Nursing homes

[Aisling]

People really can be very selfish and insensitive can't they? And yes, I'm sorry to say it happens in other places. Semi rural Wales too! I recently had a visit from a cousin, who came up with my sister (who I don't get on with) and who visited by parents after they'd be in their CH for about a month. I didn't know she was coming and this was the 2nd time she'd visited here in 9 years. We met, she told me exactly what she thought (not favourable), including the fact she'd been to visit a CH near my sister which was much nicer! These people don't understand, but they also don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but unfortunately have the capacity to make us feel bad. Grrr! So sorry, it seems unfair to be subjected to this on top of everything. Lots of people on TP will understand though. And like Marnie63 I have friends and family who do understand or are at least supportive, hope that is true for you too, all the best. Gx

Mind boggling at times. I cannot fathom why people want to visit?? Human curiosity? Anyway, whatever it is I won't allow them to upset me or my OH again.

Aisling

 

[Aisling]

Hello again Aisling,

I've just caught up on things having not been on here for a while with too much going on ( not that everyone else doesn't have too much going on!). I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I don't understand how people can be so thoughtless and unkind in their comments towards you, and this from so-called friends. I, and my mum have found nothing but kindness from friends, family and strangers, but most of my friends are nurses. My mum and Dad have always been quite private people but my mum has found such kindness and strength from talking to people, often strangers round her park walking her dog.

I'm not sure if you remember but I was looking for a care home for Dad and was struggling to find one that would take him with 'challenging behaviour'. I've visited some lovely homes and one offered Dad a trial for the day. Ever optimistic I dropped him off at 11am very happy and he was given a named career to spend time with and I was due to pick him up at 4 and I reassured him I would be back. I did not tell dad this was his potential home but just a place to visit for the day and the staff knew that. However, I got a call within an hour saying he wanted to leave, was trying to kick the doors in and threatening to kill people, although he had not physically hurt anyone (thank goodness). He wouldn't take a lorazepam for them and when I arrived he was waiting at the door for me very angry just wanting to go home. He cheered up pretty soon after leaving like a kid who had just thrown his toys out of his pram and remembered nothing of it later.
Mum and I just shrugged our shoulders realising it was going to be harder than we thought!
Since then dad was kicking off almost daily and we were at our wits end as the lorazepam no longer seemed to be working and diazepam just made him less coordinated and do even more bizarre things. I was phoning everyone who would listen to me as the police had been called several times when I was at work so she was not able to get hold of me to help her.
Last week a lovely kind social worker who has been wonderful despite not being dads actual sw got involved and contacted dads consultant and within a matter of hours we had psychiatric nurses round convincing dad he needed to spend some time in hospital for a medication review and to our surprise he let us take him. He was like a gentle lamb and the nurses weren't sure why they were admitting him until I showed them a brief video I took on my phone of him kicking off the day before. I've never done it before because it feels wrong and I hate to see it but this time I'm glad I did.
On admission Dad was lovely and in the same ward he was in last year, and the staff remembered him but the next few days he kicked off big time and even the staff on the unit struggled to cope with him- it was so upsetting to see him so angry and he was angry with me and mum for 'dumping him there'. Sometimes he can be so aware. I know they don't automatically sedate people but it took 4 staff to hold him down and give him an injection for his and everyone else's safety. This was the pattern for a few days- he was so drugged he could hardly walk, lift his head, coordinate or feed himself. Now he is on olanzapine and diazepam and hasn't kicked off for a couple of days but is still very drugged up and keeps going to sit on the floor when there isn't a chair behind him and although strong enough he can't coordinate to get himself up! This is a man I take down the gym 3 x a week and walks over a mile round the park every day and my mum takes to a tea dance weekly( admittedly he can only remember how to waltz now). I hope they don't leave him in this state as the best they can get him as he has no quality of life.
Mum and I visit daily at alternate times but I seem to get the best of dad as he can still be quite hard on her and I can see it's breaking her heart.
The plan is to get dad to a nursing home from here, which will be easier for us to say it's not our decision any more but I actually feel my heart aching for mum and dad. The day dad went in last week we both realised that was his last night at home and it makes me so sad because at 70, and otherwise healthy he still has a lot of living to do.
Dad doesn't always recognise who I am but is always happy to see me ( except for the first few days). Sometimes I can be sitting next to him chatting for hours and suddenly he will look up and see me and say 'oh hello darling, I didn't realise you were there'!
I don't know if it's his condition or the meds but he mumbles a lot, is definitely hallucinating and picking things up off the floor and talking to people who aren't there, which he did a bit before but not all the time. He shuffles like an old man and walks in to things, which is new and struggles to feed himself. Dad has poor perception and cannot read and doesn't look at the tv when it is on, which is not new, so engaging him in physical things and music have been his main enjoyment in life but all he can do at the moment is listen to music( he has an iPod in hospital) but sometimes gets too agitated to listen to it.

