Nursing Homes dilemma
Hello, Aislng,
how ironic that you should be feeling like this when my Dad, (85 yrs old next month), who has been caring for my Mum at home for the last six years, after diagnosis of dementia
has just this week booked my Mum a room in a (hopefully!) lovely Nursing Home, fairly local to where they live.
Mum has been in Hospital for the last six weeks, originally taken in with an infection (urinary), caught a chest infection whilst in Hospital and then after being told that the physiotherapists could do nothing for her in the way of a rehab. centre, has been confined to bed, (occasionally getting up to sit in a chair), with little conversation, other than my Dad's daily visits, usually with either a friend or a relation in tow.
Knowing that he could no longer care for Mum and it being suggested that he had a live-in carer for Mum, which he did not want, he had to make the difficult decision to hunt for a Nursing Home.
The first one (even more local to their home) did not cater for dementia, so the search began again.
Circumstances went our way; unfortunately, a resident had died the very weekend before my Dad enquired on the Monday and accompanied by a cousin of Mum's, they went to view the room.
There are a hundred residents apparently, with the oap's with Dementia on the first floor - there is even in indoor bowling team, so we are hoping for an improvement when my
Mum leaves Hospital - she has put on a huge amount of weight, whilst at home living with Das, as she would eat everything that was put in front of her and did no exercise and she has even gained a little more weight in the Hospital.
We only hope that the home has a good Dietician, who will adjust Mum's diet and that she will mix socially, once she's settled and we really hope that they can get her moving around again.
Do not feel guilty that you cannot do it all, as eventually you will experience what I've heard called 'Carer Burn-Out'.
You must consider your health and if your son does not inherit your property, I'm sure he will understand that you could not just go on and on caring forever.... either that, or you get him involved, if he is not living abroad!
Good luck to you, Aisling.
kind regards,
Longshanks.
Am in a total muddle. Mind in turmoil. I am so amazed at the many people who care for their loved ones at home. The words familiar surroundings breaks my heart. OH does not really know where home is but perhaps on a deep level, he is aware of it.
Very few people seem to have loves ones in CH or NH and if they have, are spending long hours in CH or NH with them. What on earth is wrong with me that I don't seem to have the courage/ backbone/ whatever to know I can care continuously when other people are coping with end of life care at home? Am angry with myself as I never backed away from challenges before or didn't finish whatever I set out to do.
If I decide on NC, then after I die, home etc will be sold to pay remaining loan for NS. I will be depriving my son of inheriting his home.
Am now wondering if I could get private carer to help me? And continue as long as I can manage it financially?
Respite have said that it is impossible for me to continue but of course it is up to me.They had to give OH extra supervision this week.
A man who was so involved with all aspects of life and now just fixated on tiny things. No sustained interest in anything and he looks so lost. I feel so guilty even posting this message. I can't do anything today... Nothing. Sitting under duvet....crying. Trying to make up my mind...will I post this msge or not? I don't want to upset anyone on forum. I can only admire how amazing everyone is.
Please if possible can someone tell me how I can continue to care for him at home like so many of you do? I completely understand if there are no replies to this post. Honestly. No offence will be taken. I just need to write it down. Yea I could pop it into a notebook. Maybe in some small way, this post will help someone else who may be in the same situation. If OH is in NH, then I know I will want to be with him every day. Then I will still not give myself a chance to feel better and stronger. I admire those of you who have people in Nursing homes and spend long hours every day with them.
Am so angry as well that there is little health care for vulnerable people, having worked for a lifetime, paid taxes etc and then at the end their home has to be sold for health care.
What skills do I need to develop? What am I missing? But as I have already said, I understand. Sometimes there are questions but no answer?
To all of you who have helped me this far on my journey, thank you.
Aisling
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