Sorry if I'm stating the bleeping obvious that you've already tried,just mentioning things not seen in the posts, here goes.....Not my finest moment, I know, so I'm here on an anonymous forum to get this off my chest. Apologies if this is too much information!!!
I have just been very unkind to my husband because of his increasingly bad incontinence. He has vascular dementia. The double incontinence is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and he's just had another "toilet incident" (his words!) which has resulted in me having to completely change our bed - duvet, sheets, pillow cases etc - for the third time in a week. He stood looking at the mess and asked what I wanted him to do. I just told him to go away! He's now watching TV as if nothing has happened. We have had visits from our excellent community continence nurse, who just provided pads (which he can't/won't use) and said it's a matter of management rather than cure.
I'm absolutely at my wits end with this situation. The relentless washing, bed changing, trying to get things dry, disposing of wet and dirty pads, getting him wash his hands (and other parts of his anatomy!) to at least try to be hygienic, is taking its toll on me as his carer. It's a daily battle. Last time this happened, I changed the duvet cover and it had a mess on it again before we had even slept in it for one night! (Sorry if that's too much information).
I can cope with other aspects of his dementia - the forgetfulness etc. But, can anyone offer any advice on how I might stop myself dissolving into a tearful, hysterical mess every time this happens. This, it seems, is the one thing that I just can't deal with.
HiNot my finest moment, I know, so I'm here on an anonymous forum to get this off my chest. Apologies if this is too much information!!!
I have just been very unkind to my husband because of his increasingly bad incontinence. He has vascular dementia. The double incontinence is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and he's just had another "toilet incident" (his words!) which has resulted in me having to completely change our bed - duvet, sheets, pillow cases etc - for the third time in a week. He stood looking at the mess and asked what I wanted him to do. I just told him to go away! He's now watching TV as if nothing has happened. We have had visits from our excellent community continence nurse, who just provided pads (which he can't/won't use) and said it's a matter of management rather than cure.
I'm absolutely at my wits end with this situation. The relentless washing, bed changing, trying to get things dry, disposing of wet and dirty pads, getting him wash his hands (and other parts of his anatomy!) to at least try to be hygienic, is taking its toll on me as his carer. It's a daily battle. Last time this happened, I changed the duvet cover and it had a mess on it again before we had even slept in it for one night! (Sorry if that's too much information).
I can cope with other aspects of his dementia - the forgetfulness etc. But, can anyone offer any advice on how I might stop myself dissolving into a tearful, hysterical mess every time this happens. This, it seems, is the one thing that I just can't deal with.
Thank you for sharing how you feel. I, too, am finding dealing with double incontinence the most difficult issue. I was dreading my partner getting to this stage (though l’ve been told not everyone experiences incontinence) and it’s really impacting on my ability to cope. It happens so randomly that our lives have become very restricted. It’s like living back in lockdown, we can’t go far from home, nor for very long. He forgets where the toilet is and uses the garden or garage quite often, should l not see him. He will drop his trousers in a public space when he wants to go. This is very traumatic for me but he doesn’t notice anything is wrong. I am his sole carer.Hi
Have you heard of Pobroll from the Alzheimers Society shop - dont know if this may help you - we also have drynites bed mats from Amazon they are fantastic at protecting our bed - my wife has a stoma alongside early onset Alzheimers which on occasions explodes so the drynites are perfect. Hopefully some of these products may help you
There comes a time where the vast majority of us have to draw our line in the sand and admit that we can no longer cope with what life is throwing at us. I'm afraid that dropping trousers in public and using what ever space is available as a public toilet, would be far more than I could ever cope with.Thank you for sharing how you feel. I, too, am finding dealing with double incontinence the most difficult issue. I was dreading my partner getting to this stage (though l’ve been told not everyone experiences incontinence) and it’s really impacting on my ability to cope. It happens so randomly that our lives have become very restricted. It’s like living back in lockdown, we can’t go far from home, nor for very long. He forgets where the toilet is and uses the garden or garage quite often, should l not see him. He will drop his trousers in a public space when he wants to go. This is very traumatic for me but he doesn’t notice anything is wrong. I am his sole carer.
