1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,520
    Ireland
    I am sorry it was such a tiring day for you both. Do you think there's anything can be done about the prolapse? It sounds very painful. Hope you have a better night tonight.
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Hi Lady A. Did discuss prolapse with gp and I insisted he examined her, because last night while I was changing her pad I noticed that the shelf pessery is actually slipping out. Placed back but has slipped out again. So first thing Monday morning I am going to ring surgery and try to get some action on this, although I know that there is not much more that can be done = only surgery. The shelf pessery has not been a success.
     
  3. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Wow had a really hard day with mum and I have no whisky! She has been ultra sensitive about being alone in various rooms and so has followed me everywhere in the house, just too much and to add to all this she has refused to let me change her pants. So for 5 hours she has wandered around after me with a very strong smell. Made endless cups of tea to try and pacify her, but most if not all just went down the drain, refused to drink it. So the inevitable happened, a fight to get the soiled pants off her. She is now ready for bed and I am hoping that I will not have to change her again tonight, basically if I can't smell anything I am leaving her alone.

    The pant changing is not a new problem, which is why I have changed her prescription to pads, these may be easier to remove, just to remove the pants I have to remove her shoes, then trousers and it is all getting to me and my back!
     
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,520
    Ireland
    It's such a tough thing, this personal care resistance, isn't it? I found pads were certainly easier to get off but getting a clean one on was no joke!
     
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK

    Maybe I should put a few layers in there then all I have to do is whip one out and there all clean for the next one!!!!

    You are right, it is tough. I think some of it is due to the prolapse and 'not working' pessery, which will not get sorted till beginning of November, but then other times when the prolapse is not evident I think it is just a mother knows best thing. I have now decided to use the commode all the time, her constant movement while seating on the toilet has loosened the seat and the bowl.
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Mum's chatter does not stop and this is our new normal. All repeated questions and I am sick of hearing my name.

    So I take mum out to various things hoping that chatting away to others will take the pressure off me, but not so, when with other people she just clams up - saving it all for me when we get home and honestly it does not stop. I really look forward to bedtime.
     
  7. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701

    Oh boy Tin - that brought back some memories! The constant chat, chat, chat . With Mil, I used to get the spells of repeated questions, that could go on for hours. '"Is it time to go yet?Should I put my coat on? Where's my lipstick? Come on - lets go to the bus stop/station. Wheres the taxi? Hadn't we better go now?" (even when we weren't going anywhere!); completely confabulated topics that she would go on and on about, expecting me to know the details of what she was talking about. And worst of all, the self-obsessed days, when she would ask repeately could she talk to me, could she have a word ? And then go on and on about her 'situation', whilst not having the ability to define exactly what she thought her situation was - yet still expect me to provide her with answers to concerns that she couldn't articulate, and I couldn't even guess at most of the time, because nearly everything was delusionally based.

    We all know that our loved ones can't help this, but that doesn't stop it being incredibly hard to live with. There were times when I felt like screaming, times when I locked myself in the loo for just five minutes peace (and chances were she would be rattling at the door handle and shouting my name even then!), and times when I snapped at her to 'Please - can you just be quiet for a little while' and she would either get cross or upset, leaving me feeling guilty - until just two minutes later she would start again, having forgotten what I'd said.

    It's so wearying, so hard to deal with - and my heart goes out to you Tin. I wish there was some sort of suitable day care available, that you could use, just to give you a break. At least I had that, and OH when he was home from work, could also take some of the strain off me.

    I hope you get a quiet couple of days, soon xxxx
     
  8. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK

    You have described the situation here so well and I remember reading your thread when it was happening to you.

    So last night having no gob stoppers to hand!!! I gave mum half a sleeping pill. When she stopped directing all her chatter at me she started narrating everything on the tv. The after effect next day is that mum tends to be a bit quieter.

    It is sad but day care never worked for us. I do still have a weekly sitter, but I think she is finding it difficult to connect with mum. So now all she does is sit with her and listens to the chatter, occasionally nodding.

    Most of the time I can deal with mum's behaviour except for two areas, the chatter days and the days when she refuses to go to toilet or even let me change her pads/pants.

