Not coping with his incontinence


Registered User
Jan 24, 2024
My mother has disposable bed pads made by Readi they are the best ones that we have tried and they come in a 100 pack we get the 60cm x 90 cm size.The complete care shop sell them on line as do Ebay


Registered User
May 17, 2021
Re dustbins, the council here in Essex will supply an incontinence bin - no different to an ordinary bin but it gets emptied every week unlike the household waste which is every two weeks, a godsend in hot weather (not that we've had much of that this Spring).


Registered User
May 17, 2024
East of England
Not my finest moment, I know, so I'm here on an anonymous forum to get this off my chest. Apologies if this is too much information!!!

I have just been very unkind to my husband because of his increasingly bad incontinence. He has vascular dementia. The double incontinence is becoming increasingly difficult to manage and he's just had another "toilet incident" (his words!) which has resulted in me having to completely change our bed - duvet, sheets, pillow cases etc - for the third time in a week. He stood looking at the mess and asked what I wanted him to do. I just told him to go away! He's now watching TV as if nothing has happened. We have had visits from our excellent community continence nurse, who just provided pads (which he can't/won't use) and said it's a matter of management rather than cure.

I'm absolutely at my wits end with this situation. The relentless washing, bed changing, trying to get things dry, disposing of wet and dirty pads, getting him wash his hands (and other parts of his anatomy!) to at least try to be hygienic, is taking its toll on me as his carer. It's a daily battle. Last time this happened, I changed the duvet cover and it had a mess on it again before we had even slept in it for one night! (Sorry if that's too much information).

I can cope with other aspects of his dementia - the forgetfulness etc. But, can anyone offer any advice on how I might stop myself dissolving into a tearful, hysterical mess every time this happens. This, it seems, is the one thing that I just can't deal with.
Sorry if I'm stating the bleeping obvious that you've already tried,just mentioning things not seen in the posts, here goes.....

Mattress, pillow and duvet protectors as used in guest houses under the bedlinen.
Even a large dustbin liner under the bedsheet!
Puppy pads under and over sheets and anywhere he sits.
In a cheap, washable pillow case or cushion cover for 'dignity'. Portable for using when travelling.
Much cheaper and more widely available than the type for people, but exactly the same.
Dustbin liner under cheap, washable sofa blanket on the sofa.
Cheap hand and bath towels over the bedsheet or on a seat. Think old fashioned nappy. Absorbent, washable.
Invest in a nappy bucket for smaller washable towels, flannels, covers?
For cleanup after messing clothes, a supply of big dustbin liners. Open one and stand your husband on it, so any clothes and mess coming off go in the liner, to avoid spread and stains. Wipe him(self) clean while there. Unfortunately, prescription pads for underwear seem to be notoriously unreliable. Disposable Pants sold retail will hold most solid poo for hours, even if smelly and uncomfy.
Most babies and toddlers poo and pee shortly after a meal, as the previous meal gets pushed through? Might be worth trying to get your husband to go then, or get him in the loo for a thorough wash and brush up after a meal, and if he goes, the damage is limited?
Tried all of these alone or in combination for my mum. Now got puppy pads in reserve as my husband has dementia and wears disposables as a precaution already. Constant double incontinence will be his ticket to a nursing home. Sorry just realised age of original post