This has crept up on us so quickly and at times l feel almost unable to cope. l tried taking him to the doctor, who just issued meds in case of infection. It’s very hard when you’re in the middle of it and trying to continue looking after your loved one.There comes a time where the vast majority of us have to draw our line in the sand and admit that we can no longer cope with what life is throwing at us. I'm afraid that dropping trousers in public and using what ever space is available as a public toilet, would be far more than I could ever cope with.
It's a hard and very big decision but you can't keep going like this! You can not and should not be living your life carrying a supply of bags and cleaning up after your husband.
Thank you - no not heard of pobroli will check them out.Hi
Have you heard of Pobroll from the Alzheimers Society shop - dont know if this may help you - we also have drynites bed mats from Amazon they are fantastic at protecting our bed - my wife has a stoma alongside early onset Alzheimers which on occasions explodes so the drynites are perfect. Hopefully some of these products may help you
Sorry to hear about the bed sore but great news that the bed topper worked!My husband has recently been in hospital for a new knee and developed a bed sore as he was in about a week . District nurse kindly order a special bed topper for bed sores , it looks like a hospital mattress but a topper. I have decided to keep it and am so relieved i did as as my husband fouled the bed this morning and although all bedding is affected , the real mattress was saved and just had to clean and disinfectant the hospital topper. A result !!!
I don't like to think of any reason why I would move my wife into a care home, at least at home I can monitor her condition and not have to use the excuse " we do not have the staff" when help is neededPull-ups might work better than pads. There are also sleep suits which do up at the back that prevent the person from removing their pull-ups. If urinary incontinence is the main issue then reducing fluids later in the day, switching to decaffeinated drinks and taking your husband to the toilet a couple of times before bedtime might help. If your husband accumulates fluid around his legs and ankles during the day then this fluid will return to the kidneys when he is lying down at night and, in turn, will leave the body as urine. Lying down during the day will help the fluid leave his body during the day leaving less to be expelled during the night. There is also medication which can reduce urine production at night.
There are leaflets about urinary incontinence which you can find online.
For some carers unmanageable incontinence is their line in the sand. There is nothing wrong in deciding that it is your line in the sand and that it's time for your husband to move into a care home. Adult incontinence without the cooperation of the person who is incontinent is exhausting and it can be very unpleasant living in a home which is repeatedly soiled, however fastidious you are.
Hello @Partner/caregiver In the short term I would suggest that you ask for a referral to the incontinence service for advice. In the long term, it might be time for you to consider residential care for your partner if you can no longer cope with their behaviour.This has crept up on us so quickly and at times l feel almost unable to cope. l tried taking him to the doctor, who just issued meds in case of infection. It’s very hard when you’re in the middle of it and trying to continue looking after your loved one.
Hello @PES This is so hard for you. I cannot give you any advice on dealing with personal care single handed but hopefully someone will come along who had some experience. Would your husband wear pullups to help contain any accidents??I fully understand what you are going through as my husband is having similar issues. It is soul destroying. My problem is he won't sit on the toilet and is unable to empty bowel properly, often leaving a trail behind somewhere. When I try to clean him he gets agitated and would be aggressive towards me.
He is on laxatives twice a day . I usually know when he needs to go to toilet but he refuses to sit down.
Any ideas of how to singley manage the personal care.?..it could be a couple of hours before carers are due to arrive.
In relation to the bin issue My council office provided a smaller bin due to incontinence issues and within 1 day the second bin was provided. I was totally amazed. I rang the council and that morning an assessor visited our home and put in the request. The bin arrived the next working day.
Thank you for the reply.Pull ups are worn. The problem would be he would try to remove the contents , leaving me to search ,following the odour, and his hands would leave another messy trail behind.Hello @PES This is so hard for you. I cannot give you any advice on dealing with personal care single handed but hopefully someone will come along who had some experience. Would your husband wear pullups to help contain any accidents??