    We still have disturbed nights, but since I changed the lighting situation and closed/locked certain doors, she has stayed in her bedroom and for a while I can hear her moving around, but it usually all stops after a few hours and I have also fallen asleep and then I hear her snoring so I know she has got herself back to bed.

    But Oh dear the chatter days!!!!!
     
  9. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Preparing tea for mum, usually something light these days and so tonight is mushrooms and egg on toast. I start by placing a few mushrooms in frying pan, egg waiting at side to join them, bread in toaster. Phone rings I shoot out of kitchen to answer and after a quick conversation with friend returning to kitchen I met my mum, she is now ready to go home and will see me tomorrow. I continue into kitchen and find mushrooms gone and egg too, also bread nowhere to be seen. Go to find mum and she is in her bedroom with one of her many bags and inside I find it all, raw egg by now cracked and contents over everything!!

    My lesson is learnt, I should know better and this is one of the reasons why I have a gate at the kitchen - CLOSE IT !
     
  10. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    We are back to wandering around through the night, which means we will be back to taking sleeping pills every now and then. The night time activity has never stopped, for a few hours after going to bed I hear her wandering around in her bedroom. but not for the last few nights, she has been up and out of there. Which means she has been trying to get into my bedroom. She is really over active these days, think it may be time to talk to gp or consultant about present medication dosage.
     
  11. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    Tin, I'm sorry to hear it's so trying for you at the moment. I agree, talk to the GP or Community Mental Health team or whomever, about a medication review ASAP. We don't want you to get to a point where something has to give, only to find the something, is you!
     
  12. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK

    Seems we are always reviewing mum's medication. She is only taking an anti depressant and sometimes a sleeping pill. Never too keen on reviewing, always a risk when upping her dose, but it has to be tried or maybe a different pill. We tried and failed with lorazepam and diazepam. That's why our choice of pill is an anti depressant, but finding the right one again?1 It has been really hard to care for her the last few weeks and dealing with hygiene issues are at the top of the hard to do list, the endless chatter is No 2. I know she sometimes has a problem sitting down, prolapse causing pain, but its a catch 22 situation and I am hoping this problem will be solved this week, having a new pessery fitted, then maybe she will stop wandering the house less.

    So its another long week of appointments and talking to gp.
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,520
    Ireland
    Wouldn't be just the full moon, would it @Tin? I always get a few bad nights around the time of full moon, and I was just admiring the lovely full moon last night.
     
  14. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,947
    Ireland
    You sound understandably weary @Tin. Hugs and wishing you strength for this week x
     
  15. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    No idea if its the full moon LadyA, I have given up keeping a diary to look back on.
    I am weary Hilly, we now have Diarrhoea 2nd day and it is bad. Spoke to gp this morning and he said to give her some over the counter relief. So done that. Its hard to deal with because when I take her to the bathroom she will not sit on commode or toilet, so I end up cleaning everything and changing her clothes, annoying because all she has to do is sit down! There is now this smell that seems to be all around my house. Lit a few incense sticks!
     
  16. Kale-and-mash

    Kale-and-mash Registered User

    Nov 4, 2017
    32
    Oh my goodness, you must both be absolutely exhausted! I do hope they can improve the prolapse situation. All the best.
     
  17. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK

    Well don't think mum is too tired, but I am! So fire now alight and I am resting, mum is finally sitting down, but not sure for how long. Sitting eases the prolapse problem, but dementia makes her wander and not good for prolapse. Appointment is Thursday and I am really hoping that the diarrhoea all cleared up by then, because if not I don't think they will treat her and our appointment will be pushed even further back - 2018 to be exact!!

    At the moment there are so many physical problems to deal with.
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,548
    Female
    South coast
    Its not constipation overflow is it, Tin?
     
  19. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    No Canary, There has been no constipation in fact very good bowel movements. Now I have to admit what I have done!!! for a month now mum has been having dairy free foods and drinks, but last Thursday I put dairy back into her diet, stupid I know. Anyhow now back on lactose free and will stick to it.
     
  20. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    That's sort of good Tin, it gives you an explanation of what's causing the diarrhoea instead of worrying what's behind it. You had to try dairy again at some point, now you know it's a definite no no going forward. I hope things have settled sufficiently for Thursday's appointment to go ahead. X
     

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