Reading everyone's individual stories on here makes me realise we are lucky to be getting help but have a rocky road ahead. Our lives are on hold with dad in hospital and we are visiting as much as we can as he is usually calmer when one of us visit but l certainly can't keep it up indefinitely, and I also need the staff to get a true picture of him when we aren't there. This whole illness is so heartbreaking and I totally take on board that once a loved one goes into a care home you still remain the carer but it's difficult to hand over some of that responsibility.

Sorry to go on on your thread again. You really deserve some lovely friends like those on here nearby. I see so many similarities between your situation and my mums and will continue to follow but will try not to blurt all my own stuff out on your posting again.
Big hugs Aisling xxx

Hi 70s,

Yes it is so difficult. Feel free to PM me.

Aisling xx

 

[MollyD]

(((((Aisliiiing)))))

Warm hugs. X

 

[Aisling]

(((((Aisliiiing)))))

Warm hugs. X

Thank you Molly. Great to get encouragement on TP even when I am not able to post.
I wish blessings for all

Aisling xx

 

[HillyBilly]

Wishing you a Happy Christmas Aisling and T xxx

 

[LadyA]

Blessings to you Aisling. xx

 

[MollyD]

Wishing you strength and hope in 2017, dear Aisling. X

 

[Aisling]

Does anyone in Ireland know why a person with AD may be referred to a psychiatric unit in hospital in order to check and monitor medication for a short period of time?

Thank you,

Aisling x

 

[LadyA]

It's quite common, Aisling. The nursing home doesn't have the expert staff to change/monitor medication changes. In the Unit at the hospital, they have doctors used to dealing with medication in people with dementia and the affects of medication, and the person can be monitored, and medication adjusted accordingly - and as it all has to be prescribed, a doctor has to do that. And meanwhile, the person needs to be safe. It's unfortunate that they have to be moved from their normal environment, but it often needs to be done, so they can be assessed and get their medication adjusted properly, rather than what would be a very hit-and-miss approach having a gp prescribing different things while they were in the nursing home. xx

 

[Aisling]

It's quite common, Aisling. The nursing home doesn't have the expert staff to change/monitor medication changes. In the Unit at the hospital, they have doctors used to dealing with medication in people with dementia and the affects of medication, and the person can be monitored, and medication adjusted accordingly - and as it all has to be prescribed, a doctor has to do that. And meanwhile, the person needs to be safe. It's unfortunate that they have to be moved from their normal environment, but it often needs to be done, so they can be assessed and get their medication adjusted properly, rather than what would be a very hit-and-miss approach having a gp
prescribing different things while they were in the nursing home. xx

Hi Lady A and all you good people.

That makes sense lady A, thank you. Psychiatrist is supposed to see T every week and GP as required. Psychiatrist has gone away somewhere. I didn't know that.... Now T will be seen by hospital psychriatrists in hospital. He may have uti and I told nurse about his toe nails as that can irritate him too. On alert the whole time as you know so well. I have been sick since 22nd Dec. Numerous infections etc. Never remember being so sick. Luckily my sister came in and found me very sick so it was all systems go.......

A relation of T went to c him and nurse sung like a canary, private details re T. Apparently they know each other very well. Tough! I was beyond furious.... Professional confidence is high priority for me and I have zero tolerance for breach of same. I had no idea that T was in difficulty and that GP had been called several times. In fairness NH knew I was sick. Then a phone call out of the blue to say T was going into hospital regarding behaviour and meds monitoring. That's what the weekly psy was supposed to be doing............

To compound things further a neighbour went into see him and insisted on going into bedroom when T was disturbed. This person hasn't seen him for over 10 years.... I am protective of T and his privacy and dignity and I will not change. I can't comprehend why people would do this. Beyond me....

I have not been on here for a while and now I am rabbiting on and on....... I think part of my anger is that I was not aware of what might happen re procedures etc. NH staff are qualified to deal with AD but why are they wondering about certain behaviours...... Yes meds can and have helped but it is all part of the disease too for some people. I thought the monitoring was ongoing by the psyc. Part of this is my fault as I need to have information. When my brother had cancer, we were with him every step of the way,also my sister. I suppose in fairness, AD is so different but surely it is time for more honest information about it.


I can't go near T till infections totally clear. Am hoping to see him and doctors on Monday PG. he needs rest and time to settle and it is my call on visitors. Lord forgive me but no visitors are allowed now except immediate concerned family members. The s.... Will hit the fan now but am tired explaining so now I am going to focus entirely on what T needs and I am like a mother lion at the cave. Invisibles can do what they want but they will not get near T. Imagine the "talk" in rural area!! They can talk away.

