My Dad.

[Rooney2007]

Hello. I’m 37 and my Dad has had dementia for four years.
He has now forgotten who I am. I really, really miss him and I’m struggling. Will I miss him forever? I just want to take it out of my head.
I feel robbed, I’m too young to be missing my Dad.
What do I do about how sad I am? Does it get easier or go away?
I am so sad that behind my eyes hurt with heavy tears.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Rooney2007 and welcome to the Forum. Our friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia is a great place to find information and solace in sharing with people who truly understand.

Although it is hard when someone seems to forget even close family, one can never really be sure. My wife is mainly non-verbal now and I can't say for certain that she knows who I am. But 2 things give me comfort. When I visit she seems entirely at ease in my company even if she doesn't 'know me' as such. Secondly, I haven't forgotten her or all of the highs and lows of our long life together. In a way she seems lost to me, but everything that we have shared lives on in my memory. I still talk to her about those things and - occasionally - she will respond with a touch, a smile or a familiar gesture.

I am sorry that you are feeling bereft and missing your Dad. That is the cruelty of dementia. Yet I firmly believe that your memories of life before dementia mean that the bond between you remains.

I hope that this helps in some way.

 

[Rooney2007]

Hi @Rooney2007 and welcome to the Forum. Our friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia is a great place to find information and solace in sharing with people who truly understand.

Although it is hard when someone seems to forget even close family, one can never really be sure. My wife is mainly non-verbal now and I can't say for certain that she knows who I am. But 2 things give me comfort. When I visit she seems entirely at ease in my company even if she doesn't 'know me' as such. Secondly, I haven't forgotten her or all of the highs and lows of our long life together. In a way she seems lost to me, but everything that we have shared lives on in my memory. I still talk to her about those things and - occasionally - she will respond with a touch, a smile or a familiar gesture.

I am sorry that you are feeling bereft and missing your Dad. That is the cruelty of dementia. Yet I firmly believe that your memories of life before dementia mean that the bond between you remains.

I hope that this helps in some way.

I’m sorry that your wife is now non-verbal. I would give anything to have a chat with him. For a couple of minutes a month, he appears really lucid and I think to myself that he might get better. Then within seconds. He’s gone again.

I just really want to watch tv with my Dad and laugh like we used to. I am at a stage where I think of the past and happy memories and it just hurts too badly that I block it out so I’m scared I’m forgetting who he was before.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

 

[canary]

What you are getting is called anticipatory grief, @Rooney2007
You are getting the same emotions as if your dad had died, but he is still there.

As with all grief it recedes with time and you will never forget what he was like before, but it does take time. Be gentle with yourself
xx