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- Thread starter bemused1
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Scarlett123
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Arranging the funeral for your loved one is so hard, and so very personal, and it's important that you feel content in your decisions. And it seems as if the things you decided were what you wanted. So pleased for you. It's another steep step to climb, but you've done it.
Thank you everyone. just tackling scrubbing the floor where the bed etc used to be. feel very very down today.
Is it me, lots of offers of help from family but with all they have going on I feel I cant ask but if they just turned up it would be fine. But when I think back it was like that all the time ron was ill and as they never just turned up I never felt that I could ask. is it just me, have I got so used to going it alone however I was feeling that its just a way of life?
Is it me, lots of offers of help from family but with all they have going on I feel I cant ask but if they just turned up it would be fine. But when I think back it was like that all the time ron was ill and as they never just turned up I never felt that I could ask. is it just me, have I got so used to going it alone however I was feeling that its just a way of life?
jaymor
Registered User
At times bemused I felt smothered but wonder if there is some place between being smothered and being left alone. Probably not, it is a place we find ourselves in where there is no 'good' place to be, it is a sad, frightening and disturbing place to be, so many things to do, to arrange etc. and for what? To get to a place we don't want to be.
Take it easy and remember you are important and there is a lot going on in the world out there just waiting for you when you are ready, no time scale, in your own time. Take it easy and do ask for help if you need it. We can all find time, if only minutes, to help someone.
Take care,
xxx
Take it easy and remember you are important and there is a lot going on in the world out there just waiting for you when you are ready, no time scale, in your own time. Take it easy and do ask for help if you need it. We can all find time, if only minutes, to help someone.
Take care,
xxx
LadyA
Registered User
No, it's not just you. I also found that people would say "just ask if you need help" - but you don't, do you? I sort of felt that surely, they should see what I needed help with! But people don't. My dau & SIL actually mean - "ask if you need help". If I don't ask, they work on the assumption I don't want them bothering me! And I think when you are so recently bereaved, there's a lot of that with people - there's a reluctance to disturb you. And with friends, there may be an assumption that you have family around you, so they don't want to intrude.
Hi Bemused
Am sorry you are feeling very down. Please if you have offers of help, taken them. I know it feels like you just want people to turn up and realise that it is difficult to ask especially all you have been through but often people don't turn up because they feel inadequate as to know how best will help and they don't want to hinder. If family have offered, they know what they are dealing with and what strength they have too and wouldn't offer unless they wanted to. In asking and receiving help you may be giving them a door to share some of what they are going through too and can be healing and helping for all. Please don't go it alone if you don't have to.
Thinking of you and sending love
Suexxx
I always feel satisfied when the kitchen floor has been cleaned, even if it wasn't that dirty to start with
You are right Bemused any transition is not easy and especially after such a prolonged time of battling on your own. I hope you feel a bit brighter and if the sun is out, it is here, maybe a gentle walk with Jess will help?
Thinking of you
xx
jaymor
Registered User
I have just cleaned and oiled my sink and just don't want to get water on it and spoil the effect. Sad or what?. Keeping busy seems to be the way to go at the moment and maybe your clean floor is showing mine up so Might just get on and bring mine up to your standard bemused.
Well done jay youve made me smile.
The floor is so clean want shoes on jess and wlking on my hands for me.
You're right, I really cannot remember when it was last important that the floor was squeaky clean!
Walks always help sue but Jess had aged very much without me realising so walks are short and very very slow. She deserves every bit of attention I can give her now.xx
The floor is so clean want shoes on jess and wlking on my hands for me.
You're right, I really cannot remember when it was last important that the floor was squeaky clean!
Walks always help sue but Jess had aged very much without me realising so walks are short and very very slow. She deserves every bit of attention I can give her now.xx
Scarlett123
Registered User
This period between bereavement and the funeral is both an unreal time, and a surreal one. There's the realisation that This Is It now, combined with a feeling that perhaps it isn't, and it's bewildering, and, for me, it was frightening. I just wanted to wrap myself in a safe bubble, but at the same time, I needed love and support.
There's no Richter Scale that demands that you should feel better by Day 3, or Day 8 or anything, and though those of us who have been in your position have a very good idea of how you are feeling, nobody else experiences your emotions, and it is so personal.
It's good that you have completed jobs today, and like everyone else, I could do with my floor having a clean too.
This period between bereavement and the funeral is both an unreal time, and a surreal one. There's the realisation that This Is It now, combined with a feeling that perhaps it isn't, and it's bewildering, and, for me, it was frightening. I just wanted to wrap myself in a safe bubble, but at the same time, I needed love and support.
There's no Richter Scale that demands that you should feel better by Day 3, or Day 8 or anything, and though those of us who have been in your position have a very good idea of how you are feeling, nobody else experiences your emotions, and it is so personal.
It's good that you have completed jobs today, and like everyone else, I could do with my floor having a clean too.
I am thinking to myself, did any of this happen? Did I look after him for all that time, mostly singlehanded, keep him safe and stable and be with him when he died? Did he die or was it all a figment of my imagination? As you say, a very surreal time.
Yes, Bemused you did do all that and for a long time and you did it very well, adjusting to a new reality takes time and emotions probably never experienced to the same depth before. When you care full time as you did, your needs get put on hold and it takes time to learn to consider your needs for yourself again and even know what they are. Sorry Jess is so weak now but
you have her.xxScarlett123
Registered User
Hope you're ok. I know you're not ok, but I mean as ok as anyone can be at this time xxx
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