Nursing homes

[LadyA]

Of course he is. That's the nature of the illness. Hopefully, in the new place they'll get on top of things quickly.
Not. Your. Fault!

 

[Aisling]

It sounds like you feel in some way responsible, Aisling. I could be reading that wrong but in case I'm not. You are not responsible. Dementia symptoms can change so rapidly for no *apparent* reason. I know you know this but I just want to you to be gentle with yourself. You are there for T 100%. You were ill, very ill and you needed to recover.

Hugs x

You hit " nail on head" again Molly! The main Thing that bothers me is NH is skilled in caring for person with Dementia. I got glowing accounts before placement. Male carers were excellent with T. Sometimes no male on duty?? I contacted them again today and got the lists of incidents...... T was uncooperative when people needed to be in his personal place. Skill training, approach, empathy etc etc. They are the specialists. They couldn't have him walking around dishevelled with unwashed hair and a beard. Tough. My opinion, it mightn't look well in visitors loung!! Tough again. This is the reality of the disease. He was clean and tidy everyday in the first psy unit. He was drowsy today.

Yesterday it took T a while to get into taxi. Grand..... Then " move over T, that took ages..... The simplest thing in my opinion was to close that door and carer get in other side!! Job done!!

I better stop rabbiting on and on. A friend came in this evening, lit fire for me and made coffee.

Aisling xxx

 

[MollyD]

'Rabbit' away if it helps, Aisling. It's takes up so much head space let alone physical time making sure he's ok. You need to keep as ok as you can too.

Hugs x

 

[Aisling]

Of course he is. That's the nature of the illness. Hopefully, in the new place they'll get on top of things quickly.
Not. Your. Fault!

The aim is to sort out things and then return to NH.

Aisling x

 

[Aisling]

'Rabbit' away if it helps, Aisling. It's takes up so much head space let alone physical time making sure he's ok. You need to keep as ok as you can too.

Hugs x

Thank you. Am in my " cot" now..... Eating chocolate!!!

Aisling x

 

[MollyD]

Good woman! X

 

[MollyD]

Did you sleep, Aisling? Wishing you and T all the best today. Xxx

 

[Aisling]

Did you sleep, Aisling? Wishing you and T all the best today. Xxx

A bit...... T more aggressive. I know this can be part of Dem but how can it develop so quickly. Why was I told NH could deal with everything and then can't deal with it? I now know that he should have had a psy ass prior to all this. Am telling the same story to all professionals.

Aisling

 

[LadyA]

It can develop very quickly Aisling. It can also be the first -or indeed the only - sign of an infection or pain, if his communication skills are no longer good?

 

[MollyD]

Aisling, it just can, as LadyA said.

Like you, I find it difficult to accept but I've seen it, in my mum.

Xx

 

[Aisling]

Aisling, it just can, as LadyA said.

Like you, I find it difficult to accept but I've seen it, in my mum.

Xx

As always, thank you Lady A and Molly. Am in total shock after spending all afternoon with T. He was so sedated and confused. When I came home I was absolutely freezing. Have analysed it and know it is from shock. Tired answering the same questions. Does T walk?? Does he walk?? Sweet mother of trees!! Do some people not read med files?? He needs clothes.he has a room of clothes in NH. Has he pictures I could take in to him. He needs a support group of friends..... Etc, etc. Have great respect for nurses but it was shaken a bit today. Lord forgive me. Carers busy all the time and nurse sitting down watching tv with no interaction. I asked what med he was on..... Didn't know... She hadn't given it to him. I will stop now because I am so angry. If a person has no one to speak for them, what happens? I probably sound unreasonable.

I phoned alyzheimers helpline and girl was great.got legal aspect of sedation etc. Told me about Sage advocacy.


Sending support to all of you.

Aisling xx
Ps. Am posting before I change my mind.

 

[Morty]

Hi A, system very frustrating,not enough staff for real care imo ,i complained etc but nothing much changes,the nurse ratio to 'residents 'at night is about 1 staff for 8-9 so thats tough for them etc.My mum is falls risk and had several falls in nursing home ,always "unwitnessed" etc,heartbreaking.Its another reason to visit everyday to try keep my folks stimulated etc.

