Not my finest moment, I know, so I'm here on an anonymous forum to get this off my chest. Apologies if this is too much information!!!
I have just been very unkind to my husband because of his increasingly bad incontinence. He has vascular dementia. The double incontinence is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and he's just had another "toilet incident" (his words!) which has resulted in me having to completely change our bed - duvet, sheets, pillow cases etc - for the third time in a week. He stood looking at the mess and asked what I wanted him to do. I just told him to go away! He's now watching TV as if nothing has happened. We have had visits from our excellent community continence nurse, who just provided pads (which he can't/won't use) and said it's a matter of management rather than cure.
I'm absolutely at my wits end with this situation. The relentless washing, bed changing, trying to get things dry, disposing of wet and dirty pads, getting him wash his hands (and other parts of his anatomy!) to at least try to be hygienic, is taking its toll on me as his carer. It's a daily battle. Last time this happened, I changed the duvet cover and it had a mess on it again before we had even slept in it for one night! (Sorry if that's too much information).
I can cope with other aspects of his dementia - the forgetfulness etc. But, can anyone offer any advice on how I might stop myself dissolving into a tearful, hysterical mess every time this happens. This, it seems, is the one thing that I just can't deal with.
I have just been very unkind to my husband because of his increasingly bad incontinence. He has vascular dementia. The double incontinence is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and he's just had another "toilet incident" (his words!) which has resulted in me having to completely change our bed - duvet, sheets, pillow cases etc - for the third time in a week. He stood looking at the mess and asked what I wanted him to do. I just told him to go away! He's now watching TV as if nothing has happened. We have had visits from our excellent community continence nurse, who just provided pads (which he can't/won't use) and said it's a matter of management rather than cure.
I'm absolutely at my wits end with this situation. The relentless washing, bed changing, trying to get things dry, disposing of wet and dirty pads, getting him wash his hands (and other parts of his anatomy!) to at least try to be hygienic, is taking its toll on me as his carer. It's a daily battle. Last time this happened, I changed the duvet cover and it had a mess on it again before we had even slept in it for one night! (Sorry if that's too much information).
I can cope with other aspects of his dementia - the forgetfulness etc. But, can anyone offer any advice on how I might stop myself dissolving into a tearful, hysterical mess every time this happens. This, it seems, is the one thing that I just can't deal with.