Sorry, I got so carried away and poured my heart out to you all without fear of judgement, only understanding.

Lady A your grandson is georgous, bless him.

Aisling xx

 

[MollyD]

Hi Aisling. Hope you're continuing to be well looked after by your gp.

Was there any update from NH on how T is?

It's not just for T that not visiting for now is wise. It's important for *you*. Not having been this sick in years shows just how much pressure you've been under and your immune system has taken a battering.

Please be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

Wotcha having for dins tnite?

 

[Aisling]

Hi Aisling. Hope you're continuing to be well looked after by your gp.

Was there any update from NH on how T is?

It's not just for T that not visiting for now is wise. It's important for *you*. Not having been this sick in years shows just how much pressure you've been under and your immune system has taken a battering.

Please be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

Wotcha having for dins tnite?

Thank you Molly. Apparently the contact is now between hospital and me........ T in high observation area, eating his food etc. I can't get through today on the phone.


Dinner?? Haven't a clue...... Will have a look in fridge and see what might be lurking there!,.

My doctor is taking leave for a while so locum will arrive in the fullness of time.......

Aisling xx

 

[MollyD]

T is in the best place for now, I know you know that. Hope ypu get sleep tonight *after* a sumptious dinner...

Huge hug x

 

[MollyD]

Hi Aisling,

Hope you are making a full recovery and that T is ok.

Cold here but not snowing.

Hugs x

 

[Aisling]

Hi Aisling,

Hope you are making a full recovery and that T is ok.

Cold here but not snowing.

Hugs x

Hi Molly,

T is good but still in hospital. Amazing staff. They know so much about him in such a short time. He was sleeping today so I didn't disturb him but had long chat with nurse. The psy is the same man who sees him in NH so hopefully things will work out. Am keeping visitors out with expected aggravation but I will continue being a lioness. Are some people addicted to visiting hospitals?! In another life I was seriously ill and first day out of ICU there were about 15 people around my bed.... let in by mistake. Suffice it to say I was well enough to get them out!!!

I hope you enjoyed Sligo. Bitter cold here. Am in my warm cot.


I shopped for food today as I don't want to be "snowed in"

Hugs,

Aisling x

 

[MollyD]

Ah, lovely to read T is in good care, Aisling, and that you feel reassured by that.

Yes, there is a really illogical dynamic in our culture round visiting people in hospital etc.

Let's wait till someone is at their most ill and unable then bombard them with relatives, company, small talk and grapes.

Hope you stocked up that fridge and those cupboards to bursting point.

 

[LadyA]

Are some people addicted to visiting hospitals?!

Aisling x

Short answer - yes! I don't know what it is with some people - is it that they will be "seen" to be visiting in a public place? Who knows! I had the same thing with William. People who never visited, the first sign that he was seriously ill, were all over him.

I'm glad T is getting good care, and doing well in the hospital Aisling. Keep yourself warm. Not so much as a flake of snow here - and I hope there won't be! It is chilly though!

 

[Morty]

So many taboos in ireland about visiting nursing homes
Had to put both my folks in, dad 82 dementia mum 78 falls risk poss dementia
I visit everyday ,dads family dont visit,when i see them they say oh we be afraid he wont know us or will he attack us will he be upset? Etc etc
Brought his brother with me the other day and he was fine so hopefully he will tell the rest its ok to visit
Mums family are great and come visit from galway etc when they can ...

 

[LadyA]

So many taboos in ireland about visiting nursing homes
Had to put both my folks in, dad 82 dementia mum 78 falls risk poss dementia
I visit everyday ,dads family dont visit,when i see them they say oh we be afraid he wont know us or will he attack us will he be upset? Etc etc
Brought his brother with me the other day and he was fine so hopefully he will tell the rest its ok to visit
Mums family are great and come visit from galway etc when they can ...

I don't think it's peculiar to Ireland Morty. Most of my husband's friends wouldn't have been native Irish. Their problem was that my husband no longer spoke - or at least couldn't hold a conversation - so they "didn't really know what to do" on visits. I had suggested that they visit in pairs, so they could talk to each other, and include him that way. But yes, this fear that the person will get upset - or want to leave with them - is a big thing.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Hi Aisling I have been worried with me not been able to Pm using my phone. Will be back to normal on Pc on the 24th then get internet will be able to pm my tp friends then.
Just caught up on some threads only been reading mine ans was sorry to hesr youve been ill hope your on yhe mend now. It really dose take its toll caring and illness follows after we have stopped for some unkind reason.
Hope T is ok and you keep on protecting him after all uour his eyes and voice snd you know what he would like and not like dont be afraid to insult or offend anyone. Xx