 

[Mammamu]

As always, thank you Lady A and Molly. Am in total shock after spending all afternoon with T. He was so sedated and confused. When I came home I was absolutely freezing. Have analysed it and know it is from shock. Tired answering the same questions. Does T walk?? Does he walk?? Sweet mother of trees!! Do some people not read med files?? He needs clothes.he has a room of clothes in NH. Has he pictures I could take in to him. He needs a support group of friends..... Etc, etc. Have great respect for nurses but it was shaken a bit today. Lord forgive me. Carers busy all the time and nurse sitting down watching tv with no interaction. I asked what med he was on..... Didn't know... She hadn't given it to him. I will stop now because I am so angry. If a person has no one to speak for them, what happens? I probably sound unreasonable.

I phoned alyzheimers helpline and girl was great.got legal aspect of sedation etc. Told me about Sage advocacy.


Sending support to all of you.

Aisling xx
Ps. Am posting before I change my mind.

Sorry I have no idea how or what to say?
Just feeling your pain....
If only they could see it with our eyes [emoji102] and walk in our shoes [emoji151]
Sending you a hug [emoji847] and hoping you can find something to make you feel better today!

Ps.I have been sitting in my car watching the birds flying around and it made me feel a little better & recharge some of a nearly flat battery...
Mamma[emoji202]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[MollyD]

Oh, Aisling. You poor, poor thing.

Just sending you support and a tight hug. X

 

[LadyA]

Nurses will rarely be free to tell you anything, Aisling. It's the doctor - or even the ward sister - you need. Take care of yourself. And definitely, contact Sage - you do need someone who is used to dealing with these things - you are entitled to information on T's treatment. And you should be kept informed! They should not have been contemplating moving him without talking to you.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Thinking of you both xxx

 

[Aisling]

Hi A, system very frustrating,not enough staff for real care imo ,i complained etc but nothing much changes,the nurse ratio to 'residents 'at night is about 1 staff for 8-9 so thats tough for them etc.My mum is falls risk and had several falls in nursing home ,always "unwitnessed" etc,heartbreaking.Its another reason to visit everyday to try keep my folks stimulated etc.

Ratio was 2 nurses and 2/3 carers on night duty for 8 residents.

Aisling

 

[Aisling]

Sorry I have no idea how or what to say?
Just feeling your pain....
If only they could see it with our eyes [emoji102] and walk in our shoes [emoji151]
Sending you a hug [emoji847] and hoping you can find something to make you feel better today!

Ps.I have been sitting in my car watching the birds flying around and it made me feel a little better & recharge some of a nearly flat battery...
Mamma[emoji202]


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Thank you.

Aisling xx

 

[Aisling]

Nurses will rarely be free to tell you anything, Aisling. It's the doctor - or even the ward sister - you need. Take care of yourself. And definitely, contact Sage - you do need someone who is used to dealing with these things - you are entitled to information on T's treatment. And you should be kept informed! They should not have been contemplating moving him without talking to you.

Hi everyone

It is a minefield. Was with T all afternoon. All the doctors / consultants seem to be in invisible land. I have enduring power of attorney and am being lift out of some loops. Getting info slowly but am like a " dog with a bone" . Met the head nurse today. Talked to me in corridor so I asked for appointment with her, doctor, and apparently there are 3 consultants involved now!! Reminded her about review and she will make a note of it. She then brought me into office. A lovely girl TG.

In brief, NH couldn't cope so t was sent into psy unit in hospital. Phoned me to tell me he was going..... Health and safety etc... I totally understand this... First unit, not appropriate so they sent him to the next unit. Different doctors etc. Sweet mother of trees!! Then the heavy sedation...... Voiced all my concerns and legal aspects of sedation ( mental health act...)

Like all of you, I am trying to access info everywhere. You are all familiar with these situations.

We now have a review next week, time Unknown,. Then we have a tribunal also next week! Found that out by accident! I will be at everything. I might have to buy a tent and sleeping bag!!

I now know that the main carer can't totally trust the system. Lord help people who have no one to watch out for them.

Without all of you in my corner I would be gone totally mad. I feel so alone. No one to talk to.

Am finding it difficult to keep up to date on posts but you are all in my prayers.

A massive hug.

Aisling

 

[Morty]

Feel your frustration Aisling,I was seething with the nursing home system as well as banks,lawyers,hospitals,family,etc
Try to keep files.,i kept a daily diary of the nursing home and what i witnessed etc
You can complain offically and i did and felt better but fa changed so there are only so many projects you can get involved in at one time,main thing is care of your parent,be strong and tell authorities exactly your concerns etc,research other suitable places,i transferred my folks 3 times and glad i did as found a better place now,still shortstaffed frustrations though etc.
Your not alone but it is lonely journey for sure at times
All the best..