Next stage

[bemused1]

Not quite a week but I am now in a different place. Reality starts to bite. The house is still silent and I am beginning to be haunted by the equipment around the place. Am making arrangements for it all to be removed as soon as possible. We got rid of so much stuff to fit the bed and all the rest in that it will feel empty.
This afternoon I am going to the undertakers to talk coffins. I have decided in advance that it will be wicker. I am hoping we can start making some of the funeral arrangements now although I still won't be able to register the death until Thurs.
I still can't get past the very end of Ron's life and only occasionally get glimpses of the pre dementia Ron. I hope those glimpses will increase until they conceal the man who was robbed of everything he was.
So far it's getting harder. But I guess that has to happen. How grateful I am to jess who makes me get up in the morning and makes me get out of the house. Without her it would be a very lonely place indeed

 

[truth24]

My heart goes out to you, bemused. I know Fred is still with me, physically if not in person, at his CH but know how an empty house feels and I can only imagine how you must be feeling in yourself. Glad lovely Jess is there for you. Hopefully memories of your 'real' Ron will soon come to the fore. Sending a big hug. Verityxx

 

[Cat27]

I don't know what to say but I'm sending love & hugs xx

 

[chick1962]

Oh bemused reading your post makes me shed a tear . It's so very early days yet and everything so raw . Glad Jess is by your side . Tremendous love to you xxxxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Izzy]

Thinking of you bemused.

 

[Spamar]

Morning bemused. Yes, it is difficult and I hope Jess will help you. It was suggested to me to put lots of photos of pre- dementia OH around..this has helped me tremendously. I see him as I go to bed and when I get up. I have been known to tell him what's going on and what I've done. I find it helps! Try it!

 

[bemused1]

Morning bemused. Yes, it is difficult and I hope Jess will help you. It was suggested to me to put lots of photos of pre- dementia OH around..this has helped me tremendously. I see him as I go to bed and when I get up. I have been known to tell him what's going on and what I've done. I find it helps! Try it!

I will spamar. I do tell him things I know would make him laugh because that was always part of him.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello bemused

Please allow yourself to be, have no expectations, whatever you feel is normal. Nothing can be rushed , it will all fit into place slowly and surely.

 

[jaymor]

Bemused I am just 11 weeks down the line and my memories are mostly of the man before dementia. I am pleasantly surprised that the dementia which was over a fifth of our 50 years of marriage has faded so quickly. I can see him in his last hours, lying still and peacefully looking more like his old self than he had for 10 years so even the dementia memory is not a bad vision.

Hopefully bemused you too will start to see Ron more and more as he was before dementia reared it's ugly head and invaded your lives.

It really is very early days for you and there is much to do and think about in the next few days. Take care and I will be thinking of you.

Xx

 

[Mal2]

Thinking of you Bemused. Hugs M xxx

 

[Scarlett123]

Like Spamar, I have lots of photos of The Old John around the house, and have found great solace looking through the new photo albums that I made. Be kind to yourself, take your time, and give Jess a huge hug from Billy me. xxx

 

[stanleypj]

The photos sound like a really good idea Bemused. It's very good that you've got Jess.

I'm glad you've started this thread. I hope it will help you and I'm sure it will help those of us who have not yet had to try and cope with what you are coping with. Thinking of you.

 

[bemused1]

Thank you everyone. I have put one photo of Ron before I even knew him because it was just a perfect picture of his smile. I'm not ready to tackle our photos yet.

I just went out , couldn't stand being in the house. I don't think jess and I have had a real walk for maybe four years. Of course the weather is ..... and everywhere is slippery. Poor jess looking at me, what are we doing here. Both of us a bit scared. So we had a little safe and gentle walk. Arthritis has run riot and my legs are like spaghetti. Then I stopped at that well known store T.... and found I had no idea why and anyway I was too scared to go in.
What happened??? I would and could move mountains for Ron but I can't go in a supermarket. That's what dementia does to us , the survivors.

This afternoon I am going to talk coffins I can deal with that, it's for Ron.

Stanley there are many people who have suffered the same loss and the courage of those who kept on telling their story inspired me.
Nobody reacts in the same way but I know that without TP from very early on I would not have been able to do what I did. So if I can give just a little back it will make me feel someone can be helped

Besides, who else could I talk to who understands?
Forgot to say thank you billy and Scarlett. Not sure jess is so impressed

 

[notsogooddtr]

Please accept my condolences.

 

[vannesser]

Please accept my condolences

sorry to here of your loss love and kisses

 

[jan.s]

Hi. Been thinking about you today. I hope your meeting with the undertakers went OK. I'm glad you have a lovely picture of Ron out now, I do find it helps to try to remember times before dementia, the true Ron.

In time you will find slowly things improve for you, but at the moment everything is so raw. In the very early days, I placed absolutely no expectations on myself, and even now, when I fell down, I just do the things I feel like doing.

Sending love and support. Xx

 

[bemused1]

Hi. Been thinking about you today. I hope your meeting with the undertakers went OK. I'm glad you have a lovely picture of Ron out now, I do find it helps to try to remember times before dementia, the true Ron.

In time you will find slowly things improve for you, but at the moment everything is so raw. In the very early days, I placed absolutely no expectations on myself, and even now, when I fell down, I just do the things I feel like doing.

Sending love and support. Xx

Thank you jan. Day by day everything will be done. Yesterday i chose a willow coffin for him. This undertaker is a small off shoot of the big one but its where ron is for the moment. So i now have to make an appt with the man himself so we can get things started before death is reistered.
Its a bit like drifting in a stream without really having much idea what you are doing.. then you stop and think, but there are things you must do.
I finsd I am hating the phone now. It just makes my toes curl. Talking to people face to face i am ok but the phone is an instrument of torture.

 

[jan.s]

Ah, bless you. A willow coffin will be lovely; I prefer these to the wooden ones. I can only agree that it's like swimming through treacle, but I found the undertakers extremely helpful. There are things that need to be done, but everything will fall into place.

With the phone, my advice is, if you don't feel like talking don't answer. If you have an answer phone let all calls go to that and then you can choose your own time to call back.

It's a difficult time, but you and Jess are doing brilliantly, a great team. I hope today goes smoothly. X

 

[bemused1]

Ah, bless you. A willow coffin will be lovely; I prefer these to the wooden ones. I can only agree that it's like swimming through treacle, but I found the undertakers extremely helpful. There are things that need to be done, but everything will fall into place.

With the phone, my advice is, if you don't feel like talking don't answer. If you have an answer phone let all calls go to that and then you can choose your own time to call back.

It's a difficult time, but you and Jess are doing brilliantly, a great team. I hope today goes smoothly. X

Thank you jan x

 

[sleepless]

Good advice from jan about the phone, bemused. Listening to messages also gives you time to think about the call and your response, takes some pressure off you.
It all helps, and you do need to use strategies that help you, and take your time over things when you can.
Thinking of you.