any respite because I'm always waiting for that call. we're all hoping that the Lorazepam will help. Because they're a hospital they can medicate
they'll keep him on in the day hospital until places become available but legally they can't keep him there if he wants to leave so have to ring me to collect him when he becomes difficult and says he wants to come home. It's not really any respite because I'm always waiting for that call. we're all hoping that the Lorazepam will help. Because they're a hospital they can medicate
danny
Registered User
Oh Elaine this must be a nightmare for you. If the day hospital have to ring you to collect him if they have problems how on earth will a day centre cope.
I`m sure that with the right assessment of his medication things should settle.
However,in order to do this properly it would need to be done over several weeks as an in patient. If Garys behaviours become more erratic and dangerous this decision will be made probably without consent under a section of the mental heallth act.
It may NOT come to this Elaine but bear it in mind.
If you have any concerns about your safety you must ring 999.
I hope you have a peaceful night Elaine.
I`m sure that with the right assessment of his medication things should settle.
However,in order to do this properly it would need to be done over several weeks as an in patient. If Garys behaviours become more erratic and dangerous this decision will be made probably without consent under a section of the mental heallth act.
It may NOT come to this Elaine but bear it in mind.
If you have any concerns about your safety you must ring 999.
I hope you have a peaceful night Elaine.
Grannie G
Volunteer Moderator
Elaine, I know it is upsetting but please don`t try to restrain Gary, you will only make him more agitated.
I was told to phone the police. I know it sounds really drastic but they will not do anything you haven`t already tried to do but at least you will come to no harm.
Once you feel fear of his strength you yourself are at risk.
Love xx
I was told to phone the police. I know it sounds really drastic but they will not do anything you haven`t already tried to do but at least you will come to no harm.
Once you feel fear of his strength you yourself are at risk.
Love xx
creativesarah
Registered User
wise words from Granny G as ever!
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